101. Creating a Connection Between Food and G-d

Lily is a Holistic Integrative Nutritionist, a Certified Weight Loss Specialist, and a Healthy chef. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman is a marriage coach for women in business.

Join them to learn more on how to be healthy and confident in your day-to-day life without compromising yourself, your relationships and the things that you love.

Links: 

Get my free guide to Unravel Ovewhelm HERE

Schedule a discovery call with me HERE

Find Lily and her free, healthy recipes at http://www.lilyaronin.com 

Find Lily on Instagram @Lilyaronin

Transcript:

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let’s get started 

 and we are live.  Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin  Bat Chen Grossman. I’m a marriage coach for women in business. And today with me, I have Lily Aronin. And as you have been listening to the podcast recently, I decided that we were going to focus on the four pillars and the four pillars are God, marriage, business, and you, because I found that for women in business and for extraordinary women, there are those four pillars that really

create balance when they’re all in alignment and, you know, can throw you off when they’re not. So we are focusing each podcast episode on a different pillar within the same topic, because I want you to really get the full, you know, 360 on the whole topic. And today we’re going to be focusing on God, you know, food and God, health and God, and really get into it.

So Lily, first introduce yourself, tell everybody what you do, who you are, and then we’ll get into it.  So I’m Lily Aronin, and I’m a holistic nutrition therapist for Jewish women. And what I do is I help women heal their relationship with food in alignment with their Jewish spiritual values. Whether it’s, you know, a workshop or a mastermind on the relationship with Shabbos, or it’s one on one coaching, dealing with trauma and family relationships.

complications that they’re struggling with with food that used to be like totally separate from who they are as a person. So they’d like, you know, come in, take breaks, go back. And it’s really integrating your relationship with food, your relationship with God, your relationship with your body into who you are and how you show up every single day so that it’s normalized.

It’s really truly part of how you live and a way that’s going to help you with your longevity with your emotional health with your physical health with your weight and all the areas that matter.  Yeah, I love it. And one of the things I love about Lily and why we became such good friends so quickly when we first met was our alignment.

You know, we’re so in alignment with each other and also with our values and our connection with God. We both love the, you know, the book of, of trust  and, and we have so much in common. So let’s get into it. So I teach a class Shaar Bitachon for free every single week.

And it’s about our relationship with food. and God and how you can’t have a great relationship with food without trusting in God. So one of those first principles is everything that God gives us is good. So all the whole foods that come from the earth, that come even from animals, right? We’re not like, you know, giving out any food groups or getting rid of animal proteins or doing anything crazy.

All that food has special, you know, micronutrients, micronutrients, things that allow the body to heal itself, allow the body to develop and grow, and be nourished to be a vessel for all the good things that you want to happen in your life.  With that good comes the need for balance, the need for self restraint, the need for making values based choices in the face of, you know, the desire to have more than is good for us.

And so in that struggle, or in that Conflict that we sometimes feel internally. We have to invite God into the picture and we have to be value centered people that want to discuss. Okay, wait, I can’t separate who I am as a Jew because  Judaism. is so much about food and we use food so much about our relationship with God to enhance so many of the routines and rituals and good things that we want.

So we really can’t separate God from how we eat and we certainly don’t want to say like I’m being Good and eating well when it’s not a Jewish ritual event, and that’s the reason that I’m going to have poor health or, you know, struggle with my weight or struggle with my relationships like because of Shabbos, because I went to a kiddish, because I went to a simcha or bar mitzvah or a wedding like that doesn’t make any sense in the context of our Jewish values.

And so we have to really talk about it.  Right. And, you know, when I think of why did God create food? I think of all the abundance that, you know, why are we here in this world? It goes back to the first question, right? Like, why are we even here? Because God wants to give and he needed somebody to give to.

And, you know, he created us and he created this world and he created the way that he, you know, that this world is run. With nature and everything and all of the abundance because he just wants to give and give and give and give. And I say this, you know, about everything. When I give my intimacy masterclass, this is something we talk about.

It’s like, God gave color. He could have made everything black and white, but he wanted it to be rich. And he wanted to give us everything right. Like more than the minimum, more than the default, there’s colors and tastes and shapes and, you know, foods and everything about it is just so magnificent.  And with all that abundance comes, you know, where, where do I come in?

How do I deal with all of this abundance? And how do I, you know, it’s like drinking from the Niagara falls, like it’s coming down too fast. How do I handle what I can gain versus what is. available. So how do you, especially with food, right? Because even think about a single apple can have five, six seeds, which could grow an entire tree of apples.

And so many people who have been stuck in dieting for so long are stuck in this punitive punishment relationship with food. I can’t have, I can’t have, I can’t have, there’s not enough. I’m being denied. I’m being denied. I’m being denied. And  you know, it’s, I, I had a conversation with a client yesterday.

It’s not on the surface. Healthy  is has basic fundamentals that look the same for everybody. You should be eating mostly whole foods. You should be eating mostly foods that can be found easily in nature and prepared with ease that are delicious.  Okay,  that’s what healthy looks like for everybody. The exact quantities, the exact foods that work for each and every human being are as individual as we are. 

So, it’s the mindset and the relationship with food you’re having behind the scenes that defines whether or not two people who are eating the same meal One of them might be healthy and have an amazing relationship with food and feel satisfied and nourished and nurtured. And the other person could be fantasizing about eating something else and feeling deprived and scarcity and upset.

And they’re eating in front of them the same plate of food.  Right. So the story behind the plate of food is really what’s happening, you know? And while you were saying That people feel deprived with what they’re eating. I feel like it’s the same energy when people have the wrong attitude about keeping kosher, you know, or like not eating certain things.

And it’s like, I’m not allowed to do this and I’m not allowed to do that. And there’s so many rules and God is so mean and he’s so harsh and blah, blah, blah. And really in reality, you’re like I don’t know where you live, but I, I totally different. Right. So like, The story that’s going on in your mind about the exact same thing that other people are not experiencing the same way is, is what’s causing the suffering.

And that’s what, you know, that’s the first thing that we want to do is start to question those and really go deep into that. So it’s really interesting. I spend so long kind of questioning now and for everybody who’s listening. I was 210 pounds Okay, I lost 80 pounds like seven years ago and You wouldn’t know it like today.

So just like give context that I struggled with food for many many years from as a teenager through having five children Right gaining weight losing weight having babies watching your body Change I got married very young at 19. So watching your body Change. I’m 40 now. Like it makes a huge difference also to that mindset in that relationship with food, but you know, to what you were saying about being deprived there, anything that you do,

you have to make space for, right? So if you have a closet, which is one of my favorite metaphors that you teach in your, you know, flow coaching circle for married women in business, is that you have your closet and you can only fit and take care of things that are under your control and that fit and are a good fit in your closet.

You might love a studded leather jacket, but it might not go with your current look. Like it doesn’t belong in your closet and there are things that are like that with food. Where God created enough food For every single human being, to every single person’s taste, to every single person’s body,  and we can’t live out someone else’s style.

We can’t live out someone else’s life. We can’t live in someone else’s body.  I had a good friend in high school growing up who had a hypermetabolism. She was never even allowed to fast on Yom Kippur.  She looked emaciated and she had to eat like 3, 000 calories a day. And she would just walk around like, Eating and eating and eating  and she was not happy about it.

This was not like her dream come true  It was hard work. She had to eat constantly even though she was not hungry she never really ever felt full and satisfied and It it was annoying like literally she couldn’t go an hour and a half without having to eat  And you know, if people who struggle with their weight who are like, I eat three meals and like, that’s it.

I don’t, I can’t eat five snacks. I’ll put on weight. Like, I can’t, I can’t eat every three hours like that. Or I can’t like, I’m like, I’m full after like, you know, one plate of food and you know, and if I overeat then like, so I sit at a Shabbos meal for three hours and it’s really hard for me, you know, you can’t live in someone else’s body.

And so, yeah. We have to ask ourselves, okay, this is the body I have.  I may get full and satisfied  on this portion of food that is a good fit for my body and it gives me more than adequate energy for three hours or five hours or six hours depending on the person, depending on the food. And so what am I meant to do with that time?

She was tied to having to constantly eat. You know how much time that took up in her day?  Like it was exhausting for her. It was not fun.  Yeah, and that’s why it’s never, never okay to compare. And also to judge, right? So it’s like, Oh, you’re skinny. So you don’t understand, you know, I got that a lot because I’m skinny and I’ve been, I’ve been skinny my whole life.

And like, you’re telling your story. It’s so interesting. I had to do the work by Byron Katie on food.  I had to sit myself down and get it all out of my system and be like, food is complicated. Food hurts my body. Food hurt gives me stomach aches. Why am I so sensitive to food? Right? And it was like, It has nothing to do with weight.

It has to do with your relationship with food and how you’re dealing and digesting and, you know, all these different things that, that are behind the scenes. And I feel like anytime anybody said anything about, Oh, you’re skinny. So you don’t get it. I’d be like, I’m not even going to answer that. Like, it’s not even worth my time because just the fact that you’re saying that means that you’re comparing yourself and you’re judging, you know, and I don’t, I’m not playing that game.

And so part of inviting God into this process is to say, I have this body for a reason. So if I, let’s say, you know, I have IBS, I have daughters with IBS. So like. We have to be really aware that our stress level is totally related to our digestion. So when we’re managing our nervous system and we’re regulating using not food, using other, using breath work, using movement, using smell, other senses, you know journaling, whatever it is you’re using to manage your nervous system.

We can eat pretty much anything. We’re not managing our nervous system. All of a sudden, dairy cabbage, eggplants, basically even water sometimes, and you’re like, why do I look like I’m four months pregnant? I can’t go to the bathroom. Like, nothing, all of the beautiful blessings that we say about the minutiae of the miracles of the body, you know, all of a sudden aren’t working.

Well, they’re not working because  I’m not managing myself. When I manage myself, you know, then they will work, they will all go back to working, but it’s a sign to me that I have work to do. That’s on my, that’s on my level. you know, to, to manage myself. But in order to, in order to shed that extra weight, I was carrying a lot of it had to do with self care.

And a lot of it had to do with bringing God in to every area of my life because food is a means of control, right? It’s a means of feeling like I need to eat more. So cause I have so much work today or I need to eat. because I’m finally get to relax or I need to eat because I’m out on date night or I need to eat pizza because it’s Saturday night and I’ve always eaten pizza on site.

Like you have a lot of stories. I deserve a snack. I deserve a snack. Worthiness is so intertwined with food. We allow her God has to come in because  the only way to heal.  Worthiness is my, you know, definitely relate to number one struggle oldest daughter syndrome  that  the only way to heal that is with that relationship and intimate relationship with God, because he says, What do you mean I created you only in order to gift you this isn’t something you earn and no offense No matter how much you do in your life.

You can’t earn the amount of good that I’m gonna give you It’s just so much  from the minutiae to every cell of your just physically how your body’s gonna work the fact that successfully produced and gave birth to five Living children and I had one miscarriage, you know, so living Beautiful, healthy Children.

The fact that, you know, my, I have  eyes to see and the amount of cells and neurons that have to fire for me to even understand what I see and to make sense of it in my brain and from my heart to work properly on a single day. The amount of functions my body does  I really couldn’t earn it in like my chesed, so put that to the side and just,  just feel the love, feel the love through  how you work with food.

And so that means  really using all five senses. And becoming a mindful eater, you know, using practice, literally finding three things that you see when you sit down to eat, three things that you can smell, three things that you can feel with your hands or within your mouth as a sensory experience. And then three different tastes.

And if you just do that and you just start your meal like that, you make a blessing and then you start your meal with 15, right? Cause it’s three, all five senses. Right. Three things you hear. Okay. You’re just going to transform that relationship with food in probably under three minutes out of the amount of time because no one’s going to be mindful for every bite.

Right. But it’s something that you start to cultivate with and you’ll find that you’re so much more satisfied when you eat, whether you’re eating a salad or a stir fry or a soup. or a piece of cake. Okay. There’s no food. There’s no single food that’s evil. Okay. We know that like, it’s not sugar again. 

Sugar is not positive for the body. Okay. Like processed sugar, but fruit. Has sugar, it’s totally positive for the body. Chocolate has sugar, it’s totally positive for the body. Like, but a piece of cake isn’t nurturing. It isn’t nourishing, but it’s also not bad in moderation. It’s not bad. It’s not going to harm you,  you know?

And so. It’s really  having that be part of like, okay, the same way, you know, you’re not going to take your most expensive,  beautiful necklace and wear it to the grocery store probably, right? Like, junk food isn’t the most expensive, most fabulous thing. Healthy food is.  Right, right. Your favorite sweater that you wear all the time.

You’d miss the most, more than you’d miss the thing you barely ever wear. But you know it’s inappropriate to wear that necklace every single day to the grocery store and make it your go to comfort thing. Right, like it wouldn’t be appropriate to make your grandmother’s emerald necklace your comfort piece of jewelry that you would wear every day  You know, but your favorite glasses your favorite neat path out your favorite necklace something that’s appropriate for everyday Wear Wow, it could be like the most comforting amazing thing,  right? 

Oh So much so amazing, you know the  The go to comfort thing has really come up with the war for me,  and  it’s amazing to see how quickly we slip into those things, you know, it’s suddenly like, Oh, okay, guys, we got to make cookies. We got to make cake. We got anybody have a date? Like I’m looking for sweets all the time.

And and I’m so aware of it. But I just don’t know what to do. Because it’s, I’m,  you know, you’re, we’re all like swirling around living simultaneous lives, you know, there’s like the war outside, then there’s life inside, then you feel guilty that you’re not part enough, you know, and that you’re helping enough, but then you’re also not really present enough.

And you’re like, half here, half there’s, there’s a lot going on. How, how do you deal with all these obstacles and, you know, being that food is such an easy go to it ends up being the first thing that we grab. So two different parts to that. Number one, let’s put on the side to deal with second because everyone’s going to want to know what are the best recipes because you can have sweet things all day long.

If just having something sweet.  is something that you find like is neuroregulating and makes you happy. Sweet doesn’t equal unhealthy or equal that you’re gonna put on weight or equal that you’re making a mistake or that you’re comfort eating like in a negative way. So we’re gonna put that on the side and we’re gonna get to that and I promise I’ll give recipes and I’ll give you, I have a free PDF, I’ll give that to you to give out with some really good sweet recipes. 

Let’s talk about what became my focus. On the war. So this is my favorite tea mug. It was a birthday gift a few years ago and you see it was bit out so much it got knocked off the table like first week and I, it’s, it’s like a good reminder of being broken and still completely functional because I loved about this mug. 

is that you hold it and you feel the warmth of the tea and it’s not so hot that it’s scalding but because it’s this beautiful ceramics it like is comforting so you just hold it and long before like the tea is ready to drink or afterwards it just retains the warmth and it’s like a security blanket so now I can get two hands around it because there’s no But it’s like my reminder that I’m still broken  and I don’t have to have it all together right now, 

it’s okay. That’s part of life, right? I think that’s functional t mug if we were Perfect, then we wouldn’t have to be here  so What I started studying when this happened was a form of therapy called ACT.  And I’m actually working on getting certified. It’s going to be a year process as an ACT therapist with a trauma specialty.

And the idea of ACT is Acceptance Commitment Therapy. And the idea is that  we all go through very hard things. There are hard thoughts, there are hard feelings, and well, it’s amazing to do the work, Byron Katie, I’ve done it myself, and all these other different coaching modalities that tell us to get in touch with our thoughts and to talk to them out and, and like, work on what’s not true and work on what is true and get more positive and positive speech.

There’s a point where, I lost my mother this year, where there’s things that are just,  huge. This war is huge. The amount of loss is huge and  it’s not, it’s not about like becoming more positive about it. Like that’s not, that’s not where, where, where the effort needs to be. The effort needs to be in being able to Put, take those thoughts and feelings and just hold them in your lap and go about doing the next positive action that brings you towards being the value centered human you want to be. 

And so when it comes to everything we’re feeling right now, I want a sweet, I want a sweet, I want a sweet, those are just urges, okay? So sometimes you’re gonna be able to have that urge and move in a positive way, in a value centered way to who you want to be. And sometimes you’re gonna have an urge And you’re going to need to like, just get curious and be like, Oh,  I’m having right that urge to bake cookies right now, but we made cookies yesterday and there’s still lots of cookies around and really the last thing everybody needs is for me to make another batch of cookies and I don’t even have anyone to send it to and the woman I’m sending it to, the last thing they need is to eat cookies right now. 

So. What am I supposed to do with this urge to make more cookies? Right? So it’s like, Oh, that’s interesting. I’m having an urge to make cookies. Like  I want them to be chocolate chip and it’s at about a six. Okay. Like a minute later, you’re like, Oh, it’s like an eight now. Right? Like I really want to go get like that brown sugar and butter.

And I really want to like,  I can like taste the batter right now. There’s like an eight. We’re heading to a 10.  Oh, that’s interesting. Like it’s kind of seven.  Okay. I’m going to go over here. I’m gonna go make some cinnamon tea. I’m doing something else. Oh, that craving that urge to bake cookies is like actually at a five.

Now I’m cooking dinner. Like, oh, it’s at a three. It might stay a three for the entire day. It might go back up to a seven when your kids are like, I’m bored. And you’re like, we could make, no, we could make cookies. It’s an eight again,  right? Like sometimes we have to learn the skill of like every urge.  And that’s where  I think the, and I say this with the greatest, 

self compassion to myself and to everyone else who’s struggling now, even with my mother’s death and with all these horrible hard things that we’re dealing with, I believe that God has a plan that’s greater than me. And this is super hard labor right now. And in really hard labor, you’re just screaming in pain.

So we’re all screaming.  And we don’t have to have a vision for like what a better future is going to look like right now, okay? But I do believe that it exists and I believe that it’s on its way and I believe that it’s coming And if all that is true, I believe that there are therapies and modalities and help out there to help us  Be resilient through the pain.

We’re currently going through so that we can have transformation and become better people For whatever good is coming, because the amount of compassion and work and service and presence everyone has to  develop right now to function  is something that none of us would have ever pushed ourselves to do if we weren’t facing this adversity and would never choose this for ourselves.

So. You know, and I say this with the most gentleness to people who, like Meera and Avi Luder, are just really suffering.  This is a process. Like, be really kind to yourself. And so building a healthy relationship with food  is about bringing God in and not making every urge mean I have to struggle against it or I have to give in to it right away.

Just saying there’s actually a ton of unhooking, you know, and that goes into your amazing closet. Metaphor that you love to give is unhooking from what I make this mean just because I want to make cookies all the time. That doesn’t mean I have a bad relationship with food. It just means I have a whole neurological pattern that’s called making cookie story.

The making cookie story, making cookies makes everything better. Right?  My grandma made cookies. When I make cookies, people are happy for five minutes. It makes the house. Smell good, like cookies are awesome. That’s the awesome cookie story. So sometimes the awesome cookie story comes up for me. It’s the pizza story.

It’s the pizza woman. I don’t have to cook dinner and it’s yummy and it’s comforting and it’s saucy and it’s cheesy. And it’s what my parents took us out for as a treat when we had good grades. And it’s a, it’s a whole pizza story. So I have a pizza story. But every time I want pizza, I’m just like, Oh, pizza story.

Which one of those pizza stories is coming up right now? Do I think I need a reward right? For keep cleaning the house. I don’t want to get the kitchen dirty. I think like, I just want the kids to be happy with dinner tonight. Like what’s coming up for me?  That is the awareness that there is a story. And it’s titled the pizza story is so it’s so comforting.

Cause then you’re like, Oh, my brain is just protecting me. This is so great. You know, my brain does a good job being a brain. Like, thank you brain. And that’s the core of this.  this modality is God only sends us good. So God sent us a brain that tries to protect us from pain, which is including not growing or not doing things that we might feel at or might be hard or uncomfortable, you know?

And so just because we have that, Everything has to be used in its right place in its right time, and that’s what all of our Jewish values are about, right? Is God said, I’m gonna give you a whole garden of goodness, but there’s something that for a certain period of time is not, is not available to you. 

It’s not available, and we learn that in our intimate relationships, right? There’s times you’re available and times you’re not available. And with food, there are times where we’re available for certain foods, or we’re dairy, or we’re meat, or we’re kosher, or we’re this, right? And there are times where that’s an inappropriate away move from who we want to be and how we want to feel.

  Hey! Before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly? Feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one on one private coaching is for and I want to invite you, just you and me, for a free deep dive discovery call.

This is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions and we extract the three main things that are holding you back. I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations with practical steps.  The call is free and so valuable in itself. So go book yours today.

Now back to the show. 

 I  love it. I love it. I just think God is so awesome.  When I think of food,  and, you know, I love, when I was a girl, like a little girl, We would go to the market and, you know, see all this like abundance of fruits and vegetables and just the colors and the shapes. I, I’m, and I’m an artist. So this is for me like fascinating, you know, also like you go to the market in Jerusalem and you see all these storefronts.

And there’s just abundance of strawberries and peppers and whatever, like, and all the shapes and the colors and the shades and the, the different,  you know, little details about all the little cute things about fruits and vegetables. I thrive on just like that abundant feel. And it was funny because my husband is very calculated and he’s like a little robotic about You know how much we need and he knows he’s so good about it.

Like he’s so  He’s like a walking calculator. Like he will calculate in his head how much we need for this week and how much we need extra and if, you know, whatever.  And for me, it’s not like that. It’s like, oh, there are some beautiful peppers. Let’s buy all of them. You know, like let’s bring into the house, like all of it.

And then it goes bad in my fridge. And then I don’t have the energy to like process it or whatever. And like, I have big dreams for all these things. And then, I’m like, Oh, it’s not practical, you know,  but you have a partner. Right. And so, you know, I deal with two, two families of clients and friends and, and even two parts of myself, which is the part that’s really comfortable in scarcity.

Right. Okay. Just give me exactly what I need and I’ll make it work. I’ll make it work. I’ll make, I’ll be fine. Right. Just give me exactly what I need. And then there’s a part of me that’s like, I want to buy all the peppers.  Right and and just give me all the peppers and if I don’t get all the peppers like I’m missing out Like there are peppers left on the table, you know. I think we very much can go through different We have certain personalities, but I think it also changes in our seasons of life and depending on our life experience, if you can go through both, both, both time, both seasons, let’s say of scarcity and abundance.

And so when you bring God in to this whole story, it’s like  the abundance is safe and it’s mine, even if I don’t consume it.  I love that. You know, like there can be Shabbos table and it’s okay. They still belong to me. I’m still enjoying them with my other. Four senses, even if I don’t taste and serve myself from every single dish that I’m making. 

Right. And I’m still enjoying it, and I’m still part of it, and I’m still here.  And I don’t have to consume it, because once we consume it, it’s actually gone.  You know, if you go to and you see all the peppers, and you’re like, oh my gosh, imagine all the families. That those peppers are going to feed rather than them going to waste in my because that’s not my lifestyle right now where I have the time energy and skills to process extra peppers and just soups and stews and Stir fried in the freezer like that’s not where I’m living right now You know like so  thank God  God has a home for every single pepper And if that pepper doesn’t have a home and it rots  That’s part of the amount of shefa, of goodness, of over extra  that God’s actually giving us that there’s even food that could go to waste. 

That’s crazy. That’s crazy.  Right.  It’s, you know, it’s amazing. You say there is, there is enough food for every single human, but actually we know that there’s enough food for every creature. It’s not even, it’s not even human. It’s like, you know, the birds are eating. And, you know, the little worms are eating.

Everybody’s eating. Everybody’s eating. Nobody is, you know, lacking in anything because, especially the creatures, they know it’s all from God. They don’t have a choice in the matter. But only humans struggle with overconsuming. Exactly. Every other species and animal has an internal switch. I’m satisfied I get to move on because the only thing they can think about until they eat is where their meal is going to come from.

And they spend their entire lives  Making sure that they are doing their job of pursuing prey or food or gathering. We have the ability  to have food so easily, so accessibly, because we got a way bigger mission. And so part of being satisfied is bringing God in and recognizing that I’m so much more than a body. 

I have a body so I can go do stuff.  And so often we use food to procrastinate. Stuff we should be doing. I need a snack first. We do this all the time with decluttering, okay? Anytime I’m decluttering, I’m suddenly hungry. I said, make sure that I go take a snack. And then I like 20 minutes later have to make sure I’m drinking and then another like, you know, 10 minutes pass and I’m like, maybe I should make myself tea.

And it’s not bad things. I’m not turning to like, You know, any foods that you would think are like, I don’t know, whatever. It’s just that I’m turning to food so that I don’t have to do the thing I need to do. So it’s totally, totally true. It’s so funny. Procrastinating is so true. And so when we recognize, oh, right, this is the procrastinating story.

This is the procrastinating story. I’m having resistance to, to decluttering. This isn’t fun. And so if I could do something else to help manage my nervous system and regulate myself while I go do the hard thing. So I’m a big fan of like audio books. Especially during this season where I don’t want to be on even YouTube when I don’t have to be like listening to even classes, like I’m super particular of trying to  manage my intake of media and news, et cetera.

And so podcasts or audio books, so I’m a big audio book person. And so I’ll put on even like a fun TV level, you know, audio book and put that on. to kind of regulate myself and give myself a treat while I declutter or fold laundry or do something else. And because I recognize, Oh, I’m, I’m totally having this urge to procrastinate this thing.

So I have to give myself, I have to give the body something to let me get over to go do what I’m supposed to do. But we know with food, there’s the getting the food, there’s the preparing the food, there’s the cleaning up from the food. Like it’s a huge time suck. And there’s the paying for the food. So when we’re over consuming food,  we’re actually really wasting a huge amount of forget the calories, our time, the energy, our body spending, digesting, you know, like take a nap.

Like that would be way more restorative. We don’t get enough sleep. You know, like if we took some of the time that we spend like trying to make sure that we made more food or more interesting food or more like again, if that’s your thing in your creative, great. I love to cook, but  I have to check how much time is this recipe going to take?

How much skill is this recipe going to take? Like, where is this on my, because if it means that I’m not going to get enough sleep tonight because it’s like eight pats and pans and it’s four steps and I have to like freeze it in between.  Like it’s a no go.  That’s a great activity for my kids. I have one of, one of my really one of the people I love in the online business world is Liz Wilcox and she’s all about email marketing.

And she says, I’m a two step gal, like two steps. Step one, open. Step two, cut. Like, you know, don’t give it more than two steps. And I love that because once you realize, you’re like, Yeah, you know what?  I don’t want to make all these things that take multiple steps. If I could just do one step. You know, like, we don’t do make, we don’t make meatballs anymore.

We just do meatball sauce. You know, just because it’s the same thing. It’s just not shaped into a thing. And, you know. Like, there’s just one last step, and it’s okay, the kids love it just as much!  You know, and  today I made soup and I was like, it’s all going into one pot and then I’m forgetting about it, putting it on low and going to work for like a couple hours.

The kids come home, there’s something warm to eat. It’s nice and cold out. So it’s working out perfectly. It feels so good to simplify. And I feel like simplifying is something that we don’t allow ourselves to do because we have this obsession about. Making things busier and more difficult, you know, like if it’s not, if it’s not hard enough, it’s not worthy enough. 

Exactly. So that’s the worthiness button of, you know,  like I will admit I have a little bit of like  I love  watching people fold laundry, like on Instagram, like who showed how you’re going to fold it. And I try to learn. But I’m not good at it.

And so I, I like api. It’s like watching somebody do ballet to me.  , watching them fold like Unfitted sheets,  like the 

teach. I’ll teach you. It’s so much fun to bold this,  and I’ll teach you what to do with your peppers.  , you know what to do with peppers. Let me tell you whenever there’s like some magic sale on peppers or there’s like, you know, rain of peppers The first thing I do is like a ratatouille or like a salsa type thing because it makes me so happy The red sauce and like all the pieces in there and if everything is cut up the same size And it looks so pretty with all the colors.

Oh my goodness makes me happy and it’s not hard work It’s just a lot of working towards something that ends up  sort of simmering down and being less than you expect. So it’s, it’s okay. Like there’s also things that I do for my, for my soul. Like when I, when I make, you know, pickled lemons, I’ll get a ton of lemons and I’ll, I’ll make it a morning activity.

I’ll cut them all up and I’ll put them in the jar and I’ll add the salt and the lemon and And put them on the counter and they’ll pickle, you know, like they’re fermented. So that’s how I feel about my food prep when I do for like lunches, because my kids come home for lunch many days, many days, they either are taking lunch to school or my seven year old comes home every day at like between 1230 and 130.

So like, I can’t, I can’t just like do, do dinners. And so like twice a week. I make all the hard boiled eggs and I make a pot of quinoa and I like roast a bunch of vegetables and I leave it in the fridge and I wash the lettuce so it’s all there so that they can all look like in five minutes they make these great salads or they threw together this wrap or they made these eggs or you know because they’re teenagers it has to be like Instagram worthy when they put and I had to get them like nice boxes for them to take their food to school in but  What I put on that like, you know, sheer or that audio book and I spend like an hour just doing that to me It’s very rewarding because I know it’s a gift to my future self all week Not just me but like everybody else can be way more self sufficient Because I set the table for them and so, you know, or really I cleared off the table because that’s a way harder than setting the table.

They can all set their own table. If I’ve already cleared it off and the plates are in the right place and the forks in the right place in the closet, like then it’s not hard to set the table. And so when it comes to our relationship with. food. A lot of the hard work is clearing out the old baggage that we have in our thoughts and stories and relationship and what we use food for.

And, and all that is way more work than actually making the healthy food or even making tasty, healthy food or enjoying really healthy food. Like sometimes I’m like, Oh, I wish I had more of an appetite. Like, I wish I was hungry again, because there’s so much delicious, healthy food out there but I’m already full.

So that healthy food, right, has to live outside me and has someone else gets to consume it. And I also think that, like you said, thinking of your future self is so rewarding. It really is because I, you know, I make double batches of everything. And And then, you know, just today, my husband was like, you made another soup for me to freeze?

And I was like, yes, because  I know, I know I’m going to get more and more heavy and lazy and not in the mood to make things and I’m going to be really grateful. I’m going to be really grateful that I was, you know, less pregnant last month and capable of like actually going through and doing all the things.

This is so fun, you know, if you allow yourself to enjoy it. So, oh, and that’s a big God moment right there because very often we’re like, Oh my gosh, I have to exercise.  So then people like to say, no, you get to exercise. You’re like, I don’t feel like I get to exercise. So you’re like, no,  if you’ve ever been injured or pregnant or having some other thing that you have to be on bedrest and you can’t, you physically want to move and you can’t move,  you need to get there before you can ever hop to like. 

The best thing about if you work out regularly or you’re into sports like I am, you get injured sometimes like you get a shoulder injury or you get this or you get this because you weren’t doing enough stretching or you slept funny on your shoulder and then you get to go through this healing process and you’re like, Oh my God, every day I get healthier again.

Like this thing that could get injured. It’s really annoying. And now Now it feels like I get to do the thing that I totally took for granted I was capable of doing before, you know. And so that’s where these hard things, or sometimes these things we see as struggles,  are really invitations to be grateful for something that it wasn’t in your, in your awareness before.

So you’re like, no, I don’t like doing step class. I don’t like doing cardio. I don’t like lifting weights. I don’t like doing yoga. Okay, do you like the fact that you can walk?

It’s just like if you really like the fact that you can walk and you really are grateful that you can physically move go walk  You like that you can carry your groceries Be mindful that you carry your groceries, and when you do a few bicep curls, right, or you go to the gym, or you go to that yoga class, recognize that without that core, you can’t carry your groceries, you can’t pick up your grandchildren, you can’t do any of the everyday activities you want to do.

So,  you gotta be co creating here. You know, you said, like, I have to work as I get to. I really, like, I want to. You know, because I want to, I want to make the food. I know that when I do it, it makes me happy. It makes me feel accomplished. It makes me feel like I’m on top of it. And when I let my tantrum in my brain take over and be like, I’m Then I end up paying the price and I don’t want that.

I really don’t. There’s no point. So I, I, I like, I want to a lot more than I get to, even though I get to work for a lot of things. But when you ask yourself, what do I really want at the end of the day? I want, I want to, I agree a hundred percent. I agree a hundred percent. And so I get to always bothers me because I don’t.

feel like I get to right now. I don’t. And sometimes so, and sometimes I don’t want to,  right? And that when you don’t want to, it’s almost always because there’s another thought you’re struggling against and you’re too tired to, you really kind of, you wish you wanted to.  Right? That’s like one step before, I wish I wanted to.

If you wish you want to, then you want to. You just don’t feel up to it right now. And so then you got to get compassion and be like, well, maybe I really first need to focus on sleep and like next week I’ll get to moving, right? I’ll want to, but right now I’m getting a conflicting message, you know, that I really need sleep.

I really need something else.  You know, how many times do we stop ourselves because we, you know, we don’t inviting God in and we’re taking control of everything. We’re getting super, super stressed.  And so all of a sudden doing anything. Cooking any meal eating like not having a bowl of cereal for dinner is like just too much And so people say no the compassionate act is to just eat the cereal No The compassionate act is to go ask for help or order in something healthy make it as easy as possible to get the next thing In and then go and rest  and and just rest and you magically the second you rest Your desire your want to comes back  and we just don’t give ourself enough time to get back to want to  I think that, you know, like you were saying, we’re trying to hold it all ourselves and that’s the problem because when you hold it all yourself, it’s heavy.

It’s heavy. It’s on your shoulders. It’s on your head. You know, a lot of us feel these headaches, these shoulder aches, like, you know, like the neck is like, everybody is having my physical therapist, every single person. I’m like, no, I’m having this pain here. She’s like, yeah, you and everybody else. I know, because we’re all carrying the world right on our shoulders.

And all we need to do is just let God take over, you know, like I go on my, on my daily walk and I go all the way to the edge and I stand in, in, you know, with my hands up high and I’m like, God, take it all. Like, here you go. It’s all yours. You’re in control. I don’t have, I have nothing to do with this. I am here for you, you know, and every single day, every single day, it doesn’t go away every single day.

And it feels so good. And by the way, I put a timer for 10 minutes. It doesn’t take long to put your hands up and just take a deep breath. in this, you know, just in nature, it is so powerful to allow God in and to let him guide you. And I feel like when, you know, when we’re trying to control food and we’re trying to make it the way that we think it needs to be, or it should be, or, you know, I was told this and whatever, there’s all these rules about food.

And it’s like, actually the only rule is.  You know, bring God in. Bring God in, and he will guide you and he’ll help you and he’ll show you what is good for you. And then when you have the guidance, if you wanna do something else, it’s okay. The want can stay and you can still do the thing you know is right.

for you. And so, you know, cause we say that, Oh, but the only rule is God yet. God then told us that we have to take care of our body. He told us straight out, it doesn’t belong to you. It’s being returned to me at the end of your life. Like  don’t return it with all the pages ruined. Come on. Like take better care of your library book  and and send it back to me in good shape, you know?

And it’s, it’s,  it’s hard.  It’s a vehicle. It’s a vehicle. Your body is a vehicle for you to be able to do the thing you’re here to do. A soul on its own cannot do anything here. You know, like you could be a soul roaming around, like you have no power, you have no ability to take any action. And that’s very frustrating.

You know, it’s I remember, you know, when you lose your voice, and you’re trying to talk and you can’t communicate. And it’s like, I just want to tell you what I want to tell you. You know, you just You’re dying to be able to connect and be able to do the thing you want to do and you can’t.  There is something so powerful about having this, you know, soul with a body, right?

You’re not a body with a soul, your soul with a body. And the body is your vehicle to take you to where you need to go and to do the things you need to do. And. When we treat it that way, it’s so different. Like the whole story changes, everything in your mindset changes the entire and it’s okay to drive a luxury vehicle.

You know, God gave you a luxury vehicle and you have a healthy body. It’s okay to treat it like a luxury vehicle. And if you’re sick and your body has to go to the shop, you gotta take it to the best care specialist you can. Because you, your body is the quality of your, your,  your journey, right? Like, you know, when you’re, when your car is breaking down all the time, it takes some, you know, you could sing all the songs you want to keep the kids, you know, happy on the side of the road.

But,  you know, that’s where you really want to be like, okay, God, take it like I. You gave me this car right now. How can I take care of the car that I’ve been given the best way that I can,  you know, and to whatever vehicle you have, you got, you ought to take good care of it and it’s okay to also enjoy it.

Enjoy the process, enjoy the drive and put good music on. And like we said, like find other ways to make it an enjoyable.  By using all of your senses and and leaning into these conversations, even when they’re uncomfortable, you know It’s uncomfortable to bring God in I think also like I remember one of my favorite things you talk about for anybody’s been to your retreats is God baggage  And we have so much God baggage about, Oh, now my body is something else that God like cares that I do help with.

Like I didn’t have enough to worry about kosher. Am I doing this right now? Now, if I don’t eat my vegetables, like God’s mad at me. No, that’s not what we’re saying. What we’re saying is that you’ve got a beautiful gift.  One of the ways that you nurture and nourish your gift is eat appropriate vegetables for your body, for your IBS, for your gut, for your whatever. 

Everybody’s got to eat some vegetables if you want to be a healthy human being. Like, it’s universal. So, how  are you going to go about it? What’s the best way for you? Just the same way, you know, in the Shahr B’Tachon it says that the bird has food specifically created for its body so that it can digest it and it can find it.

Every single human has a slightly different gut and slightly different needs and slightly different, you know, until you have a complete spectrum of people who could be eating differently. But that’s in alignment with the body that they were given.  I love it. Okay, Lily, tell us how people could find you because you’re one of the most awesome people and most aligned health and food professionals that I know.

It’s just something that blows me away every time. Being able to bring God into it and really live from that place of, you know, it’s not a disconnect. There isn’t food and then God, and they’re two different things. They are completely connected and integrated and the way that you integrate it is amazing.

So tell everybody where they can find you and how they can work with you and all the good stuff.

 You can find me on Instagram at Lily Aronin, aka Ms. Thrive Well, because we’re all, that’s what it’s really about, is thriving in your life and getting out of survival mode and living an aligned Jewish life. 

amazing health and vitality and energy and feeling feeling good and feeling excited to get up every day and you can also I’ll give you a Link for people to sign up for my healthy high protein Sweets cookbook and that goes back to the second thing you’re talking about is if you want to make cookies every day These cookies are actually nourishing and nurturing and you can eat them every day And I go through Snacks to have every day, snacks that are sometimes snacks, and snacks that are like post healthy meal snacks and treats and sweets, so I will give that to you, and then that’s a great way for people to get on my mailing list receive that cookbook, and continue to be in touch with me, and then they’ll get information on our weekly, free, Be Tough on Learning, The Gate of Trust, with a focus on health and wellness.

It’s  everything I love.  I love it. I love it.  Oh, this is so amazing. Okay. And before we went live we were talking about how both of us are offering one-on-ones. That’s awesome. Yeah, we used to, we both used to do groups and you know, it’s just a season of one-on-ones. So if you’ve been wanting one-on-one attention, this is the best time to sign up.

Be in touch with. Yeah, be in touch with Lily. If you’re interested in working on your make sure you ask rabbits in Boston about her flow and her amazing closet metaphor with the hangers. So do not forget to ask her about that. It’s literally one of my favorites that I use.  It’s like a meditation and mindset thing I use all the time and it works for a million things and she does it for her clients.

So it’s worth asking her about.  Oh, thank you. It is very powerful. It’s  a meditation. It started out as a meditation that I did for myself.  It’s very powerful. So if you’re interested in working with me one on one for three months, you can go to connectedforreal. com slash coaching. If you’d like Lily, she is on Instagram, Lily Aronin also known as Ms.

Driver as well. Yes, I got it right.  And we look forward to answering any questions you have. So send them our way and we’re going to have some Q and A’s, you know, later on in the, in the episodes, but definitely be in touch and don’t forget to be connected for real. Thank you so much, Lily. Thank you for having me.  And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget you can be connected for real.

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