226. Declutter to De-Stress

Transcript:

  And we are live. Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, and today with me is Ellie, and we’re gonna talk about stress and you, and minimalism and all the things. Get ready. This is gonna be amazing, Ellie, introduce yourself and tell everyone why you are so cool. Hi.

Thank you Bat-Chen. I’m so excited to be here today with you. My name is Ellie Azerad. I live in Jerusalem, Israel, and I help women simplify their homes and lives so they could have more time for the things that they love, like their husbands, their children, their marriage, and obviously ultimately making more time in their lives for God to bring him into our lives, into our daily lives in a much more meaningful and impactful way.

I love it. I love it. Okay, so let’s talk about stress and minimalism and decluttering and all that stuff. I think for a lot of people thinking. I wish I could be minimal, but I am not and I can’t get there because how, and I can’t figure it out and I’ve tried and blah, blah, blah. All that stresses them out.

It’s like the space between where I want to be and where I am is that stress. That’s what’s creating the stress. What do you think about that? I think I’m gonna take it from, from a different direction. Like I think many women have tried doing all kinds of things. They’ve tried getting more organized.

They’ve tried decluttering challenges. They’ve tried coming up with better systems, better habits in their lives, and they’re feeling a lot of stress because whatever they tried is not working. This was my journey as well. Like I read all the books, I took lots of courses. I read the, you know, I even read a Marie Kondo Spark Joy, right?

Does this spark joy? And no matter what I was doing, it just wasn’t working for me. Because you cannot organize stuff. You have to get rid of stuff. You have to get rid of stuff in such a tremendous and drastic way. In order for you to feel like, okay, my home is under control. And I really say this, this is like it’s really a foundation for everything.

When your home is under control, all other areas end up becoming under control. All of a sudden. This is very fascinating. This happened to me. This happened to so many of my students, women that read my book. When we started decluttering, all of a sudden we started having more time to pray to God. We started having more time to spend with our husbands.

We started having more time taking care of ourselves. Like as soon as I decluttered significantly and dramatically in a minimalist way I started exercising more. I started eating better foods. We started having family dinners. Like until then, family dinner time was kind of just like, I’ll take it with me to the park and shove it down the kids’ mouth as they’re playing, right?

And then at some point later on in the evening, I’ll eat dinner myself, or I’ll eat the kids’ leftovers, and then I’ll clear some room off for my husband to have come, you know, come and have a plate. What? It wasn’t like a solid committed. 40 minutes where we’re eating together as a family. But now that I’m not weighed down by stuff, all of a sudden I have the mental and emotional capacity to be able to sit down, set up a table, dimm the lights.

Like literally we have like very, very beautiful meal just right now. We just finished when my sisters came and joined us. And I have the time and the emotional energy to invest in these kind of things because I’m not overwhelmed by my surroundings. My home cooking is not a big deal.

Cleaning up is not a big deal. And obviously creating a beautiful environment in our dining room is not a big deal. ’cause it’s always simplified, it’s always ready. It’s just waiting for us to have a good time. And so I think that a lot of the stress is from women that are consistently trying different things and they’re just not working.

And the secret is. Getting rid of a huge, huge, huge, significant amount of it. And not like a lot of people are like, oh, I’m gonna join this decluttering in a day chat. You know, where you declutter one thing a day for the next 33, 65 days, that that is not it. That is not it. And I wish, if I could passionately stand on top of like the rooftops of Israel, right?

And scream like, ladies, just get rid of it. Like just get rid of it. Out, out, out, out, out. You don’t need these things. It’s holding you back from living your best life. It’s holding you back from making an impact in your own life, in your children’s lives, in your husband’s lives, and making a close relationship with God, which is ultimately what we’re here to do.

Right. I hear you talking and I’m like, okay, so like all of the things you said, I’ve tried everything. And one of the things that I have found is that because I am a religious woman and there’s a lot of things that I can’t get rid of, and also because I have eight children and there’s a lot of things I can’t get rid of, there is just.

I was talking about the shoes. Okay, take the shoes. For example. If there’s 10 humans in this family that wear shoes and everybody has at least two pairs of shoes, then we have 20 pairs of shoes all over the house, and we’re constantly putting them away, but it’s never ending. And, and people who say like, oh, the minimalism, it is like, it’s so nice to think like, yeah, when you live on your own and you have two pairs of shoes and they fit nicely you know, one next to the other and so cute, you could take a picture and put it on Pinterest versus 20 pairs of shoes like all piled on trying to like

there’s a lot of stress in here. Love. I love, I love this, and that’s why I call my brand. It’s called From, from Means a religious Jew frum minimalism. That’s why I call my brand that frum minimalism, because when I was researching, I’ll tell you, let me, let me backtrack. Yeah. I became a minimalist because I tried all the systems in the world.

I tried everything. I read all the books, I tried all the systems, I did all the challenges, and nothing worked. When I was researching what I could do next, it minimalism was the next thing to do. And I was looking for information on how to become a minimalist. But like you, I have children, I have a family.

We also keep kosher, which means that we need two of everything in the kitchen. We need two pots, two pans, two frying pans, everything we need, meat, dairy, right? And power of as well. And so there was nothing that was helpful to me. Instead, it was kind of like, oh, really cool for you. You’re a backpacker and you travel all over the world and you have one shirt.

You wash it in your sink, you go to sleep, you wake up the next day and it’s dry. Right? That doesn’t work for a family with lots of people and lots of flying parts. And especially that many of us in our communities do have lots of children as well, like 20 pairs of shoes. That’s 40 shoes floating around the home, right?

And that’s, that’s minimal already. By the way, if everyone only has two pairs of shoes. And so that’s why we’re sitting here trying really hard. You’re doing a great job. That’s, that’s very impressive, I have to say. And so. I decided I was gonna create something so that it could work for my lifestyle, and ultimately what ended up happening is it worked so well for my lifestyle that I started sharing it and I get classes and wrote a book on it because I realized that it really is possible, even with all these flying parts, it’s possible to be minimal.

Now, obviously at the end of the day, your kids can’t have less than two to three pairs, and she’s like, they need dress shoes. They need sneakers, they need I, I don’t even know how you only, I’m sure you have a lot more than a, no, we don’t. I’m just, I was just theor theoretically, if we had two, but we don’t, ’cause obviously you’re saying there’s the sneakers, then there’s Chave shoes.

There’s the boots. The boots. Oh my gosh. The boots. The boots. Ah. Anytime it starts ringing, then I get overwhelmed because my husband brings the box of boots and then there’s like no room for them because they were in the storage this whole time and suddenly they have to be used. Right. It’s like there’s a lot also just coats.

Coats and jackets and sweaters. There’s, you know, it takes tons of space. And it also takes up a ton of space. This stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And so I’ll tell, so there they’re obviously like meaning, like this is what it is, right? These are facts of life. Now we could create systems that are, make it much easier.

What could be a system that it’s very, very easy to put things away. Now, even though coats are only temporary for this season. I tell people not to put things in storage. Now, I don’t know your situation. Sometimes we have no choice. We have to put things in storage. We have a limited amount of space. But in general, I tell people to keep things out so that they see all the time what they have now.

Not out visually, but out like. Not in your basement, not in your garage, not in your attic, definitely not in a storage facility. Like you wanna know that your stuff exists. Where it is, it’s easy to retrieve and it’s very easy to put away. And so when we don’t have very, very easy, simplified systems for these things, that’s when clutter accumulates because you are like, oh, I can’t find my coat now because I’m not sure if I put it in the attic or in the basement or in the garage.

So I need to go buy another coat, or I need to go borrow a coat. And then it just stays in your house. And then you know, things just that, that’s what happens. That’s how clutter accumulates. So when we’re very mindful about what we ended up keeping in our home and creating very easy to maintain systems.

So things are not really going in storage, it makes it much easier. Now, obviously it’s impossible. Like I, I live in an a in an apartment. I don’t want all my kids the entire year to keep their boots right there in their closet. Like it’s, there’s only a month that, in Israel we only use boots for like a month, two months.

Right. But the system is simplified enough that I put away their swimming stuff and their summer things, and the boots are out there during these two, three months and then we’ll switch it up again. But it’s very easy. It’s not like you’re sch slipping down to storage or, you know, into the, in Israel we have something called the A clot, which is the, the bomb shelter.

Right. So some people can store their things in the bomb shelter. I tell people not to do that. Keep it in the, your bedroom, meaning each child should keep their, all the clothing that belongs to that child inside their bedroom. So it could be higher up during a different season. Right. Right now they’re my girls’ summer stuff are higher up in their closet, but.

We’re gonna swap it out. And there’s always easy, it’s easy to do. It’s there in their closet, just a quick swap out instead of taking it all out and taking it all down. And we know that it exists. Now also, another thing is like, and I wanna say this, ’cause right now as we’re talking, like the winter stuff, it’s huge.

It takes up a lot of space. And I just keep telling myself like, this is a season every, everything in life sometimes is seasons. Like when somebody makes a wedding, when somebody has another baby, like, okay, it’s a season. I have a baby right now. I, I need, I simplified baby stuff so significantly.

But at the end of the day, I feel for my life, I need a stroller. I need a baby carrier, I need a bouncer for her. These are things that I need, need, like I, again, everyone’s different. You might say like, oh, I don’t even need any of that stuff. Right. But for me, I need that. And so right now, great, that’s, it’s living in my house.

It’s a permanent fixture in my house, but it’s a season and I know that. When I’m finished with the season, I have the skills and the capacity to not keep that stress. Meaning as soon as I’m done with it, it’s not gonna live and be stressful anymore. It’s gonna be like, okay, I’m done with the season. I’m gonna pass it onto someone else that could use it.

And when and if I need it again, I trust that God is gonna provide it for me when I need it. I don’t need to hold onto it at a fear that God is not gonna give it to me when I need it again and if I need it again. And so far, that has served me really beautifully to let go of these things. Now coats, I, because we were getting in the topic of coats and because right now as we’re talking behind me is my dining room, and there are coats definitely floating around over there.

Even though there are systems and there are hooks that are very easy for the kids to put away inside a closet, so, right. But at the end of the day, like kids, you know, me also, I, I, we know life is life, right? But we wanna make sure that we’re only keeping, like at the end of this season, when you’re done with all this go through it and don’t put away anything that hasn’t been used this winter.

Like if it hasn’t been used this winter, that means no one else needs it or. See, Hey, like, I know you, you had said we chatted a little bit beforehand, so she has a couple of girls, right? So, hey, are any of the girls planning on wearing this coat? If not, it’s leaving our house. Bye-bye. We don’t need this anymore.

We’re not gonna hold onto it for five, 10 years in the hopes that someone may or may not desire this coat in a bunch of years. And that also really helps a lot with the stress because when you’re looking at the temporary message, like, this is temporary, at the end of the season, we’re gonna go through this.

We’re gonna keep only what we potentially are going to use again next season and everything else we’re getting rid of. Yeah. A long time ago I joined Rebecca Salzmann’s membership. First thing I tackled was my closet and we got rid of seven bags, like seven garbage bags, gigantic bags of all of my clothes because I decided that I’m only wearing dresses and I’m only wearing undershirts under the dresses.

And I made myself almost like a. A uniform where if I don’t ever have to just, you know, have a skirt that matches the shirt, then I don’t ever have to have shirts or skirts. I’m only wearing dresses and I’m only wearing the undershirts that go under the dresses. It took away my entire closet because all that was left was just the dress.

Wait, I, first of all, first of all, I love this. I speak so much about this. I’m curious, did she talk to you ladies about the concept of a uniform? I think she did what happened was she really asked me, what is your favorite thing to wear and what do you wear all the time? And what do you reach for and what are you, you know, what’s going on?

And, and I realized I am constantly, you know, at the time, especially, I was pregnant nursing, pregnant nursing, pregnant nursing. And thank God, you know, for the last almost 20 years, that’s all I’ve been doing, all I’ve been doing, I just sit around, twiddle my thumbs and do that anyway. That, by the way, I want, I, I wanna touch on that for a second.

That is the greatest privilege that we could do. Like as a woman. Yes. Like that, that is what our bodies are designed to do. Like what, I know you did a thousand hundred things besides for that, but like sometimes when I’m pregnant, nursing and I’m just sitting on the couch, I’m like, I can’t move. I have to remind myself.

I’m not, not doing, I’m growing a baby, or my body’s creating food to grow that baby. Like what an incredible thing to do. I just wanna, I wanna see that because I very, it’s an amazing thing. I I appreciate that. I absolutely love it. It’s why I keep doing it. I love it. Love it, love it. It’s, you know, it’s what I live for.

So anyway, right. The things that I was reaching for were things that I could nurse in and things that could grow with me and, you know, sort of like it became my go-to wardrobe. Yeah. And so it was sort of like, it naturally happened that this was like, oh, it makes so much sense. I just want this, now I, you know, I’ve, I’m like getting ready for a wedding, so now I’m looking for a dress for the wedding. And my daughters are like, well, you’re not nursing anymore, so you could just wear anything. I’m like, I like the style so much that even if I’m not nursing, I really like the V-neck and I really like the way it looks and this is the style I wanna find fun.

So I’m like very specific and I, I went to the stores last week and I tried on all these fancy dresses and all these things that everybody was like, oh, this is gonna be gorgeous. It just doesn’t sit the same because it’s not the look that I am. So you want into identified with Yes. It’s so funny. It is so funny, like how ingrained it became part of my identity almost, that this is my look.

And I’m totally okay with like switching it up and buying new things. But it was the, it was a life changer. It really was. I’ll tell you why, because you, you’re talking about this and I wanna strengthen what you’re saying. Having. A uniform or having less stuff, which is pretty much the same here, right?

Made it that I don’t have to think at all. You no decision fatigue, like you eliminated nothing. The decision fatigue. And that’s, I have, there’s the rules. If it’s a weekday, it’s a black undershirt, and if it’s a shabbos or rosh chodesh, you know, the beginning of the month or you know, the Sabbath, I’m wearing white and there’s no question about it.

And then, you know, the dress that goes with either white or black, and that’s it. It’s just very simple. I literally, I, so I give a class on finding your ideal uniform for that season of life. Like you said, that was a season. The nursing, it could be, now you’re ready to change your uniform unless you’re really comfortable with it and you feel beautiful in it.

But that’s a huge component actually of minimalism, is eliminating decision fatigue. And so I remember thinking, like looking at my husband and being like, he has a uniform. He every year orders six of the same exact shirts, and then he has. Three dress suits that he gets tailored to fit him beautifully.

And then like, he doesn’t buy those every year, but he has them in the closet, three to four beautiful dress suits that he tailored to fit him beautifully. And then he wears dress pants during the week. He never has to think. Every morning he’s just picking up one of those six shirts that he orders the same of again and again and again, and a pair of dress pants.

And then on the weekends over Shabbit, right? He puts on his dress suits. And when I was watching him and observing him, I’m like, he’s so lucky. Like I stand in front of my closet for 40 minutes every morning figuring out what to do. Why can’t I have a uniform too? That’s when I created a uniform and I’ve had a uniform now for seven years, and it is amazing.

Now my uniform changes, you know, and I. I’m not, people always think like, oh, you have a uniform, you must be so boring. No. Like you have dresses like, so you can have floral dresses and all kinds of like different styles and flows and whatever. Right? Totally. And so the same thing with my uniform as well.

Totally. Like I just made it a rule. Right now I’m actually not really wearing my uniform, but I’m wearing a sweatshirt. But I made a rule for myself, like my uniform, I always have to wear something like, it’s a dark color bottom, dark color top, and then something colorful on top. So if it’s the winter, it’s a colorful jacket, a colorful vest, something cute on top.

And if it’s the summer, it’s more like a floral, flowy thing on top of like the solids underneath. Like it could be a jumper whatever, but dark in, in the inside. And it’s simplified. I, it’s incredible. Like I know exactly what I’m wearing every single morning. I’ve taken off this massive stress that I was experiencing previously.

Every morning. Also on this topic, when I was researching uniforms, I found out that Steve Jobs, think about it. Steve Jobs had a uniform, I dunno if anyone’s familiar with pictures of him. He always wore this v-neck, Blackfoot v-neck, right? Mark Zuckerberg like has a uniform. Who else has a uniform?

I remember like researching uniforms and seeing that a lot of like high profile, very successful people have a uniform. Why? Because, and Obama, oh, this is like a famous thing that Obama said. He said, having a uniform takes away one less decision. I have to make a day. And he only, I’m sorry, I’m not quoting his exact words, but he said we have unlimited amount of decisions.

We’re capable of making a day. And by having a uniform. I am removing one less decision and making room for another one. So that was like, yes. You know, when, when my daughters, I have a lot of teenage daughters, and when my daughters come out of their room, like, I dunno what to wear, what should I wear?

My husband says, I don’t know, I wear the same thing every day. You know? And it’s so interesting, like you said, it, it makes total sense that he says that, but why can’t we simplify and make it, you know, easier for ourselves? So it definitely is one of the things that is working for me. And also because I know my style and I know the uniform and I know what I’m looking for, like you said, it’s very colorful.

It goes with a lot of different types of head coverings. So I could play around with the different color schemes that, you know, different colors. I’m picking up from the dress onto my hair. What, like hair, hair, head covering my scarf. I know how to shop also. You’re going into the store that this is huge.

Ladies listen up. ’cause this is huge. When you know what you’re getting, you’re not getting overwhelmed in this door. You’re just like, I only like, so right now you’re just going into the dress section and you’re like, I only like these kind of dresses, so lemme quickly look. Boom, boom, boom. Okay, I like you.

Perfect. Instead of looking at 5,000 hundred options and being exhausted after 40 minutes of walking off with nothing, instead you went to the shops and you literally are like. You don’t have it. I’m out. Lemme go to the next one. Oh, great. This has a dress like, guys, this is so life changing. And I know that a lot of ladies like me, I give courses in this.

So la a lot of ladies like to argue with me. Like, you know, it takes away our feminity. And what about the fun and what about, I have so many beautiful students that have created the most beautiful, gorgeous, be uniforms for themselves. And you wouldn’t even know it was a uniform, but when you start looking out, you’re like, oh, come to think of it.

She does have her things like, like you said, a V-neck. Like, so I have two women that, like, they always look for a shirt that has a little v it’s flattering on them, right? And so they only wear a little flattering V and they only wear floral skirts. But because they’re different colors, you won’t notice that unless you’re really looking out for it.

So it eliminates when they go to the store, they’re only buying floral skirts. That’s it, not dresses, floral skirts. And so it just eliminates so much of that overwhelm and stress. With shopping and all like, and guys on this topic by the way, of simplifying clothing. Like you can take this and simplify every single area of your life.

You could simplify your meals. That’s what I’ve done simplified my ne meals so dramatically so, so drastically. Sorry, that I know what I’m doing. Like on Monday night is me on Tuesday night is dairy on Wednesday night is fish. And so it’s not like I have to think, oh, what am I supposed to be cooking for Wednesday?

It’s, no, Wednesday is fish. And then I’m good. I gave a class on this, but let me just break down really, really quickly. So I have four to five very, very easy fish recipes that I make for Wednesday night. Now usually I go to the same exact one ’cause it’s my favorite. However, I still have another three to four backups in case other people in the family complain about that.

Right? And this just eliminates. Me having to be like, wait, I have to make fish. First of all, I know I have to make fish. And then I don’t even have to say, what kind of recipe should I use? I have the one that I usually make. And if not, I have another three to four that are super easy, that require very basic ingredients inside my house.

The same with Monday meat. It’s so usually I like making pepper steak on Monday and it, ’cause it’s very easy for me. Now, I don’t have to do that every week, but I know that Monday night, that’s what, that’s what we’re having for dinner. And so it takes away so much stress. ’cause I’m not just like the whole Monday, gotta make dinner, gotta make dinner, what should I make for dinner?

Gotta find a recipe. Gotta find a recipe this decision has been made for me. This, I think I’ve been doing seven years. Like, yeah, seven years ago. This decision has been made for me, what I’m making on Monday night. And you could do this for like date night, right? You wanna spend time with your husband.

It is just never happening because he’ll be like, oh, I think I could have, you know, I have an extra two hours tomorrow night, let’s go out to eat. Right? And then he comes home and you’re just like, I’m tired. I don’t have patience. But if you already solidified, this is what we do on date night. If we ever do, and we always have date night and this and this, you know, let’s say on Monday night we always have date night, we have a babysitter, she’s coming into the home in general.

We do this, we go to a restaurant or whatever, right? Like then you already don’t have that decision of like having to fight it. So on Monday, when your husband’s like, honey, did you get a babysitter? And you’re not like, oh no, I didn’t book the babysitter. And oh no, what are we doing? How are we doing it?

It’s already taken care of. Now obviously you don’t have to go to the restaurant on Monday night, but if you don’t wanna make a decision, you already have the decision made for you. And it’s so many different components of like laundry, like I, I can go on about this topic, but like it really takes away so much stress when we simplify not just our possessions, but the decisions we have to make in life. I love that you’re saying let’s talk about laundry because like I said, when there’s 10 people in a house, then there is a lot of clothes and there’s a lot of clothes, there’s a lot of laundry.

And that too, by the way, was a system that I created when I was working with Rebecca Saltzman. It was a season of my life where I started systemizing a lot of things in my business and also in my life. And. It really kept up and it’s, it’s something that’s been life changing, so let’s hear your laundry system.

My laundry system is that once a family grows, to be a family, like already has a child, a couple with a child, you’re basically doing laundry whether you like it or not, every day. Now you could probably get away with it with one, maybe two children that you’re doing laundry, you know, two, three times a week.

But there is always laundry. There’s linen to be changed, there’s towels to be washed. And then there’s also the everyday clothing that are being worn that have to be washed, plus a baby who’s creating a lot of spit up and a lot of mess. So people like ask me, you know, once you got rid of clothing, don’t you feel like you have pressure now to do a lot of laundry more often than you did before?

No, I was anyways doing laundry all the time. Now it’s actually forcing me to be on top of my laundry situation ’cause I don’t have options. So if I don’t wash the clothing, the kids are not gonna have clothing. I’m not gonna have clothing if I don’t wash the clothing. So in a way it forced me to really be on top of the laundry situation every day.

We are washing clothing, like the clothing that we wear, it just goes that day. Like it doesn’t sit around. It doesn’t hang out in a laundry basket. I don’t have piles. It goes literally directly. Like for years we actually, it was amazing in a different apartment, we had our washing machine inside the bathroom, so the kids would literally take off their clothing and put it straight into the washing machine.

And when they took showers, that was wonderful. I love that. Right now, that’s not the system, but instead everyone takes showers, puts it in a laundry basket in the bathroom, and I take the entire laundry basket, put it in the washing machine at the end of the day. And so it’s forcing me to be on top of it.

Now, the things that I did systemize besides for this, obviously that’s a system, right? We’re washing everything that’s being worn every day is getting washed. The things that I did systemize is the bedding. So before minimalism, because I had options of what to put on the beds, right? I had, linen for the girls’ room.

So they had the pink set and they had the flower set and the right and different and different kinds of things. So what was happening was I would change their linen, put on a clean set, and then I didn’t feel pressured to wash the linen. So it was sitting in my laundry room and it was waiting and waiting and waiting.

Whenever I had had time patients, which is never to wash it. And sometimes even I would take out a third set already. So I’d had one set in the laundry room, take, have to change it again, their bedding, right? And so take out a second set. Now I have two sets in the laundry room. One set on their bed. Of course I’m crying.

I’m overwhelmed because I have these massive piles of laundry waiting for me to take care of. And so now what I simplified is that every bed only has one set set of linen. What does that mean? The linen gets washed, dried back on the bed the same exact day, the same exact, within an hour and a half. If a washing machine, you have a dryer, the, the whole cycle takes an hour and a half.

We simplified it that the kids, before they leave to school on Thursdays, they strip their linen and I wash it, dry it. And they, I usually, I’m really nice and it’s their responsibility to put it back on their beds, but I usually, it’s so easy, it’s so simple that I usually end up putting it back on their beds for them on Thursdays, and then I do mine on Friday.

But this is a system that, I can do because I don’t have options. Like if I had options, I might end up being lazy. Sometimes on Thursday I’d be like, oh, you know, I don’t wanna wash it right now. I’d rather wash the towels, so let me just leave it in the laundry room. Well, listen, the kids are coming home soon and I need to make sure that their beds are ready for them in case they’re gonna put something on it in case they’re gonna sit.

And so it forces me to be on top of it. And I think that this really helped me a lot by getting rid, like people think that it’s gonna make me stressed out. Like, oh my gosh. Like right now, one of my daughters only have one uniform skirt, and in her school they wear a uniform every day to school. Right.

And so you might think that that is stressing me out because I only have one uniform skirt. Like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I have to make sure it’s clean. Guys, this is amazing actually, because I never could let go of that uniform skirt. I always need to know where it is. It can’t fall behind her bed. She can’t leave it.

In the bathroom cabinet, like I, she only has, I’m literally contemplating not buying her a second uniform skirt. She’s like, this is amazing. Like, it’s forcing me to really be mindful on, on top of her uniform skirt skirt. ’cause that’s her only option right now. And she wears it five days a week. Oh wait, we’re in school six days and Israel, we’re in school six days a week.

So I, and I really truly believe that the simplified laundry this sim, the less stuff you have, the more on top of the laundry you’re going to be and the less stressed out you’re gonna be. Now you might say also like, what? That’s so stressful. You have to be on top of your daughter’s skirt. No, no. It’s not stressful at all.

Like, why is it not stressful? Because I just don’t have laundry piles and laundry piles is stressful. I’d much rather be washing it. Right. Also, it’s clear to her. Right. When we’re talking about parenting, it’s not your responsibility. It’s very clear to her that it is her skirt and that she will be left without a skirt if she leaves it behind her bed or if she just like throws it around.

So she has a lot more respect for her stuff because she understands that there’s only one. You know, sometimes we think like, oh, you know, we’re, we’re in a with, we’re in a generation where there is so much stuff and there is abundance. And when we talk to our grandparents and they say, I only had one skirt, it’s because they really only had one skirt and there was no option for having a second skirt.

And they had respect for their clothes because it was the only clothes they had. And they’re like, we just like, okay, whatever. Throw it on the floor, throw it behind the bed. Just like, you know, shove it somewhere and like forget about it or leave it in places. Also, you could, you could have something and is sitting in your closet for a year and you haven’t touched it.

And you don’t miss it. You don’t even know it’s there. And that is. You know, taking up a lot, a lot of your bandwidth, a lot of your bandwidth, mental and mental space. Like people I think in, in general, women and ladies, this is scientific, I’m not a scientist, but you can all Google it. That they did a test on women, on the saliva in their mouths.

The more clutter and stuff that they had in their homes, the higher their cortisol levels were, right? So women that had very cluttered homes. Had a much higher cortisol level. A cortisol is the stress hormone. So there’s a direct correlation between stress and clutter. And so when we get rid of our stress, our, our clutter, I’m sorry, our stress goes down.

And it’s very powerful. And I’m sure that as a woman, you know, like, ladies, you all know this, right? Like when your house is cluttered and messy, you can’t think, you can’t focus, you can’t be a loving wife, you can’t be a loving mother. You’re just like, one second, I gotta clean up. I can, I can’t. You know?

Right. Because it’s, it’s, it’s causing us actual, it’s causing our cortisol to rise and it’s causing us actual stress and panic and overwhelm. And what’s really interesting, what you said about when you have less things, then you’re more responsible. This is a massive. Thing that I’ve noticed, and I actually developed a term for it.

I’m gonna say the Hebrew word. Hebrew word, and then I’ll explain it. I call it the pum effect. Pum in Hebrew means suddenly, so the suddenly effect pum pum suddenly. So when I only have one water bottle, pum, suddenly I’m very responsible about my water bottle. I go on the bus. I have to make sure I know where the water bottle is.

So as I leave, I make sure I take my water bottle with me. I go into the car and I’m going out to my friend’s house. I need to make sure that my. Water bottle comes with me. I go to school, I make sure to bring my water bottle home with me from school, right? The pit Thomas back, because I only have one.

When I have five, six options, I’m losing things. I’m being irresponsible, I’m being careless. And this is something that has happened over and over again. Now that we only have one of everything, or you know, obviously in moderation, the skirt that she has one skirt right now, I thought she needed too. But it’s working wonderfully and I think I’m gonna get rid of my girls’ other skirts, the uniform skirts, it’s really working wonderfully.

The uniform skirt. Also, it’s the same exact skirt. So it’s not like the, the girls are looking at me like, oh, why are you wearing the same skirt every single day? It’s a uniform skirt, so they’re all wearing the same navy pleated skirt. But anyways, when I only have one, suddenly I’m responsible. And this was so interesting, I started seeing this with my children also.

Like they were responsible with their stuff. If they, people say like, oh, but you need to keep extra, because what happens if your kid loses their backpack? My kids have never lost their backpack in seven years because they don’t have another backpack. If they lose their backpack, they’re taking like. A shopping bag, and they don’t wanna do that.

And so pto, suddenly they’re responsible for that. They only have one water bottle. We were losing water bottles all the time. I was putting it on my building, WhatsApp chat on my commute, like, Hey guys, did anyone see this in the park? Their water bottle, you know labeling it all the time because it was constantly getting lost.

Now they’ve had their water bottles for years because they’re not losing it. And so this whole consumerism by the way, like all of a sudden you’re much more mindful about what you’re buying. You’re keeping an eye on your things, you’re taking better care of them. Which another interesting thing is that I started, when I buy something, I’m really looking at it and saying, is this item gonna last me?

Is it good quality? Is this made? Well, because we’re gonna cherish this and we’re gonna keep this for a long time because I’m very selective about what I led into my life right now. Right. I love it. So tell me about the process of becoming a minimalist, because for a lot of the women listening, as I said, it’s nice, it looks so pretty, it might.

You know, I might fall for the idea that like, yeah, my life is going to be a lot less stressful and a lot more calm, but the process is the fear. Like there is so many obstacles I can imagine between me and the minimalist. And I think some of the, those obstacles are other people. You know, it was easy for me to declutter my clothes because they’re only mine.

And it’s a lot harder for me to declutter shoes because, you know, this one needs to go on a trip and this one has horseback riding and she uses the bad shoes for that because she doesn’t wanna get the good shoes to smell. So, you know, she has two pairs of shoes and they each have a use and they’re very specific.

And so obviously, you know, this makes sense, but it also adds another pair to the already large pile and. I could think of many examples. Even just, you know, toys. I would get rid of toys so much more quickly if my husband wasn’t as attached to the kids’ toys. He loves saving everything for them and showing them like, oh, you played with this when you were little.

I couldn’t care less. I’m like, let’s get rid of it. And I have these like fits where I’m like, let’s get rid of everything, you know, because I don’t wanna be cleaning this up. So you, you okay. You asked a lot, a lot of things. Yes. One. One was, what about other people’s things? Okay. And we forgot to say this at the beginning.

I actually, when I’m giving classes, I make the women say this out loud with me. We may never, ever declutter other people’s things, and I’m gonna repeat this. Friends, we may never, ever declutter other people’s things. They’re other people’s. They’re not yours. Even if you are the mom in the house, even if you’re the wife in the house, there are other people’s things.

Now, this is a fully loaded question with like so many different nuances into it, but in general, children over the age of seven, eight, we don’t touch their things. We do it with them, and it’s a process and it’s delicate and we have to be gentle with it. Now what do we do with, and then there’s, so that’s from the eight over seven.

In general. Again, every child is different, every family is different. So from the age of seven, you don’t even touch their things. When you do, you do it with them and there’s a whole process to it to make sure that you are not ruining your relationship with them. You’re actually enhancing it and you’re making your, this whole point of this is.

To make more harmony in your home, right? To make. And in Hebrew we say shaba to make more, which is right. Shalom Bayit is peace and harmony in the home, right? Yeah. So that’s the whole point of what we’re doing is to bring in peace and harmony into our homes. So we may never, ever touch our things children over the age of seven.

We do it with them, we talk to them, and we’re very, very mindful and respectful. And there’s a lot of different rules of how to do this. Now you’re gonna reach teenagehood and your husbands that are gonna be like, I don’t, I don’t care what you wanna do. You’re not touching my things, don’t you, dear? Great.

Amazing. We need to make sure that they know that we will never touch our things. What do we do? We give them, and I’m gonna say this slowly, this is a whole class in itself, but we give them a clearly defined space within reason for their things. Now, clearly defined space has to be a clearly defined space has to be within reason, meaning it has to be within reason for you.

And for him and your family. So in my household, what worked out for us is that when I, when I was doing this, my husband is used to, I do a lot of crazy things. He’s used to, like, when you said, oh my gosh, I gotta get rid of everything, right? He’s like, oh, here she goes again. Oh my God. Right? And so I was getting rid of everything and I’m talking about like 70% of my stuff, and I was already very organized.

So that is really, really what’s crazy, right? And he was like, here she goes with another one of her crazy projects and she’s gonna call me another three months. You, I got rid of everything. Now we have to go shopping, right? And he was like, don’t get me involved in this. So what I did, within reason for that home that we were living in, I was able to give him a study.

So that was within reason. He was able to put all of his things in an entire room of our home. Right. Now, for some people that not, might not be an option, but it has to work both ways. So if your husband collects antique cars and he loves to tinker around, you can’t say, oh, hey honey, you’re gonna get a closet.

Now, that’s not within reason. You need to give him a garage because his stuff takes up tons of room. And if your daughter loves to bake and cook and you say, I’m gonna give you a drawer, but she. A lot of utensils for cooking, and she really does help you and contribute to the cooking and baking in the home.

Then I would say within reason is probably two full kitchen cabinets to keep all of her things inside. So it has to work for both of you. It has to be within reason for her and with a reason for you. Now, if your daughter cooks and bakes and she wants the entire kitchen, but you’re also cooking and baking, then that’s not within reason.

So it has to work both ways. So we may never, ever declutter other people’s things. We give them a clearly defined space within reason, and we make sure that they are aware that we will never clear declutter their things. Then we have a talk and we say, listen guys, I’m working on simplifying my home. I will be a better mother and wife.

I really think so based on research. You can research this guys like I’m not making this stuff up. And then you can also say like, I heard a lady talk about this and she’s telling me my life is gonna be better. Right? You will be a better mother and wife guaranteed when you declutter your home because our stress is directly correlated with the amount of stuff we have in our home.

And like you said, you don’t wanna manage it. You’re, you’re sick of picking it up, you’re tired of picking it up, it’s getting crazy, right? And so we’re trying an experiment out. I’m gonna keep the main area, I’m gonna simplify the main areas of our homes. When I find things that belong to you, it’s going to go into your clearly defined space within reason.

And so whenever I find things that are laying around that are in the public areas, it’s going to go into your clearly defined reason, space within reason. Now, obviously. You can also say for children, especially now teenagers, like older teenagers and husbands, you can’t give them any rules. Husbands for sure not we, it’s not our job to raise our husbands.

It was their mother’s jobs. And hopefully by the time you raised, you married your husband, you approved of the way that his mom raised him because you agreed to marry him, right? So that’s not our job to raise our husbands, so we don’t raise our husbands. And we don’t criticize them when they leave things around.

Like, I think that, I might sound controversial, but I think that as a wife, part of loving our husbands is picking up their things and putting it away. Like people sometimes take offense of this, and I’m just like, I married him. I love him. He does things for me all the time. I could pick up his shoes and put them in the closet.

I can pick up his socks and put them in the hamper. I’m so grateful that I have a husband that has socks that he leaves on the floor. Like I, I’m not talking about my husband in particular. I mean, I do, he’s very respectful. He doesn’t I, whatever, right? But like these little things, like of course I could put away his plate.

I’m so happy to wash him with his plate. I’m so lucky to have a husband. So we don’t raise them. And his mother did a fabulous job raising him. So I have no complaints there. But what I’m saying is like a lot of times women like to complain, like, no, but my husband, okay, so he’s a different category husband.

Then we have our Yes. I, I just wanna take a pause here. As a marriage coach, I totally, totally agree with what you’re saying and I love that you’re making this very bold statement. You are not to complain about your husband’s leaving things around and being a mess because. He’s your husband. Period. End of story.

You guys are equal. He picks up after you. He does things for you. You know, my husband sometimes will put away the milk and say, Hey, the milk is out, but he puts it away. He doesn’t be like, you come here out now and take the milk and put it in the fridge. No, we’re not children. We’re adults and we’re living together and we chose this life.

He does it for me and I do it for him. And it’s not because, you know, we’re some like superheroes, it’s because we love each other and we are living together. I love that you said that. I love it. Okay, great. Fine. Thank you. I was like, I’m always scared ’cause women get upset, like when I say some, these kind of things.

And also I wanna say on that topic sometimes it’s not necessarily that he’s doing the things around the house, but he is doing other things for you. So open up your eyes and start noticing the other things he’s doing for you. And when you start opening your eyes, you’re gonna be astonished at the things he’s picking up for you emotionally.

He’s picking up for you mentally. Like there are so many other ways that he’s picking up for you. You’re just fine. Pick up his thing, pick up his mess, and don’t complain. Then we also have the the older teenage children that or older adult children. So that’s a category in its own. And I say also treat it kind of like your husband as well because you missed that unfortunately.

You know, you missed the opportunity to train them when they’re young. But now let’s take advantage of our teenagers. So our teenagers and the pre-teens, we could tell them, Hey, we’re simplifying the home. When I find your things lying around I expect that you have had put away like. We have systems in place to put away your backpack systems in place to put away your AirPods and your headphones and your gadgets, right?

And if I see them floating around the home in these areas, not your clearly defined space, right? In these public areas, I get to decide what I wanna do with it. So either you’re gonna earn it back. Or I’m gonna trash it, or I’m gonna be nice and put it back where it belongs. But I, as the mother and the main person that’s responsible for these main areas of our home, I get to decide what we’re doing in it.

Now you have to have a talk. You can’t just be like one day, like, I found your, you know, your phone lying around and I decided that I was gonna sell it and make money off of it. Right? Like, you, you have to warn them that this is what’s happening. These are the rules of the home moving forward. And obviously when you see things that you know are really important to ’em, don’t throw it out.

Go and put it away. But if it’s becoming an issue, then you’re gonna tell them like, you know, I’m gonna start throwing things out because you’re leaving things around all the time and I’m consistently having to put things away for you or figure out what to do with it. And so the main spaces of our home we’re working on simplifying it because when mommy’s happy.

And everyone’s happy, dad’s happy, children are happy, everything ends up being much more happy. And what happens, which is by the way, really interesting to me, is that as soon as we simplify our homes, like you know, the older kids and the husband might be a little bit skeptical at the beginning. They all end up being like, this is amazing.

Why? Because they’re all benefiting. Because you are more relaxed. You’re not barking, you’re also cooking more. You’re also being more present because you’re able to now, like, this is so interesting. I like ladies, I don’t know if you noticed this, but like, I always notice my husband can like, hang out with the kids on the couch when the living room is flying.

Like, there’s blankets, there’s pillows, there’s school things, there’s books. And he’s like sitting on the couch and he’s like, hanging out with the kids having a great time. I’m just like, you don’t see the mess. How could you be chilling? And he’s like, come join us. Right? And I, I can’t join you. I can’t join you.

I need his first tidy up. So now that we’ve simplified our home in general, it’s not a mess. And I don’t feel that feeling of like, I can’t join you because it’s messy. Because I simplified and my children already know, like, oh, we want mommy to come play rummy cub with us. Let’s just quickly tidy up the living room so that she’s gonna be able to be present and connect with us.

’cause they see the benefits of what it has on me and on our home as a, you know, as an extension of me. And we, and then you said a bunch of things in my, the question, so was we may never touch other people’s things. Husbands thinks we don’t touch. Oh. And younger kids, obviously this is big. Our job in life is to raise capable human beings so that they grow up and they are capable human beings.

How do we raise a capable human being? Part of that is training them to be okay. Letting go of letting go, period. Letting go of things. Letting go of toxic relationships. Letting go of things that are negatively serving them. And the way that we develop this skill of being able to let go, right? Because we’re not just talking about things.

There’s so many, not physical things that we have to let go of in life. When people come into our lives and they’re not good for us, our kids need to have that skill that that friend is not a good friend for me. I need to let go of that friend. But how do we build that skill? We don’t necessarily start building it by saying, let go of that friend.

Let go of that friend. When the kid is three years old, we start by saying trash and throwing things out is okay. So we give our kids a little piece of garbage and we say, Hey, can you throw this in the trash please? And then our kids color a whole bunch of things. And they come home with, you know, at the weekend with all their things that they did in preschool.

And they have lots of different arts and crafts. If everything that they created is special and it’s gonna go in the storage bin, there’s nothing special. Like there’s nothing special of everything special. So we’re gonna go with our kids, we’re gonna look over all their projects and we’re gonna ask, Hey, is there anything that you put a lot of effort into and you really like and you think that we should hang up on the fridge for a couple days?

Great. And you hang it up in the fridge and it says, wow, wow, wow. And then afterwards you say, okay, are we gonna toss this or are we’re gonna put this in your special bin that we’re saving. And again, within reason, he has a clearly defined space, a box that within reason is going to carry him now through two adulthood.

So he’s not getting married and walking off from your home with. 10 big, huge containers of all their treasures from when they were kids. He’s walking off with one curated, beautiful collection of things. So what happens when he is 2, 3, 4, 5 years old and that little box starts getting full? Then that means we’re gonna have to start simplifying over here.

If you wanna keep things, let’s get rid of some other things that are not so special or that lost its significance over the years, like a lot. And we’re teaching them how to do that and how to create special memories and how to be okay with letting go of things. And also people are like, but what do you mean my kid creates like the most amazing paintings and everything?

If your kid is the next vango, like, like, you know that ex famous artist out there, right? Like creating the mono, great. Keep everything your kid, your child creates. In general, most of our children are not creating world class art. They’re amazing and they have other talents, but keeping every single arts and crafts probably it’s just not gonna be special anymore.

Like, it’s just gonna be so overwhelming. And and this I see all the time, like women save these boxes and boxes of stuff for their children. And I go into their homes and these women are 60, 70 years old and I ask them, why are all the boxes still here? Like, ’cause you know, they’re so cute. Their kids stuff, their kids are gonna love it when they grow up.

All their kids are married, they’re all out of the house. Not one single kid wanted to take any of that stuff ’cause it’s overwhelming. And so what I do is I help them simplify it and we just make them a little tiny little collection. And the kids end up loving that because this is their memories from their 20 years of childhood, their 25, 5 years of childhood, all saved in one little special box.

Makes it very special. Yeah.  Whew. That was a lot of really great advice. I love how you separated into categories of different ages and different stages. That’s really helpful. Let’s get into the process of going from not being a minimalist to becoming a minimalist. And also oh, I know what I, I, I know what was coming to me. It’s this belief that, because like, this is something I like to do. I like to set it once and then forget about it.

You know, I like to do something and like do it really well, and then be like, I did it already. That’s it. It’s gone. Like it’s done. Check mark. But a lot of minimalism is about the habits and the daily routines and the constant putting away things. You only have one thing, so you have to take care of it.

And you only have this amount of dishes, so you have to be on top of it. It’s not like you do it once and then you don’t have to deal with it anymore. It’s, you do it once, but you also have to upkeep it. I wanna make sure I understand your question fully. Could you gimme an example of something that you, you say like, that you like to set it, do it and make sure that you have a system.

Explain that for me because I didn’t understand that part. Like, can you gimme something like, I guess in a different, in a different place. Let’s say doing a remodeling, you’re like, I’ll remodel the house, or I’ll remodel the bathroom and then we won’t have, have to do it again. You know, it’s gonna be nice, it’s gonna be, but then you remodel the bathroom.

Then a couple year, you know, a couple years go by and this starts to crack and this starts this, and you’ll have to paint and you have like everything in life, you still have to upkeep it. Even if you think, like that’s checked off. We did the bathroom, we never have to touch it again. It’s not really true.

So I feel like that’s the same with, you know, anything in life. It’s not really ever something that you could just like check off and move on. So meaning what you’re saying is, if I become a minimalist tomorrow, right, let’s say Rabbit, you decide, okay, I’m getting rid of everything. I’m gonna follow Ali’s, I, I’m gonna tell you my really simple system in a second, but you’re saying, I wanna make sure I fully understand.

You’re saying if I’m gonna get rid of everything tomorrow, I’m still gonna have to get rid of things again, right? Is that what you’re implying? Like, I’m still gonna have to redo this pretty much like, you know, get rid of things again. Be really mindful about not bringing new things in to like, you know, mess it up again.

I’ll still have to clean up and tidy up and like, I’ll still have to do stuff. I’ll still alive. Okay, so, okay, for, I’m thinking what I’m gonna address first, but first I’m gonna address my very easy process because then, and, but I wanna touch on, I have to do this my whole life. That’s an important thing that you said.

You mentioned I have a very, very, very simple, easy process. I developed this, this was like the whole start of from me minimalism. And I didn’t even say my story at the beginning, but basically one day I saw the car outside my window and I used to run to the beach. I used to go to the beach a lot.

Now as a minimalist, I realize why did I run to the beach? Because it was a clear, empty space. And so I was able to escape from my home. I would take my kids with me and we had a great time. And Israel is a very, very beautiful country and a moderate weather. So in general, most of the year you could be at the beach.

And so I really wanted to be at the beach that day, but instead I was like, Hey guys, we can’t leave yet because I need to clean up the playroom. And I was sitting on the floor of the playroom and I remember just crying like that, I’m doing this again and again and again. And it never ends. There is no end to it.

It’s always messy. No matter how many bins I have, how labeled it is, it always. Becomes overwhelming. And all I wanted to do was be at that beach. And so I just looked at it all and I’m like, I’m getting rid of everything. I don’t care what I’m getting rid of everything. So I got, back then we had suitcases.

We don’t even have net anymore because we travel with backpacks. But back then we had suitcases, duffle bags, and I took all the toys in the playroom, eight duffle bags, shoved everything into these massive duffle bags, got rid of it all. Then I, I opened up the duffle bags and I looked in them and I’m like, okay, I need a couple of dolls and I need a couple of, you know, little toys and I need a couple of play mobile and I need a couple of food for the kids that might have girls.

So they do like dress up and free play. Right? A couple of tutu’s and that’s it. And I lugged literally from, I got rid of 90% of the toys, lugged them all down into our bomb shelter. ’cause in back then there was, it wasn’t the war in Israel. And so we were able to keep things there right now, yet it has to be clear.

And I lugged it all down and I said, that’s it. I’m done with the toys. Now what I was doing and what I was creating was frum minimalism, which is my brand, it’s three steps. Number one, we get rid of everything. Number two, we clean out the space. So I had dusted everything. It was empty. So I dusted it all.

I cleaned it out. And number three, you look at everything that you just got rid of and you say, what am I willing to rebuy in my life from this stuff? So I, in essence, what I was doing in those duffle bags was I was looking and saying, I got rid of it all because I don’t wanna be a slave to this anymore.

Now, let me see, in these duffel bags, is there anything that really is going to enhance our life that I think the girls are really gonna enjoy? Oh, yes. I think maybe if I keep two dolls and, oh yes, there’s three girls. We can have three tutu’s and a couple of play food also, that’s gonna enhance our life.

And a couple of markers and a couple of. Papers, but I don’t need a ton of arts and crafts. I just need basic stuff, markers, glue, a pen, a pencil, right? And so, and everything else I’m getting rid of now. So that’s the three step process. One, empty it all out. So we do the same thing for every room of our home.

The bathrooms. And I know this sounds drastic and it sounds like a huge, crazy thing, but you never really know what you truly have until you dump it all out. And so people are like, can I do a draw at a day? Can I do a shelf? No, go and give yourself an hour and empty out every single thing inside your bathroom.

Be confronted with that crazy amount of stuff. Look at it all and say, oh, I can’t believe I’ve accumulated all this. Now, a lot of women also are gonna start feeling guilty because we spent so much money. Don’t feel guilty. Let go of the guilt along with the stuff like when you’re getting rid of the things, let go of the guilt as well.

The guilt already happened. You swiped your credit card, you made that mistake. You brought it into your home Now. Let go, meaning release the guilt as well. Like you don’t have to hold onto items because you feel guilty letting them go. So you’re feeling guilty that you have the item in your home and you’re also feeling guilty that you spent the money on it.

That’s such a waste of your emotional manpower, like spend it in other areas. So basically what you’re doing is you’re gonna empty out the entire I’m, I’m using the bathroom as an example because that’s where I encourage women to start because it’s very easy and in general there are not expensive things, obviously perfume, but in general there are not very expensive things inside a bathroom.

So you’re emptying out all the contents of the bathroom. You’re looking at it all, oh my goodness, you’re cleaning out the bathroom quickly because it’s empty now. And then you’re looking at this entire pile and you’re saying, somebody stole all of this. Somebody walked off with all this stuff from my bathroom.

Now I need to rebuy things with my credit card. What am I willing to rebuy? What will I not regret? Rebuying. And so it’s backwards. It’s, the process is backward, decluttering. ’cause when we, when you declutter, you look at things, you’re like, oh, what can I get rid of? No, I can’t get rid of you. I can’t get rid of you.

I can’t get rid of you. Instead, we got rid of it all. It’s out. Bye-bye. Now you have to bring back things into your home. So what are you willing to bring back? And you’re being very, very selective about what you’re bringing back. You need shampoo, you need conditioner, you need one toothbrush, you need one toothpaste.

And obviously if you have multiple people, you need one for each, but you don’t need three to four to each. You don’t need the backups. You don’t need from like, you know, so many times I see from Passover, people keep like their toothbrush. Like you, you don’t get out, out, out. They’re, I I. And I know you could say it’s a wasteful consumerism.

You made that mistake. Get rid of it. Now, people love to like make their home the landfill. Why are you making your home the landfill? You made that mistake one time. It’s anyways gonna end up in the landfill in another 20, 30 or 120 years. When a person passes on to the next world, it’s anyways gonna end up in the landfill.

Get it out of your home. So your home is not a landfill. And now moving forward, you’re gonna be more conscious about what you’re bringing into your home and you’re gonna make better decisions moving forward. So three step, get rid of it all. Cleaned that up. And then look at the, what you got rid of.

Pretend somebody stole it all or you know, whatever. Walked off, walked out of your house. What are you willing to rebuy? You’re gonna be very, very selective from all these things that you just got rid of, right? You’re not going to the store to rebuy. You’re rebuying in quotes from this pile. You’re putting it back very, very simplified and streamlined.

We’re not gonna go into it now, but there’s ways to do that. That’s super easy. And that’s the three step process. Now, what to do when you’re unsure about things. That’s what happened with my playroom. Remember I said I put it into the bomb shelter. I didn’t throw it in the garbage. I put it in my bomb shelter.

Why? That was, I was creating what I call now a cannot decide bin. What’s a cannot decide bin? I’m not sure. Right? So you’re coming into your bathroom and you look at like a couple of lotions and you haven’t used them in a while, but you’re, but they’re not expired and you can’t decide if you need them or not.

You’re gonna put them in your cannot decide bin and you’re gonna label it. Bathroom products cannot decide bin. And after another month or two depends on your lifestyle. If you realize you haven’t missed that stuff, you’re gonna get rid of the entire can at the side bin. That’s what happened with my toys.

I realized we didn’t miss any of it, and so. I got rid of it. Now. Also, getting rid of, when I’m using the word getting rid of it could be into the trash, it could be selling it, it could be, there’s a lot of different nuances of what to do with your stuff. It could be donating it, right? When I’m saying get rid of it and throw it out, I don’t mean actually in essence putting it into the garbage can.

Bathroom products, donations are not gonna take it. And I always say like, don’t give your stuff to your friends because then you’re just taking your clutter and you’re cluttering up your friends’ homes. That’s a very unkind thing to do. And so like don’t overthink this of where it’s going. Who’s gonna use it?

Like, just get it out of your home. That’s the, and, and once you do that in this system, it’s so simple like. It’s fun also. Like it really is fun because you do it really, really fast. And so we do it with our bathrooms, we do it with our closets, we do it with our kitchens and just dump it all out, clean out the space quickly and then look at this pile and say, it all went, I have to rebuy things.

What am I really truly willing to rebuy that’s going to enhance and take care of my life? And then if you come over over a couple of items that you’re just not short, that’s gonna go in your Canada side menu, you wait another month or two to see if you needed it. And if you don’t need it out, out, out it goes.

And this is what we do for every room of our home. And that’s my system that we’ve developed. And it works remarkably well and it’s very easy. And it’s not like that’s why, like I see a lot of times these decluttering challenge. I don’t recommend it because a decluttering challenge means that you’re searching your home for something to get rid of this.

In essence, you got rid of it all. Now you’re on vacation, what are you taking with your to vacation? And then you’re creating your home into vacation. And that really is what we wanna do. We wanna make our home the vacation that we don’t need to run out. Like right? Remember I said I ran to the beach, right?

I don’t wanna run away from my house. I want my home to be the beach. I want the home to be my sanctuary. I want my home to be the most magical place for me and my family to be in. Because ultimately that’s what I love that. I love that. Woo. Ah, and we’re back to stressing you. You know, like I, I love that the result is stress free and I’m still struggling with the process getting there, because to a lot of people, the process of taking everything out feels stressful or looking at everything, you know, piled up.

How can we address that stress so that we’re not so uncomfortable? Okay, so I’m, I don’t, I, I actually, because I tried so many systems before mm-hmm. Like this, you, you sound like, you know, hundreds of women that have asked me this, but, and so I used to be nice to women and say, do a draw to a cabinet. You are never gonna get rid of the clutter and the magnitude.

You’re never gonna have the magical life that you deserve to live if you don’t do it brutally. I know it’s overwhelming. And so I tell people like, you know, if, if you have a supportive husband, tell ’em this is what we’re doing. Can we do? And you start with the very easy spaces. So don’t start with your garage.

’cause that’s really hard. Don’t start with your storage room. That’s hard too. Start with the easy areas. Start with your bathrooms, then go onto your living room to your dining room, like the more easier spaces so that as you do this, you’re and I developed a system like me. I tell you exactly what to do first, second, third you’re building your decluttering muscles.

And so they’re getting more and more strong. And I really believe that a bathroom is the first place that you use every day in the last place, usually that you end up at night. So when you do your bathroom, and it’s really a small area, so when you do your bathroom in this way and you get to live. In this simplified environment, you’re gonna see how awesome it is and you’re gonna wanna apply it to other areas of your life.

So my encouragement is just try it out on the smallest bathroom of your home. And so if you have like a bathroom, somebody has a bathroom with only a toilet and a sink, no bath, try it on that area. See how it is. You’re gonna love it. It’s amazing. And then you’re gonna apply it to all the other bathrooms of your home, and then you’ll move on to the rest of your home.

I, I used to be nice about this and I would tell people like, do a closet at a time. Do one cabinet in your kitchen at a time. It doesn’t work. Like, and I know it sounds really scary, it doesn’t work. So try to get support. Do it with, you know, if you have a cleaner, cleaner lady that comes once a week or whatever, try to, you know, schedule it in with her, with your husband, with your older kids, with a friend, with a mom because.

You are never gonna experience this shock factor of like, I really don’t need all this. When if, if it’s not confronted in front of you, like, oh my goodness, this is a lot, a lot of stuff I truly don’t need it. Also, what ends up happening if you do one closet at a time, like, let’s use the kitchen for an example, right?

And so if you have pots and pans and a few different closets, you’ll take out one closet and you’ll be like, oh, I need a frying pan and I need this pot, and I need that pot. Great. And you put it back in and then a couple days later you go to the next cabinet. And that also has a couple of pots and you are like, oh yeah, I do use this for making pasta.

And I do, right? But when you see all your pots in front of you, you’re like, okay, I have a lot. I could use the pasta pot for also making soup for dairy, right? And so all of a sudden you’re seeing all the choices and all the options you have. And I really don’t need two to three large pots. I only need one large pot.

And that, so my encouragement is, yes, it is overwhelming. Yes, you could say it’s stressful. My plea to women is just do this, do this once. And oh, and you said about managing and maintaining it in the future.

It’s impossible for it ever to be this bad because you’re gonna be mindful now about what you bring home. Every time you’re about to swipe your credit card, you’re gonna ask yourself, am I really, truly willing to bring something into my home? These are all like things that we deep go into really, really deeply, but like, before you bring something into your home, what am I willing to let go of?

That is the same high width and measurement mass, right? Same mass as this item. And, and. Am I really willing to let go of something that takes up the same amount of space as this item in order to bring in the new thing into my home. And so you’re being much more conscious about what’s coming in moving forward, and you’ve lived already the benefits of minimalist life.

So you don’t want it to get overwhelming. Now there’s gonna be seasons of life. I just had two babies very close in age. And so I’m in the baby season right now. There’s a lot of stuff, babies comes with stuff, whether I like it or not. My 2-year-old has a high chair. And we have actually two strollers.

We have like a do not for the car and then a stroller for right. It, there’s stuff, it’s a season of life. When I look around though, I know that when the season’s over, I’m gonna pass it on. And when I look at it, I also know that it’s just, it’s current. Everything has a home though. And I’m going to be able to get rid of it moving forward when I’m done with the season because I have the skills and the tools to be able to do so.

Yeah, as you’re talking. A couple of things come up. First of all, I really think that we’re doing really much better than I thought because as you’re talking about the pots and pans, I’m like, wait, we’re really cool. We have a lot of parve of things, which is like, not dairy, not meat, it’s, you know, neutral.

And we utilize that a lot. We’ve gotten into a rhythm, my husband and I, of making things neutral and then allowing whoever is adding the toppings to on their plate. Like, not at the same time, right? But like we decide if we’re doing the pasta, dairy, or meat. But the pasta is always neutral. It has to do with the sauce that you create in the other pot or something else, whatever.

So most of our stuff is neutral. There is a couple of dairy, a couple of meat, and really everything is used. So I’m actually really proud of myself. As you’re talking, I’m like, oh my gosh, I think I’m doing better than I thought. Which is a great feeling. And takes care of the stress that I was like, sort of like imagining in my head.

And then I wanted to talk about the stress of actually doing it, taking everything out, facing it and being stressed about it. I was picking on on you and really love your answer, and I wanna say something to our listeners. When there is a discomfort that’s like low grade undercurrent that’s constant in your life and it’s seeping your energy, it’s draining you of all your ability to contain the abundance and the goodness and the peace and the love and the laughter, because you’re just constantly thinking behind the scenes of all the stuff that is costing you and draining you.

That is. Not something that you can really get rid of because it’s in the background, it’s somewhere back there. But when you face it and we, you get out of comfort zone and you actually get stressed to see it all, that’s when you’re going to be able to, you know, bring it forward, take care of it, and move on.

So I actually do agree with you that taking a stand, doing something that’s really hard, and then being able to say, I did something hard and now I’m okay. Not only am I okay, I no longer have that hum. That was making me crazy all, all the time. I wanna finish with one point, like as we wrap up that.

When, when we hold onto things, we’re in essence telling God, I have no space for blessing. I have no space for abundance. I have no space for goodness. ’cause I have everything ready. Mine, mine, mine, it’s all here. I got it all. I’m hoarding everything. I’m holding everything, and I’m good. I don’t need you because I didn’t make space for you in my life.

And so when we let go, we’re really opening up these funnels of goodness, of abundance, of beautiful blessings in our lives when we let go. And so what you just, you just touched on something very, very powerful. And what’s remarkable is that when we let go of the, the hum in the background. We improve every area of our lives, our parenting, our marriage, our happiness.

It’s really powerful as soon as we start letting go of the things in our lives. Now, also, one more thing before we finish. I wanna also encourage women. This shouldn’t be a one year progress. Like, oh, this year I’m minimizing, no, this should be like this month. I am minimizing my home, so I’m never going to have to deal with stuff again, and the magnitude that I’m currently dealing with it.

And so don’t do like little bits. Even if you’re gonna do a room, don’t do a room every three weeks. Do a room today, a room tomorrow, and I, I mean this ladies and, and people say, but I have no time. Start tracking how much time you spend on your phone. You have lots and lots of time, so use that time instead to go through your home and be done with it.

Like, just yell at, like, go like, yell at me. Like, come on, let’s just go. You’ve got this. Go do this fast, quickly, get the momentum. And as you’re doing it, even though it’s stressful, yes, it’s, there’s going to be stressful moments. Just be like, I will never have to deal with this again. And I’m gonna be opening up so much abundance and beauty in my life that this is so, so worth it.

This is the most amazing process that I can do. I love it. I love it. Where could people find you? Do you have support groups or support systems that help someone go through this very quickly and not stop in the middle or get discouraged or sort of lose themselves? So I wrote a book titled Frum Minimalism, which means I’m Jewish religious.

People minimalism. So it’s really catered towards that group, but you’re welcome to find it. It’s on Amazon and my brand is called Frum Minimalism. I write blog posts and send out freebies often. And also for your listeners, I would love to send something that they might really enjoy which is what to do if your husband is not interested in decluttering.

It’s usually $9, but I’m happy to send it out to your audience. It’s a guidelines of what to do. If your husband is not interested in decluttering, I think they’re gonna find it really helpful. Additionally, I have another free thing that I would like to send to your audience as well. It’s called, it’s hard to get rid of it, what to do when something’s hard to get rid of it.

And that also, I think you’ll find really, really helpful. It touches a lot on the abundance and the letting go. This is actually though there’s a lot of Hebrew words in it. So either if you’re familiar with it or you can Google it or you can reach out to me and I’m happy to translate things for you.

But both of these resources can be profoundly helpful as you are doing this decluttering journey. I would say grab my book though on Amazon. It literally step by step by step, every single room and space, including the office, the study paperwork, it’s broken down for you in a very, very easy and simple way.

And that’s on Amazon. And as always, you can contact me from minimalism.com. You can find me there, Elliot from minimalism.com. Email me, ask me questions. I’m very passionate about these topics ’cause I just see the amazing things that it gives and does for women. And so please reach out to me, don’t hesitate.

And I’d love to hear from all of your wonderful listeners. Amazing. Ooh, that was such a crazy mind blowing episode. I’m so happy you’re here. Thank you for coming. Thank you listeners for being with us, for going through this like ups and downs of our conversation. It really was amazing. Thank you Ellie.

Thank you for having me. Thank you. It was such a wonderful conversation. You have great energy. Your audience is very lucky. Thank God. Thank God, and thank you for coming. It really is very wonderful. Make sure that you are subscribed to our email list because we will send you the links that Ellie is giving on the email that we’ll be all about this episode.

So make sure to join and if you are looking for where to join, go to connected for real.com and you’ll find there is definitely many ways to sign up. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being with us. Don’t forget to be connected for real.

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