203. Practical Ways to Recharge Right Now

Transcript:

 ​ Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let’s get started.

 And we are live. Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, and I’m so happy you’re listening. I’m a marriage coach for women in business and successful careers. I love that intersection between your marriage and your business and how everything is flowing and working together.

And today we’re talking about recharging and. In the pillar of you. So you guys know I have four pillars, God, marriage, business, you and we talk about each topic from four different angles. And today, for the angle of you, I brought Alyssa and she’s going to talk about what she does. So Alyssa, introduce yourself.

Hi. So I’m a mom with five kids. Nothing to Rebbetzin’s eight, but here in America it’s a lot and I’m running an online coaching business as a work-life balance coach for moms who want to run their businesses while still getting to stay home with their kids. Who also want enough time to take care of themselves, hang out with their husbands, just like not drop all the balls and truly have everything.

And I’m here to say, yes, absolutely you can. ’cause I’m homeschooling on top of all this and it all works. Wow. Okay. So first I wanna pause before we get anywhere and say. You know, sometimes people hear, I have eight kids, and they’re like, oh, I only have five, or I only have two. And I’m like, that’s not only each child is a world and every single one of them is an entire world with all of its everything.

So having five kids is a big deal. And even having, you know, whoever’s listening. Whatever it is is amazing and wonderful, and I don’t wanna minimize it because it’s not a competition. No. Comparing. Yes. They’re so different. They are. And you know what’s beautiful is that. Each family has its dynamics, and so sometimes when all eight of my kids are home, it’s actually easier than if only the three youngest ones are home, or if you know, some of them are missing, so

you know, this sounds counterintuitive, but having more is actually easier than having less sometimes just because of the dynamics of everybody and how they interact when the other ones are there, which I don’t think anyone understands unless you do have some of those like wider age ranges or again, definitely the medium to large family because everybody’s got this special favorite big sibling or.

They know right, who to go to. It’s not you, the mom being like, oh yes, I have to take care of everything and everyone versus the standard. Yes, you go fetch that. You go get that from the cabinet. Now you help me bring this to the table. You finish cooking this, you call your dad to come, right? Yeah. So, okay, so your whole thing is.

Work life balance and working from home and having kids and you know, being a mom that can truly do it all, which you guys know if you’re listening for any amount of time, doing it all, the goal is doing all of the things that matter to you. Not doing it all like everybody else is all. ’cause you know, for some people, I don’t know, traveling and having the freedom to be anywhere is

a goal, but I don’t care. I’m not traveling. I’m working from home and I’m just fine. So as much as I love traveling, it’s just not in my list of priorities. So when I say have it all, you can have everything that you want because if you want it, then it means that God wants that for you, and he put that want in you so that you can figure out how to make it work.

So let’s get into a couple of practical, fun conversations about that. Yes. And I love what you said about each family having its unique culture because same here, we are not a travel family. Almost all of us are introverts. So our idea of having it all includes the max number of nights per week We can be at home relaxing by ourselves or with each other, not going out and doing things.

So quiet and recharge time is actually one of our top family culture values. Nice. Yeah. So let’s talk about recharge. Why is it so important? Why are we all obsessing over this? Because we’re moms and if we’ve been a mom more than you know, like a week, we know that recharge is now hugely necessary. Like pre-kids.

It was nice, it was good post kids. Now it’s the lifeline along with God because you’re giving and giving and giving, and now it becomes, you’re giving it all hours of the night too. You didn’t used to have to get up and take care of people at night. And the fact that it’s the workload that never ends.

Now we have to prioritize taking a step back. We can’t say when I’m done with my chores for the day, I get to rest because you aren’t done. There’s always the kitchen cleanup or the putting someone to bed or telling someone to go to bed so you can have quiet for you to go to bed. Right? Yes, it is never over.

You know, that’s something really, really important that you said sometimes. We don’t realize how much we were reacting to everything else. So I remember as a teenager, I was very reactive to my parents’ timelines. So when they went to bed, then I had my quiet time as a teenager, of course, you know, you like finally have the house yourself and you’re just chilling and you’re cleaning up and you’re going to take a shower and like you have this space for yourself.

If, you know, if school, in school, for example, if my friends were going somewhere, then I was sort of like, oh, okay, that’s what we’re doing now. But I wasn’t very proactive about my own decisions, about how I was using my time just because I didn’t need to. And then suddenly I became a mom and it’s like, oh, all these little people are following my timeline.

Like I am the anchor, so I need to be a lot more. On top of it. Yes. And one thing I notice a lot of moms fall into is they feel like it’s bad if they start being proactive and setting things up. They’re like, no, no, no. Isn’t being the good mom being the most reactive possible to the kids? Like, oh yes, we can switch, we can do that right now.

Yes, I can swap what I was gonna make for lunch. You wanted that instead. And it’s this kind of worked way of thinking of it has to be all child-centric as opposed to saying, well, God said you have your husband and under him, you’re running the house. And guess what? You get to decide what’s best for the kids and maybe it’s better for your brain to not.

Come up with what’s for lunch every day, 30 minutes before you need to make it. And instead have a two week menu or leftovers every time. Because guess what? Culinary variety at lunch is not one of your values. And instead it’s having enough margin after you clean up the kitchen to take everyone to the park.

Or read with them or do something on a business like, what were you called to do? And it may not be exactly what your kids want from you all the time. Hmm. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people talk about leadership and what we don’t realize is that being a mother is a leadership role. Right. And so you can’t just be dragged by whatever everybody else wants or go with the wind about things that need to happen.

It’s like you get to put down the rules, you get to decide what we’re doing. You get to plan ahead. You get to go with what energy level you’re at. So a lot of times I’ll tell my kids, I really, I wanna leave the park. And they’re like, but we’re not done playing. I’m like, well, I’m done. You know, I, I can’t do it.

If we leave any later, I’m gonna have a meltdown and you guys are not gonna like it. So being self-aware and then being able to lead from a place of, that’s my job. I’m the leader. Mm-hmm. And I think it helps when your kids get a little older, like out of the diaper phase too, because you’re leading even while you’re taking care of the little ones.

But it’s hard to. Remember that it’s a lot easier when you’re like, oh, I need to lead in terms of what kind of food am I gonna set the example that we all need to eat? And they are seeing what I eat now, and so I better make sure I’m eating properly. What kind of bedtime? How are they hearing me talk to their father?

Is that honoring? Do they ever see me connecting with friends, talking to other women? What about my devotional prayer life? When they become more aware and they’re not just thinking about themselves and like toddlers are, what do they see me doing and how have I set up the home? Or they get older, like you and I both have teenagers, how am I leading them in the giftings that God has put into them?

Like how am I nurturing their character and what they may need for the jobs or careers? It very much feels a lot like leadership then when you’re dealing with the proto adults in your household. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you said that. And then I can hear some of the listeners going, man, but I’m not perfect, but I mess up all the time.

But you’re telling me that they’re looking up to me and I am not that respectful, or I’m not doing the thing, or I go to sleep so late, or I stay up on my phone, or I’m sitting there scrolling and the kids see me and it’s bad and I’m, you know, I’m feeling a lot of emotions about it. Can you pause for a second, like, not pause the podcast, but just pause and take a breath, right?

Because if God wanted your kids to have perfect mothers, then you would be perfect, right? Like God doesn’t make any mistakes. If the kid needed a perfect mother, he would get a perfect mother, but he doesn’t. He need a normal human mother and. He needs to see you struggling and living your life and doing your thing and also working on yourself.

Because guess what? Life is always going to have those inner struggles and your kids need to see how you handle it and how when you make mistakes, you know how to fix them up. And when you aren’t respectful, you can sort of own it. And you can take a break and you can. You know, sort of be honest about, Hey, I really just need to go away right now.

Like, bye. Right. Being vulnerable like that is leading in the most beautiful way because it gives them the behind the scenes of, of how it actually is done. Yes. And even maybe pivoting that a little. If you learn best by experience or by story, think of the story effect of them watching you say you never exercised, ever.

And you’re like, I really should take care of my temple, blah, blah, blah. And you finally start when they’re 13 years old and they see the difference in you, the before and after. You think they’re not gonna remember what exercise really does for a person. And then when they’re older and realize, oh yeah, I’ve been slacking, or I never did start.

Oh, that’s right, but. Mom never did either than she did, and look what it did for her. Like your imperfection. But where you are in the journey, committing to keep working on yourself could be the very thing that stops them from having to go as far as you did before they catch themselves. That’s so beautiful.

That is beautiful. So the obvious example is your phone. When your phone needs to be charged, what do you do? You recharge it. So how are some of the ways that we can recharge, unlike proactive preemptive recharging. So don’t wait till you’re in the, if someone says one more thing and asks me one more question, I’m gonna fly off the handle.

Where do you need to change things about your day so that you aren’t overloaded yet? Like you said with the park outing, maybe you need to be cutting them all 15 minutes shorter because you could handle that much time at the park, but you can’t handle all the questions on the drive home from the park, or perhaps you need to not do the park right then at all.

You need to bump it earlier in the day. Maybe much later you can ask your husband to take them to the park instead. Like, what have you been putting on your day that is so overloading you, and what are ways you can. Shift those things to make it easier. Can you get the kids involved in cleaning up after lunch if it feels like this giant, huge hassle to clean up the kitchen before it’s nap time?

What can you do thinking outside the box so that you don’t feel like you’re in mommy martyr mode and you’re not in, I just need to put up with this and serve my family mode. No, no, no. Remember, you are leading and you have finite energy reserves and God is very well aware of that. So how does he want you to live?

Like not saying it just missed me. My C Christian maturity that needs to get worked on if I am always out of temper. When I’m prepping supper, it’s, oh, well, yes, you need to mature as a Christian, but also maybe you need to change something about your day so you’re not blowing up at your kids every single evening.

Like maybe that should be the unusual thing, and maybe you could prep the crockpot earlier in the morning when you had tons of energy and then you’re not scrambling around at five o’clock or whenever you eat, going. I can’t handle this. I don’t wanna think, and they’re complaining that I’m cooking this again and now I burned it, or you know, whatever.

Like what can you change about your day so that it’s not pulling you so low emotionally and in your physical capacity? Because I think that is God honoring, it gives your kids a much better memory of you as the mother if you are as filled up and recharged as possible. So for me. My youngest is five. We don’t need naps anymore.

But you know what? Everyone still has nap time, quiet time. It’s called everyone go off in your rooms. Since we’re mostly introverts, you don’t have to do chores. You don’t have to do schoolwork. You can recharge because I am going to recharge, which means I’m not doing chores. I’m not answering your questions.

I’m not breaking up the sibling fights. I am just saying this is my time. So you get to have your time. We do not have to go all the way through supper baths in bed. So I’m gonna take two hours right now in the afternoon when it’s still work hours for other people because I’m a work from home mother and I get to, right.

Yeah. You know, a couple of years ago, my daughter had her birthday. I don’t remember which one it was, which birthday? Maybe she was 14 or 13, I don’t know. But you know we believe that on your birthday you have the power to give blessings. So I said, give me a blessing. And she said, I bless you that you take a nap every single day.

And I look at her, I’m like, what? I can’t do that. And she looked at me and said. When you nap, we could tell a difference. So give yourself permission to nap every single day and your every day will be amazing. And I thought, wow, you know, I had to hear it from my 14-year-old, and I was not feeling very confident about napping every day because, well, a my husband says, you’re not supposed to nap because it ruins your night.

Or you’re, you know, you’re not built for napping whatever. You know, his theory is about you should just sleep when you sleep and then not have to nap. But we’re very different in personalities and we also have very different needs. So he doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night, the nurse, so he doesn’t have to nap.

Right. When I started giving myself permission, and I’m telling you, it really takes myself, giving myself permission because I, I wasn’t. Letting myself have it. Even when I had the time, I would instead just sit there and sit on the couch and sort of be tired, but I wasn’t going to nap. I was being tired or just resting, but that resting wasn’t the same.

The quality of rest, even if I don’t actually fall asleep, if I’m in my bed and I actually get into pajamas, like I will stop everything and go into nap mode, it changes everything. And ever since then, I’ve been really very consistent about napping because she’s right. I work at night because of the hours.

Right. And you know, Israel, America hours are seven hours apart. So a lot of my clients are at night and I also can. Like you said, I’m working from home. Nobody’s sitting there like counting my hours or waiting to see what I do between, you know, two 30 and three 30. So I really appreciated that, that she gave me that gift. It really was a blessing and like she said it so well, we could tell the difference.

You know, your kids could see it. Yes, which is what you want both for them to have the memories of you as the mom who did make that difference for yourself, and to use that as a reminder of now when she becomes a mother, she remembers she needs to do something for herself. And it might be nap if she takes after mom, but it might not be.

But she needs to because she can remember how mom behaved when she didn’t nap and it’s. What people like to call a self-care. It’s you’re filling yourself up so that you can keep serving the people God put in your life. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I think about old me and new me, you know, like somebody, okay. I have to tell you guys this, this is hysterical.

I’m launching now and I have a program called Balance for God’s Sake, where I work with women for three months in a, you know, awesome program. One-on-one, everything’s private coaching. And one lady wrote to me an email. She said, well, the problem is that you’re so successful and you’ve always been so successful, so you don’t actually get it.

Because I am, you know, a failure and I can’t do things and everything I try, I haven’t succeeded and whatever. And then she said an example, if I wanted to lose weight, I wanna find somebody who used to be overweight and did something and is now, you know. Thin and can show me that she gets me like she’s relatable.

So I said if we were talking about. Non-visible weight. I used to be like 400 pounds and now I’m like nice and fit right. But like, you can’t see that because you don’t see into my brain. You don’t know what I was thinking, what I was believing, the things that were going on in my life. You just see it on the outside.

Of course, on the outside it looks like I was all successful, but like all the stuff I work through is, is just an amazing. Way to think about it, but like when I had three kids, I was overwhelmed, falling apart, annoyed at everybody, very needy. I was constantly complaining, like I was a mess and I didn’t like that.

And I remember going to coaching for the first time ever. I went to coaching when I had three kids. And I started crying to her that I’m a bad mother. I just can’t figure it out. And it was so relieving, by the way, hire coaches, that is like, my number one thing is like, go for coaching. And at that time I didn’t have money.

I found someone who was learning to be a coach and I allowed her to do her sta on me. So it wasn’t as if. You know, it has to be this like gigantic thing. There’s always a solution, always, and God is so good and so abundant, and he has no problem finding a solution for you, but you have to be willing to look and you have to want it enough to go out and communicate that this is what you’re looking for.

Anyway, so I’ve had. You know, free coaching to very cheap coaching, to very expensive coaching, to like gigantic coaching programs. And all of them were successful. I learned something from every single experience and I think it’s an attitude. So I’m just putting it out there, go into it, wanting to get something out of it, and you always will.

So where was I taking this?

And my brain. Anyway, I don’t remember, but any Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the little tweaks that I have done along the way especially my oldest daughter, because she lived through this as a kid, right. She knows what it was like and how I am now. Take a walk every morning and I talk to God and I pray, and I, you know, take a nap.

And I’m a lot more authentic to the things that work for me and don’t work for me. So I’m no longer trying to do things the hard way. I’ve become a completely different person and she’s able to see that and, and that, like you said, that’s a gift. That’s a real gift. A hundred percent agree.

I do see that we have some listeners who are listening live. So I’m just gonna put this out there. If you have a question or if you want to comment, you can do that and we will actually see your comment. So, and we’ll answer it. Okay. So as promised, I want some practical. Great ideas for like in the moment recharge because sometimes we can preempt it like we’ve been talking about until this point, but then sometimes we get to a point where it’s like, you know, like now it’s nine 10 at night.

I’ve had a long day. I’ve had a crazy long week. We went through so much drama. There’s a lot of personal and then also. Outside world stuff, and it’s all sort of swirling inside me and I got to this podcast, the first thing I had told Alyssa, I was like, Ugh, I’m so tired, right? I need to recharge and I don’t wanna cancel this.

So what can we do to sort of give ourselves those little tiny bits of extra energy? So we can get to that fuller recharge. Sure. So, as listeners know, there’s a ton of different ways to approach this. I’ll just share for starters my favorite tools for this. Thing, number one, to at least jolt me out of the, I’m so tired day went wrong.

Is listen to maybe a meditation or a visualization kind of a thing, because I need someone else reminding me. Like, take a deep breath, relax your shoulders. Like try to mentally drop off the care day and untense yourself. So it could be something, I think people sometimes call ’em body scans or things like that.

I need a physical reminder to get out of my body in that sense. And then from there. If I am completely spun up, I might have to do a hobby a little bit for fun. Depends. So for me, that’s, you know, like reading a book or listening to podcast episodes. And then what I usually like to do to get all this stuff out that’s in my brain is I go take that walk.

So instead of a morning walk, like, or like Rebbetzin, I’m doing an afternoon walk. Once my workday’s over and I’m just gonna sit there and talk to God and well not sit there, talk there obviously and talk to God and be like, okay, this went on, this went on. I’m feeling all spun up about this. My kids did this.

And start bringing his truth in like, okay, that happened, but did I actually do anything wrong in that situation? Was there a different way I could have handled that client? Or is that just my insecurity speaking as opposed to trusting that God had me tell her exactly the right thing she needed to hear.

And she may come back and thank me for it later, and if she doesn’t, that’s okay. I said what I needed to say to her as the messenger. If I can’t seem to turn this positive yet, I will swap and do gratitudes to remind myself something did go well today. Whether I did something well or whether I appreciated something God put in my day.

You know, maybe it’s, I feel really, really appreciative for my cup of tea right now. And the fact that we bought it or it wasn’t out at the store, maybe I feel really appreciative that I talked to someone on LinkedIn and we really connected. Well. It was fun. It wasn’t just your run of the mill. Hi, how are you?

Thanks for the connection. Maybe it’s one of my kids was spontaneously doing something really nice for her brother, and I just loved seeing that character and service and warmth, whatever it is. I’m gonna do those five, minimum of five. Sometimes I run into like 10 gratitudes and then I can go back to God and be like, okay, yeah.

This day was not a total, nothing went well. Okay, so. From a more balanced perspective. Alright, what is still bugging me now that I’ve kind of verbally vomited and said, okay, help me work through this. God, I am still feeling stuck about X, Y, or Z. And if you like to journal, this is a great place to journal.

Or you can sit there walking, you could bring it to your coach. Like you just need to talk it out with someone, whether it’s the page, the coach, God, you know, your friend, and. See what you would prefer to do. Like maybe there’s a boundary that was crossed. Maybe your resentment actually has a reason. You were supposed to be running the day and running the house and leading your family this way, and you chose not to ’cause you felt tired.

And then the predictable happened with your kids. You got upset. Now you’re sorry you snapped at people, but. The damage in a sense is done. You still have the emotional residue from all that and you can go back and say, oh, that’s right. I let them stay at the park too long and I knew I was doing it because I didn’t wanna deal with explaining why we need to leave right now because mommy is had enough and I overloaded.

Okay, so mental note to self, I need to keep to that. It is very important for me to keep to that. And then you just say, okay. Moving on from that chapter of the day, what else was going on? And I mean, sometimes I walk for 40 minutes, sometimes it’s 25, just however long I need to to process this all out.

And by that point, I’m ready to either swap back to making supper, taking care of the kids, doing other business work, depending on where I am in my day. Or maybe I can go and. Flop for a while and have more free time, but that getting through the emotional gunk in a sense is what really helps me recharge.

And then knowing that later in the day I will still have time to, you know, sit down and read a book for a couple hours, something like that. Like this is not hobby time, but it’s because you won’t ever fully enjoy your hobby if you’re still mentally spun up inside and tense and feeling the frazzle and all that.

  Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly, feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one-on-one private coaching is for, and I want to invite you, just you and me.

For a free deep dive discovery call, this is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions and we extract the three main things that are holding you back. I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations. With practical steps, the call is free and so valuable in itself.

So go book yours today. Now back to the show.

  right. Oh, I love this. You know, what comes to me is that when people think of recharge, they think of, I need a three day vacation where I am away from everything and I am, you know, whatever, at a spa doing the things, and nobody’s bothering me for the next. 72 hours. But like it’s nice, you know, I’m not gonna say it’s not nice.

I love retreats and I have actually made my own and it was really beautiful and successful. And I would love to do it again once my baby is old enough that I could leave her here. But there’s also something so powerful about. Sprinkling these recharge moments within your day. So I told you guys that we’ve had, you know, a hard week, a hard day, just, you know, lots of stuff going on and today I started feeling a headache, a sinus pressure, like my body is telling me to slow down and thank God for my awareness. It used to take, you know, all the way to get to a sinus infection, for me to wake up and be like, oh, I think I need to rest. But now thank you, God for giving me the awareness.

After a while you see the pattern and you’re like, no, I’m not doing this antibiotic thing again, so I’m not even gonna get to the point where it hurts. I’m not gonna get to a point where I’m, you know, like toppled over. And so just waking up with, with a little bit of a headache, just feeling the pressure.

Also, it started raining, so obviously like, you know, it’s, it’s not just in my head. Well, pressure in my head. Yeah. But anyway I committed to doing as much as I can for myself in the pockets of time. So I did have a meeting in the morning and I showed up to the meeting and I was my best self. And then when I hung up from that meeting, I didn’t just go and do other things and try to like.

Get through a to-do list. I paused everything. I put everything on hold, and I did the work for an hour. I do the work by Byron Katie. I do it with my clients. I haven’t done the work on myself for years because it just happens in the background. I’ll ask myself certain questions automatically. I’ll catch myself before I believe a thought or you know, before I buy it fully.

So. I have gotten to the point where I don’t even have to do it because it comes like nature to me, but I sat myself down like a good little girl and I took out the worksheet and I went through the list and I filled it out and I journaled about each one. And I did it as if I was doing with a coach.

Like I asked myself the questions and then answered the answers and it’s so beautiful because one of the biggest. Takeaways from that experience was that I believed like really, really look like the deepest, deepest stuff came out, that I’ve been pushing away a lot of this war stuff, a lot of like the hardships because I’m so sensitive and I can’t handle.

The news. So I don’t listen to the news. I don’t want people to tell me that there’s bad things happening. I try as much as I can to protect myself and my family because it’s just so terrible and so gory and it’s so bad. So I am constantly like, you know, very early in the war there was a cartoon of.

Of a mother that feels like she’s not doing anything, but then you see behind her, like all the news and she’s holding it back like a, like a bubble, not letting it into her house. And so I’ve, I feel like I’ve been doing that, like really, really pushing away and protecting my kids as much as possible. But this week you know, it was just especially difficult and,

what came out of the work is that actually the belief that I can’t handle it, that I’m too sensitive, that I am, you know, it’s too much for me to hold, was making it worse. Because I didn’t believe in myself that I can handle what I was hearing or what was coming to me. So no, I’m not gonna go looking for the news, and I’m not going to open myself up to just hear it on stream.

You know? Like I don’t need to put it into my veins and let it permeate my house. But when naturally my kids come home and they say things or there’s, you know, my husband tells me about something that happened or whatever comes up. If it came to me, then I have to trust that that’s what I needed to hear, and I have to trust.

I get to trust that I’m able to handle it, and by believing that I can handle it, I can handle it. It’s just so simple. Right. And. Seeing people suffer and being like, I can’t handle that. I just want good. It’s like that resistance is actually making it worse because I am suffering by doing that. And instead just like I went through it, like I really did the work to the depth that I do with my clients and it was so eyeopening and so relieving.

And then of course I turned on music and I started shaking it off and letting it come outta me and like really just allowing it to. You know, release and I cleaned up the house because I had, my next meeting was only like a little bit later, so I really. You know, decided that physically I wanted to air out the place.

I opened up the windows even though it’s cold outside, and I aired out and I turned on a candle, and I just wanted as much as possible to take action towards that refresh. Right? Because a lot of times we think it’s all in our heads and we just have to work it on on the inside, but a lot of times you could do it from the outside in.

Right. So I did that as well. And then I went back to my meetings. I had, you know, my daughter came home, whatever. It was like, I did all the things I do every day. I also took a nap and, and then I get to this podcast, oh, and then I had a session and you know, my whole day of blah, blah, blah. And then it’s now 10.

Like, you know, I said, I told you, it’s like after nine I get to this podcast, and I thought we were starting at eight. It turned out we were only meeting a half hour later. So instead of going back down, being like, oh, I guess I have a half hour, I could still do more work, like, you know, housework and kids and stuff.

I was like, well, I already disappeared, so let me just stay here and I turned on my own meditation from my meditation library. And so I love how you say, you know, see if you could do a meditation. I just went to the latest meditation, in my library I have a list of all the meditation. I just like clicked whatever it was and it was so perfect.

I love when that happens, when it’s like, I don’t even know what that was like, which one this is, but I just did it and it was so good. It was so good, and these pockets of time that I had and I was willing to. Invest the time in myself, right? Because so easily I could have just scrolled so easily, I could have opened up emails and just answered people.

I have so many things I have to get to that I could have distracted myself for half an hour to get to this meeting and not take the time to give myself that gift. So the intentionality there is so crucial and it’s something that you get to choose for yourself. Yes. Like for me with the time difference, it’s afternoon for me.

I’ve got another meeting after this. What am I gonna do? I’ve got 15 minutes between. I’m gonna sit down with a cup of coffee and not do anything else work related, like no multitasking, sip the coffee, enjoy, look out the window and recharge so I can show up as you put it as my best self for the next meeting, because that would be a wiser use of my time.

To be grounded and settled in the meeting between the meeting and at the next meeting, then saying, okay, can I go back into frantic hamster mode? Right. Oh, it’s so important. I think that’s something I had to learn from my husband when I would say, I’m exhausted. I don’t feel like doing anything. Then he’d say, yeah, but you are doing something.

You know? I’m like, no, I’m not doing anything. I’m just sitting here like scrolling. I’m, you know, and he’s like, that’s something, you’re consuming information, you are turning your brain on, and instead you’re not actually resting. And even when I wasn’t with my phone, if I was just sort of laying on the couch, it wasn’t restful enough.

Right? He said, commit to resting. Like really commit, even if it’s 20 minutes. Stop everything and go like, pick yourself up and go because you will feel so much better. Another thing that really helps me and might help other people is taking a shower. You know, like, I like taking a shower every night before I go to sleep.

Just ’cause I like, you know, going into bed really like nice and fresh and clean. But for some people it’s in the morning and whatever it is, like you have your schedule. Sometimes I feel like a shower is called for like in the middle of the day just to like. Start over. You know, it like, feels like, okay, like we’re, we’re good now.

And my daughter has found that brushing her teeth in the middle of the day helps her recharge. Isn’t that interesting? So like, I want you guys to think about what is it for me? Because if you can do that, then you’ll have an easier time tapping into that. Yes, like one of my daughters, she likes doing dishes by hand in super, super hot water and just letting her thoughts float.

And she says it’s actually very recentering for her. And then me, I often like lighting a candle. Something to do with bringing in your senses and having that smell. It can remind me, especially if it’s like one of those more cleansing scents, like, I’ve got a peppermint candle that, no, take a deep breath.

This is good. Like bring some enjoyment in. Oh, I love that. I love that. And these are things that don’t take a lot of effort, a lot of money, a lot of, you know, time. It’s just an intention of, oh, I’m gonna recharge. I’m going to give myself permission to center, you know, really just realign. Yes, and if you’re on the other end, it’s like you’re maybe physically low energy too.

Sometimes you need to recharge and ground and center mentally, and you feel like you need a hit of something physically. That’s when I might sit there and be like, how about 40 jumping jacks? Or just like a body weight exercise on the floor, and it’ll be 60 seconds or maybe 120 seconds, but you get that adrenaline going and all of a sudden you feel energized again.

Yeah. You know, I once heard, I think it was Panina Taylor. Oh, I should have her on my podcast again. I’ve had her in my podcast like early, early, early on. She’s amazing. She’s a coach for coaches and she taught me this one trick was like, you take your hands, you just go and like, you know, pump it up and down.

It is so good. Like, you get so energized just by pumping your hands up and down for a whole minute. It’s crazy how we don’t even let ourselves do these things. Like, oh, it’s not gonna make a difference, or, oh, whatever. It’s just too late. You know, that thought of like, it’s too late. Can we stop doing that?

It’s never too late. You know, as a marriage coach, I hear it a lot. It’s like, oh, it’s too late for me. But good luck with everyone else. Like it’s not too late. Yes. And I love that you’re bringing more in the mentions of like the body work into it. It’s sometimes we, we get too much in our heads. It’s like, for me, I need to physically de-stress for the energizing, like I’m doing that over my head with weights and it never occurred to me to try it without weights too.

Or you mention like the shake it off move, get the emotions out. We just. Get too westernized and think, oh, well, I just, I don’t know. Maybe I need to talk it out or tell myself it’s not a big deal. It’s like, no, physically moving your body in some way will be very supportive with this. Yes, yes. Whew. Wow. I love it.

I love it that we’re taking the time to talk about something that is so important, especially. For moms working from home, because there isn’t that switch in location. A lot of times we go from one thing to the next without a transition, and the transition time is so, so important because if you don’t give yourself that time to go whoosh from one thing to the next, then you’re carrying all of that energy with you like throughout the day.

You know, I feel like that weight, you know, like when you have a scale and you press it to like zero it out every time, could you imagine not zeroing out and having to do all the math by, you know, by head? Mm-hmm. Like it would be crazy, right? The whole, there’s a point, there’s a reason why you zero out.

It’s like, oh yeah, I did one thing. Now zero it out, now do the next thing, now zero it out. If you can’t do that for yourself. Working from home, then what’s going to happen is you’re constantly dragging from one thing to the next, and at the end of the day, you, you’re, you know, no wonder you’re exhausted.

No wonder you’re just like, Ugh. A hundred percent agree. That’s why I love that afternoon walk. It’s when my client work is done before it’s supper time, I’m zeroing myself out and transitioning part of my day at the same time. Yes, yes. I find this the hardest when it’s cold out and it’s hard to switch locations because you don’t really wanna go out in the rain, or you don’t wanna go out in the cold and you’re like, oh, I’ll just do something here.

You know? So that’s when you have to be the most intentional about it, because it can very easily slip away. Yeah, I think I will admit here, I do my walking inside the house because that’s the time of day when I can kick someone out of one of the big enough rooms in the house. I can just like walk or shoe circuit over and over and over.

That’s funny. That’s funny. If you do have a chance to go outside, even if it’s cold, and even if you have to bundle up, I highly recommend it because. There is something really powerful about not having anything above you. Mm-hmm. And feeling that limitlessness in, you know, in that space above your head.

Mm-hmm. It opens up for ideas for new ways of thinking about things. It’s so incredible. Yes, yes. My husband always does his decompressing. Physically outside, it’s like does not count if you’re cycling indoors. Needs to be outside in nature, like by water. Yeah. I wish I could have water. Water is such a great way to recharge.

Can we just take a moment there? Drink water. Sometimes just taking a drink of water will recenter it will hydrate you. It will recenter you. It’ll give you a moment with yourself. Is so cool. taking a shower. Taking a bath. Brushing your teeth. Washing your hands, washing your face. I did that right before we started.

Right. I was like, Ugh. Gotta wash my face, splashed water all over me and like, okay, I’m ready now. Right. Water is so powerful because it’s built in therapeutic substance, right? Like God created water to be therapeutic. It’s why people have, you know, fish tanks in their house. Water is really, really beautiful.

And going by a lake, going by a stream, you know, just watching a waterfall, all these things. And something I realized when I was a teenager is that God has built in water therapy for us. When we cry, water comes out. Right. So it’s, you know, it’s a little farfetched. I know some of you’re gonna be like Uhhuh, but you know, you know me enough to know that, hey, this is working okay.

I like it. It is so therapeutic when you’re crying to get those tears because it’s almost like the system is working itself, right? You’re getting it out, it’s healing. You feel so much better after you cry. It’s just extremely powerful. So if anytime you wanna recharge and you don’t know where to start, you could just think water.

Like what’s water around me? Yeah, and if you need to do it the chore way, you know, teeth brushing, washing dishes, if you have the space for like the shower or just like I heard of someone, say like, turn on the faucet in your sink. Put your hands under it, and then watch the water spill into and overflow your hands.

I love that. That’s cool. Don’t waste too much water though. Yeah. Yeah. But that’s very cool. You know we get so stuck in a cube when there’s a lot going on and we think that it’s all in our control. Then as soon as you get out of that and open up to God and to the infinite amount of ways to reconnect, everything is a tool for reconnection. Right. I remember in one of, you know, I went to a bunch of retreats like throughout the years, and one in one of them, she said, we’re gonna put on music.

You’re going to have to pick. The first item that comes, you know, that comes to your attention, and then the music is gonna stop and you’re going to stare at it for, I think it was a minute or two minutes, and like you can touch it, you can move it around, you could study it, but like this is your focus now.

And it was so cool. It was so cool. What happens in one minute of just studying an object that would otherwise just sit there in your house or you know, in the office or whatever. And everybody then had to say what came up for them. And this woman got, you know, she’s just like out of the blue, she was walking around, saw on the bookshelf, there was a speaker, like a brand new speaker in its case still.

And the name and the logo and the words that were there were all things that she was praying for. Like all things that she was talking about. I was like, you know, amplify and, you know, whatever. Like the location where it was made was something about her kids and like everything had something to do with her life.

And she’s like, there is nothing random. Nothing random. Like I’m sitting here for two minutes studying this thing, finding all these like. Click moments of like, whoa. And then when she, you know, when she said it over, it was just so memorable for me to realize you could do it on anything, in any situation.

Just pause and look around.

That’s a really neat story. So freeing and empowering at the same time to be like, no, God is sovereign. So everything that happened today happened for a reason. If I don’t like it, there’s a lesson I needed to learn from it. How was I supposed to respond to it? I am not responsible for everything that’s going on.

Like maybe you’ve got the business, you don’t have enough clients. Maybe there’s something going on with any of your kids you like, shoot. None of my parenting strategies to date have worked like, I don’t know, remember? Gets in control of everything that happened. This isn’t catching him off guard. He’s not powerless to help me fix this.

He has so many ways to convey that knowledge to me. What if I open up and asked or got quiet and listened? Right? Right. Whew. Wow. We took that pretty deep right there.

Hmm. My favorite go-to in a moment of like, everything’s flying and everything’s all over the place, is just using the grounding method. You know, like you have a grounding wire and the electricity, so the idea of a grounding wire as it goes to the ground. Like, if there’s ever a thing, it just goes down to the ground.

And so I just like take a deep breath and do that down to my feet. Just like all of all of the static electricity noise thing that’s going on in my brain, it just goes whoosh down into the, into the ground. And I like, I ground my feet, I take a deep breath and I go, whoosh. And it takes like seconds, like split seconds.

It does not take that long to do it, but it creates. Space for new thoughts, for new reality, for seeing things differently is the best way I know how to survive when there is like too much going on and people are reactive or something is going on, just like. You know, I do this in the moment, in the wherever I am, and sometimes if people are very reactive and I’m not feeling like I’m in the right place, I take myself outta the place.

Mm-hmm. And that’s fine too, right? Yeah. Like sometimes if there’s too much going on with something family-wise and they’re like. Maybe I can disappear for like five minutes and go walk around my bedroom and do some tapping, some EFT on this. And why am I so hung up about this extended family thing? Right?

Right. My grandmother says she used to go to the bathroom, like she had three boys under the age of three, like boo boo boo. And. She says, her strategy was just, oh, I have to go to the bathroom, and they’re starting to fight and like, ah, you have to tell me who’s right, whatever. And she’s like, sorry, I’m going to the bathroom.

And then she’d close the door to the bathroom and then screaming and yelling and he did this to me and whatever. And it’s like, sorry, I’m in the bathroom. Can’t help you. You know, and like just giving herself that space. Giving them a chance to work it out. And she says they always did because once I wasn’t available, it wasn’t a fight anymore.

It wasn’t worth it. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, amazing. Okay. Any last words? Anything that comes up for you that you’d like to talk about before we end? Just remember that you can change something like what you said in the beginning about. Your desire is being meant for you. I’d almost flip that and say, and remember what you’re upset about.

Use that as a flashlight. Maybe you can’t change the big things like the war going on, but what is it smaller about your day? About when people are bringing you the news about what you’re choosing to look at on your phone, just like whatever it is. Use that as the flashlight too. I need to change something about my life because I am upset about this.

I’m resenting this. I do not feel in alignment about that. Those are your signals. Something needs to change. Like don’t just sit there and say poor me, my life is terrible, or, oh, it’s too bad. I’m not mature enough to handle this. No, no, no. Be like, okay, I need to fix something about that. I need to go to God and ask for three different ways to deal with that situation.

Like whatever it is, use your negative emotions too, as. I have got to do something different here. He will always provide a way, he’ll always provide the answers. Aw,

so cute. Yeah. Here’s my baby. Hi.

And she came in to say hello before the end. Bye. Apparently she wasn’t letting them do stuff ’cause they came and gave me a baby. Okay, so there you go. Taking it with the flow. You wanna say hi to everybody? Sorry for distracting you. Go ahead, finish your sentence. No, that’s fine. I think I was done.

Anyways, that’s it. Bring a 10 month old and you’ve lost the conversation. It’s all about the baby now. Okay. Tell everybody how they can find you and how you work with people and how they can give you their money.

Sure. So I’m a work-life balance coach, as I said so. On my site, your unbusy life.com. I’m gonna have a free habit all game plan for you. If you are feeling the tug to run the family well and balance your business and still take care of yourself, this is gonna walk you through. How to fix the gaps in your Life as it is right now.

You can also find me at the un Busy Mom. It’s the podcast I put out. Episodes are more like five or seven minutes, twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. ’cause I know you’re busy, you’ve got a lot going on, but you want that actionable tip shot of encouragement. So podcast free coaching resources. I’ve got a year’s worth of episodes on the site.

And if you’re needing bigger change, you need to be able to handle the business, or you need to be able to set up time for the business and you’re not really sure how to practically make it work with your kids, or maybe your husband has a really unusual schedule that you need to respond to every day and every week.

That is what I do. That’s how God has gifted me is the time management and productivity in a. Nurturing way instead of a should and discipline, and just do it with no grace, no compassion kind of way. So I’m gonna help you find all the pockets in your day and all the ways that if we just looked a little bit differently at your schedule and calendar.

You would see you have enough time for everything that’s a priority for you. Figure out how to drop things, how to delegate stuff, how to delegate to your kids if you don’t have any money to hire help both home and business and get you that life where you genuinely, truly love your hour by hour experience of being the work from home mom.

So again, that’s your unbusy life.com and the Unbusy Mom podcast.

 And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode.

Can you share it with them? I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget you can be connected for real.