220. Make the Torah Relevant in Your Life

Transcript:

And we are live. Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, and today with me is the lovely Katya Katya. Introduce yourself and tell everyone why you’re so awesome. Well, thank you for the compliment. I’m Katya Bolotin and I am very impassioned in helping individuals maximize their potential.

But how do we do that? We first have to recognize that we have potential and different ways, different tools to bring that out. And it first really begins with just making one aware of who they are, what they can become, why they are here, and then to create a sense of esteem and mission so that we can find practical steps to achieve the goals that we know are so important.

To actualize. That’s who I am. I love it. Okay. And I’m gonna tell everyone the behind the scenes that you’re also Leora Mendel’s mother. Yes. Because that’s how I tell you and that’s how I love you. It’s really fun. ’cause Leora is also a guest and she was a couple of weeks ago. So this really works out beautifully.

Give everybody a little bit of background of what you do or what you used to do or you know, a little bit about you. And then we’ll get right into our topic of change and God. Sure. I am actually, what I’d say, a very multidimensional person. I am a trained classical pianist. Then I morphed from that to being an Israeli songwriter, singer, performer.

For many, many years I had an organization called One Voice, which is an organization that uses music and motivational speaking to inspire and motivate young girls and women. To embrace their identities and to emphasize that identity as being connected to Torah, Judaism, using the wisdom within the Torah to help us maximize potential.

As I spoke about before, going back to ancient wisdom and recognizing how it’s so relevant, but knowing how to apply it to everyday life. Most recently, I have now authored a book that has been published by Mosaic Press as and is, I’ll show you, I’ll plug it. It’s called Making It Relevant, and it is available on Amazon.

It’s available on the Mosaica Press website and in Jewish bookstores and English Jewish bookstores. And what I liked about the book, basically, of course I wrote it, but why did I have the motivation to write it? It was a book that I wished that I had read when I was 18 because. At 18, at every stage in life, we are defining who we are.

We’re searching for meaning and purpose in life, and oftentimes we look in the wrong places and have to come back through that detour to find our personal individualized road. And so what I strive to do in the book was to bring out examples of the weekly Torah reading and illustrate how these bigger than life people were really very similar to us with challenges, with trials and tribulations.

And what was in their minds, what was some of the wisdom that helped them really transcend their circumstances. Yes. And I think that’s why we chose the topic change and God, because as you know, I have four pillars in this podcast. And in anything I do, God is always at the core, we talk about marriage and business as the two parts that really pull you apart and we want to make it work together.

And then you as the container. So out of the four pillars, God is obviously very much at the core of everything you do, which I really love. ’cause that’s why we, that’s why we get along so well. Exactly. Yeah. And then the topic of change, something that we’re all constantly going through, it’s like when you finally get used to it, then it changes.

That’s pretty much the story of my life. So how do we deal with change? How do we handle when things are moved around, when we have to move around, when things aren’t the way we expected or wanted or planned? All of that really comes into play with the work that you do. Yes. So let’s think about this concept that I’ll throw out to you. 

Three essential words, reframe, reality and relevance. All of them have the prefix re mm-hmm. So what does that prefix really mean when we’re doing something again? Mm-hmm. And again and again. So you said that just when a person thinks they finally learned the steps to the dance, that they’re dancing presently in life, and then somebody, your partner or your child, or your business venture or life all of a sudden makes you look like you’re stepping all over your feet because whatever you were doing doesn’t seem to be as effective anymore.

Right? That is the signal that is the sign that tells you it is time to reframe and it’s time to reframe reality as you know it. So how do we do it? What’s necessary is always being relevant. What is the actual problem when all of the tools that we’ve been using no longer seem to be effective, they’ve lost relevance. 

And if you look at the word relevance, it also has that RE re. So whenever we’re getting to a point in life, in my opinion, of living life, alright, for many years, it’s basically our creators sending us a spiritual text message, as it were. It’s time for you to reframe reality, and perhaps that means redefining it, making some changes.

And of course that creates a sense of discomfort. You know, a concept of, look, look at the words that start with dis discomfort disease, and so on. Mm-hmm. So. It’s basically telling us that we aren’t meant to stay the same. And if we like to be comfortable and we like the fact that we are in a particular niche and it seems to be working, something will happen to disrupt our comfort zone.

And it’s coming from just like we program things today and we have coding and it’s constantly changing and technology is constantly upgrading itself and changing and what was relevant and what worked well. Now it’s upgraded and it’s no longer relevant, right? This is all leading down the same path that the human being is not meant to stay the same.

And even if you want to, life will not allow you to. Our creator won’t because there’s more within each of us that needs to be actualized, revealed, and maximized. And that’s the answer right there. But the real, real question is, what’s the best way? What are the best means to do so? Hmm. So yeah, let’s get practical.

I love that. What are the means of dealing with change? Reframing, how do we do it and you know, get us into it. So first we look at wisdom and there’s all kinds of wisdoms out there, and many of them have relevance to them, but they’re not all the same. Meaning, if we’re looking at value, something can be valuable, but something has more value than something else, and we see it in the physical world, we can say that a dozen eggs has value if you really need them to make a cake. 

And you may have a piece of jewelry that’s more valuable monetarily, but if you need a dozen eggs at that point, your eggs are more valuable to you and more relevant. Hmm. Even though they’re monetary value is less. So relevance has a lot to do with what’s serving you at a given moment in life.

I like that. Think about that. So when we think about wisdom, we’re looking for enduring wisdom, not fleeting, temporary hacks and ideas. So where do we look at that? Well, if you come from the Judeo-Christian tradition, and even outside, if you aren’t a part of that tradition, but you’re looking for enduring wisdom, then of course then turn back to the Torah that was given to the Jewish people and then given to the world. 

Which is so commonplace today, but it isn’t common. So here’s one other point. Why is the Torah relevant today? When it was given thousands of years ago? A person would think, especially a person using just common sense would imagine it’s no longer relevant because relevance has to be timely. It has to be for the times we live in.

For example, look at all of the obsolete things that are no longer relevant today, and it makes sense. Everything’s replaced. I’m talking about technological things. We don’t use tape recorders anymore. We don’t use slide rules. Those young people don’t even know what those are. Our telephones look different.

Everything keeps being upgraded, right? All the technology in our home, we have to constantly have our homes rewired, right? To be able, you know, if you live in an older house. It isn’t really conducive for modern living. So you have to bring in a staff of electricians and so on to give you the ability to plug in more things so that the house doesn’t have a fire or that you can use your technological devices, all your things, right?

So that is how we look at life. We look at life through a physical reality. Our lens is looking at life. Our lenses are physical, but the truth of the matter is the Torah tells us that everything that’s physical is really a reflection and a projection of a much more expansive spiritual reality. So the physical here in this world is a reflection of the spiritual world that exists alongside it. 

It’s a mirror, a mirror reflection. So when we talk about relevance, we’re looking at wisdom. That is enduring at every time. That’s the test of true wisdom. Is it enduring? However, if you don’t have the right means, if you don’t have the right like before we just had this example where we were having difficulty connecting through Zoom. 

Mm-hmm. There was something wrong technologically, so we were doing something and we didn’t even know what was wrong until finally we figured out what was right and we don’t really know what was right. That was the strange thing. We couldn’t figure out what was not allowing us to hear one another.

Right. And then we finally found it and it worked. That is a great metaphor for life. You’d have to study chemistry and medicine and engineering, and so many things to understand how the devices that we use in our everyday life actually work. But we don’t, we assume, and we trust the makers of these devices until they stop working or until we get ahead of them and we find a better way to do the same thing.

Right? That’s technology. But in human nature, in human character development, we have not kept abreast with technology. Hmm. And so therefore, the same things that prevent us from being who we’d like to be, as they say, the better version of yourself are the exact same stumbling blocks that humanity has been experiencing since the creation of the first man and woman. 

And we can list those things. There’s a litany of them. First of all, negativity. Not thinking that you can do something, underestimating your ability, being influenced by people who tell you that you can’t and try to diminish you. Then there’s just innate things like hate, anger, greed, nerves, chemical imbalances.

These are all saboteurs. So we have to recognize that we are so complex and in order for us to be able to progress in our life as individuals and then as families, communities, and then pass something worthwhile on to the younger generation, right, that they can look up to us. Look, today, it’s a very concerning time for young people to grow up in. 

There’s so much confusion and it’s disabling. So where do we look? I could describe the negative situation that many of us are experiencing, but we already know what it is. So the question is, do we look at temporary new newfound not yet tried and true antidotes, or maybe it’s time to go back and make the past relevant by making ourselves able to understand the language of the past to decipher the codes, the inner secrets that modern humanity is not attuned to. 

I’ll give you one more example. Mm-hmm. If you haven’t plugged in your devices, they’re not going to work. Right? But what are you plugging them in? You’re giving them a charge with something that isn’t in your house. All of the towers surrounding us. Are not something that you even see 5G, you don’t see it.

It’s not living in your house with you, but it’s basically helping all of the things that you depend on every single day function optimally. Right. Well, that is again, a physical example of the fact that there’s a creator, a creator, that just didn’t create and then left us on our own accord. That’s creating everything every second, and we’re not aware of it, but when we’re plugged into it, just like when we plug in our devices properly, all of a sudden, voila, optimal functioning, even beyond, because you’re no longer weighed down by those very primitive human drives that keep us attached to the earth.

Hmm. We’re not able to transcend our heaviness, our physicality, including our mood swings and tendencies to feel despair. That’s what I call heaviness. That’s being attached to the earth and you can’t move above it. Right. So I think the idea is pretty clear now that there has to be a wisdom that is relevant for all time. 

Right. And that is the Torah. Yes. But I also have to sadly say the majority of people are not maximizing the wisdom of the Torah because of their inability to understand what those words truly mean. And here’s a perfect example. Today when we were trying to get connected, there were things that were preventing us.

From having a clear reception with one another, and it was on our side. It was on my side. Mm-hmm. And since I am not a technological expert, it was disabling me, right? Likewise, if I wanna find ways to maximize my own potential, but at the same time minimizing the things that are getting in my way, for example, my emotions, my doubts, my confusion, my lack of clarity in life, and then that gets transferred into my relationships in my marriage, my communication skills.

If I’m a parent, my ability to effectively and lovingly and knowledgeably raise other human beings. And then if I’m also a business person, a business woman, in this case. And my emotional and my family and my personal life is not balanced and there’s not a sense that I’m on the right path, then that’s going to disable my ability to optimally function in every area of my life.

And it all comes down again, not having the proper connection with the ultimate. I love it. I love it that we went straight back into that connection with God because it is so crucial. Like you said, once you plug in to the source, you are able to be at your optimal ability to function.

And it makes so much sense. You know, so I would say practical tip number one is find a time to talk to God and just really even connect on the most simple level of I am here and you’re here and we can talk and it’s okay. And even as awkward as it feels and as crazy as I look right now, I don’t care ’cause this is what’s going to get me to an optimal place. 

Yes. But in addition to that, there’s one more very important point that I’d like to mention. Learning teaching oneself or availing yourself to teachers that you connect to, that you can relate to that will explain to you what is God saying to us. Right. See, I could be saying something. And I may be speaking in a different language, think about two people who are trying to communicate, but they don’t have a connecting bridge in language. 

So everything that we own that has any value, has directions. Even a recipe, if you don’t follow your recipe direction, something’s missing. Even the smallest point. And here, communication. If I send an email and I leave out the dot, just a small little, what I consider insignificant symbol, there you go. My message will never be received. 

Right? So therefore our creator has specific uh, communicative messages for us to understand in order to be able to have a sense of two-way communication. So if everything comes with a set of directions, right? Your computer, your car, your phone, and on and on and on, can you imagine that the creator created humanity and this world that we live in and just said, figure it out guys.

I’m done. I’m onto my next project. That would be cruel. That would it. It’s even, it doesn’t show intelligence. And we know if we’re created in the image of our creator, part of that image means superior, intellectual, cognitive skills. Right? Right. The ability to speak and what is speaking, speaking is not only a means of communication, but everything is a result of vibration. 

Mm. You think I wanna get onto this topic too. I love everything in our body is. Different fields of vibration and frequency. When you think of your brain, right, all of the frequencies, your respiratory system, your cardiovascular system, everything right? Everything is vibrating. So it says that God spoke and the world was created, but speaking speech is really vibrations.

Mm-hmm. So when we wanna talk about, again, being balanced, that has to do with vibration and frequency too, so when you speak about talking to God first we are using our mind and our thoughts are vibratory. Mm-hmm. And then they’re transferred and expressed through speech. And they say that one’s speech in a sense is one’s clothing.

The clothing of the mind. What does that mean? Clothing is something that is palpable. Something that you can see that expresses the person within. Mm. So one’s words are giving expression to one’s thought and actualizing a thought. And then the next step is to make an action. Create something out of your thoughts.

Out of your words. Hashem is doing the same thing. So when we’re studying Torah, we are delving into the deepest thoughts of our creator that are then given palpable representation within the words of our Torah and then speaking to us. So that isn’t something that we can take lightly ’cause we could get it wrong.

And I’ll give you a perfect example. Much of the discord in our relationships today is because of one party in a relationship misinterpreting the intention of the other, right? It happens to me all the time in texts. What does that mean? What did she mean? Even when you see a person in real life,

did you see how she looked at me? Did you hear the tone of her voice? Did you see the way my husband and oftentimes we’re getting it wrong? Because that wasn’t what the person thought. We are assuming things that aren’t even there based on how we are feeling, or our own personal baggage and experiences, correct?

Yes. Well, we can also extend that lack of understanding and miscommunication to the word of our creator. That’s why it’s so important that when we choose our reading material and our. Videos and everything that we are trying to expand our consciousness and our internalization of what the word of the creator God is.

We have to really be very careful of who that author is and how that author connects to where I am at any given time in my life. Oftentimes, it’s not right for the time that you’re living in, for the circumstances that you’re undergoing. Sometimes something’s too heavy and you’re not ready to deal with it.

Right? So when I think about the book that I wrote, making it Relevant, one, one of the most important components was, is that it should meet people where they are. And that’s your super superpower and we’re, I just wanna pause you right there. That is your superpower. One of the things that you do the best is meeting people where they are.

And if it’s through serving a beautiful meal and welcoming people as they are and meeting them really in the way that you speak to them and the way that you welcome them into your house, that is your superpower. In case anybody didn’t know, now everybody knows it’s really beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful thing that you’re using to in the most beautiful way in that book. 

Thank you. So what does this book offer? It offers every individual, wherever they are, a depth of total immersion into the word of God as it’s expressed in the weekly Torah reading. So it takes a nugget of wisdom, and it goes beyond and deeper. And whenever there seems to be things that don’t make sense, something that may seem like, why is that there?

That’s the area that I like to bring out. Why? Because it corresponds to life. When something happens in your daily life that all of a sudden you wa you weren’t planning, why did it happen? We know that that is our creator sending us a spiritual text message, a red flag. Like today, at the beginning of our session, we were having just a few minor technical difficulties that was telling me.

Wow. The message today is so important that things are gonna try to impede it, try to sabotage it, and that’s also totally relevant to life. When a person is close to success, when you are close to success, all of a sudden you’ll notice that there’ll be all kinds of obstacles that are gonna cause you to feel, I can’t do it.

I’m tired, I’ve been disappointed, I’ve been rejected. It’s a sign that this isn’t supposed to work, and that can be my marriage. I’m tired of this. I’ve had enough. When actually it’s telling you you’re so close to a breakthrough, you’re so close to transcending to a level that you two have never communicated on before, but you’ve gotta do the work and it’s making you tired. 

Right? Yeah. It’s like exercise. We have to do repetitive movements in order to build muscle endurance stamina. And a person could say when they’re 10 minutes into their 45 minute exercise session, oh, I don’t wanna do this. This isn’t fun. And it may not be fun. In fact, it certainly isn’t fun. But what you don’t realize, this is what’s making you the you, you wanna become six weeks into the future, and then your resilience is so much more maximized and you’re a different person.

You function on a totally higher, more effective level because you put in that discomfort at the time. Right, right. So likewise. Hashem is telling us, our creator is telling us through the daily circumstances of our life, exactly where are our weak points. Those are the red flags. When you lose it, when you say something you wish you hadn’t said.

Now of course life isn’t scripted. If we got some kind of a memo when we woke up at one o’clock something or someone is going to push your button and you’re just gonna respond without thought and say something hurtful or not exactly what you really wish you would said, and then you’ll look back with regret with, or even worse.

That’s the nicest case scenario. We are, we’re capable of doing much worse, right? Everybody is, and that’s the other point. We’re all human, but the Torah is there to help us. Transcend some of these negative human instincts and to be, to react, respond on a higher level. Have I said enough? Love that. You know.

Yeah, no, you, you, you are welcome to say even more. I love it. I’m just going to tell you while talking, I thought about the example of dating. I felt this very much, and also with my friends. Every single one went through this where it’s like you are dating and dating and dating, and eventually you get to this point where you were like, I am done.

I am sick of it. Yes. I’m never doing this again. I just don’t wanna do this anymore. I’m ready to find the right one. Right. You have this like breakdown of, I’m done. I can’t, I don’t have any more energy for this. And then usually the next one’s the one. Because you had to go through this like breaking point of I can’t fake it anymore, or I’m not doing this thing right, or I’m not willing to be playing the game anymore to finally be ready to get out of the game.

Right. And I think what you’re saying is there’s going to be that in every part of our lives. Sometimes right before the end. Right before you’re like at the success, I put so much effort into this and I’m finally almost there and it’s not working, and I feel like a failure and I should just scrap the whole thing and start over.

Please don’t start over. You’re so close. What you need to do is talk to someone, get some help, work through it. Because that breaking point is actually, like you said, that opening to the success, you are allowing yourself to grow into that container that can hold the success. So. It’s a really great tip and awareness of how life really is, because that is relevant in every part of your life.

For sure. And here’s another point, think about this. Setbacks. We all have setbacks in any of our plans in our relationships. This last week, I had a group of teenage girls, 18 year olds sitting with me around the table and asking questions because since I’m older, I have experience. And again, I can’t claim that I can answer every question, but my answers are always based on what I understand from the Torah because my answers are not foolproof, but the Torahs are.

Mm-hmm. So one of the things I was explaining to these girls that setbacks are setups. Think about that. When we experience a setback and we can just feel disabled by it, it’s always a setup for something greater that will come. So here’s a perfect example. Our Torah tells us about the story of Joseph.

Joseph, who it appeared was sold by his brothers into slavery, but he wasn’t. He was sent, he was sent by the creator of the universe, right? But he didn’t realize it at first, and that’s the problem. We’re all being sent. We are, our setbacks are setups because we’re being sent on a very individualized mission, and we won’t see it at the beginning, but we have to stay connected and we have to stay connected to the relevance of the reality we’re living in.

It’s never a mistake. It is real. And it’s up to us to create relevance in that reality. Make it relevant. ’cause if it’s relevant, then it’s purposeful and it’s meaningful. Yeah. And in our mind, it brings me back to the words that you talked about, because when you are in those situations, your words can really create that reality for you.

So an example of, you know, I can choose to say, this is the worst thing that ever happened. I’m, you know, this is gonna kill me. I can’t handle it. I, you know, whatever. I’m, I’m just breaking. Or Wow, one day I’m gonna be looking back and thinking for this, you know, as crazy as this sounds, I’m sure this is taking me somewhere.

And I’ve, I’ve seen it through, you know, our situation that we we went through with my brother losing his wife and child. And the way that he reacted really changed his reality where he could have been completely broken, as you know. That’s right. As expected. But instead, he chose to say, this is for a reason.

I’m sure of it. I can’t see it right now. I have no idea. But I trust that God knows what he’s doing and therefore I can create that reality with my words. I could say, I am not questioning God. I’m not doubting that this is good. I just am waiting to see how it’s working out. And I’m, I’m in. Yes. I’m, I’m here for it.

And when you lean into it like that, you’re setting yourself up for success just by using your words. Again, as we spoke about earlier, words are the medium by which the Creator created everything in this reality that we know. Right? So likewise, our words create or break us. Mm-hmm. So the book, making It Relevant that is Out now focuses in every short chapter, chapters each.

Each essay is like three pages. Yeah. At the end, there are hacks about how to make it relevant into your life. So we are living in a time when there’s a tremendous trauma surrounding us as a nation, as a people. And tragically too many people have experienced trauma in their family lives. And even if you haven’t directly been a victim of trauma, you’re surrounded by it with the people you know.

And it’s global. It’s not just where we live, it’s global. Look at the news. Yeah. So the question is, do, do we come? I’m just gonna plug in. I’m just gonna plug in right there. Don’t look at the news. Yeah, don’t look at the news. You’re right. I can hear that, but many people do. Yeah, yeah. I know. So it really kind of, it, it sets you up with the sense of doom and gloom.

Right. But I prefer to see it as these setbacks are set ups for us to actualize inner potential that would never come out if everything was just country club Miami Beach, just Tel Aviv Beach. Yeah. We need times to just relax and recharge. And so going away even for a few hours is so integral. Reading a good book, listening to music, taking care of yourself, exercising, all of those things that are components of living a balanced lifestyle. 

But if we make that into our ends. This is just a means to get to the end. The real important component also is to take great care of our thoughts and what is in our mind, because that is going to be the fuel for the output in your life. So therefore, there’s so much reading material. I know that so many of us love to read novels, love to read fiction, but I personally, just me, I feel that life is, I don’t know how long I’m gonna be here.

None of us know that. So we wanna maximize ourselves. And in order to do that, part of our reading material has to focus on self-growth, personal and spiritually. So that’s why I wrote the book, making it Relevant, knowing that time is short. People’s commitments are all. Off the charts. So if you can read two pages that are gonna get right to the point and talk about something that you’re experiencing, and again, the Torah, is created in a way that’s so user friendly because we, we visit it every week and every week we’re getting different feedback, we’re seeing other circumstances, and even the parts that we don’t feel are intelligible to us.

If you read it from the right perspective, the right interpretation, it’s gonna always speak to personal growth. So I’d like to just give you one more important point. Mm-hmm. The Jewish year, again, was created by the creator of humanity for the purpose of maximizing our lives. So every single day, starting from the morning, going into the afternoon, going into the evening, and even look at light. 

Light and starts to diminish, and then it’s darkness again. And another day is being given birth through the darkness again. So this concept of from a Jewish perspective, a day begins when it’s dark’s, a metaphor for life. We are meant to navigate through the darkness in our lives, the darkest moments, those traumas that we think are going to finish us.

How am I ever gonna rise again? But just like the sun is a metaphor, rise every day, every moment from the morning to the afternoon to the evening is meant to give us relevant ideas of how best to function as a human being in this world. And then connecting to the source of these moments, recognizing it isn’t you. 

You are not your own source. You are a creation of something that’s greater than you with the ability to create through your words, through your acts, through your projects, through the things that relate to you. So it’s incremental. We can’t reinvent the wheel and we can’t change ourselves in an instant.

So one of the things that I feel is very effective in my book, making it relevant is it’s a short read every week. And using those ideas, not just to say, I read it, I’m done, but how can I integrate those ideas and make them a part of the fabric of the tapestry of my life? Mm-hmm. And if you look at the back of a tapestry, it’s made it individual threads that are woven together.

Right? One thread on itself, a tapestry does not make. And life is a tapestry of experiences that are woven together, past, present, and they’re all informing our future. That’s beautiful. Yeah. I really love that. Last part of every chapter where you give a little highlight of like what you could take home with you, what you could think about, little quotes.

 I really connected to that because like in this podcast too, I wanna get to the practical stuff. You know, what can we do to think right now a person is listening to this podcast and she’s saying, that’s great. You know, life is relevant. Everything is right here for me to grow this, you know, setback is actually a setup.

What can I do right now to maybe reframe it, to feel better about it, to pick myself up and. Get up like the sun when it doesn’t, I just don’t feel like it, or it doesn’t, doesn’t look like it. Or having a hard time. What would you say? Well, here’s the next thing. You have listeners who, their lives right now are running really well, and they’re already maximizing their potential.

You have other listeners that are not. So I’d like to speak to the whole, the whole picture. We are all in different places, and we are in different places every day. Life is different every day. Very few people wake up feeling the same way every single day. So, because life is a plethora of all kinds of interwoven emotions, the most important thing every day to recognize is that we can’t stay stuck. 

All right. And many people will make excuses behind all of the reasons that they are stuck. Well, this happened years ago, I can’t get over it. And you can blame all kinds of people, even rightfully so, but the question is the only one who can rewrite the script of your life is you and Hashem is giving us these situations

consciously, things are just not falling apart randomly. So I think the first thing is to take a step and look from a distant point of view. If you could look at your life from above, you imagine just viewing you and having the inner tools to be the mother, the father, the best friend, the best spouse to yourself. 

Not relying on everyone outside of yourself to fill you. Mm-hmm. So let’s say you didn’t have a great background. Let’s say you had some traumas in your childhood. Let’s say your parents weren’t the ideal parents and you could say, that’s why I am the way I am. Well, if you look in our Torah, it is filled with people who came from dysfunctional families.

And that’s why it’s such an amazing, relevant piece because it’s just like today, humanity has not progressed past the things that keep us human. And at the same time, they keep us human, but they keep us diminished and limited. Right? And the Torah gives you all this wisdom of how to go beyond by using examples of people who went past their baggage. 

So sure everybody has baggage. Sometimes a person’s baggage can be that life is so easy that they don’t have the tools. When things get tough to withstand the trials in life, that’s also baggage. There’s all kinds of baggage. Let’s say basically, if you don’t have baggage, that’s your baggage. And if you have baggage, they thank you.

You have baggage. ’cause at least you have a good reason. Yeah, yeah. You know, I, I went to a parenting class a long, long time ago, and she said, if God wanted your kids to have perfect parents, he would have made you perfect. But obviously you’re not perfect because your kid has to have a reason to pick up and take responsibility for their life.

So when we are trying to be like that perfect parent and doing all the things right and never messing up, we’re not actually doing what we’re meant to do as a parent. We are meant to be ourselves. You’re supposed to be, as you know, cuckoo and you know, weird and not really as exactly, you know everybody else because that’s who you are.

And your kid is going to have to deal with your craziness. I want all my kids to do a certain thing or I don’t let them do something that everybody else lets them do. Who cares? Your kid is going to have to deal with that, and that’s part of their journey. Your job is to be you. And I love that because like you said, if you look throughout the whole.

Torah, so many dysfunctional humans and we’re sitting there going, I don’t understand. Aren’t they supposed to be perfect? No, that’s the point. God doesn’t want them to be perfect. He wants them to be relatable. He wants us to be able to see them, notice what they did, and then bring that into our lives so we know what to do.

’cause we’re not perfect either. Exactly. And one of, I think one of the biggest challenges, especially living in a world with social media, we think the answers are all outside of us. Watch this podcast, you’ll get an answer. Buy this, go there, drink this, wear this. Right? But that’s why we’re constantly feeling a sense of lack. 

And today’s media is feeding off of making people feel they’re missing out. Right. And we’re lacking something the most. Essential relevant investment is in investing in yourself. Yes, but what does that mean? Your inner self developing who you wanna be, that is always a step towards success, incrementally.

One step after the next, take time. Whoever’s watching today, every day, even for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, read something that will enrich and enhance your mindset that will elevate and uplift the way you see yourself and your potential. And it doesn’t matter at all how many times you seem to have failed because no, the Torah tells us again, king David says in his psalms that it was the discarded stone.

That turned into the center pa piece for the sanctuary. Now you could look at that on face value and say, okay, there was a throne that they, a stone that they took from the the rubble and they used it ’cause it fit right as the centerpiece. It’s really talking about us, the parts of ourselves that we think are our defects, our flaws that continually plague us no matter how many times a person can think.

I finally got over my bad temper. I finally got over my nervousness. I finally got over my jealousy of things around me and I can’t focus on my own life ’cause I’m looking at everybody else’s and it’s taking up so much of my mental space here. You know, whenever we look at other people’s lives and we envy them, it’s as if that we have squatters taking up space in our mind and they’re not paying. 

We have to rid ourselves of those things. So back to King David Psalm. It is that defect in you that you, you despise it, it’s thrown away, but it’s from that place that a person can rebuild and create and overcome that will give you the momentum and the inner strength, and the clarity and the wisdom. And that will be the cornerstone from which your inner sanctum, your sanctuary will be built.

And you’ll look at it not as something that you hate and that you despise, but you’ll say It’s from this place of lowness that I ascended and built that the setback in my life. I transformed into my greatest setup for transcending myself. Yeah. Hi. I am sitting here thinking this whole podcast is for me.

Like you guys are just Oh, for me too. You guys are just listening in on the side, but like everything you’re saying fits so perfectly into what I need to hear right now. And it’s so interesting and, and really it’s because it’s because I’m so open about my life and what I’m going through, but also because we’re all so the same, you know, there’s this global way of. 

Feeling about yourself. You always have something you don’t like about yourself. You are always trying to push away something that you don’t really like or something in your life that is a circumstance that you wish didn’t happen. You’re trying to go for the things you think are supposed to be and the way you planned your life and the way things are meant to be.

And then, you know, anything that doesn’t fit your perfect picture of what’s supposed to be like it pushed to the side. ’cause you, you just, you know, you’re messing up the picture, move over, you know? And really it’s that exact thing that is meant to be in the picture front and center. Right. It was so beautiful.

My daughter said they had they had this teenager event that all the teenagers from the whole town went together to Jerusalem. And they took one big picture at the end of the, of the experience. And there was you know, like an adult with special needs who was walking by and you know, somebody said like, you know, move, move.

We’re taking a picture. And somebody from the picture, one of the teenagers said, no, no, he’s part of the picture. And he brought him in and they put him on his shoulders and they were like, yay. And they made him part of the picture because they wanted that energy of, you are not in this, like, move over.

We’re waiting for you to just move aside. Like, no, that’s not how we want our teenage experience to be. These teenagers are by the way amazing. And I. Am completely blown away by this generation of humans because they, like you said, are growing up with their entire childhood, was just like corona and war and all these things.

They could totally blame the world for messing up their life. And instead, they have created some real change in the way that we think and the way that we look at things the way that they are as a group. I love them. I’m so impressed. But anyway, I thought that was such a great example of what we are meant to do with our own parts.

All the things that we are trying to work through is make it You’re right. Make it part of the picture. Yes. And you know the interesting thing about it, we’re at a time right now in the Jewish year where we’re beginning again. We’re in a few weeks, we’re going to be returning again to Brei the beginning of creation and humanity.

And that also means the beginning of our creating who we wanna be in the year to come. Right? Everything, again, as I said, is a reframe of reality. What do you want your reality to look like? Right? Right. You want it to be real, but what kind of reality are you reflecting? Are you reflecting negativity?

’cause you could choose that it’s there in great quantities, but there’s tremendous optimism. There’s tremendous positivity. We have new growth. We can see it through whatever frame we want. And think of a frame. You may have content, like think of the frames of your glasses. They’re not the main point, but they do add some.

Enhancement to everything. So if we reframe even something that appears to be baggage, that appears to be negative, that appears to be a setback, we can change the reality of how we’re seeing things in life. So let’s look at this again. Reframe your reality. That has to do with the narrative. The narrative by which we interpret the things that are happening or that have happened in our life.

So we reframe reality from something devastating, traumatic to a stuffing stone. What am I supposed to make out of this? Where am I going now? And how can I navigate that road? Relevantly, I love it, not just for the moment, but what will be the repercussions down the line. For the way I’m thinking today, if I allow myself to look negatively towards the people that are in my life that are in my orbit, and if that is what I do every day, begin and repeat again, I’m gonna be a miserable person, right?

But if I look at people and I see that we’re all flawed and we’re there within that environment to see the positivity and to see that we’re all working on this together, as you mentioned bhan, all of us are in this together. So it’s our choice. Are we going to choose a life of positivity and blessing, or a life of curse and darkness and negativity, but we need to work on it every day?

And thoughts come from the brain. It’s a muscle. So just like we build up resilience right through our training. Our mind has got to be trained to see positivity, to see trauma, to see this, yes, I went through this, it is devastating, but am I gonna stay devastated? Mm. Right. I love it. That that, I think a lot of what we’re talking about is in the moment of change, taking responsibility and becoming intentional. 

Yes. In choosing your frame, in choosing the words, in choosing your attitude and choosing what you let in. It’s really very beautiful. I wanna say something about the timing of this video, which is so beautiful. We are recording in the beginning of the Jewish New Year and so it is just perfect ’cause it’s working about all the things and it’s airing on the podcast.

The first week of January, which is again, a new beginning in the Gregorian calendar. And a lot of people feel a second pulse on renewal, right? There’s like, if you, if you missed it now or if you’re like, you know, started and then sort of fell off, you get this new burst of energy of that renewal.

And I love that the timing worked out so well. So for those listening live, you got it straight for the right, you know, the right new year. And if you’re listening when it’s actually dropping on the podcast, it’s still relevant and that’s what it’s all about. Making it relevant is perfect for you. And here’s one point, now that you’ve told me that this is going to be the beginning of January or so on, I’d like to make a distinction. 

The world at large wishes, everybody Happy New Year. Right, but we as Jews say Shana Tova, which means a good year. There’s distinction between these greetings. Life is not just about being happy all the time. All right? I recently moved to Israel a year ago, and people say, oh, are you happy? I go, are you happy all the time?

I’m not happy all the time no matter where I live, but I feel I made a good decision. I made a good choice coming here. Right? So I think the question is why do we say Shana Tova, Goodyear, what is goodness? The Torah explains to us what is good and how do we know the first time the word good is mentioned in the Torah to, mm-hmm. 

It’s referencing when God created the creations during the days of creation. And he said it was good, but what is good? When something fulfills its purpose and potential. Mm-hmm. That is the Torah and Judaism’s definition of something that is good. It may not always be happy at the time. Right? So if someone or something, or some circumstance in life is fulfilling and actualizing why it was created, this moment was created with this potential that was actualized and maximized you and I and every individual, what is good when we are maximizing the potential that’s supposed to be being brought out from every circumstance and transcending it. 

And that’s the idea of good. That’s why we wish each other a good year and a sweet year, meaning even if something’s negative, that we take the goodness and we sweeten it. And it becomes a part of our total mindset, and that really ultimately leads to happiness that’s enduring and not fleeting. Ah, yes. I love this.

Thank you. Thank you for being here. How can people find you? Is the book the best way to start? Where do you want them to go? Well, you can first of all email me at k ballin@yahoo.com. Right now you can find me through this book because this is what I am sending out now to the world, making it relevant.

And the idea is we all seek relevance. ’cause without it, life is very aimless. It’s unfulfilling. So this is a book that breaks life down into daily, weekly, real life situations based on Torah wisdom, but totally. Focused on making life for the individual relevant. So the next question is how can one book and how can one Torah relate to so many different kinds of people that are going through so many different experiences simultaneously globally? 

Mm-hmm. That’s the wisdom and that is the power of Torah. Because if we believe there is a God in the world and we do this, God knows and has the means to be able to relate to its creation in any time, wherever you are. And the enduring relevance and the wisdom here is something that is more relevant and continues to be relevant always. 

That’s love it how you find me. You can also look at, my website right now is being redesigned, but it will be available soon. But just look up my name on Google. Kain you’ll find me there. Great. And we’ll make sure to link all of the show notes below and you guys will be able to find everything. Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you for this amazing opportunity to have you on my podcast and to talk to you in this way because in person you’re amazing and I am just so blessed. And I’m just going to plug, plug it right here that you also do a sound bath and it’s really awesome. Oh, if anybody is, I do a lot of different if you live here.

Yeah, that’s true. I’m very involved with music and anything to do with vibration and frequency, how it affects us, how it really informs how we feel. But I’d like to thank you, Chen, for being such an entrepreneur of. All means of creating internal wellness that allow us to transcend whatever boundaries we have to improve our relationships, to create a strong relationship with our creator, to have balanced really wonderful marriages, never to give up.

Yeah. And to overcome our traumas and to be the best that we can be if it’s business, family, whatever it is, this is what you represent to us as women. Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay. Thank you guys for listening. Don’t forget to come back next week for another amazing episode and be connected for real.