Hot Topic Bonus: “Too Good” in Marriage

November 7, 2021

In This Episode
When you reach a “perfect” marriage, always remember that you can break that ceiling and make it even better. We are trained to focus on what we have and we get guilty for wanting more, but God created lack. He programmed us to want more because it makes us realize His love. The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat starts on Monday and it’s going to show you how to turn a good marriage into a greater one, improve your business and purpose, and align these with God.

Highlights
00:24 There is a difference between gratitude and wanting more.
00:16 Void and lack are part of creation so we can realize that God into our lives.
02:32 We are trained to focus on what we have and what’s good, and we get guilty for wanting more.
03:49 Even if your marriage is already “perfect,” remember that it can be even better.
04:16 The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat is meant to make a good marriage greater and go to the next level.
04:51 Focusing on lack creates a vessel for receiving more of God’s abundance.
05:25 God wants to keep giving us what we want and need, especially His love.
06:32 The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat starts on Monday. Sign up here!
08:30 What keeps us from asking and receiving is that we feel bad about moving from a “good” place with our husbands. Get out of your own head and love the way the world was created–with lack built in. Use it as a way to seek more connection and abundance in this life.

Links
Marriage Breakthrough Retreat
5 Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage
Recipe for Happiness

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REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Welcome to the Connected For Real Podcast! I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business, and my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage, and into your business. Let’s get started.

And we are live. Welcome to today’s hot topic bonus, and today the topic is Too Much. This is something that comes up a lot. Too much in marriage. “My marriage is so good if I ask for it to be any better, it would be like I’m ungrateful for what I have.” Same thing with our business. “My business is doing so well. If I try to even imagine it being the next level, growing, then am I really ungrateful for what I have.” So there’s a big, big difference between gratitude and wanting more, and I don’t think that they have to contradict but I know that they feel really icky if they don’t sit right. So we’re going to talk about that today.

So here’s what’s going on. Basically, I just came back from the class that I am part of with randa tar, who is amazing and we’re learning Mesillat Yesharim, which is the path the just—I’m making that up I have no idea how you call that in English. We’re learning about really creating space and creating space in order to bring God into it and sort of fill that space right because we want to become more spiritual. We want to be more watchful of what we’re doing. We want to live a more aligned life, so we—step one is create space and step two is realizing that the void is part of creation— that God created lack for a reason. He created lack for you to realize you need Him and you need to turn to Him. You need to connect, ask, and bring Him to be part of your life and as a partner in your everyday existence.

It’s funny because really, if you think about it, our existence is so dependent on Him. We wouldn’t be here without Him, but we don’t think of it like that on our day-to-day basis. So, what does it mean to create space and lean into that lack? How do we focus on the lack when we’ve been trained to focus on what’s good, focus on what I have, focus on everything that is so that you can be happy?  I even gave a class on this, The Recipe for Happiness, and the answer to what the recipe was 50% gratitude and 50% victories. So, there’s a huge part of our education and existence in being happy and grateful for what we have, and then when we think, “But I wish I had more quality time with my husband,” “I wish that we would go out more,” “I wish that we would have more time to spend together,” or, “I wish that we would actually go out, have a vacation, take time off from work—” whatever it is, right? We get guilty about being like, “Oh, you’re not happy with what you have,” or, “It’s not good enough for you, you spoiled brat.” It’s such an awful noise. The narrative inside our head is just terrible because that’s just how it sounds, right?  

I just spoke to someone who said her marriage is perfect, and I said, “So what do you think could improve?” It’s like, “Nothing. It’s so strong. It’s stronger than it’s ever been. It’s at a perfect place and I don’t want to move anything,” and it was like, “Wow. If I move something, if I ask for something to change, then it must be that it will change for the worst because I’ve gotten to the highest point,” and it’s like, “No, the whole point is that there’s always higher.” That’s also why I say for people who ask me about the retreat— “Yeah, but my marriage is fine. I don’t need to go to your marriage retreats. No, my marriage retreat is called the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat for a reason. It’s because you take a good marriage, and you make it better. You take a good where you are now and you up level and you create a more—that’s pretty much the only way I could put it is you take it to the next level and you didn’t imagine there was a next level because you were happy where you are, and then you’re even happier. So, creating the lack or focusing on a lack is creating a vessel for receiving more for receiving God’s abundance because God is not limited. He is not the one who says, “Okay, you’ve reached the limit to how happy you can be now. That’s it. There’s no more going up from here. Just be happy with being happy. Be happy that you’re happy,” or, “Be happy that you’re successful,” or, “Be happy that you made this much money. Now go and enjoy it and stop trying to make it more.” It doesn’t work like that. God is here to give and give and give and give. He wants us to have. He wants us to feel His love every single second, and so we can get lost in that thought process of, “Oh, I can’t ask for more because that would be—” I don’t know— “disrespectful, ungrateful,” but in reality, enhances what you already have when you want more of that. It’s like, “Oh my gosh, that chicken was amazing. Can I have more of that?” Is that negative or positive to the person who made the chicken? It’s a compliment when somebody wants to spend more time with you, to receive more from you, to be in your presence more, and so you never hear someone says, “Oh, I’m so spiritual. I don’t need to connect to God more because I do my thing.” No, you always have this drive to connect more or at least I do, right? [Laughs] Maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten there yet but you think you got there and then you have to push yourself to the next level. You think you’re at the limit and then you have to break that ceiling.  

That is what life is all about and that is what we’re going to discuss at The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat which is happening on Monday, and you can find it at connectedforreal.com/retreat. connectedforreal.com/retreat is the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat that I created when I was pregnant with this little guy because I really wanted to walk you through how to make a good marriage better, how to make a good business better, how to make sure that they work together and support each other, how do you align all of that to God and to God’s will, and how do you live an integrated life where you can actually love every part of it, every single thing about your day and not feel like you are holding yourself back and limiting yourself. All the limits are ourselves. Get out of your own way and let God show you how much better this could be you know get out of your own way and let God show you how much more he wants to give you and how much more there is to enjoy so we are here with a very, very strong— I guess programming for pleasure and so we seek pleasure and we are also here to connect to God and through that pleasure, we connect to God. So, God wants to give us more and more pleasure and it’s awesome because it really feels nice to connect to God, but we have to get out of our own way and we have to stop thinking that it’s disrespectful, ungrateful, or maybe it’s not right because it’s actually the exact way to create more spirituality. To create a better everything in your life is to create lack, is to focus on what would I want if I was able to have more.

 One of my wonderful connect call ladies, who I love connecting with all of you— so she said, “I am in such a good place in my marriage that I can’t ask for more.” I said, “Why can’t you?” “Because I really wish we would spend more time together, because I love spending time with him, and my love language is quality time, so that’s the way I fill up, but I feel bad taking up from his time. I feel bad asking for more than I already have because I am in such a good place and it’s that that keeps us from asking. It’s that that keeps us from receiving. It’s just our own thoughts about it.” Get out of your own head and get out of your own way, and love, love, love the way that this world was created with lack built in, so that it encourages us, pushes us, and motivates us to look for more connection, more abundance, more gratitude. Of course, gratitude is always there because when you get something that you actually felt a lack for you end up appreciating it a lot more. So, don’t worry about it. You are not going to be become a spoiled brat just by asking. You are actually going to become more spiritual by focusing on the lack, on how much more amazing it would be if I had more time with God, if I had more connection, if I felt more aligned through what I’m doing and that’s it I look forward to seeing you at the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat. It’s coming up very soon. The countdown is on, so I am super excited. If you haven’t shared it with your friends, please do connectedforreal.com/retreat and don’t forget that you too can be connected for real. Love you.

TOVA RINA SCHIFF
Hi! This is Tova Rina Schiff. I attended two of Rebbetzin Bat-Chen’s Marriage Breakthrough Retreats. She takes you a very smooth 7-day journey together with like-minded woman, who all wanna bring balance to their marriage. She has homework and a personalized phone meeting, and other amazing bonuses, and through the 7 days, Bat-Chen helps you change your habits and patterns one small, simple step at a time on a short 7 days. I highly, highly recommend this Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, and I cannot wait to see you there.

VIRGINIA TOWO
I attended Bat-Chen’s retreat in May. Actually, it was last minute because I jumped on as a helper from behind the scenes. But what I can tell you guys is life changing. If you are in that space of a married woman, businesswoman, entrepreneur, you’re starting your business or you’re juggling parenting and being a mom and a wife with that space in the business sector. I want to highly recommend this retreat, and because I was from behind the scenes and observing how she delivered her content, these are the things that I was able to actually see delivered her content, the way she connected on a one to one in a really sensitive, visible way. I could see that she saw every woman that was on that retreat. She connected with all of them. She heard and she listened to them, but she was also able to carry the whole group because it felt safe. She was a safe person to engage with, to speak with, to converse with. The content was also quite very high class. It was very applicable easily and simply into our normal day-to-day lives as working women and working mothers and women in the business sector. So, I want to highly recommend that if you’re thinking or you’re on the sidelines of attending this next retreat in November, it will be worth your while. This woman is gifted. She knows her stuff. She knows what she’s talking about. I was able to just sit back and observe her deliver this content that s life changing, and I think I will go again, even though I jumped in last minute. I just want to actually receive this time and be a participant in the retreat. So, I encourage you to attend. I encourage you to sign up for the retreat. I encourage you to get in touch with her. She surely is gifted. She’s an amazing, amazing encourager and she will build your faith up. She will build you up in that business space and thank you for listening.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.

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