161. Wrapping Up a Year of Incredible Podcast episodes

Transcript:

 ​ Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let’s get started.

 And we are live. Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. And I am speaking with you today. On the last podcast episode of the fiscal year, this has been an incredible year of podcast episodes. And I have to tell you why. I think this one was the most successful and most productive year that I’ve had on this podcast because of my systems.

And last year, I really sat down with myself in December and planned the entire year of 2024. I batched and recorded. And planned. And everything went so smoothly and thanks to my assistant Aviva, everything has just been incredible. And if you guys remember, I had a baby this year in April, and that is the reason why I solidified a system because I needed to. And now that I did that, I’m going into 2025 using the same exact system and letting it flow. And I want to talk to you a little bit about that.

Let me tell you first the framework and then I’ll get into the topics. The framework that we used in 2024 was based on the four pillars, my coaching program. Is all about balancing all the parts of you and creating alignment between the things that matter most. And so God is at the core. Marriage and business have to work together and you are the container of all of it.

So you have to make sure you are not leaking energy and really solid and maybe even expanded so that you can contain more. So we’re spending a lot of time on those four pillars. Your connection with God, your connection with your husband and your marriage. Your connection in your business and serving your clients.

And if you’re in a career, your success and how that looks Together with everything else. And. Last but not least you and your relationship with yourself and your ability to contain all of that abundance. So based on those four pillars, we took a topic. And came at it from four different angles we had, for example, money, money was the first topic January.

So money and God money and marriage money and business money. And you. And every time we spoke about money we spoke about it from a completely different angle. And we approached the whole concept from.

A different frame of mind. And together those four episodes. Brought an amazing well-rounded approach to the same topic. And if you want to go back and listen to some of the episodes that we had this year, I highly recommend it. And I’m going to tell you the topics that we had because. They were so powerful.

And January we spoke about money. Money. And then February was all about food. March was about happiness april was about freedom and it really coincide. Coincided great with the holiday of Passover.

May was communication. We talked about communication with God communication. with your husband. And communication. With. In your business. I’m. And communication within yourself. It was. Very powerful june was parenting because we were going into the summer. Clothing was in July. Dating wasn’t August. September was all about routine. Then we had the holidays. In October. So it was all about renewal. Then we spoke about birth and how it affects your relationships and the way that your birth is affected by all those pillars.

Now we’re in December and we just finished wrapping up. The topic on goals.

I am so grateful. I’m grateful that you’re here listening. I’m grateful that I got to the end and I actually finished something that I used to believe about myself that I cannot do. I used to think I just, I’m a good beginner.

I get, I start things. I get excited. I go after the shiny objects. And then I can’t wrap it up. I don’t ever finish. And it was belief about myself that was haunting me for years. But this is one example of how I am wrapping up something I started and really feeling very proud.

So thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming along on this journey. What is coming up for 2025. We’ve already started planning the year people have scheduled and we started recording, and this is really becoming a new norm that I’m organized about this and that things are flowing, which I really love. And by the way I teach all of my clients how to do this also. Because creating systems and then letting them create the momentum for you is really powerful.

And now that I’ve been doing it for all these years in my business in different ways, I like to teach it over to you. So if you need help with that, make sure you get in touch. And schedule your discovery call. Okay. Coming up in 2025, January is all about love. And there are some incredible, incredible guests.

So stay tuned. It is coming and it’s coming fast. Then we’re talking about organizing. And time. And in April, we’re going to talk about boundaries. Then in may, we’re talking about health.

Then. In June, we’re talking about receiving and your ability to receive from God from your marriage. From your business and from you. Then expectations. Rest. Recharge. Which by the way is really. Perfectly timed. Then expansion.

Then we’re going to finish off the year with criticism. And perfection so stay tuned. There are amazing, amazing guests in the system. And I’m looking forward.

Okay. I thought it would be really cool to hear some clips from past episodes that have to do with the four pillars. So we grabbed a couple that were really powerful, put them here, and I really hope you enjoy.

 A lot of times we think that we have to give credit to things that are very obvious and in our world. But in reality, constantly coming back to the basics, God is the source of everything. And if something has to work, it will work. And if it’s not God’s will, it does not matter what you do. It will not work because it’s all about God’s will now within that God wants us to become.

He wants us to learn to overcome. He wants us to grow. He wants us to transform and transcend and be able to Get to the levels where we can shine, where we can let the light through, where we can really come here to do what he sent us to do. Each of us are here for a reason. He put us here. We’ve got something special to offer this world and we want to be able to find it.

 Marriage makes you less free because you are voluntarily putting yourself in a situation where you’re going to share your home and your life and your finances and your body with another person. So in a lot of ways, you’re less free. And there’s this other person who’s not me, whose wishes and desires and attitudes and ideas.

If we’re going to have a good life together, I need to understand them and respect them and learn how to get along with them. So in that sense, I’m less free. But I think in the spiritual sense, what am I now free to do? I believe that marriage is a big spiritual jump in my freedom to express myself in newer and more complete and truer ways.

The level of intimacy and the way that I know that other person and they can know me, it’s a whole nother level than the way I could know a person who I’m not married to.

 You have to become your best friend. Like yourself, you are a likable person and you need to be the first one to admit that. You need to be the one that looks at you and realizes that you’re a human being. You struggle just like everybody. You have good points. You have bad points and you were built with all of those and you’re meant to soften and strengthen and use all of those things.

And you’re never going to get anywhere if you judge yourself. So become your best friend.

 I love what you said, get out of your head, get into your body. The few can get into your body and feel your body awakening the different limbs and organs, and just being able to touch it’s your body. A lot of times we’re not even connected to ourselves because there is a separation, even just. us with ourselves.

I teach women. So sometimes they’re lying on the floor and we’re doing different exercises and close your eyes. It’s between you and the sham and just release all of those lower feminine pains and contractions and stresses and let your body just release it and allow yourself to embrace yourself in a modest way of just really creating a healthy relationship with your body.

There’s no room for shame. Our bodies are beautiful and they’re in this transition to become even more. Exuberant as we become more of an expression of our soul, which in the expression of Hashem and bringing that light into the world, which is so desperately needed now.

 So we’re talking about rhythm and marriage, rhythm and family. There’s already a rhythm happening. It’s not working for you. Great, good awareness, but it’s already there. And so now we don’t have to create rhythm. We just have to adjust the rhythm. That’s already sort of flowing. It’s a mindset shift. It’s like.

With time, people can either think time is working against me or for me, right? The rhythm is either working against me or it’s expanding for me to allow me to move with it. It’s all a mindset.

 Men and women are totally different from each other. I know why it’s good that men like me have routines and we have uniforms that reflect our stations in life and what we’re trying to broadcast to the world. But women have totally different role in life. So they’re not bound by this because it would probably change day to day.

Just like a woman wears different colors and different outfits based on her mood. So to her form of service of God, whereas a man, let’s say, is bound by chakras a certain time of day, same words, every single day for a woman. It’s more from the heart. I guess it’s open to emotional interpretation. A woman builds her own routine and then she could tomorrow change it.

Even if she has a routine, it’s not mandatory. Yeah, it’s not mandated by some sort of religious code. This works really well with what we’ve been talking about, which is the seasons of life Where sometimes we have certain things and certain needs and sometimes we don’t so it’s really interesting that this is very much built into The separation between men and women

 You need to be you because you are you and you’re unique and stop putting pressure on yourself. We are exposed to so much food noise and so much pressure with social media. Not everything you see is real. So be real yourself and do what you can at home. Forget what you see. I love that. Just be connected for real people.

Be yourself, do the things that work for you, create the systems that work for your family and your lifestyle and put together the rhythms. That have to be in place for you.

 When we stop being our authentic selves to ourselves, we’re taking that away from the world around us. Yeah, and here’s the other step is I don’t think we even know our authentic self because Like people say I lost myself or I need to get back to myself Leave all the things you’re supposed to be and should be and need to go back to And just start to feel what feels good right now the ability to find your authentic self and to get in touch with that is going to come when you give yourself permission to Notice what you like.

Bingo. Give yourself permission. We give everybody else permission to encroach on our lives and get what they want and ask and interrupt. Why don’t we do that for ourselves?

 Let’s get practical because people are like, Ooh, I want to get on the same frequency as my husband, or I want to feel like I’m aligned with the people around me or my kids or my clients or whatever. How do I tap into that alignment in order to get that connection? Okay. So it’s all about intention.

That’s all it takes. So you want to align yourself with Hashem, the will of Hashem, God’s will. You know, God’s will is what keeps the world up. It’s through energy, right? You can set an intention. I set an intention every single day for myself that I just want to view the world, experience the world out of love and happiness.

So whether it’s decorating my home the way I love, you know, anything that causes me to be able to be loving and happy, that’s what I want to do.

  Until now, we talk how we talk to God. Now, how we listen. Very interesting question because we don’t hear what Hashem tell us. That’s what we think. But it’s not true. It’s not true at all. First, Chazal saying that bat kol, in the old time, it was bat kol, and we had the Nevi’im, that they used to come and say to the people, whatever Hashem say.

Today, we don’t have either Nevi’im and either bat kol. Bat kol is like a voice from God that tell you what to do. But, We can use a different tool. Chazal is saying, bad call does not exist today. We don’t hear it. But if you get good advice from someone that maybe will talk to you, so pay attention.

Because maybe Hashem sent him to you to tell you, hey, that’s what you have to do.

 It’s really not about the weight and it’s not about the food and it’s not about all of the external stuff. Every person has their story and every person has their journey. And when we can stop judging ourselves and we can stop judging others, judgment just goes down and we can just all be in our journey and in our experiences.

 The parent has a role and it’s a God given role. So the parent, where does he get his confidence from? Because he’s been given this role from none other than God. So that feeling of I should be doing a better job, be like other parents are so much more capable and so much more, whatever, it’s okay. Chill out.

God knows what he’s doing. We can rely on him and he relies on us. And when you know that someone’s relying on you, you’re confident.

 letting go and letting God. I mean, I’m sure people have heard that before, but it completely resonates when it comes to birth because we can do all the things in the world. And sometimes we just have to say, okay, I can’t anymore. It’s just not, it’s too much. It’s too hard. And just let go and give your body over to God and let him help birth the baby.

 Once you have a base of amazing outfits and it’s so easy to do, it doesn’t feel like a chore, it doesn’t feel like an effort. So you can feel special and amazing, whether it’s getting dressed up for yourself or for your husband without a tremendous amount of work and still feel like, wow, I look great and I’m, I put this one minute, two minute effort in and I feel so good.

That’s. How it becomes an easy thing to do, but also still putting in a slight effort. You don’t look lazy and uncomfortable. You’re always going to look good, but it’s not going to feel like a big deal because you already have that system set up in place. That you are looking good, feeling good with very minimal effort.

I love that you’re saying the effort part. We think it’s the things that we work hard at that are going to move the needle. And at the end of the day, it’s the everyday normal things that we do that really make a difference.

 Really understanding transitions and how to strengthen ourself during times of transition is the key to having a strong and a happy marriage. Yes. I love that you’re saying it’s a bunch of transitions just sort of strung together because it’s one of those things that you think, okay, fine. I’m finally gotten used to this.

And then it changes, right? It never stays the same because we’re always growing and they’re always growing and we’re always developing and they’re always developing and then life changes. And then the babies and the kids and all of the things that are happening, there’s constant change. So in reality, it’s not getting used to a specific situation.

It’s more getting used to the fact that things are going to constantly be adjusting and changing and transitioning. And how do we deal with that?

 A lot of times what’s happening is we’re swimming in our own story and we’re not really moving out of the story because it’s our identity. It is so strange to then have to think, Oh, I could let go of the story or I could change the story. I think. As soon as you can visualize all the doors that will open, it makes it much easier.

But I think the fear is the first thing that comes in. It’s like, what? You want me to give up the way I always saw myself? I think that can manifest as disbelief too, or skepticism. Like, what are you talking about? I can’t do that. No one can do that. What is that? Nonsense, but God is a God of story. And so it shouldn’t be surprising that stories have this kind of power.

And he’s also a God of continual creation and recreation and in his image, we’re invited into that process.

 I’ve heard that rabbi Nachman speaks about this, you know, people who are walking into a room in the dark versus the people who turn on the light and then walk, right? So you walk into a room, you bump into the chair, you bump into the table, you bump into the couch, you bump into everything. Like, why is everything so difficult?

Right. And you have to walk slow and you have to be careful. There’s Legos on the floor, whatever you turn on the light. You’re like, you know exactly where to walk. You walk around the table, around the chair, around the couch. You don’t step on the Legos. And life is so much simpler. All those things are still there.

The obstacles are there. The challenges are there. Nothing has changed. The Legos are still on the floor, but you don’t have to step on them anymore. You don’t have to bump into every single thing. You don’t have to fiddle around trying to figure out what the way is. It’s more like this is the way it’s just being shown to me.

 The number one thing that I tell people is if it’s something that you want, you just keep going for it. Because the people that I see that find their partner and get married and build their life are the people that never give up. Sometimes people are like, it’ll come when you least expect it. Yes, it will magically happen, but by not tending to you, by not tending to the situation, I don’t think that it’s ideal.

I think that. Sometimes we have to hyper focus on meeting the person, and then other times we have to hyper focus on being the person. I love that. One of the things that I talk about a lot in marriage is that in the beginning, you were happy because you just were inherently happy. And, You attracted this guy because he was attracted to you being happy.

And so you giggled at his jokes and everything was fine. And then you get married, everything starts to settle down. And now life starts to feel a little bit heavier. The best advice for marriage. If you want to improve your marriage is the same advice that you just gave, go after your own happiness.

 I personally feel that the Jewish women are leading the world into this space of real. What’s real? Real is being able to fuse your true self with your true self, your true godly self with your true, I’m a mom, I’m a wife, I’m a business person, I’m a sister, I’m a mother. But just because you’re all those things doesn’t mean it’s holy.

You can be, uh, A business person who’s totally not connected to God. You could be a business person who’s totally connected to God. It’s the same you, it’s just what lens are you allowing yourself to see your life through? And when you do it through this lens of God, of the Torah of truth, that’s the ultimate purpose of creation.

I mean, it’s no small thing. We’re talking about the purpose of creation itself is this fusion. That’s beautiful. The purpose of creation is the fusion. It’s the integration. That is the. Gold, that’s the point.

 We’re trying to hold it all ourselves. And that’s the problem because when you hold it all yourself, it’s heavy. It’s on your shoulders. It’s on your head. A lot of us feel these headaches, these shoulder aches, like the neck is like everybody is having my physical therapist, every single person. I’m like, no, I’m having this pain here.

She’s like, yeah, you and everybody else. I know. I love carrying the world right on our shoulders. And all we need to do is just let God take over. Right.

 You are not the provider. God is, God is providing. He is the one making sure you’re eating and alive and have what you need. If your husband isn’t making the money, it is not because he is broken. It is because this is what is right now. This is God’s will. And you can totally change the conversation by detaching the worth from the money.

 Life is much easier when you hear something and suddenly you say, is it my business? Is it God’s business? And then you take it out of your brain. Why bother about things that are not your business? It’s not in your control. And also in my life, I have to ask myself, is it my business or God’s business? If it’s not in my control, I have to believe in God and to say he will take care.

I love this sentence that say, don’t tell God how big your problems are. Tell your problems how God is big. Right. How big God is. I love that too. I love it. I love it. And it’s true because we control only the reaction to our problems and challenges. That’s in our control.

 Something I heard that I really love is your kids are not your business card. Your kids are not your business card. It is not your representation of how good you are or how valuable you are as a parent. They’re your kids, but they’re also human and they get to choose their own ways and they get to make their own mistakes and they get to live their own life.

Yes. Yes. That whole concept of you’re embarrassing me. But you, you, your child is a child is just that we’re all on this personal growth journey with our children. And I really do love that concept of yours. They’re not yours. The reason I love that is it separates me, it separates the personalization and it puts it a gap in between.

And I’m not saying that we’re able to access that always in the moment, but it might give us pause. And again, I always go back to that self compassion for being human.

 Wasn’t that amazing. I hope that you were able to pick up on the importance of not just focusing on one thing. There’s something really, really important about staying. Balanced staying. Well-rounded keeping all of the parts of you aligned so that everything flows.

And that’s what we’re here to do all the time. Or constantly going back to making sure that you don’t hyper-focused on one thing, leaving everything else behind. I don’t want you being all. Obsessed with your business, making money, growing, growing, growing, and then turn around and realize that you’re neglecting your family.

And I don’t want you to think that you have to be hyper-focused on your marriage, on your children until they grow up until there’s time until some magical thing happens. And then one day you’ll get to your own dreams because that creates a lot of resentment and it happens to be, that is the number one cause of feeling unfulfilled and causing problems in your marriage is that you yourself are feeling like you are doing it all and not really doing the thing that is calling you. So you can’t be here.

You can’t be there. You must find a way to find balance to do all the things and to do them with grace. So. I invite you to come. Schedule a discovery call. If you are ready to really create that flow and that alignment with all the parts of your life. This is the time. To go after your dreams in the most aligned way so that nobody gets neglected.

Check out my website@connectedforreal.com. Stay tuned for this year’s amazing podcast episodes. The best way to do it is to subscribe. It really helps me also. And it helps other people know that this is a good podcast and it’s worth listening to so definitely subscribe, definitely leave a review. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget to stay connected for real. I’ll see you next time.  And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode.

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