91. Overwhelm & Confusion in Marriage

A big pitfall I see with women who wish their marriage was better, is indulging in confusion and overwhelm. It’s normal and we’ll talk about how to overcome this obstacle.


Get my free guide to Unravel Ovewhelm HERE

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Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let’s get started.

 And we are live. Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. That is what I love to talk about. And what I love to do is that intersection between your marriage, your business, your life, how everything is affected and what we can do about it.

So today we’re going to be talking about overwhelm and confusion. I want you to know that this came up from preparing for the intimacy masterclass that just happened live yesterday and was very successful. Thank God we had 16 people who were signed up and 10 showed up live, which is great. Some people told me ahead of time that they weren’t going to be able to come live and they were going to watch the replay.

And it was just wonderful. It was that You know, I was asked to do the intimacy masterclass too, because people who watched the first one were so moved by it and were able to see such results. And also it was great to see the faces and. answer questions and go live. It was just really fun for me.

So I’m very grateful. I’m grateful to every person who was there and I’m grateful for every person who, you know, was part of the process. And one of the things that we were talking about is how intimacy affects other parts of your life and how it is so important to invest in this part of your life because it is the core.

And you know, we got into how it affects your kids, how it affects your money, how it affects your career. And what it looks like when you’re in a superficial marriage versus when you’re in a rock solid marriage. And that was a really wonderful conversation. And and that was just the introduction. Then we went into really deep stuff and it was really wonderful.

But one of the things that came up is the overwhelm is indulging in overwhelming confusion. Almost like I just don’t know anymore, so I don’t know what to do, so I’m just not doing anything. You know, there’s this like, I give up, it’s too much and your brain is going to do that when it wants to find a way out when it’s like, this is too much for me.

I would rather not. I don’t, I don’t think I want to think about this or do anything about this. It’s just too overwhelming and too much. And let’s just hide under the covers and hope for it to just go away. And this is a very normal feeling and it’s very human to feel this way, right? Your brain is doing that to protect you.

And that’s a wonderful thing. So the first thing that I want you to know is that I have a guide to unravel overwhelm. And the reason why I created a guide to unravel overwhelm over anything else that I could have created, you know, as a free guide was because. Overwhelm is the thing that gets in our way of doing anything, right?

Your brain indulges in overwhelm in order not to take action, in order to just feel like you’re doing something but you’re not really doing anything, going in circles, looping around. That is the best way to buy time and your brain knows that. So your brain is doing it to protect you and to help you. And to just sort of like make you think that this is it, this is how it is.

This is what we’re doing. Let’s do it. And so out of all the things that I could have created as a marriage coach for women in business, the thing that I felt. the most important and the first step to addressing is overwhelm and confusion. And so if you want to get the guide to unravel overwhelm, you can do that at connectedforreal.

com slash guide. Super easy. And that’s not really our topic today, but just so you know, getting this free guide has changed my life. I mean, obviously I created it based on how it changed my life, but also so many people, so many people who have used it. I think there’s almost a thousand, probably. We are, we probably passed a thousand at this point of women who are using it and saying, Whoa, it is really working. It’s really working. And you know, there the secret is just simplifying. Just take one thing and follow it. You know, like, don’t try to fix it all. Don’t try to declutter everything at once. Don’t try to make your life perfect right now. Just do it. Do one thing and find one thing that will actually move the needle and then, you know, go with it and I’m, i’m really interested actually if you guys can Let me know If you downloaded it and how it was for you And also if you would like me to do like a free training challenge type thing with the guide because I feel like it has You know, four different steps and we can really break it down and I can go live and help you figure out each step so that you can utilize the guide better.

Let me know if you think this is something you would be interested in. You can let me know on Instagram. On Facebook, I’m even on YouTube, on LinkedIn, and of course my email. So you can find me at connectedforreal. com. So let’s talk about it. What are you so overwhelmed about? Did you ever try to write it all down, get it all out of your head and onto paper?

That’s one of the things that helps me a ton. And I actually have a video on this. from about four years ago. I don’t remember if I called it overwhelm or everything is so overwhelming or something, but the thumbnail has like a tornado in the background because that’s how I felt. And so that’s what I drew.

I’m very visual. And for me is one of the most helpful things to. visualize my overwhelm to actually put it all down on paper. And one time I watched a video by Mel Robbins and she says to put everything on a list and then you’ll see it all in one list and it will make so much sense to you. And when I did that, I was like, Ooh, no, no, no, no.

Cause a list is a bunch of words. And it just like all mushes together into like a full page of to do’s and things. And, oh my God, no, no, no, that does not work for me. And if it works for you, great. But if it doesn’t, so let me just tell you that’s okay. It’s normal. Every person has their own style. I am very visual.

And one of the things that helped me the most was when I was at a, an event for mothers, you know, new mothers they had like a breakfast for all the new mothers and it was really sweet. And there was a coach there who came and said that when she feels overwhelmed, she stands on a chair. And looks from a different perspective.

And then she’s able to see like, okay, the couches have to be cleared. There’s stuff on the floor. The table has to be clean. You know, like I could see my counters need help, whatever it is. Right. So she’s able to sort of categorize it in her head when she changes position, when she sees it from a different perspective.

And I thought, isn’t that so interesting? So when I was thinking about overwhelm being like a tornado. I was thinking about the way that we see a tornado from the side. It just looks like everything’s just flying everywhere, right? But if you change your perspective and you see it from above, then it really has an eye, right?

The eye of the storm. And the eye is very calm in the middle. And then there’s just, everything is around it. And so I started using almost like a brain mapping to put myself in the middle and pull out all the different categories, all the different hats that I wear. And under those categories, I was able to make little lists like, you know, kids.

And then I take out. Each one of my kids. And then each one of my kids, what do they need from me? What am I stressed about? You know, buy them shoes, pay for this, do that, whatever. But like, really, each kid doesn’t need that much. It just feels like a lot because there’s a lot of them. You know, same thing with the house.

It’s like, there’s just so much to do in the house. Okay. So put it down under house. So it’s like, okay, I need to declutter this, this, this, and this. So declutter is one category. And then I need to fix this and I need to clean up this. And suddenly it’s like, okay, if we could just see it as little lists and not one big list, then it works really well.

And I have found that when I do the. You know, the brain dump as a map, as like a eye of the storm with everything coming out with all the different categories, it helps me so much. And actually, if you want to go back to my YouTube channel and search for overwhelm, you’ll probably find it. And I give some great examples.

I show you my actual maps, and how I used it. It’s really fun to see actually, now that I’ve. You know, done so much to go back and watch that was really fun.

Same with confusion, right? Like I just don’t know which way to go, so I’m not going to go anywhere. So I’m just going to stay right here. Like, no, no, no. I rather you pick a direction, start moving. And then adjust that wherever you’re going right to align better so you can start going in this direction and then realize, no, it’s not feeling right.

I’m not following the right people. I’m not following the right guide and then switch. You know, adjust, turn, whatever. Eventually you will end up in the right place, but if you don’t move and you just sit there, you will for sure not get anywhere. So I highly recommend, you know, sometimes my daughter will say, I don’t know.

I just don’t know. I’m not going any, I’m not doing anything. Forget it. Like, you know what? Just put on your shoes and go outside. Like as soon as you go outside, you get inspired to. go somewhere or do something or you get clarity about what you’re in the mood for because you changed the environment that you’re in.

So same thing with your marriage. A lot of times we’re feeling stuck and we’re feeling not really going anywhere because it’s stagnant. And your brain likes to be lazy. So it just like, you know, better just stay here and not do anything. And thank you, brain, you’re doing your job as a brain, but it’s not necessarily what is going to serve me and what’s going to get me out of this mess.

So the best thing is to just pick one thing. And follow it, pick one thing. Don’t start trying to fix everything and don’t try to, go in all the different directions at once. Just pick one thing and start the movement. So that’s what I have to tell you today is.

Take action. Any action. If your one action today is downloading the guide to unravel overwhelm and actually doing it, because those are two different things, right? It’s like one is downloading it and then two is looking at it. That’s huge. That already is huge. And you will see that it will start taking you in the right direction because you picked something because you just did something.

You decided on something. If afterwards you want to go and download a different freebie from a different place, or you want to get, you know, some adjustment in your direction, that’s fine, but at least take action. Okay. So the, the antidote to overwhelm and confusion is taking one step, not taking a million steps, not having a roadmap, not having a destination, not knowing every single thing you’re going to do from now until the end of days, just one step, one thing.

And I want you to think right now, take a deep breath. And think right now in this moment, what is one thing I can do to create momentum? What is one thing that I can do to move forward? One step. That’s all that’s asked of me. Just movement so that I’m not sitting in confusion and sitting in overwhelm and just letting it all consume me.

That’s what overwhelm and confusion do. They just sort of like, you know, Get nice and comfy around you. You almost like sink into them. Ah, so cozy. That’s why it’s called comfort zone because it’s so comfortable, except it’s not comfortable at all because you’re usually suffering when you’re in comfort zone, you’re, you know, that there’s something bigger and better out there and you’re just stuck in comfort zone.

Same with overwhelm. You know, that you could have clarity, you know, that it’s possible for you to be focused. But instead, it’s just easier to fall into that comfy, comfy couch. So I bless you that the step that you take today. Will move you forward in the right direction and I encourage you to get the guide to unravel overwhelm You can get it at connected for real comm slash guide and of course if you do want to take action in a big way and Schedule a discovery call with me You get a deep dive discovery call full hour with me, we can, you know, get all of your overwhelm, nice and simplified into like the main three things that we want to work on.

And then we start working together for three months. And it is amazing what you can do in three months when you have the right support and when you have the right guidance. And so I encourage you to come and check it out at connected for real. com slash coaching. I think that’s what it is. Connected for real.

com slash coaching, but even if you don’t find the page, cause I’m not sure you can always email me advice at connected for real. com. Okay. Very good. I love you all. I wish you the best and I bless you that you can be connected for real.

Have a great day.

 And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode.

Can you share it with them? I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget you can be connected for real.