Top 10 Episodes: #2 – Different Husbands, Different Experiences

Transcript:

  Can you believe it has been five years to this podcast. I’m so excited. We’re doing a giveaway, and it’s based on the four pillars, G-d, marriage, business, you, which should not surprise you because that is what we talk about on this podcast all the time. And also, for the five-year anniversary of this podcast, we actually went through the entire five years and picked the top 10 episodes that you cannot miss. So the coming episode is one of the top 10, and I can’t wait to hear what you think about it. Now go enjoy the show   Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let’s get started.  And we are live. Hello, everyone. We’re back after a long break for Passover, and today we are with Batya Burd Oved. And, um, I really have a very, uh, sweet relationship with her because she hired me to be her graphic designer, like, I don’t know, like 12 years ago. So, um, so that was really fun. She’s, uh, experienced my transition, and it’s been, uh, exciting. So let me introduce myself and then she will introduce herself. I- Traumatic. What? What’d you say? It’s been traumatic ’cause I lost you as my graphic designer. But I’m excited for you. I’m happy for you. Yeah. It was traumatic ’cause I, I enjoyed working. Um, so okay, so I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. I am a marriage coach for women in business. I love the connection between marriage and business, and how marriage affects the business, and all of that cool, um, interaction there. So that is what I’m all about. Um, you’ll hear more about it as we go. But this show is really always revolving around how life affects marriage, and we come from many different angles every time, and today we’re gonna be talking about what it’s like to have different husbands and how that affects your marriage in different ways. Um, and hi, Nicole. Okay. So Batya, please introduce yourself. Tell everybody why you’re so awesome and, uh, why they have to know you. That’s very sweet, Bat-Chen. Thank you for the introduction. Um, so my name is Batya Byrd-Oved, and I had the exclusive being, um, Bat-Chen’s employer for a while. I come from a Russian atheist scientific background, and, um, I became a very good, you know, Russian student of life, which basically means you have to learn, um, one instrument, and, uh, you have to do dance of some kind very, very well, competitively of course, and, uh, make a lot of money in some intellectual field. So I became a corporate lawyer, and, um, after realizing just how empty a life of, uh, just respect and the pursuit of money is, I searched many different places, Hollywood, India, all kinds of places, for what in the world I was doing here in life. And, uh, eventually I came to Jerusalem and found my purpose, my calling, my husband, and, um, eventually decided to use that ambition and drive for success, and meld it with my drive for spirituality and changing the world, and helping the world and the Jewish people by starting an organization called WesternWallPrayers.org. And it basically sends Talmidi Chachamim, people in learning, very pious people, in the Old City and in Jerusalem to the Western Wall every single day for 40 days to pray for people around the world. It’s a very famous segula. Um, the word segula usually doesn’t have a good connotation, but basically what it just means is- What do you something that causes something else … right, yeah, translate it into English also, ’cause people don’t know what segula is in Hebrew. Right. So segula, many people say it’s like a kabbalistic concept, a, an X that causes a Y, so to speak. Um, you know, some people will say if you put a brick in an oven and keep it with your challah, you can prevent someone from marrying someone you don’t want. I mean, you know, things like that. Ugh, and a segula for a good interview is getting the right earphones. Um, but, but, um, really a segula is just- So funny, because- … a thing that causes something else, something powerful you could do … it’s so funny. I have to just stop right here just for, like, you know, my marriage to be complete, I have to say this is, like, against everything my husband believes in, so it’s very funny. Whenever it starts being all, like, about, you know, whatever, he’s like, “That’s witchcraft,” or whatever, you know? So, like, it’s really funny, ’cause there is really that, like, very logical, you know, side, and then there’s all of the things that, you know, people will do. And the way that I like explaining segulas is, is, like, you’re changing yourself, you know? You’re going through a process, which is why I liked working for you, because- 40 days, you know, going to the Western Wall and praying, it wasn’t just, “We’ll pray for you. Bye.” Like, the whole landing page was all about you’re praying where you are, and we’re praying where we are, and together it’s, you know, we’re really changing something. Where you’re going through a process, a transition, a transformation within yourself while you’re praying. And I, you know, I’ve had that when, when… You know, part of my story is that I started praying after my sixth baby was born, and praying every single day suddenly made clarity, and I was able to understand things and what does G-d want from me, and that’s how I transitioned. That was, like, part of my story of transitioning. So I think it’s really beautiful, ’cause it really… It’s not like magic or, you know, some whatever scary whatever. I don’t know what. It’s really you changing yourself and being able to receive in a different way Right. When you pray, it basically means leid palel, um, so that you’re actually turning, you’re becoming, you’re receiving something different. And so when someone is praying for you, it’s actually helping you to become different also. Not only are they praying, again, we do, we send them a prayer that we compose for them, and the person themselves gets every single day a picture of the Old City with the actual prayer and a request to pray with them. They find out who their shaliach is. It’s a process that comes together. It’s a connection- Mm-hmm … between Jerusalem and them. And, uh, also, like you know, we ask people also to take on a mitzvah during the time, take on a good deed, something that they can do to change, so that the old them that was praying before and got a no answer no longer exists. Now there’s actually a new them, and so you’re asking from a new place, so maybe that new person will get a different answer than the one before. Right. But, um, anyway, I actually find it very funny, people who say they’re very, very logical, so they don’t believe in the segula thing. Now, if they’re very, very logical, they will believe in it, because the Torah says it’s true, just like the Torah says that witchcraft is true, and it’s not something that we just see on Harry Potter. It really is a real thing out there. No, everyone says it doesn’t exist anymore. I went to India. I could tell you it still exists. And not only that, but so if there’s a dark side to something, there’s also a light side. What do you think Kabbalah is? Kabbalah is changing nature, but through the holy part of being able to change nature. G-d gave us that power. It used to be, back in the day, that Kabbalists used to resurrect the dead. This is a real thing. This is, it’s scary, that’s why we run away from it. Yeah. But it’s scary because it’s real. Right. Yeah. So, no, but like, I really, you know, I, I like what you’re doing, because there is something so grounded in it, you know? I think that, like you were saying, there is a connotation to it that people say like, “Oh, I don’t know, I’m not into that.” But really, when you look at it from the inside, and why I was able to really connect to it and do all that work for all those years, is because I was able to really see how grounded it was, you know, how, how it really is a process that somebody will go through if they’re in California and somebody is praying for them here. It’s not disconnected. It’s not like this like, “Okay, I’ll just pay money. Somebody will do it for me and well, done.” You know? It’s not like that. You’re not… It, it’s so connected, and, you know, my business name is Connected for Real, so I’m very into connection. They also say, you know, in the Yom Kippur Siddur, it says that three things nullify a decree, right? Charity- Tefillah, prayer, and teshuvah, repentance. So we use all three things. So whether you wanna call it a, you know, charity, teshuvah, repentance, um, or whether you wanna call it a segulah, it’s, it’s the same thing. Plus you’re also supporting Torah scholars. You’re basically trying to accumulate a lot of merit to say, “G-d, I’m doing all of these amazing things, you know, please look and help me do more by giving me what I need.” Right. And, um, and actually we’re gonna talk about the retreat that I do, but in the retreat, one of the days is all about connecting to G-d and being able to ask, because that’s something that we really have a hard time doing. And I know that, um, when you’re able to really grow your vessel and, and learn to receive and ask for the things you need, and get in touch with G-d on that level, then it suddenly changes everything, you know? Like, one day I actually had this conversation with G-d in the middle of prayer, I’m like, “You know, I think I haven’t been fair. I’ve been saying all the time, like, ‘Oh, give me abundance, give me abundance, make sure that I have everything I need,’ but like, I’m not being very like, you know, telling you what I really need. So listen, I really need, you know, help to get to, from point A to point B, and I want you to show me the way.” And that week, I ended up finding the answer. It was, like, mind-blowing, but it really is amazing when you, when you get in touch, when you’re able to really connect God reflects you. I always say God is your mirror. Wherever you stand, He’ll show you. Right. It’s amazing. Okay, so let’s get into the marriage stuff. So, um, introduce a little bit of your story- Right … and how you ended up with three- I, I was gonna say how you ended up with three husbands, but you- Not at the same time. Right, exactly. Not at the same time. I was gonna say, like, what? But- Um, don’t try this at home, folks. Um, okay, so the first part is really not so funny, uh, but, you know, you gotta have a little bit of laugh inside every, um, tragedy. So unfortunately, my husband, who actually was the one whose idea it was to start Western Wall Prayers, and, um, who was, uh, just a beautiful, beautiful human being, um, G-d needed him more than we did, I guess. And on his 40th birthday when we were away on a romantic holiday, he actually drowned swimming. Yeah. And yours truly pulled, um, him out of the water and had probably one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, um, buried my husband within a couple of days, and embarked on the journey of a widowhood, which I would not recommend to anyone out there. Um- It is not what you sign up for But, uh… No. No. 39-year-old widow of five kids between the ages of one and nine. And I can laugh, you know? There is life after, believe it or not, after lots of therapy, um, and lots of davening and lots of everything else in the world that you could feel. Thank G-d, actually, G-d put into the world a ton of resources these days to be able to get over all of the crazy things that He put into this world that we need to get over. Right. So, um, you know, He creates the refuah before the maka, and, um- He also knows what you can handle … I had a very- Which is so- What you can handle. Yeah, I don’t like that, ’cause everyone was like, “Oh, you must be so great that this happened to-” No, thanks. I, I don’t wanna be so great. No. No, I’m really not, actually, because G-d gave this to the r- I al- you know what? I always looked up and I said, “You know, are you sure you got the right address?” Like, “You think I can handle this? I cannot handle this.” Mm-hmm. “This must be some kind of mistake because not me,” you know? But, um, He didn’t seem to agree, so- Anyway, I did have a very brief, um, post- uh, rebound marriage. How’s that? You know, in the frum world, we don’t have rebound boyfriends, we have rebound marriages. That’s how it works here. Um, I was in survival mode and, you know, picked someone that, uh, helped me s- survive, thank G-d. But, um, not someone who I would have chosen had I been whole and stable and, and known who I was, had been able to stand on my own two feet after. I was just in a very, very weak position. And, uh, our perspective is very skewed when it comes to, you know, who can help us, who can save us, who can be our lifeline after. And, um, so I did go through a divorce, which is, wow, I also don’t recommend to anyone in the frum world. Especially since a lot more kudos come with being w- a widow. I will tell you, I have lots of charities coming to my door, and lots of brachos, and, and, and people asking me for brachos, and just incredible respect. And the same does not hold true when you are a divorcee. And anyone out there that is a divorcee will understand what I have to say. It’s sort of one of those, like, let’s not leave the house and keep our head down. Where when I was a widow, it was let me not leave the house so no one ask me how I am, ’cause I don’t wanna know. I just need to do what I’m doing. Um, but thank G-d- That’s what I said, I don’t wanna know. It’s not about I don’t wanna tell them, I don’t even wanna face myself, right? It’s so- No, I’m not interested. I’m on do mode right now. Right. It’s, it’s just… And by the way, next week, anybody who is, um, listening and wants to come back next week, Tuesday, same time, same place, um, we’re having a whole discussion with a, an expert on child loss. Which is really very similar with, you know, the, the grieving process. And it’s not similar because a husband is, is completely different, but there is such a painful thing that you have to get through. And then when you get through it and look back, you’re like, “Oh my gosh, it made me who I am,” but it’s not recommended, you know? You don’t, you don’t choose it. It comes to you Right. So they say when you lose a parent, you lost your past. When you lose your husband, you lost your present. Mm. When you lose a child, you lost your future. Wow. So, um, yeah. Yeah, that’s very different. It’s all very different types of grieving. Yeah. Yeah. That’s really different. Um, and then a couple years later, after a lot more building and every possible self-help program, and, um, finding myself in a new light, um, on my own in a new way, thank G-d I did get married from a good place and, um, to a great guy. So yes, I have three different perspectives of being a wife in business with three different people, and it’s very, very interesting ’cause I am the same person sorta kind of. And, uh, but I’ve had th- three very, very different marriages and three very, very different experiences. And, um, all of them, like everything in life, is really just, you know, Hashem taking you to a new place and opening your eyes in a different way to be able to increase your perspective and appreciation for everything that life has to offer That’s beautiful. Do you wanna get into it more, like how each one affected your marriage differ- your business differently? So let’s say, okay, I will tell you that at the very, very beginning, um, this whole thing was my first husband, uh, thanks, thanks Jennifer. This whole thing was my first husband’s idea, Western Wall Prayers. And so honestly, I was very, you know, shoot from the hip, and I’ve got it all together, and I don’t worry about it, it’s all up here kind of person. And he was very much, you know, Shiva baCher, systems, regulated, organized, on the ground. And he looked at me and he said, “You know, where are your Excel sheets? Where are your documents? Where are your track records of all of your donors and everything they gave?” I’m like, “It’s all up here. What do you mean?” And he said, “No, no, no, no. It goes like this. You take a program, you write it down. You have an accountant, you have a book…” He just, he took me as like this big, flowy, hippie kind of idealistic person, and brought me into the real world, organized, grounded. And, um, and that, that kind of, um, that kind of co-op is actually not only stable, but has the stamina and the wherewithal to see ahead in the future and continue, and continue, and continue. So what was actually amazing about that relationship is we used to, um, I mean, my kids were young then, so they would go to bed at like 7:00, and then NASA would open. You know? He was running a yeshiva, I was running Western Wall Prayers. That was when we had like tons of interviews from different organizations all over the world, and news places, and we were… Uh, people would laugh. We had three fax machines going. We were on. You know? And, um, what’s amazing about it is, I was telling you actually earlier before we started this show, that I really feel when two people are brought together, they all of a sudden have like complete access to the other’s soul without even knowing it. You know? It’s something very, very malleable. You can feel their whole energy. Just as I’m talking to you today, we have a certain synergy. I can… I… You know, you have a vibe, and I flow off that vibe, and you flow off my vibe. The same thing happens in marriage. And when a person is with someone who has certain koafos, has certain abilities, and has certain inspirations and talents, you kinda tap into that place, and then you can use it for yourself. So where my husband was so inspired to be able to do good to the world and give out, I too tapped into that part of myself, and we synergized together with it. So instead of giving to each other, which some people, that, that is their marriage. For us, our marriage was giving to other people, and that’s how we gave to each other, because we were so focused outward, because that’s where we got our high, that’s where we got our actualization, that’s where we developed our marriage, was through the business, which is not what usually happens. But because it was a business that was not just about money, it was about the Jewish people, it was about bringing light into the world, it was about building, it was, um, it… that’s the way that we connected. And you know, our rabbi, Rabbi Green, says that any relationship that you have- Only lasts in the next world, in Olam Haba, to the extent that you did mitzvos together. Anyone you did a mitzvah with, that relationship endures in the next world. So our marriage was very much a next world kind of marriage, which is, I don’t know. It is. It is what it is. It’s amazing. It’s amazing that Hashem opened that opportunity up for me, but it definitely doesn’t look like my other marriages. Isn’t there, isn’t there a book, one of the things that really inspired me was all of the, you know, after he passed away, all the, all the good deeds that started coming out, you know, as like secret secret good deeds that he was doing. It was like, that was really inspirational. Um, didn’t he write a book about it? Yeah. Or someone wrote a book? No, so I didn’t… So his sister actually wrote a manuscript, and she sent it in, and it got, it, uh, it got discovered, it got published, and then Rav Yaakov Aster, who I think is the publisher of AMi Magazine, he’s the one that took it over and actually, and actually published the book, and wrote it to the end, and edited it. So, um, yeah, I, believe it or not, I really didn’t know anything about anything. I, um, it was just as shocking to me, you know? It’s, it’s just amazing. It’s beautiful that, you know, you guys were able to really connect on that level of giving and overflowing. And when you do that, it just really fills you up, you know? That’s amazing. Yeah, it’s interesting. I, I have to say, it’s just, it was really just him. I really, I really feel, and not every woman is like this, and not every woman has to be, I’m just telling you my personal experience, but I really feel connected when I’m a channel for my husband. Mm-hmm. And so this was his energy coming through, and I was just going with it. I love doing that. I love being able to, you know, uh, when you speak, I’m sure you feel like you’re channeling Hashem’s light. You know, when I’m with my husband, I wanna channel who he is into the world. Um- Mm-hmm … and it’s basically who he is, is just connecting to G-d and to his rabbis, and then that flows through me and through us, and that creates something different. So that’s why it’s so different depending on the husband that you’re with, ’cause everyone is so different. Right. So, you know, when I’m with my husband now, he is so connected to being able to be inspired by Torah, by words of wisdom, connecting with children, and just being them and appreciating them, and I have less of that in me. I wish I did, you know? I happen to take care of them all day long. Mm-hmm. But I have much less of an appreciation. Really, I’m serious. I have much less of an appreciation and much less pleasure that I get just from being with them, because I have all this top-end intellectual, spiritual desires. You know, I can sit at the kollel forever and not talk to a soul. I don’t need to talk to anybody. But of course- Right … your kids wanna talk to you all the time, and, “Mommy, da-da-da,” and they wanna talk to you about things that are, like, not exactly, you know, like rocket science. So, um- … it’s very hard for me- Right … to like, you know, stimulate it- For sure … and feel pleasure with Legos. It really d- it really is. But, um, but for him, it’s like the most- It’s so funny. I- … interesting thing in the world I always say, I always say I wasn’t made to be, you know, one of those like mommy people. I, I’m the same way. I’m like, I need… You know, how did I survive COVID? By strengthening my business and like being able to lock the door and have these lives and do these things and make the retreat. Like, I needed that con- connection with like other adults and high-level consciousness type of speaking, and not like, “Okay, let’s sit down on the floor.” Now I’ve become a little bit more chill about that. Like, I can sit on the grass and just like play with them or whatever. But I think my older ones had a different experience than the younger ones, ’cause I, I had to really grow into that. So I totally relate to that. Right. So yeah. So now, like one of my, you know, one of my greatest pleasures is to be able to sit around with my husband and my kids and just like, you know, enjoy each other’s company, and just be. And, and that is also me channeling him and his energy and his warmth and his, you know, want for, for family life. And, um, and so it’s very, it is, it’s very, very different. And actually my, my experience with business is very different with him because I, I, truly I’m, I’m very much, um, I’m very much burnt out, I have to be honest. After so many years of, of doing something, I really have to like regenerate my energy over and over again because I know it’s so worthwhile. I had so many other opportunities to do other things throughout the last 17 years. And again, I, I was like, I worked in the top corporate law firm in Canada. I was on my way to, you know, making a lot of money doing a lot of things. And I always, I say to Hashem, “Listen to me. You have to help me with this because otherwise I’m going out there and I’m gonna make money,” you know? “And I know more than anything You need me here, and, you know, there’s all these people that need jobs and et cetera, et cetera.” And, um, so He, He definitely helps to, to, um, inspire me. And actually these days He’s actually starting a business, so I’m helping Him with that. And, um, I do feel that one of the things that I really wanted to say here is, and I don’t know how you say it in other, um- in other episodes in terms of, like, the conflict between a woman becoming successful and that potentially putting her husband into a place where he feels smaller. Mm-hmm. I think you mentioned that before, right? Yeah. So I actually, I actually found so many opportunities, especially in my first marriage when I was really becoming… At, at the very beginning of this, you think, oh, what a little… You know, are you still doing that prayer thing? So at the very beginning of this, we actually got a lot of news interviews. I mean, Reuters, Yahoo, we were almost on CNN. We had all over Russia. What- I- it was becoming, you know, a big thing, and, um, my husband wasn’t yet successful. He was a yeshiva bachur who was recruiting students to a small yeshiva in the Old City. And, um, I felt that. I definitely felt that place of, ugh, am I, you know, getting a little too big for comfort here? And, um I’m gonna say something I never said. I, all of the organization, he happened to be American, all of the organization I just channeled into his name, into he became the CEO over there. All the money went into a bank account with his name on it, you know, that, that he was the CEO of this company, et cetera, et cetera. So when the credit cards came, they came in his name. When accounts had to be paid to all of the amazing, beautiful, pious people in the Old City, he went out and distributed all of the money to very, very needy people. I was gone. I was out of it. I might have been, like, straight on those news programs, but other than that, I was deep inside my office without a face. He was the face of everything, and y- people would thank him over and over and over again. He’d always say, “No, no, no, it’s my wife, it’s my wife.” I don’t care if it’s your wife. When you’re out there and people are coming to you and asking you, you know, “Do you mind if you, like, sign up my brother? He really is in need of money,” and, “Do you mind? Maybe you’re… You know, I know that someone gave a donation. Do you mind if you give it to, you know, my, my uncle? He’s really in struggle.” And he became that guy who was giving out all of this money and all of this charity to everyone, and he became very, very big. And this is before he gave out his own charity to other people. He became a very, very big person, and that feels good. It feels really, really good to have a husband walk in feeling big, important, doing amazing things in this world. I’m not talking about the, like, CEO of Google. I’m talking about someone who’s actually going out there and helping the world and becoming a macher. And so I just wanna say, I, I mean, everyone’s in a different business, but I really feel that whatever opportunity you have to put your husband front and center with the money, with the distribution, with, with the name, whatever you can do will only help you in your marriage because it’s just so amazing to see your husband happier, bigger, getting the respect that they deserve. If you can, I mean, I… But there’s, there’s definitely ways to sit and think, you know, “What, what can I do? Can the bank account have his name bigger than mine?” You know? “Eh, what can I do to make him the bigger guy here somehow,” even if it’s only in appearance, and even if he knows it’s coming from you, but you don’t have to show him.   So sorry to disturb this amazing episode, but I had to stop and check that you signed up for the giveaway because this is awesome. There are four gifts based on the four pillars and an extra bonus gift to work one-on-one with me. So what are you waiting for? Go and sign up connectedforreal.com/giveaway or check the link below and now back to the show   Right. So it’s really beautiful. I’ll tell you what’s beautiful about this story and this example, is that you did not lower yourself. You didn’t dim your light. What you did was you, like, you almost, um, um, hung your light. You know, like, you shone- And then you gave him the credit, which is pretty much, you know, the way that it makes it a healthy, you know, a healthy way to do. Because what we tend to do as women is when you feel that discomfort that you were describing, so, oh my gosh, I, you know, I work out of the house. Like, you know, when I was a graphic designer, I was going, driving all the way to Tel Aviv, having whole day meetings, and like everybody is asking me for my advice and me for my experience and expertise and da, da, da. And they’re all giving me free food because I’m there all day, and giving me presents because, you know, why not? And then I come home with a car full of things for, you know, samples and things, whatever. And like I walk in the house, and he took care of supper, and the kids are all over the place. And it just feels like, oh, boy. Okay. Let me just like dim myself, like chill my light, not show, you know, not step on anybody’s toes. And so it’s like what do I do now? You know? And When, when a woman feels like she needs to lower herself in order to let him be the higher one, that’s when you get into trouble. Because you are literally, you know, lowering and becoming less of yourself, and you think that’s gonna empower him, and actually what it does is the opposite. It creates this resentment. Like, he feels that. He feels that you’re not being yourself. He feels that it’s not authentic, it’s not real. There’s no, you know, there’s no connection, and then you’re not… You feel it too. Like, there’s this like, ugh, you know? And so that’s where it goes bad, and that’s where things start exploding because then eventually your light is trying to come out and it’s like, “Ugh, I gotta explode, I gotta explode”, and then poof, I’m, you know, I’m gonna go big. I’m gonna make six figures, and I don’t care anymore, and I don’t care if I need to lose this marriage because this is a real important thing for me. It’s my passion. It’s my, you know, purpose in life, whatever. And then suddenly it’s like, oh, what just happened? Like, you just went out of whack. So, and I meet, you know, I’m, I’m giving you guys examples from real life. This is what happens to the women who are, like, keeping themselves low, keeping this sounds low. You know, you, you keep it all down, and then it comes up. At that point, it’s too hard to figure out what to do next. And so it’s like, “Okay, that’s it. I don’t care about you anymore. You just, you know, you just watch.” And what you did was instead of keeping yourself low, you raised him up. You gave him credit. Make him bigger. Yeah. You didn’t have to do anything. You didn’t have to work hard at, you know, if I need to work, then, you know, if I need to grow, then I need to do something for him to grow. No, you don’t have to do anything. All you had to do is give him the credit. Say, “Thank you so much for allowing me to do this.” Like, one of the coolest things that happens is, like, I do a retreat, and then, you know, at the end of the night I thank my husband for taking care of the kids and making the supper and being so amazing and allowing me to do this, and, you know, it’s only because of you that I can do this, and I’m a words of affirmation, so my gift is all, you know, words, words, words. Um, it doesn’t always work because he’s not words, but it is the way that I express, you know, you are a very integral part of this success and this purpose in the world. Um, another thing that I totally related to when you said, you know, being a channel, um, my husband wrote a Haggadah And last year we, um, we published the Hebrew edition, and it was really amazing. And this year we came out with the translation. And right after my retreat, I kept telling him, “No, I s- first have to do my retreat. First I have to do my retreat.” And then finally my retreat happened, and then I was, like, exhausted from, like, all of that shine, shine, shine, you know? It was like seven days of intense. And then he was like, “Okay, good. Now, you know, I need to print it before Passover.” And I was like, “Ah, I don’t have any time.” And I really went… Like, really jumped into it and made sure to get it done, and it was a lot of work and it was really intense, but it felt so good because I felt like I was really channeling exactly what we were saying before. Like, y- you know, of being- allowing his work to come out in the world, um, was, was really… And it aligns with my work, so it’s not like it’s conflicting. It just felt like I was able to do that for him, and it felt really good. So I was able to really- It’s amazing. Look, as he goes up, you go up. As you go up, he goes up. You wanna go down, he’ll go down with you. Yeah, we’re meant to- That’s just how it works. You’re the same soul I love this example, but really, you know, when we get married in the Jewish, um, world, so, in the, whatever, we as Jews believe that you are one soul. And even though you’re in two different bodies, you really are connected. And so I have this example of, like, you have two choices. You know? Like, when you go up, he automatically goes up, and now what do you do about that? So you’re, you know, I, I visualize this as, like, going up the hill. When you’re working towards, like, six figures, seven figures, “I’m gonna make money. I’m gonna be successful. I’m gonna, you know, do my purpose,” and you’re walking up there, and you’re pretty much dragging him, like dead weight, because he’s kicking and screaming. And then eventually, when you’re able to get him to support your work and to really change that dynamic, instead of dragging him, he’s pushing you, and you’re really going up the hill together no matter what, but it’s a different energy. And that’s where I, you know, that’s really my purpose in the world, is helping people go from one to the other, to really change that up. ‘Cause you’re going to go up together no matter what. Like, you’re gonna end up in the same place at all times. It’s just the attitude of how are you doing it. Are you going to do it, you know, no matter what? I’m just, just, you’re coming along, but you’re dead weight and you’re holding me back. Or are we doing this together and really supporting each other through it? So, yeah. Yeah, and, um, I think that, uh, you probably talk about this all the time, but there’s a third party that’s the really the most important thing, and that’s even though you and your husband are together in this one soul, at the end of the day, it’s really you and G-d, and it’s really G-d and him. Right. And so, you know, as anything is happening, as any friction, anything is going on, you just look back to G-d and you say, “Oh, this is what I have to learn now? Like, this is my new life challenge? This is my new life test that you’ve brought to me? Okay, fine. What am I gonna do now, and what am I gonna do with it now, and how am I gonna take this now?” It’s not you and your husband, it’s your husband is here to teach you all of these wonderful things that your soul hasn’t fixed yet, you know? Right. And so as I went from one husband to another husband, it was very, very clear what I was supposed to fix this time around, what I was supposed to fix the next time around, and when I could just enjoy a little bit of life. Um, so- Right. Yeah. That’s definitely true. That’s, that’s definitely… It’s, it’s always look at your husband, looking back to G-d. Okay, this is what’s going on. Looking back at your husband, looking back to G-d. Gotcha, I hear you. Okay. Yeah. And it’s a, it’s a, it’s a dance. So when I named my business Connected for Real, um, so there’s two parts to it. There’s the connected, you know, the really being connected, and that’s when I was asking around my friends, like, what is it that I do? What is it so interesting and important, like, that you guys come to me for advice? And that’s other people. Like, why? What is about me that I don’t see about me because it’s too natural for me to see? And pretty much everybody was like, “You’re just like whoosh, connected. Like, you talk to G-d as if he’s like, you know, right here.” And, um, and I also… You know, so it’s like connected to yourself, connected to your husband, and connected to G-d is, like, pretty much, like, that part. And then for real is because you can’t be living in la-la land. You have to be here. You have to be in life. You have to be doing the things. You have to really be for real. You can’t be faking it, or you can’t be disconnected. There’s, like, there has to be those two parts. Um, and in the retreat that if you guys… I keep saying the retreat, so I’m gonna give you guys the, the chance to sign up. It’s connectedforreal.com/retreat, and it’s happening April 26th. It’s a seven-day free retreat. You go on Zoom once, uh, once a day for an hour, and we talk about something every single day. It’s amazing, epic. The last retreat we did blew people’s minds away, so I’m not saying this from like, oh, look at me, I’m so cool. I’m like, my biggest fear was that people was gonna, were gonna say that I’m full of myself, and I realized that I’m actually not. I’m full of G-d. Like, this is what I’m doing because I need to channel G-d. Like, I can’t hold it in. So it’s absolutely amazing. So day one is connect to yourself, day two is connect to G-d, and day three is connect to your husband. And then of course, like, all the other days sort of put it all together. But, um, you ha- you can’t live without G-d in your life. I don’t know how people do it. So you, you said like, you know, don’t forget there’s another party. And yes, there is. And it’s a really important one because it’s what we’re here for And I love that you brought that up Yeah, yeah. Your G-d, your, your husband was just brought to you by G-d for a good reason, and that’s it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you don’t have to blame him. You can blame G-d. Yeah. And then you can start to work. Yes. Yes, yes. And we talked about that a lot on day three, totally, ’cause it’s so true. Uh- Can I tell you something? I, um, I, I don’t know for those of you who know of Daniell Katz, um, we used to go to his seminars, and I remember one day he said that there was a couple that had all of these problems, and the wife was complaining, and the husband comes complaining, she’s this, he’s that, da, da, da. Finally they said, “We can’t take this anymore. We’re going, we’re, we’re getting a divorce.” Fine. They went through divorce. They went to Beis Din. They got the get, all over, mazel tov. The husband looks at the wife, the wife looks at the husband, well, the ex-husband, and he says, “Okay, let’s get married.” She’s like, “What are you talking about? We just got divorced.” He said, “Well, you weren’t good enough for a first wife, but for a second wife, you, you’re pretty good. Let’s do it. Let’s go get married.” So I can definitely tell you that that’s true. That it’s just the way that it is. What you expect and get angry about with a first husband who’s the real husband of your children, all the expectations that you have of what he should do, and what he shouldn’t do, and what he should give to you, and what he should be like- get you very angry and very disappointed about, you know, the difference between expectations and reality. And what happens in a second marriage is so many of those expectations are gone, because he’ll never be the real parent, so you can’t really expect him to act like a real parent. You know, he’ll… He- you already know what life is like single by yourself taking care of everybody, and anything you get is like, “Wow, thank G-d I don’t have to do this alone. Thank G-d I don’t have to make kiddush alone. Thank G-d there’s another person that I could actually walk out of the house. Thank G-d this, thank G-d that,” instead of, you know, “Why didn’t he come home two hours earlier? Oh, my gosh, someone came home.” And all of a sudden, so many of those expectations go away, and you’re just naturally happier in the next marriage. Now, hold on a second. Now, there’s also issues with between children, et cetera, et cetera. It- you naturally expect less. Right. And so I can, I can get through without having an internal fit situations that are way worse that what my friends are completely stuck in, which I used to be stuck in also, because I was also a first-marriage person. Right. Um, but it’s just unbelievable what, what, uh, just that so much of our Shalom Bayis issues have to do with our expectations. Right. And so when those expectations are changed, when you put yourself in a position of someone who doesn’t have and the husband’s gone, and it’s all on you, and then he reenters your life and it’s somebody new and somebody else that’s come to, you know, help you, wow, you have whole, a whole different set of eyes. Uh, the eyes come from appreciation first rather than expectation. Yeah. And so it’s just very interesting. I also don’t recommend it because it’s much better to have a first husband. But if I could only have all of the lessons that I learned as a second wife to my first husband, wow, I would have just had a beautiful, happy, healthy marriage at all 24 hours a day. Yeah, isn’t that amazing? That’s beautiful. Um, so Jasmine, Jasmine Star was talking about gratitude in one of her podcasts, and she said that she went to a very wise man and she said, “I can’t do the gratitude thing. I don’t know what to be grateful for. Like, it’s just, it’s really hard. It’s like a hard exercise ’cause it just feels like, oh, I’m grateful I have a house and a this and a that. Like, I’m not really feeling it.” So he told her, “Pretend, like imagine that tomorrow morning you wake up and you only have the things you’re grateful for today.” And she’s like, “Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I’m grateful for my bed, for my pillow, for my blanket, for my toothbrush, for my toothpaste, for my bathroom, for my running water.” And then it just started flowing because she realized, oh, you know? And so like what you’re saying is, “I’m grateful for my husband. I don’t care how not perfect he is and how human he is.” You’re like, sorry to break it to all of us, but like, you know, we’re all human and it’s, it’s a prerequisite to being in this world. So we’re all gonna have something that’s not perfect about us, and w- instead of picking on it and being like, “But he’s not 100% exactly, you know, to the T what I wanted,” being like, “I’m happy for just d- you know, just the fact that he’s here.” I- Or just pretend you have no one. Just imagine, God forbid, that you didn’t have anyone and what that would look like, and you don’t know what that looks like until he’s gone. Mm-hmm. You really, really don’t because there’s so many things we take for granted in everything, including air, that you don’t even realize what would be if he wasn’t there, you know? Right. I’ll never forget when, um, when my, my first husband, when I had my fifth baby, I think, it was the first time his mother did not come to take care of the house. And at the bris, all he talked about was, “Oh my gosh, the first night she left I went out to the kitchen and I saw a pot out with food.” Right. “And I thought to myself- How’s that pot gonna get I guess someone should, you know, put that pot away. Um, and then all of a sudden it dawned on him, this, this whole area of the world that he never thought about, you know, “What do I need to do with that pot after it boils?” And, and all of a sudden he figured out all these things that I do every night that he just never even turned his mind to, and only then could he actually even appreciate some tiny little things that were, you know, in my world and in my head that I took care of in the house that he would never even have turned to had it not been for me not being there. And all of us wives are like that. We don’t realize what it is to have a husband around, just his presence- Mm … what that does to our children, how that makes them feel safe, you know? How that makes them feel normal. They have an abba, period. I don’t care if he’s home, he’s not home, he’s, he’s learning, he’s working. They have someone. When their friends talk about, you know, “Oh, my abba does this,” they have something to say. They say, “Oh, well, my abba does this.” You know? And we’re always thinking, “Well, his, uh, you know, his father takes him swimming on Thursday nights, and his father…” Or, or, or his, her husband, you know, helps with the sponge on Friday, whatever. There’s, there’s a husband. Nobody knows that anything’s missing, you know? Mm-hmm. You have, you, people aren’t looking at you like a nebach because you have a house that comes together. There are so many tiny things you don’t even know to appreciate about him being present in the world, and you actually having a family that looks like a family. You know, even if it looks dysfunctional from the inside, nobody knows. Nobody has to know that. Yeah. You can feel a somewhat normalcy from the fact that nobody knows you have a dysfunctional family, that you look like a normal family just like everybody else. Right. That’s one of the things, like you were saying about, you know, comparing also. There’s, there’s something that is very interesting that happens when people are like, “Oh, but you’re so lucky. Of course you can do all the things, because your husband cooks, and he cleans, and he’s, you know, all so awesome.” And I’m super grateful, ’cause my husband is super awesome, but like, you know, you don’t sit around and see what is actually different about our life that isn’t awesome. You know, you’re not really comparing. You’re just sort of, like, assuming, and then it’s like, “Oh, it’s not fair, ’cause you don’t have to cook on Friday.” Well, I do other things that he doesn’t do that maybe you don’t have that. So it’s really interesting. Whenever we get into that comparison thing, you’re always, it’s a lose-lose. Everybody loses. ‘Cause the person who compares and says, “Oh, it’s just, you know, you have it better,” they’re losing. The person who people think about who has it better is sitting around thinking like, “No, I have other things,” so, like, they’re also thinking of what is missing. And it’s like, you know, not good for anyone. So it’s, I love that you brought that up, just like, you know, from both sides, that when we- You know, we, we can even just look at ourselves from the outside and say, “Wow.” You know? We have, we have something that looks like a family, which says a l- you know, is a lot already. Even if they- It’s a very big… There are a lot of people who stay in marriages just to have the appearance of a family, even though they don’t have a marriage, because that actually gives you something. Right. Yeah. Just that. But I have to say, in terms of the comparison thing, my neighbor said something very, very smart. She’s like, “Nobody can look at me and say, ‘Ugh, you know, I wish I had your apartment.'” She’s like, “No, no, no. You can’t just take my apartment. You have to take my whole life if you want my apartment. Hashem didn’t just give me my apartment. He gave me my apartment just like he gave me my sick husband, just like he gave me my, uh, you know, hard upbringing, just like he gave me this. He wouldn’t have given me the apartment without all of these other things. So if you want the apartment, you also have to take everything else that I have. Do you want that?” Also, and also just- Or, or maybe you want the apartment … the process of getting the apartment, you know? Sometimes, like, we do believe that you can have, you know, like you don’t have to have bad things in order to have good things. Like, you deserve good because G-d loves you and wants to give you. And so, you can have a beautiful apartment, and you can have a beautiful life, and you can have a suc- you know, successful whatever. And like, you can have it all. Mm-hmm. But, you know, it comes at a process, you know, that you had to go through and become somebody, because that’s what… It’s, you know, this whole, um, um… There’s a word that I’m looking for, but like, you know, an obstacle course. That’s what it is. There’s a whole obstacle course that we have to go through in order to become who we are, and we had to go through it. And so, if at the end we actually get the thing, and we’re like, “Wow, this is amazing. It was so worth it. Look at how much I was able to, you know, become and be,” and just like, wow, and then you look back, and it’s all of that garbage that made you who you are, you know? And they would never have taken it. Like, they would never have chosen that path. So that’s just, you know, it’s, it’s not fair no matter what, either way. It’s like, don’t compare. Yeah, it’s useless anyway. It’s not gonna change anything, so it’ll just make you miserable. I’ve actually learned that the less you think about things you don’t have control, the happier you are. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you can’t control it- Just don’t think about it … leave it alone. Just… Yeah. That’s, you know, in, uh, Stephen Covey’s, uh, book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he has those circles of, like, the things I am concerned about, the circle of concern, and the circle of influence, and I can only influence the things that I can control. And the more I can influence the things I can control, the bigger that circle gets and the more I can, you know, have, uh, conc- the more I’m concerned with. But if you’re just concerned with things you can’t control, then you’re just outside of your- You know, outside of your control basically. I believe they call it anxiety and stupidity, but yeah- we all have it. Yes. Oh my goodness, yes. Okay, so we are nearing the end, and if anybody else wants, uh, in the comments to ask a question or say anything, now is a wonderful time to write to us. And, uh, if you’re watching the replay, you can do #replay and ask a question and we’ll try to get to it. You could also tag us. Um, and tell everyone about, uh, where they can find you or how they can get in touch with you or what you’re up to next, ’cause, uh, you know, you are doing cool things even though you think you’re tired. I’m so tired, but I am… You know what? I do have to say that, um, I absolutely love speaking. I, I, I used to actually fear it because, um, I was always nervous that it would give me an ego, just like you were saying. I was, really I was always nervous. I’m like, “How can I speak when I’m spending so much time in the spiritual world trying to get closer to G-d? And in order to do that, I need humility, and I need to, you know, get myself out of the limelight. And so the more that I’m gonna speak, maybe, you know, the bigger that I’ll get, the more ego that I’ll have and, and that’s gonna take me away from G-d, and I wanna go closer to G-d.” But, um, but I realized, and that’s where my, my present husband comes in, thank G-d, that he’s such a clear, um, channel for Torah inspiration, and he so wants to go out there and speak. He used to be a kiruv rabbi because he just wants to share the goodness. Just like you wanna share the apple pie that you have or the cake that you have or the money that you have, he just wants to share G-d’s Torah ’cause it’s just so amazing. And, um, and so I feel like I can more tune into his purity and his innocence and his, um, genuineness also, um, that I’m not as scared that it’s gonna be about me. Um, I don’t, I don’t need it at all to be about me, so I, I wanna give out. I, I’ve, I feel that Hashem has put all of us through- So many things and brought us, you know, all different sparks of different places that he wants us all to share. We have all this … Look at what we have now. We have this Instagram and YouTube. I mean, it’s not just to show the vacation that we’re on, you know? It’s to share each of our light with everyone else, that otherwise we wouldn’t have been created, we wouldn’t have been necessary. You know, just like everyone, just the, the men when they learn Gemara, they learn from different perspectives, and they try to stretch their brains to be able to get into someone else’s head. Why? They have their own. Because there is a greater consciousness that comes from being able to see other people’s perspectives all at the same time. What is G-d? G-d is everything. G-d is all the colors all together become white, you know what I’m saying? So but you need all of those colors all together, and then it comes to the source. So we are all the colors of the rainbow, and, and the world, and the spectrum giving out so that we can all reach that oneness. And, um, thank you, Nicole. So anyway, so I’m not so afraid to speak anymore. I’m not afraid that it’s gonna be about me, although bli, bli ayin harah, Bezrat Hashem, no. Um, so I’ve really- I’ve noticed what this is I’ve just like really been, you know, the- This is- What’s what? This is the, this is the who am I to speak? And the answer is, who are you not to speak? If G-d gave you all of these gifts, and all of these abilities, and the stories, and the things, and the way, and the ability, and, and your mouth, and your voice, and, like, who are you not to do it? Like, G-d put you here on this earth to do your job. Like, this is what I had to go through, right? Like, I’m sitting here, I’m telling you, I’m full of G-d. Like, I am not here to share how awesome I am, even though I am awesome, but my awesomeness comes from that connection, that ability to really channel. So who are you not to do it? You know, you, you standing around- Right … and saying like, “Oh, G-d, I think you’ve got a mistake. I’m not the right person.” Like, it doesn’t work like that. He put you here to do this. Right. Do your job. And I look at it as, as your awesomeness is not your awesomeness, it’s G-d’s awesomeness. Right. You’re a creation of G-d. You’re not saying anything about yourself, you’re saying how amazing G-d’s creation is, which is you. You’re complimenting G-d when you’re saying how great you are. So, um, there’s no disconnection, there’s no separation. There’s just your, you are the creation that G-d … You know, you’re … When you look at a painting, you don’t say, “What an amazing painting,” you say, “What an amazing artist that painted that painting.” The painting has no, no significance of its own, it just came out of the mind and the hand of the person that painted it. And so I think that’s very, very, um, I think that’s very important. So anyway, so I’m doing some Zoom speeches here and there, and I’m doing in-person speeches on Emunah and understanding suffering. And, um, a lot of it comes through, you know, the different experiences that I had, and thank G-d, I think it really raises people up. It really, really does. And, um, oftentimes it raises me up because, you know- Always … you just become a channel for whatever … You work and it goes through you, and you’re like, “Wow, that was an interesting thought,” you know? That feels great. Always. Um- Always. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is how we grow. So it’s amazing- Yeah, it’s an amazing connective experience. If any- y- you know, if you can find out there something that you do that actually makes you feel bigger than what you are because you, you’ve channeled in some of G-d’s light into the world, that is the greatest pleasure that, that, uh, you can get, and that is your geiu. That’s, you know, the self-actualization top of Maslow’s chart, if you’re, you know, speaking in psychological terms, and, um, that’s what Hashem created us to do. So, um, so yeah, so if you wanna book me for, um, a shiur, I would be honored, um, to be your guest for Emunah, Understanding Suffering. And of course, definitely, definitely, definitely, when you need tefillos, come to us, westernwallprayers.org. We literally have some of the holiest people in the world, who literally I would, like, kiss their shoes if it wasn’t s- you know, not tznius, and I wish I could be anything like them. I’m just so happy to be a part in any of their Torah, um, by providing them with a place at the Kotel to daven for you at westernwallprayers.org. Thank you. Sure. Um, or bbird, B-B-U-R-D… Yeah, you’re very prepared, at westernwallprayers.org. Or you can just catch me on Facebook, Batya Bird Oved. I love that. By the way, the thing that came up for me, and I didn’t wanna interrupt you, is the moon and the sun. Like, I really feel like I’m a reflection. I’m not… You know, the light isn’t coming from me. And I, and that, those are all things that, by the way, you guys think, like, “Oh, she’s a natural.” No, like, you really have to go through these things. You have to go through these mindset issues, and fix them, and figure it out, and find the answers, because you don’t just wake up one day and are, like, really awesome at making lives. I had to go through, like, being scared of speaking in public, and what are people gonna think of me, and what are they gonna say, and what am I, what if I don’t know? And all of these things come up, and you have to deal with them, and that’s how you grow. And so they don’t mean that you just, like, give up and say, “Oh, it’s not for me.” You become somebody. And I think with the retreat that I did, I actually became that. Like, oh, oh my gosh, like, I just became a leader, you know? And it, like, caught me by surprise. And I said it at the retreat, I’m like, “You guys all did me the favor. I know that I gave you a lot, but, like, whoa, I blew my mind how much came out, and how eloquently it came out from a person who is scared of speaking in public, and used to shake, and was like, ‘Ah, I can’t do this.'” I had to go through so much, and it really is one of those amazing things that if you, if you are, you know, if you allow it in, it will show you, you know? G-d will show you the way, and clarity, and just, like, guide you through it. It’s amazing. So everybody should go sign up for my retreat. Yeah, I’m, I’m, I’m wowed. I just, I wanna say I’m not there yet. I wish one day I would be at a place where I can do what you’re doing right now. It takes so much gumption and courage and kol hakavod. Thank you. Thank you. I think that’s one of the- No, mamash, really. You really deserve it. Thank you. I think that’s one of the things that I am, you know, I’m feeling called to do, is why I started the retreat, is really to, you know, gather the people around me and, like, do this thing. Like, show other people what I did and what to do, because I had to go through all of that business and design and branding and all of that stuff. Like, so I have the technical of the business, and then I have the marriage and the wisdom, and it’s like being married right now in the retreat. So it’s really interesting. Yeah. And since, uh, Nicole says yes- Go higher and higher. Oh, okay. So what is one practical thing that you wanna leave everyone with so that they can really just get fired up and moving forward? Don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you wanna do. At the end of the day, if you’re doing the right thing, they will thank you That’s it. I don’t know why I came up with that. Someone out there needs to hear that, ’cause that’s the last thing I thought I was gonna say, but that’s okay. It’s all for Him. You know, before I go live, I ask for guidance and I say, you know, “With G-d’s help, we will succeed,” because I have no idea how these lives are gonna go, and they always end up amazing. So it’s such a pleasure having you. Thank you so much for coming. I feel so grateful. Make sure you come back next week if you are watching, and if you’re not watching, it’s all good. Um, next week we are going to be talking about child loss, and, um, it’s gonna be pretty awesome because the person who I have invited is actually really positive and really happy. So I think that is really fun to see, um, how she, you know, was able to grow from it and become the person that she is without having to lose herself, which is why I also like you, because you’re able to laugh and you’re able to smile and tell the story. You know, yes, it’s tragic, and yes, you didn’t sign up for it, but at the end of the day, you’re able to connect to G-d and say, “I guess this is what You wanted, so let me, you know, play along and sorta just go with the flow, and I trust that it’s gonna take me somewhere.” So, um- Right. I also wanna, I also wanna say just to validate, um, the people who, who aren’t quite there, that I also was very broken. You know? Yeah. I had my on times, and I had my broken times. And, um, and the broken times really didn’t look very good. So, um, like you said, connected for real can only happen if you are, you are real. And that means if you really, really acknowledge all of the pain that you’re going through, and you really acknowledge all the brokenness, and that’s the only way to put it back together. So, um, you can still, you can be in a place where you’re very clear that Hashem is with you, you’re very clear that all the pain is from Hashem, and you’re still very, very in pain. It’s not- Yeah … hakol le-tovah. It’s- No, no, no … I know, hakol, everything is from you, and I know this is right for me, and I know I’m supposed to learn something from this, and I’m going through the pain also. Yeah. So- How do I get out of it through you? You can’t, you can’t bypass pain. You have to go through it, and you have to feel it, and you have to grieve, and you have… You know, we have the seven days of mourning, and you have to mourn. They don’t give you a choice. You have to go through the motions, and you have to feel your feelings, and if you don’t, it will come back to bite you. So it really is, you know, it’s important that you brought it up, even if you’re not mourning something that is, you know, such a huge loss, like, you know, I don’t know, just, oh, nobody signed up for my program, I feel really broken, like, that’s okay too. And it, you know, it took me, you know, for a loop, um, the last time that happened, and I had, like, a whole two weeks of, like, I don’t have any energy to do anything and I can’t, I can’t deal with this. Like, what do you want from me? Like, I did all this work for nothing type of feeling. And, and that’s okay too. You know? So, like, don’t think that something gigantic has to happen for you to feel pain. You can feel pain for anything no matter what, and it’s your pain, and you’re feeling it, and the only way through it is through it. You can’t bypass it. There is no avoiding it. And so I really, I really love that you brought that up, ’cause it- it’s part of the process. You can’t be happy without sadness, which, by the way, is, like, one of the biggest takeaways from the movie Inside Out. Um, it’s a really beautiful movie. Oh, I never saw that. Oh, it’s so cute. It’s, like, all animated, and there’s, like- I heard … happy and sad and whatever. And the takeaway is that you cannot be happy, happy, happy and try to, like, push away sadness. Sadness has to go through the motions, and then you can be happy for real. You know? So I really like that you brought that up. Ah, thank you everyone for listening. Come back next week, and we will see you next time.   I really hope you enjoyed that episode. It was part of the top 10 series from the last five years of our podcast, and I wanna make sure that you remember to go and sign up to the giveaway, connectedforreal.com/giveaway, or in the link below  And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget you can be connected for real.