224. Lessons From a Season of Stress

Transcript:

 And we are live. Welcome everyone to the Connected For Real podcast, and this is a big announcement. You might have been noticing that I didn’t release an episode for last week or for this week, and that’s because I couldn’t find the guests and one guest canceled on me, and the other guest couldn’t record fast enough and.

It’s just been ironic. Very, very ironic because when I pick the topics for the months ahead, I sort of pick them based on how it feels, what I feel like talking about, or what I think we’re going to need to address. Mostly for you, the listener. And then February was picked as stress a long time ago. We wanted to talk about stress and what we can do about stress and why is stress around and why did God create stress?

And there was so much good stuff I wanted to address. And then my daughter got engaged, thank God. And it’s been good. So I was thinking about it, first of all, when you know you’re expecting a baby so you can plan ahead. Like I did when I had my baby, and you can have the entire year prerecorded and pre-planned, and that’s how my maternity leave went so smoothly because I was able to just like slide right in and you know, sort of go with the flow.

It was so fun. But things that are not expected are a little bit harder to plan for. And so I was not expecting to be thrown into a full-time job being a mother of the bride, and therefore I did not really have these recordings up and running as quickly as I should have or could have had them. And that’s okay.

Now, this isn’t to apologize for like guys, I’m not perfect ’cause. I’ve been, I’ve been really hard on myself being like, I can’t believe I missed two weeks in a row. But you know what? When I sat down and looked at the topic. I said, okay, we didn’t talk about stress and God, and we didn’t talk about stress and marriage.

Thank God I have prerecorded stress and business and stress and you. So the two coming weeks are gonna be amazing, but I just wanted you to know that I found that super ironic because the last two weeks have been probably the most stressful in a very long time. I haven’t experienced stress like that in a long time.

I won’t say forever because who knows, but. It’s so ironic. So I wanna tell you what I’ve been doing a little bit. First thing is I’m going to address some of the things that I would have said in the stress in God and stress in marriage, because I think it’s really good and very important for you to listen to.

Also, this is going to be a small. Shorter episode because I can’t find time to sit down and record a solo episode. You know how it is when there is a guest, then I know I am required to show up for the guest and then we record a full, you know, almost hour plus minus, whatever, you know, but I was going to record this solo episode saying, okay, you guys, we haven’t found a guest, but I could still go live and I haven’t found the time.

I haven’t been able to sit down for one second with myself. So one thing is I have not journaled in like a month. And it is crazy what a big impact it is making on my life. I feel scattered. I feel like I can’t really sit down with my thoughts ’cause I don’t know what my thoughts are. I’ve been trying to create all sorts of order in this chaos and it feels like I am trying very hard.

And if any of you have ever told me. I know what to do, but I just don’t wanna do it. ’cause it feels like hard work. This is it. This is what it feels like. So when you’re thrown off and you are not in your rhythm, you’re gonna feel it and it’s gonna be interesting. So a couple of things that I’ve been doing.

Taking deep breaths very often, as often as I can. I found that shutting my phone off completely and being missing an action or completely non-communicative even just for an hour, is very helpful. And it’s, it takes away from wanting to reach for the phone because you’re like, oh, it’s dead. There’s nothing in it.

There’s no touching it. It’s not gonna react. It’s just nothing. And I thought, oh, don’t worry. I’m not really addicted. I am human. And I’m like, or some of you, maybe you’re listening and you’re like, I’m not addicted. That’s totally cool. But. I found that because I had to look for so many, so many service providers, photographer and hair and makeup and the hall, and getting, you know, all these different things under control.

Control. Mm. That’s a great topic. Anyway, all these things under control. I’m on my phone all the time and it’s not because I want to, it’s because I have to. What happens is that because I’m on my phone anyway, I might as well just check this and I might as well just do this and da, da, da, da, and then I end up being on my phone too much, so I am helping myself.

With the skills and the tools that worked for me in the past, I’m just trying to remind myself what used to work. So one thing that used to work is I don’t touch my phone until I pray, and that is a very hard thing to do because you’re like, I’ll just check one thing. I’m trying really hard to hold onto that because it means that my morning is clear of bone.

Do I have to say more? Then another thing, as I said, if I am trying to really just completely shut off for half an hour or for 20 minutes or for an hour, I can shut off the phone completely and not have anybody call me or look for me and everything’s gonna be okay. Maybe some people will get annoyed, but it’s okay because it’s not a whole day.

And even if it was. It’s gonna be fine, but 20 minutes, half an hour, an hour, you can handle it. That’s another thing that I is, has been working really well. Number three, going outside. Anytime I’m feeling stressed, I can’t handle it. I explode, I’m annoyed. I’m just finding myself really irritable. I go outside, I sit down on the grass.

It’s really nice ’cause it’s winter now. So our grass is nice and green. It’s not really grass, it’s more like weeds, but who cares? They’re green, they’re beautiful. There’s little tiny flowers that are like peeking in. It makes me very happy. It. And my daughter really loves grounding also, so she’ll see me doing it and then she’ll come and do it too.

And then we’ll start talking or we’ll, you know, brainstorm a little bit what we need to do. But really it’s such a energy changer.

Okay. So why did God create stress? I personally think that God created stress as a mechanism for us to find him and to look for him. We are stressed because we think we’re carrying it all ourselves. And then it’s like, reminder, I’m right here with you. I am holding it all for you. Just delegate. And what I just did with one of my clients is we started a morning routine.

She really wanted to have something in the morning that she knows she can just, you know, jump into. And the thing for her was, write down your intention. And then after we talked a lot, you know, throughout the meditation and the session that we did, what came up was that she is learning to delegate to God.

If he’s really here and he really loves me and he really can run the world, then why am I holding it all myself? So learning to let go and let God take over. I think that’s really the reason why we are stressed is because it’s a reminder that you are just holding it all, but you don’t have to be holding it all and you’re stressing about things that probably don’t matter.

You know? Does it really matter if it’s this photographer or that photographer? Does it really matter if it’s this dress or that dress? And yes, we do not have a dress yet. Please pray for the dress. It’s a long story. We almost had a dress and then it wasn’t modest. And then we tried fixing it, and then we found out that it’s really not something you could fix.

And then we started looking again. So tomorrow we are going to go to the fourth place and hopefully find a dress. Please, please, God, I’m so excited that it should be it. But yeah, does it really matter? I’m sure if at some point closer and closer to the wedding, she still doesn’t have a dress, she’s just gonna like be like, okay, whatever.

I’ll wear this. You know? I just, I really hope that there’s something that comes through, but. Things like that, does it really matter? Like it’s things that you wanna stress over because they matter to you and they matter right now. But put it in perspective and realize that most of the things we’re stressing about are not consequential, and they are reminders to bring God into it, to trust God, to allow him to take over.

And it is like, let it off your shoulders. And just as I’m saying that, it feels so good to lower my shoulders. Oh, thank God you guys. Dunno. It’s been so beautiful to have such a wonderful couple. They’re so cute. They’re so sweet. They’re so not picky about most things and it’s been really nice to have these things just sort of flow.

But then there’s also the things that aren’t flowing and are sort of stuck and are like feeling really overwhelming. Like finding the hall is harder than finding a husband. I’m telling you. I don’t know what it was, but you go to see all these halls. Some places are just not your style, not the thing you want.

Some are dinky and dirty. Some are too expensive, some are too cheap, some are da, da, whatever. I’m not kidding when I say too cheap. Take a deep breath. There is a hall out there for you. You just have to find it. And the most, the funniest thing is that the day that we decided to make a four-way call with the couple, so it was like my husband and me, the couple which are not in the same place ’cause he’s in the army, she is in Be Sheva.

So we’re all on four different phones talking to each other and they start talking about, I don’t know, should we take this place or that place? They’re both not good. And why are we choosing between two bad things like bad or worse? And this place has this thing and this place has that thing. And I just took a deep breath and I was like, where can we find options we haven’t heard of yet or what is going on that God wants us to just pause and listen.

And as soon as I did that, my daughter suddenly said, you know, my friend said that there’s this place in which is down south. And I said, great, what’s the place called? And I call, I got off the four-way call. My husband was still on with the bride and groom. I called from my phone while putting the baby to sleep while on this four-way call.

Crazy, crazy. And I asked him. What is it gonna cost? Are you available? When are you available? Anyway, it was just so funny, but like things fell into place so quickly. Once I allowed there to be more options, allowed there to be unknowns, it brought God into it. It was really fun. Very fun. So why did God create stress?

I believe that God created stress because he wants us to wake up. He wants us to become more conscious. He wants us to listen and to hear what he has to say. That is why I have the calm method, because I myself use it all the time. I have to tell you, I haven’t journaled, but I have used the calm method so many times throughout this experience and I am sold.

I know I teach it to you all the time. I’ve been talking about it for like, what, five years? My business is eight years old. I think I came up with it pretty early, so maybe we’re talking six years. Yeah, whatever. It’s probably six years that the call method lives and I’ve been using it the whole time, but it has come really, really un handy throughout this experience of making decisions, of choosing, of knowing what to do of all this stuff.

And thank God I made the decide with calm workshop. Which, by the way, I am running a bonus workshop, part two for anybody who signed up, and if you haven’t signed up yet. I don’t mind if you wanna come and sign up. We had like a full workshop in an hour and a half where I taught the calm method.

Really went deep into it. We answered questions. We got really practical, but I gave you homework and I hate doing that because I know that somebody who tells you like, yeah, when you get a chance, sit down and journal this. It’s like no. So on Wednesday, I’m doing a. Workshop part two, where we’re actually going to implement it live.

So we’re gonna do another meditation to get you into it and to really settle into the the calm method, vibe. And then we’re going to journal. Everybody’s gonna journal on their own. Journal, wherever they’re sitting in their own house, and if anything comes up, you’re going to be able to ask me in the chat.

I’m going to be answering questions at the end. We’re going to be talking about. How it felt for you. Anybody who has any examples that they wanna bring up or anything they wanna ask, they could raise their hand. I felt like we needed an hour of, I guess, coworking, but in a calm method way. So I’m calling it workshop part two.

I think it’s an amazing idea. I felt like I needed it, so I’m doing it for everyone else, but it’s really amazing how I plan to do things. And God is like, yes, you’re planning it for yourself, not for everyone else. And it’s very smart. So I’m very grateful. Thank you, God. And let’s talk about stress and marriage because we haven’t had a guest for that.

And as I said, we definitely should because it’s a wonderful topic. Stress and marriage is a very interesting thing. So. Lately, something that has come up for me. Oh, and by the way, I went to this amazing half day retreat. I have to tell you how awesome that was. Hmm. We went to this beautiful place in the desert.

The whole idea was built around ish shava and the tree and growth. And so we went to the desert. At the time when it is the most green, the most beautiful, the most magnificent, you’re just looking out to like dunes and dunes and dunes of desert. But the desert isn’t gray or brown. It’s green and it’s gorgeous.

Ah. It feels your heart. It does this. So beautiful. There’s like spacious and gorgeous and beautiful. Anyway, I got there on time because I was like, I am showing up. On time. I’m ready. It was so wonderful. They did the first thing was like breakfast and there was yummy, yummy, yummy salads. Oh, you know how much I love a salad.

And there was cut up vegetables and there were dips and there was like a pizza and faccia thing, like, you know, a bunch of dough that I usually don’t eat, but I was like, ah, just a little next to my salad. It was delicious. And it was really nice. It was really, really nice. It was the best gift I could have given myself and something I have to tell you, sign up, even if it’s three, four weeks in advance, like, just sign up and commit to yourself because you don’t know what your future self is gonna need.

And boy did I need that retreat. I was so happy I signed up. This fell at the right place. Totally in my life, in my lap. Boom. Beautiful. I’m so, so proud of myself that I. I was willing to invest the time and money to sign up ahead of time and actually do it anyway. Then there was a meditation and it was all about the roots and rooting yourself and feeling the roots.

And it was like it brought up for me Israel and the land of Israel and how we’re here and we’re rooted. It was really, really beautiful, really powerful. And then afterwards we talked about the the, what’s it called, bark. The bark of the tree. I was gonna say the stem, it’s not the stem. The bark of the tree and all of the things that are anchors in our lives.

And we talked about anchors. It was so entertaining, so beautiful. I love the way they did everything. They did. They were amazing. And then we talked about the growth and the flowering and all of the things that are already. In their bloom and not yet in their bloom. So potential growth versus the growth that is has already shown itself and it was so fascinating how my aha is always about being present, like be with where you are.

I always have to learn the same thing. I’m always learning the same thing over and over. I’m always learning the same exact lesson in my life. I’m telling you, anything I do, everything I go to, I always come back to just be where you are. If you can’t be now, now you won’t be able to be now later. That was one of the things I got in one of my meditations a while back.

It just made me laugh at how funny I am, even in, even my future self is funny. You know, like when we went to meet our future self. That was like three or four years ago. Man, it’s been so fun to, to be on this journey. Anyway, I had such a good time in that meditation, in that half day retreat thing. At one 30, they gave us all like coffee or hot cocoa or whatever our drink of choice was.

Fresh from the machine. It was so yummy so that we could take it on our way to go, and it was so fun to drive home and have this like yummy hot cocoa in my hand. It was like with the oatmeal, so I didn’t even have to like get a stomachache from it. It was so fun. Why was I telling you this? Because stress is the feeling that you can’t take your time off, that you don’t have time to do anything, that you aren’t able to.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? So let go of that. Don’t fall for the, for the lie. That you can’t take an hour off, that you can’t take a half hour off, that you can’t turn off your phone, that you can’t take a nap, that you need to run, run, run, go, go, go all the time. Don’t do that. It’s gonna hurt you. It’s gonna hurt your marriage, it’s gonna hurt your business, it’s gonna hurt everything.

So allow yourself to be in the me in the moment. Enjoy all the different parts of the stress there. You know, the stress is also a reason for a party. That’s what my mother used to say, like in Hebrew is a reason for a party. But like, I’m trying to focus on the fact that this is good.

Stress that is coming with a lot of goodness that we’re dealing with a party, that we’re dealing with a happy occasion. And thank God, I think it’s very healing and very wonderful. So thank you for listening to this very short, very interesting rant of me being stressed out and also trying to talk about stress and also finding the irony of the fact that I picked stress to be February without knowing that February was going to be the month before the wedding. My daughter’s getting married March 1st, so let me just tell you right now, we are not having a podcast on March 1st, but we are going to have a bunch of really cool reels, pictures of, I don’t know what.

Reels and pictures, I guess from the wedding. We’re gonna try and get friends and family, and also we have this girl who we hired to take videos of everybody. So hopefully we’ll have something to show that whole week. If you are not following me on Instagram, you better go do that right now. So open up your Instagram as you’re listening to this.

Yes, yes. I know you’re listening. Great. Open up Instagram. Go to Connected for real. All one word. Or you could just look me up. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. Anyway. Follow. Make sure you follow because that’s where I’m gonna post. And if you’re on Facebook, you probably could also follow connected for real there. And then it’s connected, so you should be able to get it in both places.

If you’re now on social media and you just wanna say hi, you can email me and I’ll send you a picture of the wedding. Really, I will. ’cause I’m so excited about it. I am very excited. Take a deep breath. I have so much more to say about stress. Maybe I’ll do another episode, but not right now. ’cause I’m running to a meeting.

I love you all. Don’t forget to be connected for real. That’s what I wanna say. Ah, it’s all good things. I’m so happy. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for being so forgiving. Thank you for understanding that. I’m human. Thank you for loving me so much.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for continuing to listen. Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for giving me likes. Love you