22. Building God-centered Homes with Daniella Rudoff

November 17, 2021

In This Episode
A God-centered home begins with yourself, and it extends to your dating life, marriage, and business. God’s creative design is always working at the right place and time, so always remember to have confidence and put value in what He asks you to do. Daniella Rudoff and Rebbetzin Bat-Chen take you on a journey to build the muscle to make every aspect of your life amazing.

Highlights
00:52 The Marriage Architect, Daniella Rudoff, is a marriage educator and dating coach, where she sets a couple up, builds their foundation, and paves the way for a fruitful and happy relationship.
02:20 Through her own experience having an amazing marriage, Daniella was inspired to start her business.
02:39 A challenge can block anyone’s progress or limiting beliefs, such as when women think they have to sacrifice their careers for marriage or vice versa. However, men actually find women in business attractive, according to Daniella, and sometimes what we believe that our husbands are jealous or unsupportive, are just thoughts in our heads.
07:58 When it comes to people who are dating, Daniella mentors them to know their points of view, what kind of partner they want to have.
08:41 Daniella’s male clients are usually looking for someone who is family-oriented and want to start a family. When they are dating, they are looking at women who will make time to date.
10:29 Rebbetzin Bat-Chen shares her story about when she and her husband were dating. Her advice is to make sure to show that dating is to make sure you have time to date.
13:42 Confidence is very attractive, but it is also a muscle that we can build ourselves and through other people.
16:56 The prerequisite to confidence is courage.
19:07 What Rebbetzin Bat-Chen and Daniella have in common is their God-centeredness, which they also bring into their work.
22:58 With matchmaking, it is amazing how you have to connect to other people in order to connect with the person you’re going to marry, and that is a match made in heaven!
24:39 The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, Marriage Mindset, and Connected for Real Podcast are designed for people who have been married for a long time, while the Marriage Architect is for people who are dating, engaged, or in their first year of marriage. It’s mind-blowing how God has allowed Marriage Coach, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen, and Marriage Educator, Daniella, to help others through their businesses.
30:26 Daniella did not start out as a dating coach, but as a Jewish studies educator.
31:18 After taking up marriage education at Yeshiva University, Daniella created a business model that worked for her. Some women in business believe that they have to constantly give, but you have value in what you do, so it’s okay to charge because you’re going to change people’s lives.
36:02 Some things don’t go as planned because God has a greater path for you. Daniella loves her work as the Marriage Architect.
39:25 Dating is a journey, and it’s about becoming a better person who does what God wants. As a side effect, getting married and being able to have a fruitful relationship also happens.
46:03 When career-driven women get married, men worry about how they will act once there are more responsibilities, but Rebbetzin Bat-Chen believes that there is something inside of you that changes and allows both to work.

Links
Daniella Rudoff: Website | The Marriage Architect Facebook Page | Facebook
5 Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage
Marriage Breakthrough Retreat

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REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Welcome to the Connected For Real Podcast! I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business, and my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage, and into your business. Let’s get started. The following is one of the many conversations I had with experts and professionals about real life and how it affects marriage. Let me know your takeaways on Instagram or Facebook, @connectedforreal. Enjoy. And we are live. Welcome everyone welcome to the Connected for Real Podcast. I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. I’m a marriage coach for God-centered women in business, and this is Daniella. She is going to introduce herself. She is super awesome. Go.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
You’re so sweet, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen. Thank you for having me. I’m Daniella Rudoff, and I’m the marriage architect. I’m a marriage educator, and became dating coach and matchmaker through a lot of people asking me to set them up and it’s really awesome stuff. So, I really enjoy it and I have a really amazing network of people and dating coaching is part of what I do as well. So, it’s really cool stuff. Even when I set a couple up, I make sure to be there through the dating process to make sure that they’re really a happy couple, progressing in their dating together and then becoming more and more serious in their relationship, but I’m there for the foundation to make sure that it’s a good couple. So, paving the way for that awesome marriage.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love that. I think it’s really important to give them the tools and set the stage for them to have a good marriage. First of all, the best way to know somebody is under stress and for the last half hour we’ve had technical issues, and it’s awesome to see what a great husband you are and how devoted he is to making it work.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
He’s amazing. He’s amazing. It was funny because when this was all happening right beforehand we were having technical difficulties and I was thinking, “Bat-Chen gets to see exactly right now [Laughs] with my stressful situation and how we handle it. So, thank you.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Behind the scenes.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Exactly. He’s great and that’s really actually why I went into this work because I felt like if I’m able to understand how to have an amazing marriage, I want to be able to educate others of how to have that. I’m sure you also do the same so it’s wonderful, and really a lot of it is based on skills, education, and of course, chemistry.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I want to talk about the business aspect of it because my specialty is marriage for women in business, and I’ll tell you why. I married a rabbi. I mean, he wasn’t a rabbi at the time but that was the goal. He was already learning to be a Rabbi and I was very committed to making sure that he finishes and that he actually continues on his way to doing what he was meant to do. So I was a graphic designer for the first 15 years until I switched over to marriage coach and I grew and grew and grew. I worked on Fifth Avenue and I worked in Jerusalem for the top graphic designer. Everywhere I went, I was always trying to really be tops because that’s just my personality, and the more I grew the more resentful I guess I got because in my head he was jealous, he was not supportive, he was whatever, but really he wasn’t. It was just all the way that I was thinking it because I was projecting. I guess I was normal and reacting from a lot of the things that we hear and a lot of what I heard was if you get too successful, then it will affect your marriage and you see all these women who make it to a million dollars and then they get divorced soon after. So, that was a little bit of a tint on my story and then I didn’t really have who to turn to except mentors and people, people I turned to for regular things but there wasn’t anybody who was specializing in this. Then once I had my sixth baby, I realized this is exactly what I need to do I need to help people get over this hump because it stops you from growing your business and it stops you from investing in your marriage and they’re constantly fighting each other if you don’t align them correctly.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
It’s a great way of getting to your niche, meaning that you’ve had to navigate this in your life in order to see what you wanted to do, and I totally agree with you that that can really stand in someone’s way. Anything, any challenge that someone has and something that’s bothering them it could just block their progress because it’s limiting them and they’re limiting beliefs. I think that that stands for anything. Let’s say in the dating world, directly to answer your question about women specifically being successful in business, but also really, like I just said any challenge that they feel they’re having, it really can stand in the way unless it’s fully discussed and work through with their mentors with a coach, or themselves, of course. But specifically about women, there are a lot of successful women out there. Yay! We’re very proud. We’re very happy about it.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I mean, I explained that as being part of the generation of the redemption. The women were always in the back and they were always the ones that were behind the scenes, and there’s something about this generation that the women are going to make that big consciousness change, where instead of being in this like survival mode and low consciousness that we’ve been through, we’re sort of just getting there, to the next level and that is being done by all these amazing women who are working.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, yes. Absolutely, and it’s also an education to the men because I think actually some men really like it, I have to say. Because I have deep conversations with each person who comes to meet with me, and many men really like it. They’re not opposed to it. So it’s again, that rumination that’s going on in someone’s mind that it might be stopping them or blocking them from dating somebody, from attracting that positive amazing guy who likes it. They could be stopping themselves from having that guy come into their life because really, my message is that a lot of men like it. They find it very attractive when a woman is confident that she’s successful, when she is achieving success in her business whether it’s the title or whether it’s the financial. It’s not that he wants her money. It’s that he is proud of somebody who can accomplish such a thing.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I want to say something to that because somebody says, “How could you tell your story? Isn’t it like you’re talking about your husband in front of everyone?” It’s like, “No, I’m not. I’m really talking about myself and what’s going on,” because really, the reality was completely not in line with how I was feeling and what I was believing. He was, the entire time, very supportive. He was, the entire time, very happy for me and he was not only supporting me, making me food and taking care of the laundry so that I can work. He’s acts of service, obviously. He’s speaking that language of making sure that things run smoothly, but I had to really work on myself and the way that my beliefs were running my thought process and my emotions.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
I love that. Meaning, I love that you’re expressing that and helping so many people understand that that was about you and of course, as a marriage coach, you, of course, are going to also discuss open and clear communication and to working on discussing that with your husband. So, that obviously you’re now on the same page together and you obviously realize how proud he is of you and supports you, but in terms of the daters, they don’t know their husband yet so it’s a matter of my encouraging, educating, mentoring, coaching and guiding, but it’s also what I do with the men as well. Meaning, it’s both and when I discuss with women and also when I discuss with men, of how I understand their points of view, their perspective, and what type of woman they want to marry, like if they want that successful type of woman. They might want a successful type of woman who also is family oriented and they don’t know it yet because they’re not a wife and mom yet. Of course, when I discuss with people what they’re interested in being, then I’ll know that. So, discussing with men like you said, it’s the redemptive a generation that we’re in— so when I speak to men, I’m actually pleasantly happy to tell you, happy to report that many men are very happy about this, and really to tell all the women out there who have this hang up whether they think that that’s going to stand in their way, it’s not going to stand in their way if they are, I would say, really if they are family-oriented because the men really want someone usually who’s family oriented because they come to me because they want to really get married. They come to me because they want to get set up on a date with somebody who wants to get married and have a family. So, those are the type of people who come to me. Serious people. They really want to get married, and really that’s really their own thing their thing but when they’re dating, what they’re also looking at is how much time are they putting aside to go on a date. This is a huge factor. A very successful woman who says, “But I have this meeting and that meeting and I have these friends to see. Even though I don’t know if this guy is going to work out, I don’t know if I’m going to clear my calendar with my friends,” because if the friends knew that she had a date, they’d probably say, “Go on the date. We’ll make another date to go together with coffee.” In my opinion, it’s understandable but that’s what the guy’s looking at. He wants to see—is she making time for family to date? Because he wants to progress in dating, seeing this is the right person, dating more and just developing a relationship, but if she’s always busy, busy, busy, busy because she’s so used to being successful and getting to her goals with whatever it is, whether it’s business, whether it’s social and getting together with a bunch of people but not making time for dating, that’s a sign for the guy whether it’s correct or not right. We’re not saying she doesn’t want it but there are certain things that she can do to show it.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
So I loved one of the things about my husband when we were going out, he said he had a day that was blocked off, that he’s always going to go out on Wednesday, and so if he didn’t have a date on Wednesday then he would use that time to find a date for next Wednesday but he was so committed to always have time on his calendar, to make sure that this goal was being met and then when I was praying like, “I’m sick of this. Can I just have a guy already?” I was dating so much, so long and I remember so clearly praying in my room just saying, “God, I am done whatever. I’m not picky anymore. I don’t care. Just give me the right guy because I know he exists and I know that there is something that you custom-made and perfectly altered to fit me. Can you just get it done with already?” I was just done with going out fun or going out for out in the beginning. It’s fun you get to go—you can eat, you get to meet new people, right? I was done, so I said, “I just want a date on Wednesday.” That’s what I think—

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Oh my gosh. Did you really? Oh my gosh. That is the best story. I love your story.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Sunday, we got two phone calls about two different guys. Two people called about two different guys. One was a total flop because the lady didn’t even know his name. She just wanted to call and say she knows someone who has a son who might be good for you. “Okay, what’s his name?” “I don’t know I’ll find out.” “Okay, and why do you think this is good?” “Because he’s a guy and you have a girl.” It really sounded like that. We were cracking up. But the one after was this guy went out with and he set me up with his roommate, and I am very grateful until this day. It was so crazy how we ended up going out on Wednesday because I said, “I just want a date on Wednesday,” and he was like, “He’s available on Wednesday,” and so we just said, “Yep.” Of course, we looked into him because he goes to the same school as my brother so it was easy—easy to find out that he was a good guy. It was pretty cool. I think that if you want advice, block this in. Just like you block in other things. Make sure you have time that is important to you to show that it’s high priority.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Exactly. A hundred percent. It’s such a great story and I love this sign that, “Oh, he’s available on Wednesday,” and you’re like, “I just want a date on Wednesday.” I love it. I love it. It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful. I try to remind people to make time to date. Whoever we’re talking about– their work schedule, we’re talking about things that are important to them and it’s [like], “Okay, so when do you have time to date?” I’ll say to a person, “When do you have time to date?” when I’m first meeting them because it’s sometimes an issue. I just started to set up a couple and I wrote to her, “Not sure where it’s going yet but I just wanted to let you know.” She goes, “That’s great. Thank you so much but I hope it’s not a problem I’m leaving town for three weeks.” [Laughs] I don’t know. So these are things that I have to deal with that people don’t realize that are behind the scenes. It’s making time to date, and understandably someone has a trip but it does sometimes come in the way.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Of course. I think that something I want to double tap on right now is would you talk about confidence. When a woman is confident of what she’s doing and how this is what she loves to do or this is what I’ve committed to, then there’s a certain aura about it and when she’s doing it because she feels like she has to or she’s not sure and she’s trying to figure it out and she’s throwing spaghetti on the wall and there’s this iffy-iffy thing going on, you feel it, you know it, and so we could tell. The guy can tell too. it’s something that it doesn’t feel right.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yeah. People don’t realize how attractive confidence is. It’s very attractive and that’s one of the things that I suggest to people is to—like you were saying, it’s a muscle that your husband did of he was working his muscle of making time to meet on Wednesdays. That’s a muscle. When we say good morning even if their earbuds are in, you said your good morning to somebody because that’s the muscle of being kind and nice to people. Sometimes you’re like, “Wait, why did I say hi? Why did I take the my breath to go say hi to somebody?” but it’s my muscle I’m working. It’s I’m working on myself, so the idea that I say to people is let’s say working on confidence, working on manners, working on different things that are going to offer you a successful life, right? That’s something I can do right now that will help me once I have my date. It will help me with my confidence, all these things will— I can work on them today. People say, “Oh, but I don’t have a date,” but you can do things to help yourself for when you have the date that you’ll be successful, and I think that’s key in what we call effort, right? When we call, we have to be working towards our goals all the time, every person. So, every person. It could be someone who’s married and has their goals, right? Whether it’s professional, family, anything with their whatever it is but she could be playing guitar and working on her goal towards being a better guitarist, so you have to practice. Going to the gym—you have to go and work out in order to get the benefits of it. It’s the same thing like you’re saying with confidence. I 100% agree but sometimes people need somebody else to teach them that they’re really good enough to feel confident. Sometimes they need a cheerleader. Everyone needs cheerleaders, whether it’s their family, their friends—please God, when they’re married, their spouse will be their best cheerleader, right? Confidence is extremely attractive but sometimes people have to listen to other people to believe them that they really—let’s say if someone gives you a compliment how special you are, they can’t say, “No, no, no.” They can say, “Thank you,” right? And then let them build their confidence and that’s so important. Let’s say a person who’s dating to feel confident—obviously, not overly confident where it’s not attractive, but confident and then it’s helpful to them in the dating process like you said. The guy can read right through a person who’s not confident as the women also could read right through the man who’s not confident. It’s both ways.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
So, I want to talk about the prerequisite the confidence because you hit it. You hit it on the nail. What if I’m not confident, right? That was the question you said. What if I’m not confident? How do I work it out? And you said it’s a muscle. You just keep trying and keep doing it and you will get there, but the prerequisite to confidence is courage, and the courage to say the truth of where you really are, what you’re struggling with, what you could use help with or where I am right now as opposed to people who are like, “Oh, I’m the super. I’m doing great. Don’t worry about it,” and then inside they’re isolated, feeling so lonely, so whatever it is that they’re feeling and they’re just hiding it. That’s not really going to get you where you want to go. There’s this courage to say the truth about where you’re standing and where you are so if you are successful, then it takes courage to actually say because it’s scary to be successful when you’re not as successful as you want to be, you could say that. Like, “Here. This is where I am now. I’m working towards this goal, and I don’t know, maybe you have ideas for me be open. Be honest. Be excited about where you are.” It’s builds up the confidence because you jumped into something,

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, and the happiness and the positive because it’s true that a person can always be trying for more of whatever it is that they’re at. Hopefully, towards positive, more confidence, more everything in terms within the correct amount of confidence You’re right. They have to have this this honesty with themselves of where they stand, but at the same time they could always be—I think that it’s recognized like to be happy right now, and again, it’s by deriving and learning maybe from a coach or maybe from their peers, maybe from their family, but also being in that happier state—happier because we’re human so it’s always going up and down but at the same time, to be able to attract even more positive and to be able to attract even more confidence in a way that I know I’m doing good things or I know I’m at a good place or I need to learn more, like you’re saying, like I need to work on this muscle, I need to work on this muscle but I’m doing well.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, I like that. We titled it Building God-centered Homes and that’s what I’m all about. That’s my deepest why—is that I want God’s presence in my home, in your home, and it’s home. How do you see that with your work?

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Okay, well first of all, I personally have a God-centered life. I pray every day in the mornings and afternoons and try to bring God into my life on a personal level, not just on a professional level. I work with people who are religious and not religious, whether you want to call that. I don’t necessarily think that that’s either God-centered or not God-centered.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Exactly what I was gonna say. I was gonna say that that is how my grandfather—he always said, “I don’t care how religious anybody is. It’s either you have God in your life or you don’t,” and that is a very good—

DANIELLA RUDOFF
It’s a good concept. I also grew up that way in terms of my parents, always welcoming everybody into our homes of every kind of background, and I love that. I’m just prefacing so people know who I work with. They’re just Jewish singles though. I do work with Jewish singles, so how do I see that in in my work? Well, I work very individually with people most of the time, and then sometimes I give a seminar. This coming Sunday, I’ll be giving a dating seminar, a marriage ed for engaged couples, and a marriage ed for newly married couples— first year. I’m an educator so that’s innate inside of me so like God-centered in that way, as well. I’m always educating but with that kind of concept where Hashem runs the world, God runs the world, especially with everything that I’m doing right? Everything about the education but everything about matchmaking, I have to be accepting of God’s will that I can’t make sure this woman stays in this city because I have this great idea that they should meet. I don’t control the world.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
You mean to say you are not in control?

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Right. [Laughs] It’s a very hard work when you’re always trying and trying on ideas I, of course, know that on a personal level but on a professional level bringing that together, you have to work on it. My mindset, me, personally. I have to educate the people who work with me as well to understand where I fit where Daniella Rudoff fits into this picture. I’m here to meet with each person and then afterwards, whatever happens I’m doing my best to help them when I have an idea of someone in my network or someone who’s coming to my network soon. If they want to work more privately with me and do proactive, which means a VIP service where I’m searching for them, that’s a whole other level. It’s a whole other kind of service but then it’s a daily kind of service with them, which is great. They’ve asked for it. People in my network have asked for it and amazing things have happened through it as well. So, in terms of God-centered in my life, in terms of my professional world, it’s daily. It’s every second. When a couple says to me, “Thank you,” and I say immediately, “Thank God,” and, “It’s my pleasure and my honor that I have the merit to be able to be the person to facilitate this match.” I mean to me, a lot of people remind me, “But you have the skills, you’ve worked on yourself to be able to do this type of thing,” but yes, that’s true. I feel like God put me in this position and gave me the kind of background that I have in the kind of education that I have and the kind of personality that I have to work with people and years of teaching to work with individuals, but it is of course, to me and I try to state it because I want people to know it, that it’s really God who’s running this world and running everything that I’m doing and yes, I can take certain kinds of credit because I’m putting the efforts, right? I’m doing that muscle, right? I’m just putting in the efforts and thinking for people and trying ideas and everything so I could take that kind of credit, but I feel like God is for—not feel like. I know that God is the one who is arranging for things to happen.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
You know, with matchmaking, one of the most amazing things is that sometimes you have to connect to other people in order to connect to the one you’re going to marry. So, just them meeting you is already like “Woo!” What a match made in heaven, and then for the other person to meet you and then for you to put them together, it actually took a lot of creative design on God’s part to get everybody connected in the right place in the right time, in the right and everything is so exact. We are the messengers and the vessel for certain things, but in order for you to meet us, you also have a matchmaking type of thing going on.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Exactly. So, people will say to me, “So, how do I know that you have my type?” Because I meet with all types I said, “The fact that 12 have happened through me just with the matchmaking,” because there are a lot of people have come to meet with me and then I’ve mentored them to be able to get married, meaning the event soon after or immediate, or a little bit like a guy at 40 years old told me this past week that he’s ready to marry the one of the people he’s dating and he said, “It’s all because of you,” and I’m like, “Thank God!” He’s like, “You taught me the communication skills, and you taught me to have—” gave him confidence, whatever it is, and now he wants me to be his coach for life. I love it. He’s amazing. He’s really amazing. I work with amazing people, people who value making their lives better and get themselves get to their goals, so they value the work that we do together and that to me is precious. It’s special. It’s a Godsend.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, I love that. You know how you said you were working with the dating, the engaged and the first year married? I love the later year married. I’m fascinated by somebody being able to be married for all these years or have a whole history and a whole journey and a whole thing, and then most of my clients, they have good marriages and then we take it to the next level and you see them just open up to this completely new level of marriage. It’s like, “How did you do that? You’re so young. You wouldn’t get it,” but I got it. I was able to understand what you need, not what I need. It’s so amazing. I love how you said, how would you have my type or how do you know you have my type? Everybody thinks they’re a certain type but really, like you said, if you’re committed to yourself then that’s the type you want, somebody who’s committed to themselves, and it takes a lot of courage to commit to yourself and I know because it was very scary to take a decision and actually move forward, especially when it costs money or when you actually have a thing on the line. If you do it, you will suddenly start meeting people who do it too, and then it’s going to change your life.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, and that’s what not everyone understands. Not everyone gets that, and ever since I started doing this the way I handle it, I’ve started to appreciate it as well in my life and seeing the value when I’m paying somebody to do any kind of service with my kids or it’s for myself. It’s not like, “Oh, how can I get a good deal?” It’s, “Yes, I want to pay for this because I know it’s good for me to grow and develop. This is going to get me to my goals,” and it’s something that I also developed in my life and learned. I see it in the types of people who come to me. It’s a certain level of person and it depends on the person if they have money, if they don’t have money. It’s not the point. That they prioritize that this is important to them and there’s something very spiritual that goes on with that as well. It’s something that I learned from Lea Ahroni, she actually taught this to me, that when someone spends money on themselves, the Zohar says, “I didn’t see it inside myself,” but the Zohar says that you’re saying, “Hashem, God this is important to me. I’m working on this, so whether it’s through Daniella Rudoff that sets me up or someone else sets me up, I’m showing my effort towards this goal,” and then God helps you to this goal in a different way, maybe than if you didn’t spend money on this goal. So I’ve learned that in my life also by spending money on whether it’s business mentors or whatever kind of coaches that I have because I respect it and I see it and I see a difference in who I am today.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, so first of all I’m smiling because Lea Ahroni was a guest on my podcast and we had fascinating and very active— the audience was all over it. The comments were going woof, woof, woof, and I had no idea what was going on I was trying to tell her what the comments are saying but she was live with me and it is such a pleasure because I just came back from her retreat she did recently. It was really, really nice. So, I agree. There’s something really special that happens when you commit. You said, “If you have money or you don’t have money—” I took a loan in order to do business coaching because I knew that that’s what God wants me to do. How do you know? I asked. So it’s mind-blowing how things blow up when you finally take a step when you finally make a decision and you stop being in that mind space of “I don’t know,” because God is the one who sends the money. So if this is what you want, then show me how to do it.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Right. Yeah and I’m saying it again is that— the person is let’s say in my case, they come for a meeting and they pay a meeting fee and I happen to do everything else afterwards for free till there’s an engagement, so they’re not even paying for all that unless they’re proactive and then I’m working daily with them but I remind them or I know that it’s not necessarily I want to be the one set them up. I mean, if anybody understands me as a person and knows me, I want to be the one to set it up but I’m not in charge, right? So I will do everything I can to set this person up but what I remember and I try to remind them is that Hashem, God is the one who arranges. So, even if they put that money towards Daniella Rudoff, really they put it towards matchmaking, really they put it towards this effort and however God wants it to happen, I have to remember, I’m reminding myself as well that it can happen in any which way, and that’s usually my blessing to each person who comes to me is that they need their spouse. However, of course I want to be the one to set it up but we have to understand that, please God, they should meet them soon in whatever way God wants them to. You asked me how I bring God into this. I think you see it’s very prevalent in my life because you have to have in mind that, at least the way I work is that that if this 12th happened through me ,through the immense, the diverse crowd that I have—of course, I have a lot of one type and a lot of another type, and a lot of that in age ranges, and in the states and here in Israel, but to think that 12 came out of that? That’s insane if you really think about statistically that happening and many more to come because it’s one person has to come first and the next person has to come second, and that’s exciting to me. Each time I meet somebody that maybe there was for somebody in my network already but maybe we have to wait for somebody in the future. So anyway it’s a whole thing that I learned because I didn’t plan on doing this. This was something that came into my life after I became a marriage educator, and I called myself Marriage Architect because I was designing marriages through education.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
So you stumbled on this dating thing. I thought you started with dating.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Not at all. I was a Jewish studies teacher in America for 10 years. I have my bachelor’s and master’s in Jewish education from YU, and then I went back to school here in Israel for marriage education at Yeshiva University so it was not a plan of mine at all and then three years after, I became a marriage educator people started asking me to set them up, and not one person, not your five best friends and everybody’s trying to set up their best friends or their children. This was a hundred people in nine months speaking to each person for free for an hour and a half to two hours when I realized it took over my life, that’s when I needed to try to set up a business model that would work for me as well. Not just feel like a schmatta, like a rag from helping everybody, helping everybody, helping everybody and then having to pay— go to the store and go, “Well, I set people up,” so—it doesn’t work.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I want to talk about what you just said now. “I had to make it into a business model that works.” I think that makes it more powerful. It’s very empowering for other women who think they have to give, give, give and they think that they have to do everything for free because that’s the nicest thing and whatever, but how many of the matches did you make out of the 12 when you were doing it for free and how many is it when you were working for money? There is—

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Zero. Zero happened for free.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Exactly, because there is there’s just a limited amount of your resources that you can put into something that God put you here to do and when you make it a business, you’re committing to doing this and it changes everything. One of the hardest things for me was to charge. I’m a Rebbetzin.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
My husband works with computers but he’s a Rabbi too.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, my father’s a Rabbi, my mother’s a Rebbetzin—she was always doing everything for free because it was part of the job description but it was so clear to me that I had to do something different than what I was used to.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes. I’m happy that you’re saying this. It’s great. I also had such a hard time charging three months for years. Literally, literally had a hard time.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
And then you feel so guilty.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
I charged such a little amount of money in the beginning and then realize I still can’t deal it like this. Due to proactive, I can continue even with the amount I’m charging today. Life costs money. I feel like everybody who you’re setting up says, “Oh, I want to pay for this for you, and I would pay for this for you.” It’s also that. Because what happens also, people set a lot of people up for free, which is beautiful. I think it’s really beautiful that people care that they’re doing it usually, not always, but usually for their people that they know, right? They’re not doing it for people who they never met in their life and now are part of their life, and the people who do it that way where they’re doing a lot of people for let’s say for free and but they’re putting their information out there and putting their pictures out there and it’s very public, so everybody else is doing the work for them, which is also beautiful but my way of doing it is very private . I’m not sharing everybody’s information and it’s like maintaining privacy for people and maybe somewhere else they’re being posted, but for me the way I’m handling it is very private work. This is my way of handling it and sometimes I question whether I’m doing it the right way or not, and then I get re-centered. Like on Waze. Recenter. I just had a conversation with my daughter this morning I’m like, “Should I be putting it out there?” She’s like, “No, no, no, Ima. You’re doing it the right way. Not everyone wants to be posted out there.” Doesn’t mean it’s not right for everyone. I’m not trying to put anybody else down but meaning, other people don’t realize how much work goes into this methodology of working, in terms of private work. It’s a different method and there’s a lot of time involved and a lot of thought process involved and making sure that they’re the right type for each other. It’s not just you said that other story where it’s just a guy and a girl. It’s not that. So, I think people appreciate the kind of work that I do when I can and I think that that’s part of it too, that they know that I’m thinking for them when I can have a good idea for them so it’s that that’s the kind of relationship I need to have with each person in my network, and if they don’t have that then it’s not a good match for us to work together.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I think what you’re saying is value. When you take yourself seriously, then you can give more value. When you charge, then you can you can really change people’s lives. When this is a hobby, then it’s not necessarily going to be done to its utmost energy and time and whatever.

DANIELLA RUDOFF

I’m not trying to put anybody else down but this happens to be for me, personally, has to work for me and the way I do—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

You know, we all do different things. I’m a marriage coach and you’re technically a marriage coach, and we’re doing different things and have different systems. It’s awesome because there are so many people out there and each one has to find the right person for them. I told my coach, my first, first one, Debbie Sassen, who I love, she’s amazing “Who needs me? There’s so many Rebbetzins out there.” It’s like, the people who need you, need you, right? So it’s when you say 12 couples, people don’t think but it’s 24 people. It’s a lot of lives that you’re changing. It’s phenomenal. By the way, I also wanted I know we’re running out of time but I also wanted—

DANIELLA RUDOFF
And 15 babies! Fifteen babies so far, yeah. I’m sorry, yeah.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Thank God, thank God. Anybody listening on the podcast, go and look in the Instagram for baby pictures because it’s just so fun. Very distinctive.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, and there are 15 of those from Marriage Architect. [Laughs] Very cute. Just put it into the conversation. Yeah, no. It’s really amazing, the whole thing working with people in terms of having awesome marriages but you do and technically what I’m doing as well, I’m just enjoying it or working with people to make sure they have the next level up of an awesome marriage and essentially that’s thank god what I’ve been trying to do from the dating level because it was brought into my life, right? It wasn’t my original plan. My original plan was to do marriage education and teach couples together how to have an awesome marriage with the communication skills and relationship building skills but what ended up happening because of the route that God brought to me—really, the clients. People in my network—they just kept coming and coming and coming, so this all developed and what I’d like to really tell people is I’m an educator, and that’s what they’re getting together with anything that they have anything to do with me. It may not be outright formal education but it’s that understanding of people and educating and mentoring and making guidance and making sure that they’re happy. To me, it’s really important that they’re happy, that they have that chemistry—not one person but both of them, the woman and the man because I’ve had that. My relationship is with individually, with each of them and then making sure from both sides—let’s say before and after a date and that going to the next date and making sure they’re really happy but helping them with skills if they need it. Some of them may not need it but go back to confidence the confidence building—”Oh, he had a great time,” and then she’s like, “Oh, wow.” She had a great time. “I can act more confidently on that date,” right? Because she knows he had a great time. It’s not that she thinks he had a great time. It’s not she’s not sure. She knows so and then if you say, “Oh, yeah. She also said it was great, that she had a good time,” or whatever and he’s feeling good. That’s a maximized date because the second date then is they’re both feeling that confidence and they both can express themselves more fully and understand that at least that during that first experience they had together of that first date that they liked each other. Now, we’re not saying it’s going from second date to third date but at least that second date has more confidence. Of course, if they both had a good time on the first date, I’m not the type to beef anything up. If someone says, “Oh, I had an amazing time,” I might say, “Oh, he had a good time. He had a good time,” or, “She had a good time.” I’d like more of the opposite because I don’t want them to be more. I don’t like to like make things more than they are as, and just more neutral, just to make sure that they get some sort of feedback if there is feedback. You would appreciate this because as a marriage educator, you need those foundations from the very start that first time that they interact, the first date, the first conversations are founding blocks for their marriage if they get married. So, we don’t know if they’re getting married so every first date has to have these foundational skills, foundational blocks and goes back to the beginning of our conversation, that’s what each person can do when they’re not even dating yet is to work on their confidence, to work on their skills, work on saying hello to people because that makes them a nicer person, work on picking up a cup from the floor when it falls on the floor because that makes them a nicer more generous person for the environment, not saying I do that every single time but I these types of things that we do is just going to the to the gym and do weight training and strength training, we have to build our muscles. Whether if I don’t do it, no one else is going to do it for me.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Okay, from everything you’re saying, what I’m taking is that dating and this is what I tell people also, is a journey and if you don’t learn something the first time, then you’re gonna have to learn it again until you get it, until you understand what was it I was supposed to learn then you can go to the next level, right? So, I feel like that’s with business. You’re gonna keep banging into the same wall until you learn what you needed to learn, and most of the learning is not about business. It’s about what do you want from me, God? It’s about the reason why we’re here to connect to God and to know that we’re here for us—a purpose. So, when you look at dating as a journey and not as the destination, the goal isn’t necessarily I have to be married by the time I’m done working with Daniella. It’s more like I’m going to make sure that I become a better person, that I am more confident, that I find myself and what I’m here to do. Then oh, as a side effect, you also became ready to get married and you also became a person who’s capable of containing a husband or wife, for that matter.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, yes, and of course, there are other things to work on as well but I think that it’s a major piece of it. I think that that’s the attitude that people generally have when they come to meet with me but it needs to be—like I have an email that goes out to explain certain things about how what to expect, of working together with me but it’s the type of person that signs up that understands that. Meaning, it’s a combination and it’s just a meeting, but it’s not just a meeting. It’s for some people, transformational just one meeting and sometimes I became a different—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I became a different person when I signed up for the recent business coaching that I’m in. So I did Debbie Sassen and I did Ozzie Jankewitz, I love all these things. I think that’s if you are part of a community and you’re part of growth, this is just the best way to do business.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Absolutely. I, also, together with Ozzie and Nathalie Garson and I’m friendly with Debbie but maybe one day I’ll work with her—I totally am a different person because of it

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
 In January, when I signed up for the one year program that I’m in, I became a leader before I even stepped foot into the program. Just by signing up, I felt the change in myself. I felt that pain of I’m shedding something by signing up. I’m actually pressing the button.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, I totally agree, and every time I paid my monthly payment, I’m like, “This is a growing experience. I value what I’m gaining.” my mother tells me I’m a different person than I used to be. I think it’s outwardly that I’m able to see but that’s what we’re also giving the people who work with us. We’re giving them a different level.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Right. So, how can people find you and–

DANIELLA RUDOFF
So I’m on Facebook, Daniella Rudoff and also Marriage Architect, but I’m more on Daniella Rudoff page and marriagearchitect.com is my website, and marriagearchitect@gmail.com for right now is my email address. Working into growing G Suite but we will do that soon, but in the meantime that’s how to be in touch with me Send me your email address and I’ll send you an email of how I do things and I have these three seminars, which is really nice changing for people even if they come out with one thing, one new thing that could change their life. Daters, engaged couples, and newly married couples, and people work with me as for dating coaching and needing to get set up and a Proactive VIP, where I actually take it to the next level and do the coaching and searching and networking and setting people up and meeting the people that they’re going to date. It’s great because great things are happening from it.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s amazing. I love that. Don’t forget to sign up for my Marriage Breakthrough Retreat. It’s a seven day virtual retreat, where you go you go on Zoom for an hour every day, and every day there is another topic that we that we cover and I teach my method called the CALM Method. So C-A-L-M, which is Connect to yourself, Ask for abundance, Listen for the answers and Master a higher level of consciousness, and then we talk about intimacy on day five and how to design your home so that it feels more aligned on day six. It’s so epic I cannot describe to you how awesome it is and it’s completely free. I don’t know why anybody would give this up. When I asked God what to do, that was what the answer was. It was give it all and don’t hold anything back, so that’s what I’m doing.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yeah, I kind of feel similar and what I decided to give these three seminars for free asked and—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Exactly. There is such clarity that you just do it, just give it. People need to hear these things. So it’s connectedforreal.com/retreat.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
I’m gonna have to head over there and gain from your amazingness. You are amazing. You should know, I know—I’m telling you, you’re amazing and I’m so impressed by all the work you’re doing and people are just so lucky to work with you, I’m sure. I’m just listening to you and whatever I see on Facebook here and there, whenever, I’m lucky to see your work very just honor to be here today with you on this show, on your live for what you’re doing and say you’re helping people live on the live.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Thank God, thank God. Thank you so much. That feels so nice to hear. Thank you.

DANIELLA RUDOFF

And it’s really amazing. I also have seven kids. My youngest is 11 now but I feel like I’ve been duping what you’re doing. When I saw you before this all started meaning before when we were having the tech stuff, you had your kids around and I was like, “Yeah, that was me,” with all the little kids around. My daughter had a baby so now I have a little baby to hold also, around the same age. I just want to say to your audience that being that I do it as well with kids, and you can work and have children at the same time and do amazing things in the world, and I see you’re doing that. You’re even a stronger person from it and of course, it’s hard no one’s saying it’s not hard, but all my hats off to you and really continue having the strength to give to your children, yourself, your husband and to all of everyone who wants to learn from you.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Thank you. I want to say something to that in regards to dating before we close because you hit something. I think that some guys worry like, “Oh, she’s so into her work and what is going to be when she becomes a mother?” But there’s something that changes inside you that allows for both to work. It’s phenomenal how suddenly you can do less and have more results, and sometimes you can adjust the things that you’re doing and suddenly you’ll have more time. There’s magic that happens when you are able to just go with what life brings and what God wants from you.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yeah, totally. I taught for 10 years in America. I had five kids through those 10 years of teaching and just kept going. I mean, I was nauseous through every pregnancy but I came to the classroom, “I’m great,” and go to the bathroom and throw so [Laughs]. It’s God—gives you a certain strength but you have to do it in other words. It’s your [HEBREW], the same efforts that we talked about before. Superwoman, yes, but you have to have super husbands to help that happen.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, yes. I can say so much about that because all husbands are super husbands if you can tap into it, and we can have a whole discussion on that.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Yes, and we can. We should one time because that’s—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
We definitely should.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
So, I really appreciate being here today with you.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Thank you. Thank you so much to Daniella, and thank you to all my children for cooperating. Mostly. They were awesome. They were. They were pretty awesome, and we will see you next time.

DANIELLA RUDOFF
Okay, wonderful. Thank you. Bye everybody.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.

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