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In This Episode
It’s easy to get caught up in one thing and take it to the extreme, then you end up with is a lopsided life. This can happen when your business takes up more attention than your marriage. Meredith Keith-Chirch, a lifestyle optimization coach, shares her experience and expertise on how to make lifestyle choices that will benefit your business and your marriage. Her work aligns with Rebbetzin Bat-Chen’s teachings in the CALM Method, which will be covered in the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat. The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat starts on Monday, January 17!
Highlights
00:58 As a lifestyle optimization coach, Meredith Keith-Chirch ensures women that they are making lifestyle choices that support their soul’s purpose. Lifestyle covers different areas but Meredith’s work helps women look at the whole picture. She shares practical tips with Rebbetzin Bat-Chen on how to do this.
03:28 Lifestyle choices can greatly affect marriage, especially when these are not made from a holistic point of view.
05:10 We need to work on different aspects of our life, no matter how small the step is to improve in order to optimize our lifestyle. By doing these small actions, everything can work in harmony to live a happier and more meaningful life.
10:39 What works for some people to get better at something might not work for you. Listening to yourself is the best place to start. By taking little, bite-size steps, Meredith advises that you look at one area in your life to begin your lifestyle changes.
12:54 On Day 4 of the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen talks about mastering a higher level of consciousness. Honing in on just one thing grows because you are focused. The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat starts on Monday, January 17! Have you signed up? Click here to join!
15:32 Our lifestyle choices don’t always have to be extra, and Meredith reminds the listeners of that. It is important to build it into your life in the way that it works for you.
16:51 Meredith and her husband successfully run their own businesses from home. She shares her top tips for those who have just started integrating their marriage into their business, or just want to get through hiccups in their marriage and improve the relationship.
24:54 The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat by Rebbetzin Bat-Chen is all about the CALM Method: Connect [to] yourself, Ask for abundance, Listen for the answer and Master a higher level of consciousness, and breaking through to a higher level in your marriage. This is for God-centered, high-achieving women in business. If this resonates with you, click here to sign up!
25:55 There is a tendency for work to spill over to marriage when couples work together, but Meredith and her husband deal with this by making sure their choices are based on what they feel is their soul’s purpose.
30:03 We should not be afraid to tweak or make changes. It is important to find what works and doesn’t align with you. Nothing is set in stone, and there are many ways to do things.
32:37 It’s okay to give. There is no need to hold yourself back from your husband because you’re scared of what an action might mean.
37:02 You can still sign up for the virtual Marriage Breakthrough Retreat with Rebbetzin Bat-Chen. It will be live every day for an hour with a break for implementation for Friday and Saturday. It’s seven days, and it’s going to be epic!
Links
Meredith Keith-Chirch: Website | Facebook | Instagram
5 Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage
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REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Welcome to the Connected For Real Podcast! I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business, and my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage, and into your business. Let’s get started.
The following is one of the many conversations I had with experts and professionals about real life and how it affects marriage. Let me know your takeaways on Instagram or Facebook, @connectedforreal. Enjoy.
And we are live. Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real Podcast. I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman and I am a marriage coach for women in business, and today with me is Meredith and she’s going to introduce herself and then we’ll get right into it because it’s going to be amazing. Meredith, tell everyone why you’re so cool.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Oh thank you so much. I’m excited to be here to talk to you. So I’m Meredith Keith-Church and I’m a lifestyle optimization coach, and I work with women to make sure that they’re making the lifestyle choices that really feel great to them that can ensure it’s supporting them on their path and their soul’s purpose to be doing what they’re here in the world to do.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That sounds amazing give us a little bit of examples. What does that mean on a practical level? We here are very, very practical people. We want to know.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Absolutely. So when we talk about lifestyle, that really covers a lot of different areas and I think a lot of times when people think about whether they’re happy and healthy and how they feel in their life, they might just center in on one thing. Maybe Am I eating well? Am I sleeping enough? Oh, I just need to focus on moving. That kind of thing but what I’ve found when I work with people is that it’s really the whole picture. So we’re looking at things like our technology use, our schedule during the day, our rest habits, not just how we’re sleeping—how are we spending our full day, our relationships and boundaries, and taking care of ourselves—just all kinds of things—how we start our day all of that and it really does matter because we’re just looking at one piece. We’re not getting the whole thing so when we think about our joy and just truly living our purpose, we need to look at everything and so I basically just walk alongside women and support them in making those choices that sometimes it’s just really hard to do all by ourselves.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love that. You know what I love the most? [It] is that holistic view of life because it’s so easy to get caught up in one thing and then take that to be an extreme and everything else is left behind and then you end up with like a lopsided life it’s like exactly good it is and I’m such an amazing whatever but my other side of my life is completely ugh. that’s a huge thing, huge thing with my women is because I work with women in business on their marriage we also have that where we’re really working holistically because if you just work on business you end up coming getting to that point where it’s like my business is taking up more of my attention than my family life and my home life so we want to make sure that it really works together and that they’re growing side by side so that you’re growing everything at the same time. So I love that you’re saying this. How does all of what you do affect marriage?
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
So, like you said, you really can’t just look at one piece and that’s true for everything. So when I mentioned relationships, for example, people’s marriages are very much intertwined with all other pieces of their life—health, wellness, etc. Right? So even things like how you’re moving during the day, are you including other people in your family, if you’re a parent, how is that working with support and your spouse and expectations, but sleep schedules [are] always affected by your spouse, right? all of those pieces—and we think that we can just do these things again a lot of times alone, without help, without bringing our marriage into it and it’s just not the case. So that constant communication, making sure that everything is in order so that you’re not out there trying to make these changes and then your spouse is not understanding what’s going on, the food you’re eating, although that’s one piece that does affect others, all of those choices—not just the direct looking at your marriage directly, although that [does] as well. It’s kind of like a tree. Every piece really does get affected even if you’re thinking this is way over here so being able to have that support like you give is essential because we’re all connected. We’re all related and it’s just impossible really to try to do anything and have it stick—meaningful, long-term change and not integrate the entire piece. So marriage is so important to this concept.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Tell me more about what is the process of really optimizing lifestyle because you use that word, and it’s a really powerful word. everybody is living. We’re all living in this world. How do you get to a point where you really feel optimized in everything that you’re doing?
I’ll give you an example. Last night, my daughter and I did this really great meditation thing that one of my friends is doing like a challenge. So, we both turned it on and we were listening to together I was taking notes while I was sort of doing the meditation I had my eyes closed and every so often I would write something that I saw or thought whatever, and my daughter was just doodling and she felt like that was the best for her, which I really love because every person gets in touch with themselves in a different way and then at the end of that—so it was all about health—the healthy, wealthy you because we want everything to work, we don’t just want to be wealthy, we want to also be healthy. We don’t want just our business to work, we want to also enjoy it with our husband. We have so many parts that we that need to work together and like you were saying we want to really make sure that everything is working together. So, the takeaway for both of us was what I think that I just need to get out in the morning for a short walk like even just get myself out the door to take a deep breath and then walk back in, and so we decided that we’re both going to do that and then when I said, “You want to do it together?” [she] said, “No. If I’m dependent on you, I’m not going to do it.” So I love that she was so aware, and she’s 15 and she’s going to Zoom school so it’s very difficult.
So I woke up this morning at 6:15. I had my baby, it was already up by like six something and he was finished nursing. I was like, “You know what? We’re doing this,” and I picked up my baby, I dressed him up warm and I put myself—all ready to go and we went for this beautiful walk at 6:45 in the morning down the block and then back up the block and that was it. It was so short but it felt so good and I got to just enjoy everything. I was like, “I’m grateful for the weather. I’m grateful for the sun. I’m grateful for the sky. I’m grateful for all the trees.” I was just so in the moment and then I dropped off my daughter—I helped the kids, everybody woke up whatever and on the way home from dropping off the younger ones, I saw her walking her little walk and so we gave each other a high five and we ended up walking home together because she had class starting in a couple of minutes and it was such an important part of the day. everything else—it was a tornado. life is just like it happened. the kids came, the kids left, the kids this, the kids that and like food and whatever. we’re throwing everything up in the air but it just feels so nice because we started the day with a tiny little walk.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that story. There’s so much in there. Honestly, that speaks to your original question of how you do it.
Yeah, so I feel like one of the things that stuck out to me about that was how you and your daughter made different choices even though you realize like how good it was going to feel, how you really wanted to be out in nature, how you wanted to start the day with that, and I find that one thing that people do that sometimes gets them off their path is following the crowd or doing the thing that they’ve seen other people doing just because other people are doing it instead of I actually really want to do this and I want to do it this way. So I feel like sometimes it’s so easy to do because we get all these messages and we see and hear all these ideas. so we think, “oh and there’s nothing wrong with thinking. Let’s try this. Let’s try that.”
I think a lot of times though, people aren’t really trying to figure out what works well for them, what’s going to fit into their schedule, what’s going to feel good. Instead of I have to do this thing because I said I was going to do this thing. So, right off the bat “Do we want to do it together?” “No. You know what, let’s do our own thing,” for whatever reason. That’s that was like a first great choice and starting off your day like that it’s really so amazing because a lot of times when we start our day again with other people’s input. Maybe people are listening or watching listening to or watching the news or reading something that’s someone else’s input right versus going out there and first of all connecting with nature and outside, which is huge, and research has even shown that if bodies are exposed to that first morning light doesn’t matter the temperature doesn’t really even matter how cloudy or how sunny just that exposure that does wonders for their health. so that was that’s the first thing but truly making it something that you want to do, something that feels good instead of something that everybody else said, “You should set your alarm to do this,” or everybody else is reading or writing to start the day. You know, it’s individual and in order to optimize your lifestyle you have to look at you and you can look at what people are doing for ideas. It’s always got to come back to you your center who you are because that’s really the only way to make it work and it’s also the only way to start, so coming back to that that initial idea is how do we do it it’s like one small step at a time and yours is a great example.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love what you said about unique. It has to be so, so, so unique to you because the second you’re doing someone else’s thing, then you’re not really in touch with what’s working and then it’s not gonna work right so that’s so powerful so tell me what the next step is. What if somebody isn’t sure where to start? There’s so much. I know that you also do, like cleansing your environment from all the toxins and a bunch of other things like that. where do you start? There’s so much.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, and that’s exactly one of the reasons that people come to me for help is that when we try to do these things on their own—I mean we can find videos and books and there’s tons of information out there, but like you said, nothing’s going to tell us what the best starting point for us is. So generally the best thing is that first of all, again, we really need to be able to listen to ourselves because there are areas that we might have dialed in like. So the for the environmental toxins, like some people really pay attention to that in terms of what are the ingredients of what they’re putting on their body what they’re breathing into their home that kind of thing others may have not looked at it at all so stepping back and realizing what you’re doing well what’s working fine instead of trying to, “I’m going to do this massive overhaul because bigger is always better,” and that’s not the case here for sure.
So we’re going to take things slowly and in small bite size steps. So even though I do work with people on multiple areas, we don’t start them all at once. There are generally those one or two areas that you feel like you really want to focus on right now. There’s going to be time we’re going to look at everything but to start, I always advise folks just look at one, maybe two depending on your feeling, how you’re feeling, your energy levels—let’s just start with one. We don’t need to make all these changes right away and if we try to do too much at once—we’ve all experienced that right like that’s kind of a sure—[Laughs]
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I always say you have so many years ahead of you. you can either keep trying to do everything and failing all the time or you can just stop, take one thing get it and then feel really good about it and move on, and by the way in my day four of the retreat, we talk about mastering a higher level of consciousness and this is one of the things that really is important in doing that—is like the ability to just hone in on one thing and then taking that and optimizing it to the next level because you can’t get to a higher level when you’re overwhelmed with so much. It also is the thing that you focus on grows and when you focus on all the things, you have to change then all those things end up overwhelming you to a point where all you need to do is change all the time. It feels awful but if you can focus on what’s actually working, like you, said so important so powerful.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, and also celebrating those things that are working. Both when you’re starting out with something else new and when you, like you said, have gotten that one thing to that optimized level celebrating that and not just blowing by it. I feel like a lot of us high achieving, especially entrepreneur women, are just go, go, go [to] the next thing we’re happy with something—great. We spend maybe seven and a half seconds being happy that we move on to the next goal and it’s really taking that time to be grateful, taking that time to be joyful and really feeling that what have we been working towards. Let’s acknowledge that and spend some time there before jumping to the next thing.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
It is so powerful. It’s so powerful because you say to yourself, “Oh, I’m not that type of person. I’m gonna actually enjoy my success,” and then you succeed and you’re like, “Never mind. I have to get more—I’m too busy. We’ll go out soon. Soon enough.”
It was so funny because this year in the beginning of year we had all the holidays and then we got sick with COVID and the whole family we were all in quarantine and then afterwards then I had something I wanted to celebrate I don’t remember what anyway we had all these things that were piling up they’re like yeah we’ll do this when we’ll do this when and then one day I’m like that’s it today is when whatever we had to do we’re doing now so we went out for ice cream and then we did yes awesome we’re like we’re doing it all so they had a great day.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Oh, nice. Good for you. Excellent. Yeah, it’s like whenever you do it just is the right time. Just do it.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Exactly. There’s always what to celebrate just go do it
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes. Nice, nice. Good example too for the kids.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Right. Yeah, and here my mother says, “I walk to school every day. Thirty minutes,” which is really awesome. I’m really proud of her. Yeah, good job.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yeah and way to build in that, like being in nature be, being in appreciation why you’re going to somewhere. It doesn’t always have to be extra. I like to tell people that. Build it into your life how that works. So, that’s amazing. We can all find moments where we can build these lifestyle changes into what we already have and it doesn’t have to be something extra. So, I really love that and it’s just amazing how you can find those pieces, like you said, before school or taking the kids somewhere on your way—finding those small pieces that you can carve out for the thing that you want to do—your meditation, or your movement or just being outside. I keep looking out my window because the sun is coming up here, so it’s beautiful. A beautiful time of day.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Ah, that’s so fun. It’s funny because my mother said that it’s knowing where she is and for us it’s the first day of spring. It’s been so beautiful. It’s so fun to be in different sides of the world and really get that perspective everybody has a different reality even though we’re all on the same earth. It’s pretty cool. Yes, okay so, let’s talk about marriage. You have your business and your husband also is an entrepreneur, right?
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, that is right. We’ve both been running our businesses for quite some time. Mine’s been around—it’ll be nine years this year and his is really around the same, like eight, seven, eight, nine years and so we share the same workspace. We both have worked from home that entire time, so that’s something that’s not new for us and it’s been very interesting because we both started at the same time and starting up is always a challenging sort of a roller coaster type of period when you’re an entrepreneur, which I’m sure many of your folks know. So that has definitely been something that we’ve looked at in terms of our relationship and our boundaries and expectations and learning it all new because when you start out, you have no idea how things are going to go. So, being able to respect each other’s spaces and know when our when someone going to be on a phone call, when is someone going to be talking loudly, when is the other person going to need to be able to hear or just like that are you using that light, I need to borrow that office supply—all of those things and navigating that was definitely a new experience for us because previously, we had worked for other people so we had gone somewhere else, gone to another office and then we would come home. Of course, that’s its own challenge and lifestyle adjustment in terms of spending time together and supporting kids and all of that kind of thing, but, yeah, entrepreneurship has been a new experience for us to get used to over the years.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
So, since you’ve been doing this for a while and sharing a workspace and all of that, what are the main pieces of advice that you could give people who have just found themselves like, “Oh, I’m just starting now and we’re hitting heads and butting heads and getting all into each other’s spaces and it’s not good for us. What could you say?
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
So I think my number one suggestion is to talk a lot because I think that sometimes we try to be polite right and of course we want to treat each other with respect. We love this person and they can’t read our minds and so, sometimes I think we’re sitting there thinking about what we want and we’re not actually verbalizing that expressing it in some way or even just being brave enough to talk about a solution—maybe we don’t know what the answer is, maybe we’re running into each other’s schedules, and, “Oh, I can’t hear because they’re talking but I don’t want to interrupt them.” So, talking as much as possible rather than being afraid, being afraid to hurt their feelings, or afraid they’ll say no or afraid there isn’t a solution, there’s always some sort of solution. We’re always a choice. There are always options and we’re never going to know what they are if we don’t just speak up. So, pushing past that discomfort and just figuring out how to ask what I’ve got this thing happening, I’m wondering, “Could I take the call somewhere else? Could you take your call somewhere else? Is there an adjustment we can make?” and you can do that after the fact. It’s also great if you can sit down and have a regular—I mean, we have a family meeting so we talk about things like schedules, what’s coming up, my husband uses an electronic [calendar] and I use a paper one so that’s been an interesting combination, and then with kids in the house, it’s like—oh, we had a family calendar for a while but then I didn’t want to be writing on everybody’s calendar—so, figuring out what works so that you’re in communication and what’s going on and everybody feels like they are included like, “Hey, just let me know if something’s happening” “Well, if you told me that maybe we could have done something.” So advanced communication whenever possible. When it’s not possible, after the fact, “Oh, hey. This didn’t work so well. Maybe next time could we do this.” That’s my number one tip.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
And I love it because Brene Brown—she says, “Clear is kind.” When you tell people clearly something didn’t work or something needs to work or this is what I expect, then you’re being kind to them because you’re letting them succeed. You’re giving them the opportunity to actually step up but if you expect of them without telling them or if you just assume, then you’re setting them up for failure and that’s just not kind. So I really love that you brought this up. This is beautiful and brilliant. What else can you come up with that is really going to help us get through these hiccups of working together and in each other’s spaces?
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yeah, I think another thing that comes up is sometimes blurring those lines of is this something that this person could be doing or that I could be doing for them. So I think a lot of times, especially when we’re in each other’s space we ask some things, [like] “Hey, can you help me do this over here? I know you’re better at this than I am.” So for me, for example ,I am not the technology specialist, so there are a lot of things that happen that oftentimes my default is to ask my husband. He’s really great with technology and he can often look at something and just know what to do. So there have been times when I’ve leaned on him heavily for that and I think sometimes he could be doing something else, maybe he’s in the middle of something else, and I’m not stopping to think, “Oh let me wait on this,” because he might drop anything because he’s my husband that he’s doing to come help me versus if we were in some sort of shared co-working office or something like that. Not the case, right? And vice versa. So he will sometimes have things he wants me to take a look at. I’m big on administration, organization that is one of my strong points, so if he’s looking at something related to that he might be asking me for help so sometimes we’re asking that person for help and that’s not a problem. It’s just that within the structure of relationship, we’ve gotten used to certain things: dropping everything, interrupting, those types of things and in the context of a working situation where they might be talking to someone else or working on a report that they need concentration on, again it’s just that adjusting and just a little bit of thought beforehand. If we can get to know, again, the schedule what’s happening what’s going on, maybe just taking a pause or if I know that I need some help with something related to my website, I probably don’t need it right then maybe I can write it down, make a list of things then when there’s an opportunity, we can have that discussion. He has the space the mental space, the opportunity to really take a look at that, and so we’re not feeling like we have to help that person right that minute because we love them, they’re our spouse, and kind of letting go of what we’re looking at. So there is a way in there right to still pay attention to what we’re doing and what we’re needing and also respecting and caring for our partner in that moment, so that’s another—
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love the awareness of what I need first. Like you say, get to know what you need, get to know where you are, what are the things that are in your space right now. that’s actually day one by the way of my retreat itself. Yes, so we’re learning the CALM Method: Connect [to] yourself, Ask for abundance, Listen for the answer and Master a higher level of consciousness, and this is something that I talk about and I think is super important as the basis for everything else is as long as I wasn’t aware of what it is I want and I’m constantly doing things for other people because I’m such an appeaser and I want everyone to be happy and I’m a peacemaker and I just want everything to work, I wasn’t really fulfilling what was going on inside me and what I needed to be doing, and as soon as I stopped and really got in touch with what is it that’s going to work for me—that’s also that unique thing of you are unique, you are the only person who’s gonna need this thing. Not everyone is going to need everything like the other people. So, I love that putting it we’re putting it all together.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, exactly, and it really does fit it. That’s the thing it’s and that’s why I talk about total lifestyle because like you’ve said, your CALM Method—it fits together and keeping in mind what folks learn with you can be applied broadly to everything they’re working with, so it is all connected and it does all boil down to that unique what is going on with you because trying to duplicate what everybody else says you’re supposed to do and what everybody else is doing just is not going to work out in the long run. So, yeah. I love that you can totally relate to that.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, yes. It’s so fun to find people who are talking the same language and just like have this conversation that goes deep and is so helpful to everyone else who’s listening, so by the way thank you for you listening.
I want to get more into how you make time for marriage without spilling over from work because you’re together all day so there is this tendency that couples have [that] you don’t have to be working on the same exact business but a lot of people are working alongside their husbands or you’re together in the same environment a lot and so there’s this feel like there’s a hard way to stop or break. How do you deal with that?
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, so it’s interesting because you’re right. Even though we have our own distinct businesses, we’ve both been involved in each other’s business from time to time and we’re really close. We have a really close relationship and since we don’t separate, we’re these people while we’re working out with clients versus we’re these people while we’re parents or while we’re all of that. there is a lot of weaving in and out and blending in, and so he knows a lot of what’s going on in my business so he’ll say, “Oh I saw this article you wrote,” or, “I read your newsletter and that’s amazing but what did you mean by that?” so we’ll talk about that and that’ll grow to, “Oh, maybe I should do another article,” and so we’ll talk about my business, or he’ll come to me and say, “You know, I’ve got to do this thing with a client. can you take a look at this letter or this form?” so we do have that going on as well and it can be a challenge because it’s like yes, we might have a separate desk but it’s like we don’t always just walk away from the desk and completely forget everything we’re doing.
One of the things that’s really great is that because we make choices based on what we feel our soul’s purpose is and following our path and following our joy is that we don’t necessarily ever feel like any of this—all of what we’re doing is like part of our life’s work, so we don’t necessarily feel like any of it is like onerous like, “Oh, so we have to go do this thing.” I mean, we’ve made conscious choices so that we’re living our life and loving all parts and pieces of it. At the same time, we know how important it is for us to just be together as people as humans and not always have to be talking about the next project and that kind of thing. So, making time, first of all, in every day and then secondly in every week and then broadly. So what I mean by that is we have parameters around how many hours a day we’re going to be staring at a computer screen or on the telephone or in meetings and all of that kind of thing, so every day we make time to connect and it’s just going to be us as people connecting and not like let’s talk about what happened today with our businesses. A lot of times that’s outside, it’s on a walk, it’s again pulling ourselves out into those environments that we know really feeds us and nature is one of them. So, making that time every day to connect and making sure that we’re having those conversations about just who we are and how we feel and our relationship. Weekly, it’s the same thing. I observe a day of rest. I observe Shabbat, so we’ve always got that time to just be and to be as family and to eat together and to just really rejoice in that moment, and then more broadly, it’s great that we are location independent and we have been this whole time. We used to travel a lot. We’ve been to different parts of the world and that’s a wonderful thing and a flexibility and a freedom to be able to have and at the same time, that also means that if you chose to be you could be connected all of the time no matter where you are, so taking a look at that when we go places—on the one hand, it’s like I always say, we don’t need an ever needed vacation because that’s how we built our lives. We can take breaks whenever we want to take breaks. It doesn’t have to be I am leaving on these days and I am not interacting with other people, and we also need to make sure that when we are traveling that we’re taking that time or even when we’re not traveling but we’re somewhere different close to home that we’re not always doing. Again that we’re we just take some time to be periodically so that we’re enjoying whatever new environment we’re seeing, whatever new place we’re in, whatever our kids are experiencing for the first time, that kind of thing. So I would say that really just taking those chunks of time again from daily on up to a larger scale where you’re just going to be and not be in your projects and work and excitement of that.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, I love that. You know, I’m constantly tweaking my schedule. I use Book Like a Boss for my scheduler thing where people can book their calls with me and I’m constantly tweaking that to find out when are the best times for people to meet with me, and so recently I’ve just decided that Monday mornings are actually not a really great time because I need that time to really just focus think and do my work. So it’s just been really fun or my husband will suddenly come home and be like, “Why are you doing it live at this time or that time?” or, “What’s going on?” and then it will become really clear that this is not a good time, so I go and I mess with it all the time. [Laughter]
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
And I do that too. I have energy and we all do. We all have energy level fluctuations. Are we morning people? Are we evening people? Some people really like night. You and I are working with people all over the world so how does that play into it?
But I love how you say that you tweak it you change it because a lot of times I think people who are considering lifestyle changes are like, “Oh, I don’t know. What if that doesn’t work,” and it’s like remembering that we can change. We can change it any time. When we find that something isn’t working, then we just shift it, so I love how you say you’re just in there and i’ve done the same thing. It’s like, “Oh, I think this is going to be work but then it’s going to work out. It’s going to be great but wait, that’s actually not. Let me just move that because I tried it and it didn’t pan out,” and so it’s just remembering that we can try these things, these changes, these tweaks and nothing is ever set in stone. So you could do something else.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, exactly, and you know what I love? When my daughter and I decided to go for this walk this morning, it wasn’t like we said, “Okay, from now on, every single day for the rest of our lives, we’re gonna go out for a walk.” It was more like, “You know what? This was clear to me that I just need to get out before the kids get home, before the kids wake up,” and she was like, “You know, I’ll do that. I’ll wait. I’ll get out before class starts,” and she actually did, which was really helpful and especially with Zoom classes, you never get out of the house. You’re a teenager. This is really bad for you. So, we have already enough experience with Zoom school to know that there’s something that has to give.
I had a teacher who said, “What if you just gave him or made him a cup of coffee one time ever in your life? What if you didn’t have to think about this becoming a thing?” she was marriage focused and she said a lot of times as a wife and, especially a young wife, you think, “Oh my gosh. If I make him coffee now, I’m gonna have to make him coffee for the rest of my life,” and so you have this excitement to make them coffee but you hold yourself back so that you don’t get yourself in trouble, and it’s so silly because why can’t you just do something nice one time? “I made you this amazing cup of coffee and it’s a one-time thing. I have no idea if i’ll ever do it again, but I decided to do it just today.” Isn’t that nice? You would love to receive that. Why would you hold that back from your husband just because you’re scared of what it might mean? We do that to ourselves and I think that it’s really an amazing skill to be able to just be okay with giving.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, any time and any place in any situation, you’re so right rather than trying to connect this whole story commitment, lifelong trying to guess into the future experience because we can’t do that anyway.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Exactly. Also, I just think of myself, “I am not a morning person,” so for me to say, “Let me wake up at six in the morning before all the kids are up,” is not a thing that I say. So it’s not something that’s working out in my brain very well. The point, the dots aren’t connecting, but I have an inspiration to do it, so I’m just gonna do it without thinking and then if tomorrow works out, it will work out and if not, I’m not gonna beat myself up for it because I know it’s okay.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, yes, and something else that you said that connects with what I hear people talking about a lot is just making it small, and it’s the cup of coffee. It’s not an entire breakfast perhaps that day. you’re walking and you’re walking back. it’s up and down your street or around your block. It’s not three miles so it’s like, in addition to knowing that this could just happen today and you don’t need to be attached to what happens afterwards, it’s also just a small thing, just a little thing right that you want to do and it’s enough. it’s always enough no matter what the size of the commitment or the thing that you want to try.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, I love that and you know what, sometimes when you do a little bit, it tastes good and if you do too much all off the bat, then it feels a little bit too much. you feel like, “Oh, I can’t do that again because it took like half an hour out of my day,” blah blah blah so, yeah I really I appreciate that you brought that up because it really is such a good point.
Okay, this is so fun. How can people find you? Where can they work with you? You’re just so amazing. I love that we’re aligning in so many ways that it’s all about the big picture. It’s all about the little things that you do. It’s all about optimizing what you can and believing that with each tweak, you are getting closer and closer to the you that you want to be and not having to take it all in.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
So yeah, yes, yes. So I have a website and on there, I have a guide and I always direct folks to that as a great first step if they want to connect with me and just learn more the website is just decolonizingyourhealth.com forward slash guide G-U-I-D-E. So that’s a great place to start because it does have some suggestions for those small steps that are not overwhelming that people can just take and see how they work, and through my website if folks poke around, I also have a number of articles on there. I have a couple of self to pace things as well. There’s a short class and then a series. So any of that out there, particularly the articles, which are all free, and there are over 100—I think is a great way for folks to connect and learn more, and I’m also on Instagram and Facebook, but yeah, those are all the different ways—and in terms of how to work with me, beyond just kind of seeing what all is out there that’s free and available for folks, I am available to work one-on-one with clients. I like to do one-on-one because, like we’ve talked about, everyone’s different so in that way I can really gear what we’re working on specifically to each client. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. It’s personalized approach.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, I love that. I love that and I am so into that because even when I do group things, everyone feels like they’re getting the exact answer that they came for because I help them get the answers from within through guided meditation and journaling and all these different things. So even when you’re in a group, it’s never going to be the same thing for everyone. It’s never just a one-size-fits-all go and do it and you’ll see results. It’s always about connecting to yourself right back to the retreat. It’s connectedforreal.com/retreat and it’s a virtual retreat. We go live every day for an hour with a break for implementation for Friday and Saturday. what we do is the first four days is the CALM Method, which we talked about, happens to be that we brought it up here, not on purpose but it was fun to talk about. So the CALM Method and then the three last days are enhancing your intimacy and designing the atmosphere in your home, and then bringing it all together. So it’s an amazing retreat. It is completely free. I want people to have the full thing. I get very tight when people say, “Just give them a bite.” “Give them a taste and then they’ll want to work with you. I’m like, “No.” I get so frustrated when I feel like somebody is holding me with the fishing rod, so I am giving it all away. I want you to have the whole system. I want you to have the whole method, really so that you can then go and use it. from there, of course, I am going to open up a group for those who want to continue working and I’m not hiding that. it’s completely awesome and worth it, but only for the right people but the retreat itself is life-changing and it’s the fourth time I’m doing it, and it’s also the last time I’m doing it because I am feeling called to close this circle and start something new, whatever else is coming up, which it hasn’t come up yet, so I’m like, “God, You want to tell me? I’m ready.” He’s leaving me in suspense. I just get this really clear, “No, let’s close this up already,” so I’m very excited.
This retreat’s going to be way better than all the other ones even though the other ones were apparently epic. There’s about 350 people who went through the retreats and the responses have been amazing. one lady said that she completely changed her relationship with her husband and she didn’t even notice that it didn’t feel that right. It was just like, “Okay.” You’re living your life. You’re in this mediocre in between. “It’s not bad. We’re not getting divorced but like it’s not amazing so whatever,” and when I spoke on the retreat, and she heard me speaking. She then wrote to me afterwards. She said, “I went to my husband and I told him I loved him and I wanted to make this work even more and suddenly we’re like flying and having this amazing conversation,” but it’s really a choice. Isn’t that amazing?
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, yes. Oh, that’s great. That’s so amazing. Exciting.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I get excited to get those emails with the feedback—that is a couple months later. There’s a lady who just sent me an amazing email with how something she did on the first retreat, which was in February of last year has completely changed her entire life by this time and it hasn’t even been a year, and it wasn’t anything that I charged for. I feel so, so grateful. So yeah. I love it. I love it. I love it.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
I’m excited. I’m registered. I can’t wait. Yes!
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I am excited. So everybody, go to connectedforreal.com/retreat if you want to sign up. It’s free. It’s going to be amazing, and you tell us your website again so people can go and check it out.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Yes, it’s decolonizingyourhealth.com forward slash guide. That’s G-U-I-D-E.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Awesome. Yay! Thank you, everyone for coming. Thank you for listening. Thank you my mother for showing up and walking every day. I’m so proud of you, and we will see you next time. Thank you so much Meredith.
MEREDITH KEITH-CHIRCH
Thank you.
MARRIAGE BREAKTHROUGH RETREAT PARTICIPANT
Rebbetzin Bat-Chen’s Marriage Breakthrough Retreat is amazing. If you have never gone, please go. If you went, please go again. It really, really helps you to fine tune your relationships with your husband and your family members, and just helps you connect better to the one above and to all people around you as a result. I really, really urge you to go. It is just so much fun.
MARRIAGE BREAKTHROUGH RETREAT PARTICIPANT
I highly recommend the 7-day Marriage Breakthrough Retreat. I attended every single one that Rebbetzin Bat-Chen gave and I feel that it really transformed my marriage. I feel that it can really help anybody improve their relationship with their husband and other family members–that it is truly amazing. Please, please go.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.