In This Episode
Release, Surrender, Let-Go & Let God… Easier said than done, right? When things don’t go our way, it is easy to feel frustrated and annoyed. We sometimes question God, but actually, He is the expert on letting go so we can breakthrough and become better versions of ourselves. This Hot Topic Bonus is a preview of the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, which is designed to teach us how to release the need to control.
01:28 Rebbetzin Bat-Chen gives an analogy on computers to surrender and let go. You can definitely relate to this! What kind of person are you when it comes to this situation?
04:50 You don’t have to live in a technical, robotic marriage. You can get to the next level with your husband and have fun together.
06:18 In the last two Marriage Breakthrough Retreats, women were blown away from what they learned and it brought more happiness into their marriage.
07:02 A few weeks ago, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen experienced frustration with conflicting schedules. We all experience this. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen decided to just stop and allowed herself to be curious about what God was trying to tell her.
12:08 Resentment, frustration, and feeling annoyed are temporary. God allows things to fall into place.
12:31 What we feel are not directed toward a physical experience but our connection with our transformation.
12:51 The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat is designed to help you align God’s purpose for you by having a breakthrough to have an amazing marriage and successful business.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Welcome to the Connected for Real Podcast! I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business, and my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage, and into your business. Let’s get started. The following is one of the many conversations I had with experts and professionals about real life and how it affects marriage. Let me know your takeaways on Instagram or Facebook, @connectedforreal. Enjoy. And we are live. Welcome to the Hot Topic Bonus. In preparation for the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, I like to do some hot topic bonuses with things that come up as I am preparing for their retreat and today’s topic is Release, Surrender and Let Go. You know how it is they tell you, “You just have to release the need to control,” or, “Just surrender and everything will be okay,” or, “Let go and let God,” which is one of my favorites but how, right? Well, I sort of get that that’s the ideal or what I’m supposed to be doing but how do I do this? Or even better, “Easier said than done,” right? It’s sort of too much expectations on ourselves and then you beat yourself up for not surrendering or for not knowing how. So, I want to tell you a little bit about how I had surrendered recently.
I want to give you first an analogy, so the analogy goes like this. You know how you’re trying to fix something on your computer because things are going slow and they keep getting stuck, and there’s something going wonky with your computer you don’t know how to fix it? So, you have this expert who is looking over your shoulder and he’s going to tell you what to do. He starts telling you, “Okay, so go into the Settings,” and he has to start explaining to you how to do that. Go to the apple, click Preferences, go into Settings, blah, blah, blah, and it’s just taking longer and you’re trying to find your way in this world of tech that you may be very techy but maybe this isn’t your specialty, and it’s going slow but you’re learning and you’re getting there until you finally get so frustrated, you’re like, “Okay, nevermind. Here.” You get up and you let them sit down at the computer and like magic, seamlessly and quickly, they solve the problem because they know what they’re doing, and they know how to do it. So, they don’t have to explain it. They just need to do it and so they’re doing this thing and it looks like magic to you, and you’re like blown away by the speed, by the way it works. It’s like, “Wow,” and then it’s fixed forever. It never again comes up and is stuck or is slow. It’s just done. The whole issue is gone. I was thinking that is what we do. Going to my analogy, so you have those people who are on their slow and malfunctioning computer and they’re okay with it because it’s not that bad. It’s still working just because it’s annoying, slow, or fidgety, “I’m used to it I know how to work it.” Right? You know your stuff. Like, my printer won’t print unless you feed it the paper. So instead of going and getting a new printer, I’m just living with it because it’s not important enough for me to really go and take care of it. So, you have those people and that’s fine. Most of the world is functioning that way, where it’s not important until it’s urgent, and once your computer actually crashes or once something really does break down, then you’re like, “Uh-huh, okay. We got to do something about this,” and then you have the people who actually want to do something about this but they’re very DIY mentality-mindset type people so it’s like, “Yeah. you just tell me what to do and I’m sure I could figure it out,” right? So you’ll follow tutorials on YouTube or on Google and you’ll look it up and figure it out. Then you’ll look up again another thing like how do I go into my Preferences and whatever it is. They’re very committed to growing, learning, and getting to the goal but it’s taking time and that time is being taken because they have decided to do it themselves, which is a very noble idea and they’re going to learn a lot along the way, but if speed and the issue is bothering them, then they’re going to then turn to someone who actually knows. The last group is the people who just gets it. It’s like, “I know I’m not gonna do it right,” or, “I might mess up on the way,” or, “I don’t know what I’m doing enough that I feel confident doing it myself. I’m just gonna give it to the expert,” and then in seconds, the whole thing is done, right? Then you’re like, “Why’d he charge so much?” Well, because he knows what he’s doing. Anyway, that’s a side point.
I’ve been talking a lot about going from the okay marriage to breakthrough. Let’s breakthrough and actually get to the higher level of I don’t need to be in this low flame of technical. “Yeah, I talk to my husband when we have to figure out who’s picking up the kids,” or, “We actually have a conversation when we have to deal with an issue.” It’s like we’re not actually intimately connecting and having those amazing, deep conversations we used to but then again like it’s life, right? That’s what happens. You sort of just go with the flow and see what comes up, and so you’re living with this like low-grade pain thing that is annoying or frustrating or just resentful-making—I don’t know. I just made up a sentence, but you get my point. Yeah, whatever. It’s just—this is how it is, and I’ve been talking a lot about taking that marriage and making it amazing. You don’t have to live in that technical—just like who’s getting who and what’s doing what. You can actually get to the next level where you are having a good time, laughing together, going on walks, doing the things you love, or making time for yourself. You can talk about priorities and start prioritizing things in your life, in your marriage that used to only happen when they were urgent things like that. That’s really exciting.
The last two retreats did a really good job getting people to the next level and in seven days they were just blown away by how much more happiness there was, the atmosphere in the home, their husbands actually saw them growing which was exciting for them because they didn’t think that their husbands would notice that they’re doing anything— all these things were amazing and then recently I had this aha moment, where that is growth but that’s not the ideal. The ideal is for you to learn how to release, surrender, and let God take care of it so that you don’t actually have to know how to fix it, what to press, or what to do. You just let go.
I had this recently when my mother called me and said, “I’m so excited. There’s this really amazing thing you’re gonna get to go to—” This event with my grandmother, and, “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience and you have to go. By the way, it’s on the 16th of November,” and I was like, “Oh no! The 16th of November is the seventh day of my retreat. I can’t move that. I can’t miss that. I can’t cancel that. I am so committed to my retreat. It’s so in my schedule already from months and months ago,” and I felt really frustrated. The most frustrating thing for me is that that was just the thing that broke the camel’s back. There was two other things that were conflicting in my retreat schedule. One was a wedding that I really wanted to go to, but I surrendered the fact that my husband will go and represent the two of us, and the other one was a class, a workshop that somebody is doing that I really wanted to go to. So I ended up finding a way to do the workshop afterwards, but at the time I was so annoyed. I was like, “What is God trying to tell me by sending all these conflicting things that are happening all at the same time and making me have to choose and prioritize? I don’t know what to do,” and so I decided to just stop and let it go.
I’m going to sleep on it. I’m going to figure out what God wants for me and then I’m going to learn the lesson, right? I try to live what I preach. So I closed up my phone, closed up my computer, closed up everything. I went to sleep that night knowing that I am going to allow whatever is to just come up and teach me. I am going into awareness mode, just discovering and being curious about what it is God is trying to teach me with all these conflicting timing things. The next morning, my baby woke up at around 4:30 in the morning and so I woke up, I went, I nursed and then I was like, “Ha, perfect timing to journal,” because if you know me, best time to journal is when there is quiet and everybody is sleeping. That’s what I do every so often when I’m feeling like something is weighing me down. I sit down and I write, and I wrote and wrote and wrote and I wrote why it is that I’m so annoyed, why do I want to go to this event, why does I want to go to this wedding, why it is that I want to go to this workshop and what is it about the retreat that is stopping me, and since I’m my own boss why can’t I just decide to move the retreat? Because I committed to people and I am 100% in this process if a woman is going to sign up to my retreat, I am here for her breakthrough, so I am not going to give up on that but what can I do? Maybe I can move it— move it forward, move it backwards, move the last day—just make another gap or I don’t know. I was trying to think all these things and as I’m writing all these things I wrote my final stuff, which was, “You know what, God? Why am I trying to break my head figuring out what to do and how to move it? Why don’t I just let you show me what is supposed to happen? So here’s the deal. If it needs to be moved—the retreat—You let me know. Move the retreat, and if something else has to go, move, whatever—disappear, You just show me and I am going to be okay with anything. I just want to know.” I wrote a little prayer in my journal. At the end, I signed it. I closed the journal and went back to sleep, and then I wake up in the morning, put the kids to school, and I call my mother on the way home. My mother says, “Oh, isn’t it so funny? I spoke to my mother, your grandmother, and by the in the end, it’s not happening. She doesn’t want to go, so you are not going to have to go because she doesn’t want to go.” Anyway, the whole thing fell through, and I was just like, “What? That quickly?”
It’s almost like all I needed to do was just let the expert take over, figure it all out, and fix it. Here I am trying to figure it out and writing for a whole hour all the reasons why xyz for this side and for that side, and the positives and the negatives and making lines along on my page and which side is which. As soon as I just let go and had this actual conversation with God saying, “I am letting You show me,” it all just fell into place. The whole thing just like disappeared, evaporated into thin air, and I was a little shocked. I thought, “Why am I shocked?” Because every time you let the expert take over your computer, he knows what he’s doing and he’s going to do it very quickly, but you’re still fascinated every single time. It’s just like, “Wow! You did it,” right? So, I was excited just for the fact that I was able to tap into that, be okay with letting go and letting God. By the way, then I decided that the workshop had two options: the morning and the night option, and I ended up choosing the other one that wasn’t conflicting with my schedule, and the wedding I decided that it is what it is and it’s okay. So very quickly, all of that resentment, frustration, and annoyance—and I was feeling conflicted and it’s like it eats you up inside because you’re trying so hard to be good and to do all the right things, but you just don’t know. It all disappeared, and it’s all worked itself out and sort of fallen into place.
I realized yesterday we had guests and we were talking about something that brought this up again that it really isn’t about the actual physical thing that we are facing. It’s not about the issue. It’s about our transformation. It’s about our ability to connect and that is what I talk about in the retreat, and that is why I wanted to give you a little bit of a preview or look inside into the back end of what’s going on when I am designing a retreat like this, which is seven days every day for one hour on Zoom, live where you actually get to ask questions and interact, and there’s implementation calls and there’s a workbook–there’s so much that went into this. I want you to know that I am exactly where I am and dealing exactly with the things that you’re dealing with, just maybe on a different level and I want to show you. I want to take you on this journey, so please sign up at connectedforreal.com/retreat. All you need to do is put in your name and your email address. You’re going to be sent an email with all of the information. You’re going to get the workbook. It’s a workbook that has a page for each day. I made sure to make it very, very printer friendly so you will not be like, “Oh, I don’t want to print it.” You will print it because this workbook will become your go-to million-dollar workbook that will help you stay grounded forever from now on. So you’re not gonna just be like “Ugh, whatever.” You’re gonna print that thing, you’re gonna fill it out, and you’re going to follow through because this is your life and your marriage and your business. You’re here to learn, grow, and succeed, not just suffer through this low-grade ugh. I’m not okay with okay anymore and I don’t want you to be okay with okay either. I want you to have a breakthrough and to have an amazing marriage, a successful business and for the two of them to be aligned with God’s purpose for you. So please join me at connectedforreal.com/retreat for the retreat. Share this with your friends. Make sure they sign up too because this is going to be transformational and I look forward to it.
Hi everyone! It’s Sheryl Puterman, Founder and CEO of Nourishment Vitality. We specialize in stress and in anxiety management, as well as holistic weight management. I’d like to give a huge shoutout to Rebbetzin Bat-Chen, who is such an amazing and a wise woman providing and adding value to women all over the world, both personally and professionally. If you haven’t just yet signed up for her upcoming retreat in November, do so. You’ll be happy that you did and you’ll gain tremendous insight.
DR. LILACH SAPERSTEIN
Hi! I’m Lilach, and I am lucky enough to be Rebbetzin Bat-Chen’s sister. Of course, I was going to be at her retreat. Now, I thought I heard everything I need to hear. I mean, I talk to Bat-Chen pretty often and I’m always getting good advice and amazing insights from her but going to the retreat really made some things very clear for me, and the way that she leads through the exercises, the visualizations, and thought experiments. It really makes you reflect in a way that’s super effective, and all of a sudden I find myself thinking of things that we did through the retreat and it really is helping me all the time. So if you’re thinking about it, you should definitely go. Not just because she’s my sister but because the ideas that she shares in the retreat will make a difference for your life.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat—my free virtual retreat. It’s 7 days of one hour a day on Zoom, where we go really, really deep and transform your relationship with yourself, your husband, and God. Make sure you sign up at connectedforreal.com/retreat to get your free ticket. And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.