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In This Episode
Jewish Latin Princess, Yael Trusch, shares practical advice on how to handle money in your marriage. sharing your money story, going on money dates, to regularly talking about money with respect, you can build a deeper kind of intimacy and connection with your spouse. Hashem put money in the world so we can live better lives doing His will. Are you and your husband ready to step up to His calling?
Highlights
04:32 Money is a difficult topic for any relationship. The main issue between spouses is that there is a lack of understanding each other’s money story.
05:40 Yael believes that money is a neutral tool that God gave us, so there is no shame in working for and talking about money.
06:51 A higher level of intimacy is achieved when we openly and regularly talk to our husbands about money.
07:20 It is important to be reminded that the relationship between husband and wife is the center of Jewish life.
09:12 Yael believes that money is an amplifier that has an impact on who you are as a person.
10:28 Rebbetzin Bat-Chen adds her own twist to the concept of money being an amplifier, where it does not change you, but allows you to grow and do the work Hashem wants you to do.
13:04 Limiting beliefs can hinder us from owning our own business, following our passions, spending money, or even Aliyah.
14:36 A lot of the women that Rebbetzin Bat-Chen work with talk about or are planning Aliyah. Don’t wait.
15:31 Our guest, Yael, adds that when it comes to marriage, you shouldn’t wait to take care of problems you have.
16:22 Jewish Money Makeover is Yael’s signature course that allows you to transform in terms of how you think about money and relate to it. It is very practical, especially when it comes to communicating with your husband about money.
18:01 Money dates are dates where you and your spouse become vulnerable and talk about money. Yael shares a guide on her website to get started.
19:41 Find out what to do if your husband is not into money matters.
21:11 In the Grossman household, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen writes down the budgeting while her husband can calculate everything mentally.
22:19 It is common for women to feel as though they cannot change their husbands about their role with money in the household, but Rebbetzin Bat-Chen advices that it’s important to come to peace with it.
22:40 There is going to be a point in your life where you will have to take care of your finances without your husband. Women should step up and be able to handle the financials themselves too.
25:08 The starting point for any woman feeling like she has bumped into a wall is for a woman to look inward and discover her own money story. Only then will a husband be more vulnerable sharing his views on money.
25:49 Rebbetzin Bat-Chen agrees that when women work on themselves, they are able to have better reactions towards trying situations.
27:07 Being open to money dates and setting time for them raises the level of conversation between spouses.
28:08 Money can be a powerful tool when it is given proper attention.
29:20 Instead of moving to California, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen and her husband made Aliyah and moved to Israel to raise their family. This is a great example of how you can step up in your life in spite of what others say because there are people who believe in you, and you are firm about your decision.
33:33 What the world needs is for people to step up into who they really are.
34:33 The anchor thought Rebbetzin Bat-Chen had when she needed to get through different obstacles is “Hashem believes in me. Who am I not to believe in me?”
38:22 Yael provides practical advice of giving yourself the opportunity to pay attention to your money and your money story, whether it be by yourself or with your husband.
Links
Yael Trusch: Website | Podcast | Instagram | Facebook
Money Date Check List by Yael Trusch
5 Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage by Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman
Marriage Breakthrough Retreat – Sign up for the wait list!
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For more information about Connected for Real, visit the website!
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REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Welcome to the Connected For Real Podcast! I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business, and my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage, and into your business. Let’s get started. The following is one of the many conversations I had with experts and professionals about real life and how it affects marriage. Let me know your takeaways on Instagram or Facebook, @connectedforreal. Enjoy. We are live. Hi everyone. This is Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from Connected for Real. This is Yael Trusch. She is the queen on money and awesome podcast called Jewish Latin Princess. She will introduce herself. Go ahead.
YAEL TRUSCH
Thank you for having me here. This is so much fun. Yes, indeed. I don’t know if I’m the queen but I do have my brand which is the Jewish Latin Princess, which is a the name of my podcast, as you mentioned, and it started originally as a website but I do work with women in helping them live a joyful, richer Jewish life, and that involves their relationship with money, and that very often involves their relationship with their husbands and money because, as you know, money is a big part of marriage. I have online courses. I have an online course called Jewish Money Makeover. I have a Facebook group called Jewish Money Matters. If anybody wants to join, I run these programs also in Spanish, in English, and I have a lot of fun doing it.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes. I love that. By the way, I was in Venezuela for four years and in Argentina for two years as a kid–so it was from four until 12.
YAEL TRUSCH
Wow, I used to live in Argentina.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Oh, really? That’s very cool.
YAEL TRUSCH
I never lived in Venezuela but I’ve been there many times.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Cool. So I love listening to your Instagram in Spanish because I actually understand.
YAEL TRUSCH
Oh my gosh. It’s so fun.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
It gets me so excited. I’m like, “Oh my gosh. I understand it,” even though I haven’t spoken Spanish in forever. I still have it in my brain somewhere in there. [Laughs]
YAEL TRUSCH
Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that. Yeah, it’s very tricky with having two languages and mixed audiences but you do what you can and sometimes I show up in Spanish, sometimes in English. I do the same thing with my podcast. Most episodes are in English but because there’s a guest that—really her language of choice and her market is in Spanish and since people know me as a Jewish Latin Princess, they know that I’m bilingual, so I’ll throw in an episode here and there in Spanish.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Oh. ¡Que bien! I really love it. I love it that I can understand and hear the different messages that are really the same in different languages. It’s fun. You were saying it’s hard to juggle the languages. My issue is with Hebrew and English because in the beginning, I was doing everything English and then I went to the park and the ladies would say, “It’s not fair. You’re only speaking English, and we want also to learn from you.” So I opened up a Hebrew class at night in the middle of the week just for them. It was so cute. It really took off, and then when corona hit then I was doing Zoom meetings in English, and again people said, “No, we want Hebrew,” so the balance of both of them–it’s exhausting. After three weeks of doing both, I just gave up on the Hebrew. I don’t mind doing the once a week class. Now it moved to shabby so every week I have a class in Hebrew but it’s just so much going on that it was a decision I had to make.
YAEL TRUSCH
I hear you because when I started blogging, I was doing it in both languages, and eventually I had to abandon the Spanish because it’s not sustainable. Same thing with my newsletter. It’s mostly in English. I do have some people who have requested only Spanish. So I have them segmented and I run my program—now I’m gonna run it in English but I’m running it currently in Spanish and then I’ll run it again in Spanish. So I’ll try to do that.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
But that’s okay because if you’re there, you know what to say, you could show up–it doesn’t matter either way. I like that. It’s not like it’s pre-recorded or anything.
YAEL TRUSCH
No, no. I’m all in with my students. All in.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s awesome. Today we are talking about marriage and money because my specialty is marriage and yours is money, and they touch so strongly. They overlap in such a strong way and that’s what I want to talk to you about. So tell us a little bit about what you see from working with your clients and your programs.
YAEL TRUSCH
What I see a lot when it comes to marriage and money is that the main issue is we could call it a lack of a communication but it’s a little bit deeper than that. It’s a lack of understanding of what my money story is and what my husband’s money story is, and then how do we merge that together and we create our own money story going forward. Obviously that requires a lot of communication and a lot of vulnerability. A huge part of the reason is because as independent beings, we are not comfortable with money. We have not been taught to be comfortable with money. We have not been taught to understand all the emotional components of money. We thought growing up that money was just something related to math, and you just add and subtract. Eventually we realized that there’s a lot more to it, and for many people money was taboo growing up. Money wasn’t something that was openly talked about. People did not grow up maybe with being comfortable about having money conversations and—
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
A lot of people are still not comfortable
YAEL TRUSCH
Exactly, exactly. So a lot of what we do, aside from the marriage component, is try to normalize these conversations and try to understand that–let’s bring it to the Jewish area since I know most of your audience and listeners are Jewish–that from a Jewish perspective, money is a neutral tool that God gave us in the world. There’s no shame in money. There’s no shame in having money. There’s no shame in working for your money. In fact, on the contrary money is something to be utilized. It’s not the end, but it’s the means to live a wonderful life and serve God in this world and all of what that means and that entails. So a lot of it comes to shedding those misconceptions about what money means in my life and that I might have learned from experiences, things I saw at home, etc., and creating my own money story, which is not a simple thing to do because we have a subconscious that it’s gonna come and trip us over, but awareness is 90% of the work, and then when we come into our relationship, not only have we had to be very vulnerable and honest with ourselves, but now there’s a partner to become vulnerable with. What I always say to my students is that when we can get to a place where we can discuss money with our husbands openly, with respect, and with vulnerability regularly because it does take a certain regularity and this is not something–we’re not gonna crack the knot in one or two conversations. This is for life. We build a higher level of intimacy. As you and I know, in Judaism, marriage is the epicenter of everything. A Jewish home is the center of Jewish life, so that relationship between husband and wife is the most important thing. The goal in so many of the—I guess that are related to marriage, it has to do with creating intimacy between that couple—creating a deep, deep connection. Very often, marriage is an area where we don’t connect with our husbands, and it’s like we’re leaving so much on the table. There’s so much depth that we can achieve as human beings in that relationship when we can actually connect with one another, In this very intimate part of our lives, which is our relationship with money. Create those goals together and everything that it entails.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s awesome. I love that. I love that you made it so in everybody’s face. Guys, marriage is the epicenter of your life, which is what I’ve been saying because people think, “It’s just one part, and this is something that’s hard for me, but I’m successful in everything else. I’m doing a pretty good job and my life is sort of okay.” No, when you crack that issue that you have in your marriage, everything else will fly. You will finally feel it because we’re being so weighed down. It’s really heavy. It makes it so heavy and that’s one of the things that women see when we work on marriage and I do a little bit of parenting, whatever comes up. Then suddenly their totally unrelated business starts flourishing because they’re finally free to be present, to be creative, to find solutions, and to just have a support partner. It changes the whole game, and it’s amazing. It’s just amazing so I love that you said that. One of my favorite things that you say, and I want you to explain it to our audience, is the whole concept of money being an amplifier. Can you talk about that because that’s my favorite—
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, you like that? Yeah, I like that too. Well, so when we talk about money, as I said before money is a very powerful tool, and one of the things that I always mentioned to my students is that money in fact is an amplifier, meaning that it amplifies who you really are. If you’re a generous person, you’ll be more generous when you have money. If a person is a stingy person by nature, you’ll be more stingy if you have money. If you’re a very creative person, you’ll be more creative because what it is we’re talking about impact. When we think about money, it’s the ability to leave an impact–to create an impact. There are so many ways in which we serve Hashem in the world, and everybody has a unique way in which we can do it, but that money piece allows us to reach so many more souls if you will. It’s just more impact and more impact, so it amplifies everything. It amplifies who you are, what you can do—
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I will tell you why I love it so much because I love it on a deeper level. One of the things that holds people back from making more money is that they think it’s going to change them, and this is a real belief. I think it was something that I had to go through myself this year growing my business and becoming so famous suddenly and just growing so fast. All these things are happening all at the same time and I’m like, “Whoa! What’s going on?” I actually wrote myself a letter. The successful me is writing to my the me-me, and being like, “I am so proud of you. Look at how much you haven’t changed,” It turned on the light in my head, “Oh, that’s what I’m afraid of? That I’m going to change, that I’m actually not going to be as nice, or as good of a mother, or whatever—”Just the other day, I was talking to someone else. We were discussing how a lot of women don’t want to go out, start their own thing, and lean into their gifts because they think it’s going to hurt their marriage. We’re talking about all these beliefs that are so limiting–
YAEL TRUSCH
And I’m so happy by the way that you realize that because it’s totally the opposite. Not only will you not change. You’re shining brighter. You can do so much of you. You can do so many more mitzvahs you can create so much more impact. You can touch so many more souls when you have the means to do it. Again, there is no shame. It’s just part of the way in which I can shine in this world, and it’s just such a huge realization for people. I’m so glad that you got it for yourself and you said, “Oh no, I’m just the same wonderful human being who wants to serve women and now I can serve them even more,” because once I’m generating more money, then I can hire an assistant who can help me reach more women and that assistant now can pay tuition with that money, and then and then all my content I can put into a book that somebody can help me—I mean it just it amplifies. It just continues to grow and grow from there. God knew what He was doing, I would think. That’s why He put you in the world.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, that’s definitely true. So we have another connection, by the way. We also used to live in Houston, Texas.
YAEL TRUSCH
I can’t believe it.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s where you live, right?
YAEL TRUSCH
I’ve been here for 10 years. When did you leave?
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Oh, I left in ’98.
YAEL TRUSCH
Oh, no. I was graduating college.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I was in elementary school. I was in eighth grade Oh, gosh. I’m so excited about Houston when I think about it. Such awesome people there.
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, really. It’s a really nice community. It’s a really nice place to raise children.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, yes, but just so you know, Israel is very, very awesome too, and I highly recommend everyone come this way.
YAEL TRUSCH
I might take you up on that.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, you should. Again, we have so many limiting beliefs and that’s what I do in my coaching is “If I move I won’t find a place for my kids or it won’t be as good or whatever—”It takes time you might have to find your way in the different communities and really feel it out, but once you find a place, it’s like, “Oh my gosh. What was I even thinking when I was worried?” So thank God we just started the year this year yesterday. the first day of school in Israel, and I was just sitting there being so grateful that all my kids are so happy to go to school and to gan (kindergarten) and to everything. Oh my gosh, look at that. I didn’t have to fight anyone. I didn’t have to tell them to go. They were just so happy to go, and they walked to school, which was one of my highlights in my life. I really did not like being driven around everywhere so I wanted to live in a place where it was safe for my kids to just walk to school and walk back and not have to worry about it. That was such a nice realization. I was like, “Wow. I’m having a grateful moment,” and I just sat in it for a long time. Wow, it’s so awesome.
YAEL TRUSCH
I’m glad you’re telling me all this because you’re working. You’re working me. You’re working me because Israel has definitely been discussed in our marriage. Let’s just say that in the past few months. [Laughs]
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yes, yes, and that’s one of the things that I do also is I work with women who are talking about Aliyah (moving to Israel) or are planning Aliyah, and they’re sort of hoping that any of their marriage issues will stay there and when they come here, it’s just gonna all work itself out. It’s like, “New beginning—it’s gonna be great,” and it’s like, “Yeah, but—”
YAEL TRUSCH
Not really.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
So if you’re in that, please, please reach out because there is just so much that you could leave behind and not bring with you. It’s so great to declutter all that weight and come fresh. You feel. You know how you say, “Oh, I’ll start working on it,” when something happens. “I’ll start exercising when—”No. Start now so that when you get there, you’ll be all lighter, more fluttery, and happier. Why do you need to wait? This is one thing that is really important. Don’t wait.
YAEL TRUSCH
When it comes to marriage, don’t wait. You need to take care of it now. Like you said before, this is the most important relationship in your life. I mean, aside from your relationship with our Creator–that for sure but granted—
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I put them together.
YAEL TRUSCH
I was about to say but to me they go hand-in-hand, but I know that’s for people it’s hard to grasp but to me they go hand-in-hand–
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s also why when I when I called it Connected for Real. It started by being connected to Hashem, and then when I realized my thing was marriage, it just connected so well because there is a way to connect on a deep level that’s very practical. People think “Oh, connection is something so fluffy.”
YAEL TRUSCH
Judiasm is practical here. That’s what Judaism here.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Tell us more about what you’re up to now. What is the program that you’re starting after Tishrei. you mentioned it before.
YAEL TRUSCH
So after Tishrei, I’m starting a five-day challenge again. I just ran one very successfully for Spanish speakers, and opening my signature course Jewish Money Makeover. It’s really unbelievable because we go through a whole transformation in terms of the way we think about money the way we relate to it and actually getting really practical on how do we deal with this thing on a practical level but we also have to work on this. Obviously, marriage comes up a lot, and how do we deal with it within a marriage, how do we communicate with our husbands, how do we talk about values, how do we talk about goals, how do we set them up for ourselves, and when we’re married etc. Obviously Hashem/God comes into the picture a lot because this is a Jewish course for Jewish women. So it’s really Jewish wisdom that really influenced our practical financial life because I’ll tell you–I don’t know if you know, from my experience when I had to really get down to the crux of what’s happening with my financial life and that happened in the last recession in 2008. From that period between 2008 and 2010 when my husband and I had a really aha moment with money we realized that it wasn’t really the financial tools that we were both very comfortable with, because we come from a finance background, but it was really the Jewish wisdom that we started to apply and sort of stop giving lip service to it and really, really understand and put into practice that really transformed our financial life and really shifted our financial paradigm. It also changed our marriage. It really, really has affected our marriage in a very beautiful positive way. So all of that is coming up. I also have, for anybody who’s interested, in starting regular money dates with your spouse where you can start becoming vulnerable and talking about money. How do I do it? I have a guide that walks you through the things that you should discuss—seven but you’ll stretch it out. It’ll give you enough material to really cover a year worth of money dates, and you could do it even for yourself and then kind of start sharing this with your husband. Anybody can find that at jewishlatinprincess.com/moneydate, and if I could tell you very, very quickly what I think is most important about these money dates is do them regularly. They have to be scheduled on your calendar. The objective is that you have alone time with your husband where you’re actually gonna look at your finances–the big stuff and the small stuff right and you’re actually going to decide who takes care of what, what do I think about this, and what were my experiences in it as a child–everything that comes with all my with money and that’s a lot. That’s why I put a guide for people to really be able to–“Okay, let me understand how I do this,” but regularity is very important. Being open, respectful, vulnerable, and making sure that the money conversations happen in that assigned space rather than when you’re cooking dinner or bathing your child, right? That’s when the explosions happen. You’re totally not ready to have a money conversation because money is emotional. All of a sudden there’s an explosion. You don’t know how come you’re fighting all of a sudden. “Oh, we just started talking about tuition in the middle of bath time,” the credit card, this fee, or that fee. So it’s trying to create a space where you could actually have those conversations where you have the head space to do it.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love that. So here is the thing that I’m going to add because I think that the question that isn’t being asked is “What if my husband’s not into these things?” and I think one of the things that has helped me because I’m married to a Rabbi, who is a very big Rabbi and his brain is very different than mine. I’m an artist, creative, and he’s so square and able to keep a routine and [sings]. It’s great because it helped me really, really with everything—just sort of pulled me together so that was awesome. The first couple of years, I was just “Let it stick,” because I was all over the place and I knew that about myself. I was in art school. I was so happy. I had a graphic design job in Manhattan on Fifth Avenue. I was having a great time, and then right away I had a baby so I was also all over the place. You don’t actually have a routine, a schedule, or a square life type of thing so it really helped me to put myself together. I like to talk about that openly because I think it’s just nice to know that it is okay that you’re both different. It’s actually the way Hashem made it. He did it on purpose so that you can help each other sort of come to the middle. He pulls me and I pull him, and we sort of help each other. We’re not doing it by force. We’re not pulling but we’re just sort of– the dust sort of gets on you and it rubs off so it’s great. My husband is fine. He is so calculated. He is actually a calculator in his head. He will go shopping–he has these super powers. He’ll go shopping. He won’t look at prices or anything. He’ll just grab the things he needs, and then he tells the cashier, “It’s going to come out to 190 shekels,” and then she’s like [sings], and it’s like 189.1. “How did you do that?” He has such an ability to calculate amounts and money. Even food—“This will fit into that box,” and it fits perfectly to the rim. How? It’s just amazing but because he’s so calculated and so able to keep everything in his head then nothing is on paper. I have no idea what is in his head. I’ve tried a couple of times throughout our lives to just sit him down. “Come on. Tell me what’s going on. Tell me how did this–tell me how that—” and eventually I was like, “I don’t need to have these conversations if you’re happy with it and I don’t mind. Fine. Whatever. I’ll do it myself,” and so I sat myself down and did the whole budgeting. I plugged in all the numbers. I wanted to see for myself how things were going and it was so much fun. I felt like it was my game, and I didn’t have to involve him for me to feel good about it. I think that’s something that’s really important because a lot of women feel this way. They feel they can’t pull their husband into it. “I can’t change him. I can’t fix him. I can’t force him. I can’t nudge him. It’s not working.” Instead of saying it’s supposed to be this way, just come to peace with it. Just be happy and be like, “Okay, it’s my thing. I want it so I’m gonna do it.”
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, yeah. There’s this syndrome of “prince charming is coming and he’s going to take care of my financial life, and the husband’s supposed to do that” but let me tell you something ninety percent of–nine out of ten couples, the woman will outlive their husband. There is a point in your life where you’re most likely to have to deal with your finances, and that is if you’re happily married all your life. Let’s not even talk about, God forbid, divorces or–There’s just so much that it’s almost like we are so capable and so empowered, and we’ve been given all these gifts–why do we kind of shy out of this area? Why would we not want to know what our goals are? How much is in the bank? How much are we saving for our future? Do we have life insurance? Do we have a will in place? What kind of accounts do we have for our kids? How much do we actually make? Why would you not want to know that in a marriage? Why would you want to be in the dark? By the way, I think eventually women realize that their husbands end up appreciating that you want to be helpful in that area–that you’re here to partner with him. I think that’s where the intimacy part comes in. It’s not like he knows everything, and you’re just like, “Oh, no, no. I’m just this princess. I’m not gonna hear anything about it.” No, we have to step up. Of course, every couple finds their balance. There’s one who’s going to be more the numbers person, and that’s totally fine but the whole point is to find what is your balance–not kind of push aside the responsibility and say somebody’s going to take care of this area of my life. No, no, no. This is a relationship. “This is a relationship. we’re both going to be in the loop. We’re both going to know what we want, what we have, what we’re working towards.” It’s not an area to ignore
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love that that you said It’s either we’re like this, where we’re equal, and maybe one person is better at numbers or whatever, but we’re communicating, or we have a gap and that gap creates so much friction. Not necessary. So we’re always moving back to “How do I make myself an equal?” and a lot of times when a woman feels she is down here, and she can’t get the information. She’s not getting the access. She’s bumping into a wall. Then bring yourself up. Don’t wait for someone to pull you up. Just do it. It’s your responsibility. It’s your life, and when you do it, you’re just gonna feel so good about it and get on with it. It’s scary. Do it scared. Don’t let it sort of flutter away. It’s not going to go away until you take care of it, and then that’s it.
YAEL TRUSCH
I’ll give you a starting point for people who are feeling that way. When you start working even on the basics like your money story, your earliest money memory, and all these things that I teach my students. When you–we work on that on our own, and then we come to our husbands like, “You know what I just learned about myself? I never realized and I just discovered that sometimes when you and I talk about money or something comes up, there’s a trigger, and I just discovered why.” He’d be like, “Okay, what?” and you start becoming vulnerable and sharing—eventually, he will feel comfortable enough to ask himself the same questions and share with you. So by you doing this work first and allowing yourself to share those discoveries with your partner, that’s how you’re bridging that gap.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
You’re spoiling it for everyone. That actually happens when they work on themselves. [Laughs] Yes, I agree 100%. When you work on yourself, it will automatically open up doors that you had closed yourself. It’s very hard to make a change by forcing yourself to feel a certain way or by forcing yourself to act a certain way without working on what’s behind the scenes, but when you work on that and the beliefs and on what’s going on behind the scenes, you are able to just react completely differently without trying. That’s where the magic is. It’s like, “Listen. I’m having so much fun. I just realized this and that—”My husband and I went on a walk, and we started talking. We had such a great walk and I’m telling him all these things I’m learning with my coach and this and that, and he’s like, “Wow, I never thought about that.” It’s so fun to hear that. It’s so fun because it means that we’re actually talking. We’re actually having conversations that are adult-level—not just “Who’s going to take the kids from school?” “What’s going to be for dinner?” It’s so technical. A lot of marriage turns into technicalities because that’s just how it is. That’s why I love that you bring in the date and the putting time aside for it.
YAEL TRUSCH
That’s it. And I always say this. It raises the level of the conversation. You just said it, “We talked like adults,” when you and your spouse are talking about how you envision your child’s bar mitzvah, and what would that really look like–those are really meaningful conversations. Instead of going by default, “I’m just going to press the button and do it like my neighbor did,” because that’s just the way–but when you go deep and you think how do I really, really want it from my soul, or how do I envision my kids weddings, and how much money do I really want to spend on that? Would I rather give them for a down payment on a home but—these are high level conversations. How do we see retirement? How do we foresee a move? What are our goals? What’s our vision for the future, and how much money will that entail? How do we make that happen? That’s connection. That’s intimacy. It’s a higher level. It’s not about the sandwiches, and, “Did you get the Ziploc bags on sale?” No, no. We’re raising the bar here. [Laughs]
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s another thing that I really love–is when you put the focus on the beliefs, the stories, and the things that are happening behind the scenes. You’re not looking to save every penny on everything because your time is more valuable, and suddenly your brain space is more valuable. You’re really evening out the playing field to your advantage. You’re making it that you have to succeed. There is no other way because once you start clearing up all the noise and getting clear, you really see things differently.
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, when we start talking about our businesses or our careers—these are these are really powerful conversations. If you’re not happy with your job or how much you’re making, have you communicated that to your spouse? What are your fears? What if you actually started a side hustle? Or when your husband talks to you about his entrepreneurial ventures if he has them–does it trigger fear? How do you communicate that and where is that coming from? Then he can understand you better. I mean, there’s just so much. It’s such a beautiful area because marriage is such a beautiful area. Again money is such an incredible tool that God put in the world that when we give it its proper attention and its proper role in our life, it can enhance so much of it.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
You know that because we spoke about Aliyah, it just came into my head and I think I had to say it. When we decided to make Aliyah, we were very young. We already spoke about this when we were dating. It was a goal. We knew we had to do it as soon as possible. We had a baby, and then we got this job in California. We were going to be a Rabbi in a something and it was going to pay us seventy thousand dollars. It was going to be amazing. We’re going to get all these students that were going to come for jobs–so that was the ideal job because my husband was a Rabbi and I was daughter of a Rabbi. This was my life. One day, we each separately had a different dream in the same night that made us wake up like, “Oh my gosh, we have to make Aliyah,” and he was like, “What? I was just gonna say that,” and it was really strange. I was like, “I don’t know. I don’t want to go to the other side of the world. Here I am in New York. I don’t want to go to California. It’s three hours backwards—to be so far away from my family and not be where I’m supposed to be—” We decided to really sit down and talk about it. We thought between ourselves that going to get that job, starting our life with a lot of money, and being able to make Aliyah with a cushion or whatever, was just the way to delay making Aliyah, and it also felt like it was the yetzer ha’ra (evil inclination) trying to pull us away so we cancelled that. We decided to make Aliyah. We were one of the quickest people to fill out all the forms and do all the stuff because we were just like, “We’re doing it this summer. That’s it,” and we did it. When we told people about it, the most amazing thing happened. Everybody’s story about money was projected onto us. So when one person was like, “Oh, it’s great. You’re gonna do wonderful. You guys are so awesome. You’ll succeed anywhere.” Those were the people who had this great story about money and how Hashem runs the world. Most of the people, and this came out a lot—“What? You’re gonna be poor. You’re not gonna have money. You’re not gonna be able to own a house. You’re not going to be—” on and on and on, and all this negativity, and, “You’re not going to have a job, and what are you going to do?” It’s like, “Wait, you mean Hashem told me I have a mitzvah to make Aliyah but then once I do it, He’s gonna be like, ‘Ha! I got you. I’m not gonna make it work’? No, He wants me here. He told me He wants me here. Why would he do anything to not make it work?” It didn’t make sense. It’s like, “I am going because Hashem wants me there. Hashem will make it work. Hashem will work it out,” and when you have that attitude of “I am doing Hashem’s will, and He’s going to show me the way,” so much awesome stuff happens and things just fall into place. We own a house. We have food. We have money. Surprise!
YAEL TRUSCH
You have your own business. I mean, come on. I thought you’re not gonna make it–look at that. And by the way, it’s not just about making them Aliyah. It’s about everything in your life. You want to have a career in xyz, or you dream that you would serve the world xyz–do that because that’s your natural calling. That’s your natural inclination, and if the creator of the world put that natural inclination then that’s where you need to be. Stop going there because your mother, your daughter, your aunt, your–I don’t know–your sister-in-law says that’s where you’re gonna make money. You could never make money doing that or who are you to do that?
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
You said like, “Your mother–your this–your that—” The people I was the most scared of their reaction of me leaving graphic design and actually being a marriage coach was my mother’s friends, who I never see and I don’t even know their names. I just have this image in my mind of these talking heads going, “Ooh, what is she doing?” Who cares.
YAEL TRUSCH
Not only that. They’re not looking. They don’t care. Nobody’s looking at your life with a magnifying glass except you.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Of course, it’s all in my head but the coolest thing that happened was that some of my mother’s friends are some of my biggest cheerleaders. They’re like, “Yes, you’re doing it. Good job!” I’m like, “Really? Wow. This is great.”
YAEL TRUSCH
Because that’s what the world needs. The world needs people who step up to who they really are, who are comfortable in their skin, who own their gifts, the world is so thirsty for that. It’s called leadership. Wow, right? So we think they’re not gonna like it but guess what? If we like it, if we know that that’s the right thing, then let’s worry about serving the people who are gonna like it and there’s gonna be one or two people who are not gonna like it. Well, okay. I’m not gonna serve the other hundreds and thousands of people who God needs me to serve because of the two people? Isn’t that crazy? It’s a sin, seriously. [Laughs]
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
This came up for me when I was looking into high schools for my daughter, and I was trying to figure out why I was so stressed out, and my anchor thought was this amazing anchor thought that I was able to pull through many things with it was “Hashem believes in me. Who am I not to believe in me?” I love that. It just anchors me every time. Hashem believes in me. He put me here. He gave me this daughter. He knows exactly what I’m doing. Who am I to question Him instead of thinking, “Oh, who am I to do this thing?” No. “Who am I to question—”
YAEL TRUSCH
“Who am I to question—who am I to not show up?” Yeah and what you said, we say it every morning–when we say Mode Ani and we say, “Your faithfulness is great. Raba Emunatecha” Oh, the Creator of the world has faith in me? He literally has faith in me that I have something to accomplish today, that’s why He’s given me another day. Who am I not to show up for Him When we think like that, it just humbles you on the one hand and it gives you also this huge sense of responsibility. That’s a lot. That’s a lot here. The money stuff–people think it’s just the money. There is so much here.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Oh, yeah. Now the truth is that in the beginning, I was like, “Why do I have to pick marriage? I could just help everyone with everything,” but I realized that this is my favorite thing because it’s where I see the most transformation. We touch on marriage, and then suddenly everything else ripples and that’s awesome. That makes me so happy. So then I picked marriage and then I see it really doesn’t matter because eventually it all comes down to what you believe and what the story is behind what is going on. That’s just it. That’s all you have to do is just constantly question, question, question.
YAEL TRUSCH
You’re friends with Chana Mason?
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Yeah, she was my guest.
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, exactly which is exactly what Chana Mason‘s work is based on.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Exactly, and it’s so funny because I was I was getting really known for working with Byron Katie‘s work. I actually do the work with my clients sometimes when that’s the right tool, and I like teaching it to them because once they know how to use it then they could use it themselves. Then somebody said to me you have to get to know Chana Mason, because she also does the same thing. We met and then it was like, “Oh, okay. Yeah, we totally have to work together.”
YAEL TRUSCH
She’s come to speak with my students also because I just love her work so much, and yesterday we had her actually. It was so transformational. It was just great. It was just great.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s amazing. That really is. Yeah, so it’s just so much fun. Once I did the live with her, I’m like, “This is awesome. We’re doing lives from now on.”
YAEL TRUSCH
Good for you. Yeah, this is fun. This is a lot of fun.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I love it. I get so excited because when I’m doing the YouTube videos, I’m just on my own in front of a camera, trying to say and edit, and this and not–It’s too much thinking. It’s like, “Okay, you guys. Just ask your questions. Let’s get it,” and then I get to talk to people.
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, it’s like me and the podcast. It’s my favorite thing. Well, you’re a listener so you could probably tell. I just I love my pod whoever doesn’t have a podcast call me I’ll convince you to have a podcast.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
How many years are you doing your podcast for?
YAEL TRUSCH
Twenty-twenty one–it’ll be my fourth year.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Wow, wow. You really got in on early.
YAEL TRUSCH
Yeah, yeah. I’m like the bubbe of Jewish podcasts. Not early in the podcasting sense but definitely in the Jewish world, yes.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
That’s awesome. Also in the podcast sense most podcasts that I hear are around three years. So we’re running out of time. Is there one very practical thing you want to leave us with?
YAEL TRUSCH
I want to leave you with give yourself the opportunity to sit and pay attention to your money regularly, whether it be by yourself or with your husband. Explore not just the numbers–you have to look at the numbers–but explore your money story. Take care of what really is your relationship with money. Start writing a letter to money, for example, which is an exercise I do with my students. It’s a very powerful exercise download that guide um jewishlatinprincess.com/moneydate, and work on that on your own if you want to, but do it. Don’t leave this relationship as something that one day somebody will take care of—no, no. Step up to it. You’re going to discover so much about yourself. You’re going to grow so much, and you’re going to actually open yourself to receive God’s blessings of abundance because you’re showing up. Oh, I could be a good manager of Your resource? So God says, “Oh, you’re actually showing up?” I had a student who said the week after, “ I finished your course.” She was a very disciplined girl. She did all the homework, everything. She said “All of a sudden, I got a job that’s paying me ten thousand dollars more. It’s based in Israel where I’m moving to. It’s flexible time. It’s in the field that I wanted,” and I said to her, “You mean that God was waiting for you to show up?” and she’s like, “Yeah.”
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Okay, so thank you so much. Yeah, I absolutely enjoyed having you. I feel like I have just reached a milestone, okay? Having Yael on my show was like “Woo!” And now I know I made it.
YAEL TRUSCH
Oh, well. That’s very sweet but you shouldn’t. I’m so happy that we did that. I’m so happy that you’re a podcast listener. You should have told me that I never knew that you listened to my show. I’m like, “Oh, that’s so great.”
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
I didn’t listen to every single one but—
YAEL TRUSCH
You have 133 to binge on. I have a really good one coming up. You will want to stay tuned, but yeah thank you for having me. This was so much fun, and we should get together more often. That would be great. We could be talking for a very long time.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
Oh, yes, and I love that we agree on a lot of things. I hear sometimes doing the same thing I do which is like, “Wait, I don’t agree with that,” and I was like, “She did it. She did it. It was like what I do,” and it bothers people but I think it also makes it more fun because we don’t all will have to agree on everything but there’s certain things that are—when you’re connected to Hashem, then certain things just irk you. It’s like, “Wait, no Hashem is the source.” I totally relate to that and connect. So thank you everyone for watching. If you want to sign up to the newsletter so that you can know what’s going on behind the scenes, then that’s at connectedforreal.com and I am on Facebook and Instagram at Connected for Real and yeah thank you.
YAEL TRUSCH
Thank you so much for the work that you do.
REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.