Top 10 Episodes: #1 - The Money Conversation You're Avoiding
For five years, we’ve talked about the things that matter most: G-d, marriage, business, and you. To celebrate this milestone, we went back through every episode and chose the Top 10 conversations that have impacted listeners the most.
This episode is one of them.
If you’ve ever struggled to talk about money with your spouse, wondered why finances feel so emotional, or wanted to build a stronger marriage through better communication, this conversation is for you. Together with Yael Trusch, we explore how your money story shapes your marriage, why money is an amplifier, not the problem, and how simple, intentional conversations can deepen your connection.
Whether you’re listening for the first time or revisiting a favorite, I know you’ll walk away with practical tools and a fresh perspective.
Don’t forget to enter our 5-Year Anniversary Giveaway using the link below!
Transcript:
━ Can you believe it has been five years to this podcast? I’m so excited. We’re doing a giveaway, and it’s based on the four pillars, G-d, marriage, business, you, which should not surprise you because that is what we talk about on this podcast all the time. And also, for the five-year anniversary of this podcast, we actually went through the entire five years and picked the top 10 episodes that you cannot miss.
So the coming episode is one of the top 10, and I can’t wait to hear what you think about it. Now go enjoy the show
I don’t know if I’m the queen, but I do have my brand- … which is the Jewish Latin Princess, which is, uh, m- the name of my podcast as you mentioned, and it started originally as a website. But I do, um, work with women in helping them live a joyful, richer Jewish life, and that involves their relationship with money, and that very often involves their relationship with their husbands and money because, as you know- Mm-hmm
in marriage, that, um, the topic of mo- money is a big part. Money is a big part of marriage. So I- Mm-hmm … I have online courses. I have an online course called Jewish Money Makeover. I have a Facebook group called Jewish Money Matters, which anybody, if anybody wants to join, and I run these programs also in Spanish and English, and I have a lot of fun doing it.
Yes. I love that. By the way, um, so I was in Venezuela for four years and in Argentina for two years as a kid. Um, so it was, like, from four until 12. Wow. I used to live in Argentina. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. That’s very cool. Never lived in Venezuela, but I’ve been there many times. Cool. Mm-hmm. So I love listening to your Instagram in Spanish because I actually understand.
Ah. And it gets- Oh my gosh, that’s so fun … it gets me so excited. I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I understand it.” Even though I haven’t spoken Spanish in forever- Good … I still have it in my brain somewhere in there. Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that. Yeah. So- It’s very tricky with having two languages and mixed audiences, but you know what?
You do what you can, and sometimes I s- show up in Spanish, sometimes in English. Um, I do the same thing with my podcast. Most episodes are in English, but here and there I’ll throw, ’cause there’s a guest that really, her language of choice and her market is in Spanish- Right … and since people know me as the Jewish Latin Princess, they know that I’m bilingual- Right
so I’ll throw in an episode here and there in Spanish. Um- So I actually really enjoy that ── Oh, ━ que bien. There you go, we got a comment. Oh. I’m very happy about that. Um, yeah, so I really love it. I love it that I can understand, um, and, and hear, you know, the different messages that are really the same in different languages.
Mm-hmm. It’s fun. So my… You were saying, you know, it’s hard to juggle the languages. My issue is with Hebrew and English. Mm-hmm. Because in the beginning ─ I was doing everything English, and then I went to the park and the ladies would say, “It’s not fair, you’re only speaking English-” Oh … and we want also to learn from you.”
So I opened up a Hebrew class at night in the middle of the week just for them, and it was so cute. It, like, really took off. Good. And then when, when, you know, when c- Corona hit, then I was doing Zoom meetings in English, and again, people said, “No, we want Hebrew.” So then I had, I w- you know, the balance of both of them and seeing, you know, it, it’s exhausting.
After, like, three weeks of doing both, I just gave up on the Hebrew. Mm-hmm. Like, I don’t mind doing the once a week class. Now it moved to Shabbos, so every week I have a class in Hebrew, but it’s just so much ── so much going on that it’s really- It is … it was a decision I had to make. It is, it is. I hear you.
So here is my mother saying hi. Oh, hi. And then my mother. And ━ then she says hola. So. I hear you, because when I started blogging, I was doing it in both languages, and eventually I had to abandon the Spanish because it just, I c- it’s not sustainable. And same thing with my newsletter, it’s mostly in English.
Um, and here, and I do have some people who have requested only Spanish, like, “If you’re gonna send me a newsletter, we love you, but send it only in Spanish.” So I have them segmented. And I run my program, like now I’m gonna run it after Tishrei in English, but I’m running it currently in Spanish. And then come January- Mm
I’ll run it again in Spanish. So I’ll try to do that. But that’s, that’s okay, ’cause if you’re there, you know what to say, you, you could show up. It doesn’t matter either way. Right. I like that. Yeah. It’s not like it’s prerecorded or anything, so. No, no. I’m all in with my students. All in. ━ That’s awesome. Okay.
So today we are talking about marriage and money, because my specialty is marriage and yours is money, and they, they touch so strongly. Like they overlap in such a strong way, and that’s what I wanna talk to you about. So tell us a little bit about what you see from working with your clients and your programs.
So what I see a lot when it comes to marriage and money is that the main issue is a l- we could call it a lack of a communication, but it’s a little bit deeper than that. It’s a lack of understanding of what my money story is and what my husband’s money story is. Mm-hmm. And then how do we merge that together and we create our own money story going forward?
And obviously, that requires a lot of communication and a lot of vulnerability. And ─━ a huge part of the reason is because as independent beings, we are not comfortable with money. We have not been taught to be comfortable with money. We have not been taught to understand all the emotional components of money.
We thought growing up that money was just something related to math, and you just add and subtract and, right? And eventually we realize that there’s a lot more to it, and for many people, money was taboo growing up. Money wasn’t something that was openly talked about. Um, ─ people did not grow up maybe with being comfortable about having money conversations.
And we- A lot of people are still not comfortable. Exactly, exactly. So a lot of what we do, aside from the marriage component, is try to normalize these conversations and try to understand that, let’s bring it to the Jewish, you know, area since I know most of your audience and listeners are Jewish. ─ That from a Jewish perspective, money is a neutral tool that G-d gave us in the world.
There’s no shame in money. There’s no shame in having money. There’s no shame in working for your money. In fact, on the contrary, money is something to be utilized. It’s not the end, but it’s the means to live a wonderful life and serve G-d in this world, and all of that, what that means and that entails.
Mm-hmm. And so a lot of it comes to shedding those misconceptions about what money means in my life, and that I might have learned from, you know, experiences, things I saw at home, et cetera. Mm. And creating my own ─ m- and creating my own money story, which is not a simple thing to do. It takes a- No. Not at all, because we have a subconscious that it’s gonna come and trip us over, but awareness is 90% of the work, right?
And then when we come into a relationship ── Not only have we had to be very vulnerable and honest with ourselves, but now there’s a partner to become vulnerable with. Um, and what I always say to my students is that when we can get to a place where we can discuss money with our husbands openly and with respect and with vulnerability, and regularly, because it does take s- a certain regularity, uh, this is not something we’re gonna
You know, we’re not gonna crack the nut in one or t- one or two conversations. This is for life. Right. We build ─ a higher level of intimacy. And as you and I know, in Judaism, ─ marriage is the epicenter of everything. Marriage is the, ━ the center… A, a Jewish home is the center of Jewish life, right? So that relationship between husband and wife is the most important thing.
And the goal in so many of the, ─ um, mitzvot, I guess, that are related to marriage, it has to do with creating intimacy between that couple, creating a, a deep, deep connection. Very often marriage is an area where we don’t connect with our husbands, and it’s like we’re leaving so much on the table. There’s so much depth can, that can be, that can, we can achieve as human beings in that relationship when we’re actually to, when we can actually connect with one a- another in, in this very intimate part of our lives, which is our relationship with money.
Yes. And create those goals together and everything that it entails. That’s awesome. I love that. I love that you ─ made it so, you know, in everybody’s face, “Guys, marriage is the epicenter of your life,” which is what I’ve been saying. ‘Cause people think it’s just one part, you know? And this is something that’s hard for me, but I’m successful in everything else and I’m doing a pretty good job and my life is sort of, you know, okay.
No, like, when you crack that, you know, that issue that you have in your marriage, everything else will fly. Like- Yes … you will finally feel it. Mm-hmm. Because we’re being so weighed down, it’s, it’s really heavy. Yep. It makes it so heavy. Mm-hmm. And, ─ you know, that’s one of the things that women see when we work on marriage and, and, uh, I do a little bit of parenting, whatever comes up, you know?
And then suddenly they’re- ───━─ totally unrelated business or unrelated, you know, unrelated, ── Keelu- Mm-hmm … starts flourishing because they’re finally free to be present, to be creative, and to find solutions, and to just have support sys- you know, a support partner. And it, it changes the whole game. Absolutely. And it, it’s amazing.
It’s just amazing. Mm-hmm. Everything. So I love that you said that. Yeah. One of my favorite things that you say, and I want you to, um, explain it to our audience- Mm-hmm … is, is the, the whole concept of money being an amplifier. Can you talk about that? ‘Cause that’s- Sure … my favorite. ─ Yeah, you like that? Yeah, I like that, too.
Well, so when we talk about money, as I said before, money is a very powerful tool, right? And one of the things that I always mention to my students is that money, in fact, is an amplifier, meaning that it amplifies who you really are. W- meaning ─ if you’re a generous person- ──── You’ll be more generous when you have money.
If a person is a stingy person by nature, you’ll be more stingy if you have money. If you’re a very creative person, you’ll be more creative. Because what it is is we’re talking about impact. When we think about money, it’s the ability to leave an impact, to create an impact, right? When we’re serving G-d in the world, there are so many ways in which we serve Hashem in the world, and everybody has a unique way in which we can do it.
But that money piece allows us to reach so many more souls, if you wheels, will. If so many… It’s just more impact and more impact, right? So it amplifies everything. And, and yeah, it, it, it am- amplifies who you are, what you can do. I will tell you why I love it so much. Mm-hmm. Because I love it on a deeper level.
Tell me. One of the things that holds people back from making more money is that they think it’s going to change them. Mm. And this is a real belief that so many people… And I think it was something that I had to go through myself this year growing my business and becoming so famous suddenly and, and just, like, ─ growing so fast, and all these things are happening all at the same time.
Mm-hmm. And I’m like, “Whoa, what’s going on?” And I, I actually wrote myself a letter, you know, the successful me as writing to my, the me me, and being like, “I am so proud of you. Look at how much you haven’t changed.” You know? And then it brought… Like, it turned on the light in my head, like, oh, that’s what I’m afraid of, that I’m going to change?
That, like, that I’m actually not going to be as nice or as good of a mother or whatever. And just the other day I was talking to someone else. We were discussing how a lot of women don’t want to go out and start their own thing and, and lean into their gifts because they think it’s going to hurt their marriage.
Mm. And that’s, again, we’re talking about all these beliefs that are ── So limiting And I’m so happy, by the way, that you realize that, because it’s totally the opposite. Not only will you not change, y- again, you’re shining brighter. You can do so much of you. You can do so many more mitzvahs. You can create so many more m- so much more impact.
You can touch so many more souls when you have the means to do it. Right. So th- again, there is no shame. It’s just part of the way in which I can shine in this world, and it’s just such a huge realization for people, and I’m so glad that you, you got it for yourself and you said, “Oh, no. I’m just this- … same wonderful s- w- human being who wants to serve women, and now I can serve them even more,” right?
Right. Because once I’m generating more money, then I can hire an assistant who can help me reach more women, and that assistant now can pay tuition with that money. And then, and then ━ all my content I can put into a book that somebody can help me… I mean, it just, it amplify, it just continues to grow and grow from there.
It’s- Yeah. Yeah. I mean- ─━ It’s really- G-d knew what he was doing, I would think. That’s how he put it in the world. ━━━━━─━━━ Yeah, that’s definitely true. Um, so we have another connection, by the way. Great. We also used to live in Houston, Texas. I can’t believe it. ─ That’s where you live, right? I’ve, I’ve been here for 10 years.
When did you leave? Oh, I left in ’98. Oh, no. I was graduating college. ━━━━──━━━━──────
I was in elementary school. I was in eighth grade. Mm. So I, I’m the same. I was together with, uh, Rachel Wonder. She’s probably living there now, no? Whatever. Hi, everyone, in case you’re live and you’re watching us. So- ━━ Houston connection. Okay. ━ Yes. So, uh, and I have a friend also, Tippy. Oh, gosh, I’m so excited about Houston when I think about it.
Such awesome people there. Yeah. So, ━ it- It’s a great- it’s a really nice community, and it’s a really nice place to raise children. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. But just so you know, Israel is very, very awesome, too, and I highly recommend everyone come this way. I, I might take you up on that. Yes, you should. Um, I, I actually think that that’s one thing that, again, we have so many livin- limiting beliefs, and that’s what I do in my coaching is, like, if I move, I won’t find a place for my kids, or it won’t be as good or whatever.
Mm-hmm. It’s like, it takes time. You might have to find your way in the different communities and really feel it out, but once you find a place, it’s like, oh, my gosh, like, why w- what was I even thinking when I- Mm … was worried, you know? Mm. So thank God, I, we just started the year this year yesterday. Um, September 1st is the first day of school in Israel, and I was just sitting there being so grateful that all my kids are so happy to go to school and to Gan and to, you know, everything.
And it’s just like, oh, my gosh, look at that. I had- I didn’t have to fight anyone. I didn’t have to tell them to go. They were just so happy to go, and they walked to school, which was one of my highlights in my life. Like, I- Mm … I really did not like being driven around everywhere, so I wanted to live in a place where it was safe f- for my kids to just walk to school and walk back and not have to worry about it.
So that, that was such a nice realization. I was like, wow, I’m having a grateful moment, and I just, like, sat in it for a long time. I love it. Just being like, wow. You- It’s so awesome … I’m glad you’re telling me all this ’cause you’re working, you’re working me. You’re working me ’cause Israel has definitely been discussed in our marriage, let’s just say that-
in the past few months. Yes, yes, and, and you know, that’s one of the things that I do also, is I work with women who- ── um, are talking about Aliyah or are planning Aliyah- Mm-hmm … and they’re sort of hoping that any of their marriage issues will stay there, and when they- Oh … come here, it’s just gonna all work itself out.
It’s like, new beginning. Mm. It’s gonna be great, and it’s like, yeah, but, you know? Not really. No. So if you’re in that, please, please reach out, ’cause there’s just so much that you could leave behind and not bring with you. It’s so great to declutter all that weight and come fresh, and, and you feel it. You feel it with like, you know how you say like, “Oh, I’ll start working on it when something happens.”
Like, “I’ll start exercising when…” Like, no, start now- Yeah … so that by the time you get there, you’ll be all way, you know, lighter and more fluttery and, you know, happier. Why do you need to wait? Mm-hmm. So this is one thing that is really important. Yeah. Don’t wait. Don’t wait, and when it comes to marriage, don’t wait.
Like, you need to take care of it now. This is the, like you said before, this is the most important relationship in your life. I mean, aside from your relationship with our creator, that for sure, but granted, but this is the- I put them together … I, I, I was about to say, but they, to me, they go hand in hand, but I know that’s like, you know, for people, it’s hard to grasp, but to me, they go hand in hand.
This is- Yeah, I really- This is- And that’s also why when I, when I called it Connected for Real- ━─ It started by being, you know, connected to Hashem, and then when I realized my thing was marriage, it just connected so well because there is, you know, there is a way to connect on a deep level that’s very practical.
Mm-hmm. You know? Like, people think like, oh, connection is something so fluffy. Like, no, how- The Jew doesn’t miss. Practical, here. Oh, yeah. That’s what Jew doesn’t miss. Yeah, yeah. And that’s, you know… Okay, so you guys, any questions, comments, send them down below before we run out of time, ’cause yesterday we ran out of time, and then there were some questions.
Um, so put them in the comments. We would love to answer them. And meanwhile, tell us more about what you’re up to now. What is the program that you’re starting after s- after Tishrei? You mentioned- So after Tishrei, I’m starting a five-day challenge again. I just ran one very successfully, um, for Spanish speakers, and opening my signature course, Jewish Money Makeover, and it’s gonna be the, now the f- well, if you count the Spanish program, it’s gonna be the fourth time that I run it, and it’s- Oh
it’s really unbelievable because we go through a whole transformation in terms of the way we think about money, the way we relate to it, and actually getting really practical on how do we deal with this thing on a practical level, but we also have to work on this, right? And obviously m- marriage comes up a lot, and how, how does that come up?
How do we deal with it within a marriage? How do we communicate with our husbands? And, you know, how do we talk about values? How do we talk about goals? How do we set them up for ourselves, and when we’re married, et cetera. And obviously Hashem, G-d, comes into the picture a lot because this is a Jewish course for Jewish women, so it’s really Jewish wisdom that really influence our practical financial life.
Because I’ll tell you, I don’t know if you know, from my experience when I had to really get down to the crux of, you know, what’s happening with my financial life, and, you know, and that happened in the last recession, 2008- ──── And from the period between 2008 and 2010 when our, my husband and I had our really, like, aha moment with money, we realized that it wasn’t really the financial tools that we were both very comfortable with, ’cause we come from a finance background, but it was really the Jewish wisdom that we started to apply and sort of stop giving lip service to it, and really, really understand and put into practice that really transformed our financial life and really shifted our financial paradigm, and it also changed our marriage.
It really, really has affected our marriage in a very beautiful, positive way. So all of that is coming up, and I also have for anybody who’s interested in ha- starting money dates, regular money dates with your spouse where you can start becoming vulnerable and talking about money, and you kinda need to know, well, how do I do it?
I have, like, a guide that walks you through the things that you should discuss- Oh, that’s so good … like seven, you know, seven, but you’ll stretch it out. It’ll give you enough material to really cover a year worth of money dates. Yeah. Um, and you could do it even for yourself, and then kinda start sharing this with your husband.
But, um, any- anybody who’s watching can find that at jewishlatinprincess.com/moneydate. ─ And if I could tell you very, very quickly what I think is most important about these money dates is do them regularly. They have to be scheduled on your calendar, and the objective is that you have alone time with your husband where you’re actually gonna look at your finances, the big stuff and the small stuff, right?
And you’re actually gonna decide who takes care of what, and what do I think about this, and what was my ex- what were my experiences in a, as a child? Everything that comes with all mo- with, with money, and that’s a lot. That’s why I put a guide for people to really be able to, okay, let me understand how I, um, how I do this.
But regularity is very important. ───━━ Being open, respectful, vulnerable, and making sure that the money conversations happen in that assigned space rather than when you’re cooking dinner and, you know- Or bathing the kid … or bathing your child, right? That’s when the explosions happen. Like, you’re totally not ready to have a money conversation because money is emotional, right?
Right. And all of a sudden there’s an explosion. You don’t know, how come you’re fighting all of a sudden? Oh, we just started talking about tuition in the middle of bath time, or the credit card, or, you know, this fee- Right … or that fee, right? So it’s trying to create a space where you could actually have those conversations.
They happen in a part- where you have the head space ━━ to do it. Right. Like a container. Um- I love that. Yeah.
And now back to the show ──
who is a very big rabbi, and his brain is very, you know, ─ different than mine. I’m like an artist, creative. I’m like, “La, la, la.” And he’s very, you know, he’s so square, and, and able to keep a routine, and da, da, da, da, da. And it’s great because it helped me really, really with everything, just like sort of pulled me together.
Mm-hmm. ─ Um, so that was awesome. Like, the first couple of years I was just, ─ you know, just let it stick, you know? Mm-hmm. Because I was all over the place, and I knew that about myself. I was in art school. I was so happy. I had a graphic design job in Manhattan on Fifth Avenue. I was having a great time, you know? ━━
And then, you know, right away I had a baby, so I was also all over the place. Like, you don’t actually have a routine or a schedule or a l- like, a square life type of thing. So it really helped me to put myself together. Um, ─ so I like to talk about that openly because I think it’s just nice to know that it is okay that you’re both different.
It’s actually the way Hashem made it, you know? Mm-hmm. He did it on purpose so that you can help each other sort of come to the middle, you know? He pulls me and I pull him, and we sort of help each other. And we’re not doing it by force, we’re not pulling, but we’re just sort of like the dust sort of gets on you and, like, you know- Mm-hmm
it rubs off, so it’s great. ──── My husband is like fine. He is so calculated. He is actually a calculator in his head- Oh, my … where he will, he will go shopping. He has these like superpowers, okay? He’ll go shopping. He won’t look at prices or anything. He’ll just grab the things he needs, and then he tells the cashier, “It’s going to come out to 190 shekels.”
And then she’s like, “Do, do, do, do, do.” And it’s like, ━━━━ “189, you know, point one.” Mm-hmm. And it’s like, “How did you do that?” So he has such the, like such an ability to calculate amounts and money and like even food. This will fit into that box, and it fits perfectly to like the rim. ━━ Mm-hmm. How? How? Anyway, it’s just amazing.
But because he’s so calculated and so able to keep everything in his head, then nothing is on paper. So like I have no idea what is in his head. Mm-hmm. So I’ve tried a couple of times throughout our lives to just like sit him down, “Come on, tell me what’s going on. Tell me how to this. Tell me how to that.”
And eventually I was like, you know what? I don’t need to have these conversations. If you’re happy with it and I don’t mind, you know, fine. Whatever. I’ll do it myself. And so I sat myself down and did the whole, you know, the, the budgeting and I plugged in all the numbers and I wanted to see for myself how things were going.
And it was so much fun. It was like I felt like it was my game, and I didn’t have to involve him for me to feel good about it. Mm-hmm. And I think that’s something that’s really important because a lot of women feel this way. They feel like they can’t pull their husband into it. I can’t change him. I can’t fix him.
I can’t force him. I can’t nudge him. It’s not working. And so instead- And you don’t have to. Yeah. You shouldn’t. Instead of saying it’s supposed to be this way, just come to peace with it. Just be happy and be like, “Okay, it’s my thing. I want it, so I’m gonna do it.” Yes. Yeah, so and, and one of the things that there’s this syndrome of Prince Charming is coming, and he’s gonna take care of my financial life, and a husband’s supposed to do that.
But let me tell you something, 90% of… Nine, nine out of 10 couples, the, the woman will outlive their husband. There is a point in your life where you’re most likely to have to deal with your finances, and that is if you’re happily married all your life. Let’s not even talk about- God forbid divorces or God for- you know what I mean?
There, there’s, there’s just so much that it’s almost like we are so capable and so empowered, and we’ve been given all these gifts. Why do we kinda like shy out of this area? Why we, why would we not wanna know, you know, what our goals are? How much is in the bank? How much are we saving for our future? Do we have life insurance?
Do we have a will in place? You know, what kind of accounts do we have for our kids? How much do we actually make? Like, why would you not wanna know that in a marriage, right? Why would you wanna be in the dark? And by the way, in a… I think eventually women realize that their husbands end up appreciating that you wanna be helpful in that area.
Um- Right … that you’re here to partner with him. Um, I think that’s where the intimacy part comes in, right? It’s not like he knows everything and you’re just like, “Oh, no, no, no. I’m just this princess. I’m not gonna hear anything about it.” No, we have to step up. Like, and- Yeah … and, and of course, every couple finds their balance.
There’s one who’s gonna be more the numbers person, and that’s totally fine. But the whole point is to find what is your balance, not kinda push aside the responsibility and say, “Somebody’s gonna take care of this area of my life.” No, no, no. This is our relationship. This is our relationship. Right. We’re both gonna be in the loop.
We’re both gonna know what we want, what we have, what we’re, what we’re working towards. Um, it’s not an area to ignore. ─── And I love that, that you said, you know, it’s like either we’re like this where we’re equal and maybe one person’s better at numbers or whatever, but we’re communicating, or we have a gap, and that gap creates so much friction.
And it’s just- So much … not, not necessary. So we’re always moving back to how do I make myself an equal? And a lot of times when a woman feels like she is down here and she can’t get the information, she’s not getting the access, she’s, you know, bumping into a wall, then bring yourself up. You know, don’t wait for someone to pull you up.
Just do it, you know? Mm-hmm. It’s your responsibility. It’s your life. And when you do it, you’re just gonna feel so good about it and get on with it. And like, it’s scary. Do it scared. Yep. Do it scared. Don’t let, don’t let it, you know, sort of flutter away. Just it’s not gonna go away until you take care of it.
Yep. And then that’s it. It’s over. And I’ll, I’ll give you a starting point for people who are feeling that way. When you start working even on the basics, like your money story and your earliest money memory, and all these things that I teach my students, right? When you, we work on that on our own, and then we come to our husbands like, “You know what I just learned about myself?
Like, I never realized, and I just discovered that sometimes when you and I talk about money or something comes up, there’s like a trigger, and I just discovered why.” And he’d be like, “Okay, what?” And you start becoming vulnerable and sharing. Eventually he will feel comfortable enough to, like, ask himself the same questions and share with you.
So by you doing this work first- Yep … and allowing yourself to share those discoveries with your partner, that’s how you’re br- like bridging ━ that gap ─── You’re spoiling it for everyone. Imagine what will actually happen when they work on themselves. Um, yes, I agree 100%. When you work on yourself, it will automatically open up doors that you had closed yourself.
Yes. You know, because we get into that… Yesterday was Leora Mandel. We spoke about loops and how you’re in a loop, and in a loop, and in a loop. And just all you need to do is break that loop and make a change. And so it’s very hard to make a change by forcing yourself to feel a certain way or by forcing yourself to act a certain way without working on, you know, what’s behind the scenes.
Mm-hmm. But when you work on that, and the beliefs, and, and, on what’s going on ─ behind the scenes, you are able to just react completely differently without trying. Yep. And that’s where, that’s where the magic is. Mm-hmm. It’s like, listen, I’m having so much fun. I just realized this and that. And actually, my husband and I, um, went on a walk Juan Chavez, and we started talking.
And we had such a great walk. We’re walking back and forth, and I’m telling him all these things that I’m learning with my coach, and this, and that. And he’s like, “Wow, I never thought about that.” Mm-hmm. It’s so fun to hear that. It’s so fun because it means that we’re actually talking. We’re actually having conversations that are adult level, you know?
Mm-hmm. Not just like, “Who’s gonna take the kids from school,” and, “What’s going to be for dinner,” and da, da, da. You know, it’s so technical. A lot of marriage turns into technicalities- Mm-hmm … because that’s just how it is. ─ That’s why I love that you bring in the date and the putting time aside for it. It’s just like- ─ We have time and that’s it That’s it.
And like, like you said, like, and I always say this, it raises the level of the conversation. You just said it. We talk like adults. When you and your spouse are talking about ─ how you envision your child’s bar mitzvah ─ and what would that really look like, ─ those are really meaningful conversations. Instead of going by default, I’m just gonna press the button and do it like my neighbor did, right?
Because that’s just the way it is. But when you go deep and you think, how do I really, really w- want it from my soul? Or how do I envision my kids’ weddings, and how much money do I really wanna spend on that? Would I rather give them for a down payment on a home? But like, these are high-level conversations.
Right. How do we see retirement? How do we foresee a move? What are our goals? What’s our vision for the future? And how much money will that entail, and how do we make that happen? That’s connection. Yes. That’s intimacy. Yeah. It’s a higher level. It’s, it’s, it’s not about the sandwiches and did you get the Ziploc bags on sale.
No, no, no. Right. We’re raising the bar here. ━━━━━ And that’s another thing that I really love, is when you put the focus on the beliefs and the stories and the things that are happening behind the scenes, you’re not looking to save every penny on everything because your time is more valuable, and suddenly your brain space is more valuable and, and it, you’re really evening out the playing field to your advantage.
You’re making it that you have to succeed, you know? There’s no other way, because once you start clearing up all the noise and getting clear, like, you know, you really see things differently. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when we start talking about our businesses or our careers, I mean, these are, these are really powerful conversations, you know?
If you’re not happy with your job or how much you’re making, have you communicated that to your spouse, and what are your fears? What if you actually started a high s- a side hustle? Or when your husband talks to you about his entrepreneurial ventures, if he has them, does it trigger fear? How do you communicate that, and where is that coming from?
And then he can understand you better. I mean, there’s just so much. It’s such a beautiful area because marriage is such a beautiful area. Yeah. And again, money’s such an incredible tool that God put in the world, that when we give it its proper attention and its proper role in our life, it can enhance so much of it. ──
You know that because we spoke about Aliyah, it just came into my head, and I think I had to say it. When we decided to make Aliyah, we were very young. We, we already spoke about this when we were dating. And, and when we… You know, it was, it was a goal. We knew we had to do it as soon as possible. We had a baby, and then we got this job in California.
We were going to be a rabbi in a, in a something, and it was going to pay us $70,000. It was going to be amazing. We were gonna get all these students that were gonna come for Shabbos and da, da, da. It was, like, the ideal job because my husband was a rabbi and I was, you know, daughter of a rabbi. This was my life. ─
And one day, we just had, like, we each separately had a different dream in the same night that made us wake up like, “Oh my gosh, we have to make Aliyah.” And he was like, “What? I was just gonna say that.” And it was, like, really strange. And I was like, “I don’t know. I don’t wanna go to the other side of the world.
Like, here I am in New York. I don’t wanna go to California.” It’s like three hours, you know, ─ backwards- Time zone, right … to, like, be so far away from my family and not be where I’m supposed to be. Mm. So, so we decided to really sit down and talk about it. We thought ─ You know, between ourselves that going to get that job and, you know, starting our life with a lot of money and being able to make aliyah with a cushy, you know, cushion or whatever, was just a way to delay making aliyah.
Mm. And it also felt like it was the yetzer hara trying to, like, pull us away. So we canceled that. We decided to make aliyah. We, we were one of the quickest people to, like, fill out all the forms and do all the stuff, ’cause we were just like, “We’re doing it this summer, that’s it.” And we did it. ─ And when we told people about it, the most amazing thing happened.
Everybody’s story about money was projected onto us. Wow. So when one person was like, “Oh, it’s great. You’re gonna do wonderful. You know, you, you guys are so awesome. You’ll do an- you know, you’ll succeed anywhere,” those were the people who had this great, ─ you know, story about money and how Hashem runs the world.
And most of the people, and this came out a lot, “What? You’re gonna be poor, you’re not gonna have money, you’re not gonna be able to own a house, you’re not going to be-” Crazy … you know, on and on and on. And all this negativity. “And you’re not gonna have a job, and what are you gonna do?”, and this and that. And it’s like, wait.
You mean Hashem told me I have to, you know, I have a mitzvah to make aliyah, but then once I do it, he’s gonna be like, “Ha, I got you. I’m not gonna make it work”? No, He wants me here. He does- Mm … He told me He wants me here. Why would He do anything to, like, not make it work? It didn’t make sense. It’s like, I am going because Hashem wants me there.
Hashem will make it work. Yeah. Hashem will work it out. And when you have that attitude of, like, I am doing Hashem’s will, and He’s going to show me the way, ─ so much awesome stuff happens. Yeah. And things just fall into place. And Bar, you know, Baruch Hashem, we own a house, we have m- food, we have rain. Great.
Surprise. ━━━━ You have your own business. I mean, ━━ um, come on, I thought you’re not gonna make it. Look at that. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And by the way, it’s not just about making aliyah, it’s, it’s about everything in your life. Of course. Like, ─ you want to have a career in XYZ, or you dream that you would serve the world XYZ, ─ do that, because that’s your natural calling, that’s your natural inclination.
And if the creator of the world put that natural inclination, then that’s- Yeah … that’s where you need to be. Stop going there because your mother, your do- your aunt, your, I don’t know, your sister-in-law says, “That’s where you’re gonna make money. You could never make money doing that”, right? Or, “Who are you to do that?”
You know? Right? No. You know who you said, like, your mother, you’re this, you’re that, the people I was the most scared of, of their reaction of me leaving graphic design and actually being a marriage coun- uh, coach- ──━ was my mother’s friends who I never see. Mm. And I don’t even know their names. Right. Like, I just have this image in my mind of this, like, court, you know, like a- Aga- Like a bunch of- Court
like heads- Yes ─ … you know, these, like, talking heads going, “Ooh, what is she doing?” ─ Who cares? But not only that. Who cares? Not only that. N- They’re not, they’re not looking. They don’t care. Nobody’s looking at your life with a magnifying glass. Not anymore. Except you. Except you. ─━━ Of course, it’s all in my head.
But the coolest thing that happened was that some of my mother’s friends are some of my biggest a- you know, like- Had your- … cheerleaders. Yeah. Are like, “Yes, you’re doing it. Good job. Da, da, da.” And I’m like, “Really? Wow. This is great.” ‘Cause that’s what the world needs. The world needs people who step up to who they really are, who are comfortable in their skin, who own their gifts.
The world is ━ so thirsty for that. It’s called leadership. Like, wow. ── Right? And so we think they’re not gonna like it, but guess what? If we like it, if we know that that’s the right thing, ─ then let’s worry about serving the people who are gonna like it, and most likely, the majority. There’s gonna be, like, one or two people who are not gonna like it.
Well, okay. You know- That’s okay … I’m n- I’m not gonna serve the other hundreds and thousands of people who God needs me to serve because of the two people. Isn’t, is that crazy? It’s a sin. Like, seriously, it’s like… ──━━━─ I know. And one thing that, that, you know, comes up a lot is ─── I don’t believe… You know, like, I…
This came up for me when I was looking into high schools for my daughter, and I was trying to figure out why I was so stressed out. ─ And ─ my anchor thought was this amazing anchor thought that I was able to pull through many things with. It was, ─ um… ───── Wait. ──────── If, ─ hmm, it was, ugh, I can’t remember the exact words now because I’m, like, on the spot. ─────
Um- ─────────── Who am ────────── Hashem believes in me. Mm-hmm. Who am I not to believe in me? Exactly. That was the line. Exactly. ─ I- Exactly … love that. It just anchors me every time. Like, ─ Hashem believes in me. He put me here. He gave me this daughter. He knows exactly what I’m doing. Like- ─────── And who am I to question him? Exactly. You know?
Exactly. And instead of thinking like, “Oh, ━─ you know, who am I to do this thing?” Whatever. No. Who am I to question- Who am I to question? Who am I to not show up? Like, yeah, and what you said, we say it every morning, when we say Modeh Ani, and we say, “Your faithfulness is great,” like, Rabah Emunateha, ─ oh, the creator of the world has faith in me?
Like, he literally has faith in me that I have something to accomplish today, that’s why he ha- he’s given me another day. Who ━━━━━ am I ─━━─── not to show up for him? Like, like- Mm. It’s, it’s… When we think like that, it like, it just humbles you on the one hand, and it gives you also this huge sense of responsibility.
Yes. ── Yeah. Yeah. I love that. It’s a lot. That’s a lot here. The money stuff- People think it’s just the money. There is so much here. Oh, yeah. No, the truth is that in the beginning, I was like, “Why do I have to pick marriage? I could just help everyone with everything.” You know? ‘Cause it’s like, here I am. But I realized that ──── this is my favorite thing- Mm-hmm
because it’s where I see the most ─ transformation. Mm-hmm. You know? Where I see, like, we touch on marriage, and then suddenly everything else ripples. Mm-hmm. And that’s like, whoa. Right. Like, that’s awesome. Yeah. You know? Right. That makes me so happy. So then I picked marriage, and then I see it really doesn’t matter, because eventually it all comes down to what you believe, and what the story is behind what is going on, ─ and that’s just it. ─
That’s all you have to do- Mm-hmm … is just constantly question. Question, question. Mm-hmm. Yep. Which you’re, you’re friends with Chana Mason? Yeah. From 1000 Tehillim. She was, uh, she ━─ was my first guest on my own- And she wrote the 1000 Tehillim way. Yeah, exactly, which is exactly what Chana Mason’s work is based on.
Exactly. And it’s so funny because I was, I was getting really known for working with Byron Katie’s work. Like, I actually do the page, the work, um, with my clients sometimes when that’s the right tool, and I like teaching it to them because once they know how to use it, then they can use it themselves. ────
Then somebody said to me, “You have to get to know Chana Mason, because she also does the same thing.” So that’s how, like, you know, we, there was a shadchan and, and we met, and then it was like, “Oh, okay. Yeah, we totally have to work together,” and like have a thing. Yeah, yeah. So she was my first live, and that was the one that made me wanna do it more.
Yeah. I was like, “Oh, my gosh.” She’s, she’s come to speak with my students also, because I just love her, uh, her work so much, and it w- it, yesterday we had her actually. It was so transformational. It was just great. It was just great. ─ That’s amazing. That really is. Yeah, so it’s just so much fun. Once I did the live with her, I’m like, “This is awesome.
We’re doing lives from now on.” ━━ Yeah. Like, this is what I’m gonna do. Good for you. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah, this is fun. This is a lot of fun. I love it. I get so excited. ‘Cause when I’m doing the YouTube videos, I’m just on my own in front of a camera and trying to say and edit and this and that. It’s, it’s too much thinking.
Mm-hmm. It’s like, okay, you guys, just ask your questions. Let’s get it, you know? ━ It’s like- And then I also get to talk to people. Yeah, it’s like me and the podcast. It’s, it’s like my favorite thing. Well, you’re a listener, so you can probably tell. Like, I just, I love my pod- I, I, I don’t know what… I, I don’t know.
If you don’t have a pod- whoever doesn’t have a podcast, call me. I’ll convince you to have a podcast. ━━━━ I’m actually trying to convince myself not to have one- Oh … because I’m, I think that I need to, like, conserve my energy, you know? Yeah. That’s true. Like- That too … I could probably take all these Y- you know, YouTube things that I do- Mm-hmm
and transfer into a podcast. Sure. But whatever. It might come. It might. Who knows? You know what? If you guys think I should do a podcast, then tell me down below. Let her know. Mm-hmm. And if you want me to conserve my energy for you, then also tell me. Uh, it’s something that is, like, you know, shiny. ─ How many years are you doing your podcast? ─
Four… Uh, it’s gonna come four years? Wait, three and a half year… It was, it was three years this February or four years this February? Oh, I don’t know. ──── It was three years this February, so in… It’ll be four years next February. 2021 will be my fourth year. Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm. Wow. You really, you really got in on early.
Yeah, yeah. I definitely am, like, the, the bubbe of Jewish podcasts. ━━━━━━━──━━━━━━
I did. I, I, not early in the podcasting sense, but definitely in the Jewish world, yes. ──────── That’s awesome. It, also in the podcast sense, like, uh- Mm-hmm … most podcasts that I hear are, are around three years. Mm-hmm. ── So there was, like, a big move three years ago, and then- Yeah. And now, now there’s also a big, um, thing with, because of COVID, and we’re all online and whatever, so.
Yes, and here we are. And here we are. Awesome. So, um, we’re running out of time. Is there one very practical thing you want to leave us with? ─ I wanna leave you with ─── give yourself the opportunity to sit and pay attention to your money regularly, whether it be by yourself of, or with your husband. Explore not just the numbers.
You have to look at the numbers, but explore your money story. Take care of what really is your relationship with money. Start writing a letter to money, for example, which is an exercise I give my students. I did that. Yeah. It’s a very powerful exercise. Download that guide, ━────━─ jewishlatinprincess, um, .com/moneydate, and work on that on your own if you want to, but do it.
Yeah. Don’t leave this relationship as something that one day somebody will take care of. No, no, no, no. Step up to it. You’re gonna discover so much about yourself. You’re gonna grow so much, and you’re going to actually open yourself to receive God’s blessings of abundance because you’re showing up. Oh, I’m, I can be a good m- manager of your resource, right?
So God says, “Oh, you’re actually showing up?” It’s … I had a student who said, “The week after I s- I, I finished your course and I’d been doing…” She was a very disciplined girl. She did all the homework, everything. She said, “All of a sudden I got a job that’s paying $10,000 more. It’s based in Israel where I’m moving to.
It’s flexible time. It’s like everything I w- it’s in the field that I wanted.” And I said ━━━━─━━ to her, “You mean that G-d was waiting for you to show up?” And she’s like, “Yeah.” Yeah. ────────── Oh, you don’t know what a podcast is? Here we have a, I don’t know what a podcast is. A podcast is like a radio show. Mm-hmm. Right? Is that what you would say?
That is what it is. You find it on your phone. Where’s my phone? On your phone, you just have a little podcast app, and you subscribe to sh- to podcasts, and they are free, and you listen a- on the go, as you drive, as you do your exercises. And I always say the cool thing is, like, it’s not like a WhatsApp little audio that people send a class on or whatever.
It’s like somebody calls you, the podcast is still there exactly where you left them. It’s not gonna drop or anything. ─ It’s so ── awesome. That’s the plan. I, I feel like the podcasts were my, my guides, you know? They- I love them. I, I picked up a bunch of different podcasts along the way, and I’m just so happy I did, because every time I need to hear something, Hashem sends it through a podcast.
Like, I’ll turn something on and start cleaning my kitchen, and then somebody will say exactly what I need to hear at exactly the right time. ─━ You know? Like, I was really scared, I’m like, “I don’t know, I don’t know what to do,” whatever, and then it was like, “Okay, do it scared. Just do it.” Mm-hmm. And that was perfect timing.
You’re welcome. I love Nicole. Nicole is awesome. You just keep showing up. I’m so proud of you. ━━─ Uh, okay. So, um, thank you so much, Yael. Thank you. I ━ really enjoyed having you. I feel so- ── Like, I have just reached a milestone, okay? Having you on my show is like, woo. ━━━━ Oh, please stop. It’s like now I know I made it.
Aw. Yeah. Well, that’s very sweet, but you shouldn’t. I’m ha- I’m so happy that we did that. I’m so happy that you’re a podcast listener. You should have told me that. I never knew that you listened to my show. I’m like, “Oh, that’s so great.” Mm. So- I, I didn’t listen to every single one, but- Yeah. You have 133 to binge on.
Okay. ━ I have a really good one coming up tomorrow or tonight, we’ll see. Um, you will wanna stay tuned, but yeah. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun, and we should get together more often. We definitely- I think that would be great … should. We definitely should. We, we could be talking for a very long time.
Oh, yes, and I love that we agree on a lot of things. Yeah. I hear you sometimes doing the same thing I do, which is like, “Wait, I don’t agree with that,” you know? And I was like, “She did it, she did it. The same as like I do.” And it bothers people, but I think it also makes it more fun, ’cause we don’t, we don’t all have to agree on everything.
Right. But there is certain things that are, you know, when you’re connected to Hashem, then certain things just, like, irk you, you know? Like, it’s like, “Wait, no, Hashem is the source.” Mm-hmm. And then like- Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep … that, that totally, I totally relate to that and connect. Yeah. So thank you everyone for watching.
Don’t forget that next week we have two, uh, lives scheduled, and it’s gonna be really awesome. If you want to sign up to the newsletter so that you can know what’s going on behind the scenes, then that’s at ━─━━━━━ connectedforreal.com, and I am in Facebook and in Instagram at Connected For Real, and yeah. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the work that you do.
Can you share it with them? ──── I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from ━━ connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget you can be connected for real. ───────────
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