Transcript:

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let’s get started.

 And we are live. Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. I’m a marriage coach for women in business, and I love this podcast. I just have to say that I love that you’re listening to it. And I also love making it. And today with me is Chanah Rothberg, who is Chef Raw Raw and that’s how I know her.

I’m like, I don’t know what her name is. I just know her as Chef Raw Raw and that’s like half kidding because I do know her in person and she is awesome. Today our topic is routine and marriage. So we’re going to get into it. But first I want Hannah to introduce herself and tell everyone why you’re so cool.

Thank you for that introduction, Rebetzin Bachan. I love that we just met in person recently, even though we’ve been communicating online for years, I feel like. And thank you so much for having me. Yeah. So I’m Chana. I’m originally from Denver, Colorado. I am. an Instamom to nine kids in three years.

So my life very quickly went from single healthy chef running a cafe to mom of six kids instantly. And then three kids within the next 25 months or within a span of 25 months and full time. So now I’m a full time mom and I’m also a coach I do health coaching My type of coaching is very integrative So it’s hard for me to give a label as to the specific type of coaching I do because I integrate EFT tapping narrative therapy Cooking classes, health coaching, all of that into each session, depending on where a person is at.

Because that’s so important. I really don’t believe the model that there’s one size that fits all, especially when it comes to health. And especially when it comes to our food. There’s so many people trying to tell you that they know what’s right for your body, when that’s crazy. You know what’s right for your body, but sometimes you lose yourself along the way and you need someone that’s like, Hey, wait.

Let’s just get back to the basics for you. So that’s what I am. You guys hear why I love her so much and why she fits right into our podcast here. Hello, unique. You know, we are all human and each one of us is so different and we can’t be thinking, well, it’s supposed to work for me. It’s not, it’s not supposed to work for you because it’s not you, right?

Like what’s supposed to work with you will work with you. And that’s what I love. You know, that we’re all on the same page around here is there is no such thing as one size fits all. Let’s just put that out there. So I love it. I love it. Okay. So you married somebody with six kids and then you had your own three kids.

Super quick. How old is your youngest now? She just turned two. So my youngest are two, three, four. Yeah, three and four. I love it. That’s so cute. Okay. So this is the perfect time to segue into routines and marriage. And you know, when I say marriage, a lot of times that is, you know, all of, the home life.

So the atmosphere in the home, the, just trying to get it all under control. So let’s talk about that a little bit. Okay. So I think I’ll start with talking about food because Well, I am a chef after all and I love food. I used to struggle just to put this out there.

I used to struggle with my own disordered eating behaviors. I was bulimic for a while. Although these days i’m realizing who wasn’t which is like such a sad realization But I realized none of us just ever spoke about it with each other and now that we’re all Thank God on the other side of it, we can talk about it.

But it takes such a journey to develop a healthy relationship with food. And I talked to so many moms who are like, I do such a good job at taking care of my kids and my husband, but I just don’t really care about. Making myself food or you know, and I get it. I totally understand until recently when I found the most delicious breakfast Okay, and I realized the most important thing for moms is to make one Satisfying nourishing meal that you love when your kids are at school So that the rest of the day when you’re busy taking care of your kids, it’s fine because you already have a meal Had that thing you love and I’ll just say what my breakfast is because I love it so much.

The sourdough starter discard. I use the discard to make flatbreads and then I make two sunny side up eggs. I put tahina and pesto on it and I make two tacos and it’s so good. So filling and it’s only four ingredients and it’s like and some vegetables on the side. Right. Wow. Wow. And you guys, we were, we learned, we learned together in the same course, the sourdough bread thing and kind of really took it far.

They said, this is no longer a hobby. This is becoming an addiction. Yes. But I think, you know, if, if anybody does sourdough, it’s just so, So satisfying is, you know, and the whole process when we were learning it, she says you need to stretch and fold every 20 minutes. And I was like, okay, so I’m going to stretch and fold myself every 20 minutes.

Like, isn’t that amazing? If I could just do that, like stretch and fold, you know, and I’m like stretching my hands out and opening up as wide as I can. And then like hugging myself and folding in. It is so nice. To have this like slow motion thing in the crazy busy life that we’re living in. Totally. I didn’t even think about that, but that really is what it’s all about.

It’s like every 20 minutes, just stretch and fold. It gives you a minute just to re center yourself, especially like when the kids are running around and it’s crazy just to be like, Oh! You know, the way you would with your sourdough starter. If you have to stretch and fold it, then it’s like, Oh, I should like become my own starter.

Right. So I love that you just said that. And by the way, you only have to do it three times. You don’t have to do it all day long. Well, listen, if you did it all day long, you’d get extra credit, but no pressure, even if you do it once. In a year and you suddenly remember, Hey, I should stretch and fold. I think you get credit for that too, because it’s something so powerful that we have the ability to do for ourselves.

You know, somebody was just saying like, what is a free, you know, the freest thing you can do just to like stress relief. And I thought of so many, like, I didn’t even think of one. I thought of so many and her answer was laughter. But I came up with breathing, drinking water, going outside, you know, looking at the, at the view, and stretching.

I mean, that’s free. Your body is right here. You can just do it. You don’t have to get any special equipment. There’s some really great ways to nurture yourself that are completely free. Totally free. And that’s amazing that you could think of so many things. And for her, it was like, obviously it’s this one thing, which just again, shows that we’re all individual.

And so we have to find what’s right for me, because just cause it’s right for you doesn’t mean it’s right for me though. All of the things you listed sound fantastic. Yes, they do. And you know, like I said in my marriage breakthrough retreat, I go through in day one, you have to make a list of all the things that make you happy.

And I ran the retreat nine times and I came up with nine different lists. Like I was able to constantly add to my own list because there’s so many things that could make you happy and then you go to the next level, right? So like in the beginning it was like, Oh, it makes me happy is drinking yummy tea or whatever, blah, blah, blah.

And then the next time I was like, you know, it actually makes me happy to drink from a glass cup and not from a plastic cup, you know? And I didn’t think about that until that day. And ever since then, my kids already know. Bring Ema a glass cup because no point, she’s not going to enjoy it if it’s in plastic, you know, and I was actually at a class.

Where somebody heard that session and they went out of their way to get me a glass cup in the middle of the class. I’m like, in the middle of giving a class, like 20 women. And she got up, realized I had a plastic cup, got up and went into the kitchen to get me a glass cup. It was so cute.

And I didn’t have to say anything. We’re so thoughtful. People are so awesome. I, first of all, I just want to say, I love people. I’m such a people person and I love people because we are so awesome, right? Like every single one of us, like you said, we’re unique, but there’s also each one of us has something that is supernatural about ourselves that we don’t give ourselves credit for.

So like somebody who thinks about that, like, I actually remember what you said, you know, last year when I heard your podcast or something, and then I put it all together in my head and I thought it through and I took action, like, Who does that, right? It’s like, it takes a lot of behind the scenes genius to be who you are.

And I want you to appreciate that. Yeah, just going out. Let’s go back to the food, because I’m getting distracted. Okay, well, interestingly, you brought up something about doing the stretching and folding. And then if we do it more than three times, it’s extra credit. So that kind of leads me to the next step that I talk about in routine when it comes to building healthy habits.

So there’s this premise that you should start something say, I want to pick a new habit, say, I want to include working out into my life. Now, if I say I want to work out for 15 minutes, but right now I’m not doing anything, 15 minutes is super daunting, right? It doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you actually think about it, if I’m not actually already doing that and just jumping from zero to 15 is very scary to do.

So what I say to do is to do two minutes a day, which means from the time you’re starting to work out, you set a timer for two minutes, and then it could take you two minutes to put your shoes on and get out the front door, and then when two minutes ends, you come back inside. I heard this somewhere, and I’m sorry that I can’t quote who, who, Who preaches this?

I think he wrote a whole book about it, but it’s something I’ve been talking about for a long time, too. By doing this same thing for two minutes every day, you’re teaching yourself that I’m showing up for myself. Right? Like, remember when you learned how to tie your shoes? Probably not, but it was probably really daunting when we learn how to tie our shoes and it’s like, yeah I’d rather just not wear shoes, but that’s not how it works.

So it’s the same thing with healthy habits We know we have to show up for ourselves when it comes to physical activity in one way or another So we need to start by just showing up for two minutes. Anything beyond two minutes is extra credit But nobody’s looking for extra credit. We’re just looking for the habit to build a sustainable, simple habit.

So that’s one of the things in that, in the area of physical activity or healthy eating. You know, I had a friend who said she wants to add green drinks to her life. Okay. So I have a whole thing. You can pre prep, you can, I think pre prep is the, I think you just need to prep. Yeah. Double, double. So you can rather than prepping your bags of green smoothies all at once.

I told her one day, put bananas in the bag and put them in the freezer. The next day, add some kale to the bag and put it in the freezer. Each day, just add a different fruit or vegetable to that bag and put it in the freezer. And at the end of that week, Now you’ll have seven bags for the following week, pre made smoothies for you.

So it’s really, my thing is really just about taking bite sizes in whatever area of life that we want to move toward, rather than trying to create routines from nothing. Like it needs to start so small. And I want to talk about routines for just a second. I learned a lot from, baby sleep training. When you have a baby and they’re starting to grow up and you’re like, they’re not sleeping through the night.

And you get to this point where you’re like non functional and you need to figure something out. And I had this with my second one and a friend of mine handed me this book, the sleep lady method, whatever it was, a good night sleep tight. And it was great. And one of the things that was the greatest about it.

was that she says, before you start adjusting your baby’s schedule and changing his routine and doing all these things, just notice what’s actually happening. Because you already have a routine. You know, a baby already has a rhythm. So, a lot of times, if we just pause for a minute and see what the rhythm is already, what exists now, then we can start adjusting.

Oh, here’s where it needs a little bit of, you know, earlier, later, here’s where I’m missing the mark. Here’s where I want to see some change. But for the most part, you’re going to see that there is a rhythm. And I think it’s the same way with our life, right? So we’re talking about rhythm and marriage, rhythm and family.

There’s already a rhythm happening. It’s not working for you. Great, good awareness, but it’s already there. And so now we don’t have to create rhythm, we just have to adjust the rhythm that’s already sort of flowing. Totally. It’s a mindset shift. It’s like with time, people can either think time is working against me or for me, right?

The rhythm is either working against me or it’s expanding for me to allow me to move with it. It’s all a mindset. It’s totally is. I am coming up with a training, like a whole, a whole bunch of trainings and it’s run your business. Like God runs the world and it’s such a good training.

I’m like very excited about it. And. And in that, you know, it’s about, it’s, it’s, you know, time, it’s money. It’s all these different things that come into how we run our business. And what you just said now is part of that is like totally changed your understanding of what time is, what time is, what health is, right.

What a healthy relationship looks like for you. You know, what joy looks like for you and creativity and home environment. There’s so many aspects to create a flow that works for us and in our favor, but only if we’re willing to look at it in a way that this is serving me. Right, exactly. Exactly. And you know, I think the killer of all mindsets is somebody’s out to get me.

You know, this thing is out to get me. The time is out is after me, you know, and there’s never enough. there’s this like such negative energy to it and we all have it in some way. You just have to catch it and be like, no. Nobody’s running after me. Time is just time.

It’s neutral, you know. Money is just money. It’s neutral. All these people are just neutral. Like, all these circumstances are neutral until I make them mean something. And I have a choice to decide what to make them mean, which is really fun, because then I get to choose. Right. Yeah, and I think sometimes it comes from a place of lacking.

You know, it’s like, if I do this, then I won’t have time for this or money for this. Like we’re making a choice in a way, rather than doing it proactively. Like when you give somebody, when you pay somebody, rather than thinking, Oh man, now I don’t have money for this or whatever. It’d be like, Oh man, I get to give this guy money.

Cause this is supposed to be for him. So Hashem can be like, yep, refill. Exactly. Circulate your money. I was talking to my teenagers about the flow of money. And I said, if you start tracking your money, you will see the flow and you will understand something that most people don’t understand. And so one of my teenagers actually took this to heart and she started really, really tracking like on her phone.

Ins and outs, she has a whole thing with the wallet and the something or rather, whatever it shows her, you know, with the colorful lines. And she’s like, it’s amazing. Anytime I have to pay for something, I right away get a babysitting job. And anytime I, you know, I feel like, Oh, I got so many babysitting jobs.

It’s great. Then I have to pay for something and money just comes and goes. And there is this beautiful flow and I’m not stressed about it because it’s just the way money works. And I’m like, thank you God for teaching her this so early on. Thank you for teaching her and her for listening to you. That’s a huge win.

Listen, I, you can only do so much as a parent, then everything else is left to them, you know and to God to just sort of work out. But it’s really fun to watch when you can. open up someone’s eyes to that, you know, to the flow of time, to the flow of energy, to the flow of life, you know I find that very fascinating and very rewarding.

Totally. Okay. Let’s get practical. I want people to be like, I got so much out of this episode. So let’s talk about Ways to make routine I guess easier feel not as daunting, but also feel like we’re a little bit more in control of, you know, the food, the meal prep, the planning, the thought, you know, the thinking through the, Trying to figure it out.

Okay, so first of all I think that we need to acknowledge, I mean depending on where you’re listening from, but if you’re in Israel, we’re living through a war. So right now people trying to, create routine is very different than trying to create routine when there’s not a war happening and it’s easy to set goals.

That’s totally different world of creating routine. I like to say wake up in the morning and set Three goals for the day. They can be big or they can be little but as long as you Accomplish those three things then your day has been a successful day anything else on the list? Fine. It’s extra credit.

It’s bonus if you get it done, but that’s not what determines if you had a successful day or not based on the routine that you want to set for yourself. So try to get as specific as possible. And these, these three goals I’m talking about, one of the goals could be wake up and drink a cup of water, right?

Start prioritizing health in some way. Another one could be take three deep breaths. If you realize, Oh wow, anxiety is really overwhelming me these days. And I’m not stopping for myself, but your hands on your heart, take three deep breaths. Stop for a second and then come back. Okay. Check. I just checked that off my list.

The other one could be run for 15 minutes. You know, they can be small work on my business, whatever the goals are, become specific about it, and then open up your calendar and set a time that you’re actually practically going to do these things, don’t make it. I’m going to work on my business today. No, no, no, no.

Open up your planner. I’m going to work. Oh, I have time for an hour from 11 to 12. I’m working on my business from 11 to 12. Some of the most successful people plan every single thing in their planners. That doesn’t work for everybody. For me, I need to be a little bit more gummish, right? A little more flexible.

I need to be able to know that I have room in case this runs over or I need more time. Oh, I’m really into work. Let me work more than this. But that’s Be specific about those three goals in your routine. Yeah, I love that. Once you have intentions, then it’s a little bit more flexible and a lot of us are just more go with the flow.

I hear you, you know, when I plan, I used to plan to have, the hour of coaching that I get from my coach. So I would put it in as like the hour. But then I realized I always like to stay after and journal and process what she said, because. I can’t just jump back into life, you know?

And then when I tell my husband, he’s like, when are you coming back? And it’s five o’clock and it’s supposed to end at six, and I say six, I’m always late, right? It doesn’t matter if I’m 6 0 2 or 6 0 8 or six 15, I’m always after six. So I just started saying six 15, giving myself that grace of, it’s in the calendar, it’s in the program.

The time I need for myself is actually built in, which is so great. And I do the same thing with yoga. You know, if yoga is from 820 to 930 or whatever, I have it blocked off until 10 so that I could come home and just put my stuff away and start the day fresh, you know, sort of like give myself that buffer is really important to get to know yourself.

And, you know, we’re talking a lot about how unique we are and how different everybody works and needs to function. And I think this is one of the things that I really found about myself that was like, ah, I need buffers. I need time to be a little bit more flexible then I think it’s supposed to be

Right? Right. And also, if you’re going somewhere, it’s really important to put in that it’s gonna take me 15 minutes to get there. You know, so put that in the time. Also, in addition to how much time it takes to get there, how much time it takes you to get ready for that thing. You know, once you do start planning, that does help with routine a lot because it makes you be mindful and aware of what, what’s actually happening and how you can manage your time in a way that suits you and works for you.

Which is so important. Yeah. So that planning and picking three things. Is really helpful in feeling like we’re accomplishing something and we’re creating a habit and something that’s sustainable For us and it’s also showing ourselves again I’m showing up for me when I say i’m gonna do something I do it and that builds self trust When that little voice inside says, oh she said she was gonna do this and she actually did it.

Yay Go me! And we become our own little Chef RawRaw’s, our RawRaw’s, you know, our cheerleaders. I love that. By the way, I have a YouTube video from many, many years ago called The Recipe for Happiness. And it’s exactly that. It’s like when I can do the thing I didn’t want to do, or I don’t do the thing I thought I was obviously going to do, like, you know, oh, the cake was calling my name.

So of course I had to eat it, but I didn’t. And then suddenly it’s like, woohoo, I get that victory. And it really turns on all the happy in your brain. So that’s an amazing way to use your, your brain to your advantage is notice those things. Right. And that leads me into the next thing is when you have a task that’s daunting, bring joy into it.

Find a way to bring joy into the daunting task. I don’t like to cook. How can I make my kitchen a safe, happy space? How can I make this so it’s not daunting for me? Oh, if I put music in my headphones, that can be fun. Now, now I’m having my own little dance party. I’m cooking for the kids. And it makes a difference because energetically.

When we are making food for our kids, they pick up that energy. The second they eat that food energy works like that. So it’s not just, if I go into the kitchen and I cook something and I’m angry, I wouldn’t be surprised if after my kids eat that meal, they’re angry because they picked up that energy. So I always say, and I always said this to my workers when I ran a cafe, I said, if you’re not in a good mood, take a step, go outside, take a few deep breaths and come back in here when you’re ready to actually nourish people with good vibes.

Because it’s so important. The kitchen has to be a safe place. And unfortunately. It’s not for a lot of people because I mean I never leave my kitchen Thank god. I have a beautiful kitchen, but with nine kids I am always making somebody something The second someone says they’re not hungry Then they come back five minutes later after I finished making somebody else food and they say they’re hungry So I live in the kitchen And they also know that it’s important for me to set gvulot to set boundaries If I know that I need a safe space now, but i’m still in the kitchen.

I tell everybody listen guys You If you want me to be a nice ema right now, please don’t be in the kitchen, come back in 10 minutes, but I need some safe space for me to do the things that I can do to nourish my family, but it needs to stay safe and joyful. I love it. I love it. You know, there’s there’s, there’s always a time when Usually after, after Shabbat, everything sort of comes down and I want to just clean up everything and get, you know, start like press the restart button.

I’m like, kitchen is closed. Nobody is allowed to come in here. Everybody go do something else. Right. And it feels so nice to just do your own thing with your own earphones and your own, well, I do podcasts because I love listening to people talking and, you know, I learned so much along the way, but I have, I, it’s like, this is my time and I love it.

I love it that you’re bringing in it’s, you know, it’s called pairing in in habit forming. If you can pair something you like with something you don’t like. Then it sort of balances out and makes you feel better about it. I love it. Okay. So we’ve talked about bringing joy into daunting areas. We’ve talked about setting three tasks a day and planning them out practically, becoming very specific about when we’re going to get things done.

What else do you want to be practical about? Well I’d love to hear a little bit about marriage and how we can bring routine into marriage, right? So that’s a really challenging one for me and I work really hard at it because talk about planning like how do you plan? Your marriage when you have nine people in between you two, right? We try to go out once a week. We try to go on a date once a week. Whether it’s at the, at night or during the day, depending on if our schedules line up and if we can get a babysitter or not. We really try to prioritize going out. Once a week with each other, at least there’s something that I created that I actually forgot to tell my husband that I had created this, but it’s called a honeymoon moment.

So like, you know, everything’s happening and it’s crazy. And he and I lock eyes from across the room, honeymoon moment, we connected, but it’s just trying to connect. Then I told him I created it and he thought it was awesome. So much pleasure from just. Becoming mindful or we’re standing at the sink together at the same time and I’m washing dishes and he’s making a cup of coffee But it’s just the two of us in that moment No matter what else is happening just to be aware of those honeymoon moments when we recognize It’s you and me and we’re in this together and this is our crazy ship, but we’re sailing it together It’s It’s so powerful.

Like we used to, and this is something after this conversation, I’ll bring it back with him, because we used to sit down every day and just have a cup of coffee or tea together. In the middle of whatever else was going on just for 20 minutes just to catch up with each other because I’ll tell you at the beginning of our marriage, that was really something that was challenging for me because at the beginning of our marriage our kids my stepkids Were going back and forth between their mother’s house and his house every other day.

Whoa It was like there was no time to, to be on the same page, because it was just like, the door kept opening and closing, and there was no rhythm, and there was no routine, and for me, as a single newlywed, Who’s now also an insta mom to six, and there’s so much laundry and so much junk food in the house, and everything was hafuch a la fuch, like completely upside down, just backwards, forwards.

I couldn’t tell anything from anything at that point, and there was no routine, and connecting was like so hard. I remember our first sit down just to say like, we need to have check ins. Every day in the middle of the day so that we can understand what’s happening in our home because he and I are in charge of this house energetically as parents, whatever it is, you know, the adults in the house.

We control the vibe. And when one of us loses it, the other one has to be able to say, okay, hold on, like go take a minute so that I can keep us all still , in this good, calm energy. Because if you’re losing it, I start to lose it. And then the kids for sure have lost it. And then we’ve lost everything.

And how are we going to get it all back together? So it’s just so important to be able to connect with each other, especially when things are going crazy, just to know that the kids will be okay. If you say, hold on, we need a few minutes to talk to each other. And my kids always will be like, you always just want to be with each other.

And it’s like, Always as a relative term, like what you’re talking about. Cause we’re talking about three minutes right now. Always. And never your favorite friends, you know, my friend used to say that she is nobody and somebody at the same time, whenever nobody takes out the garbage, she’s the nobody. And whenever somebody has to pick up the phone, she’s the somebody.

So he says, I’m either nobody or I’m somebody, but

So it’s those things and it’s, this is, you know, the language that we use, like you, you know, you mentioned NLP EFT, all these, you know, modalities and NLP, it’s all about the language you use, right? It’s neuro linguistic programming. It’s the, the language really affects you. So when you say we’re never together, we always, you know, have to fight or we are always, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Or you always go somewhere and like, you know, only care about the couple or whatever. That always is gonna sit there and, you know, throw more stuff at you because it’s a word that’s loaded. Yeah, and also rarely true. No, never true. And never, I’m using never as like, you know, hardly true.

  Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly? Feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one on one private coaching is for and I want to invite you, just you and me, For a free deep dive discovery call.

This is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions And we extract the three main things that are holding you back I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations With practical steps the call is free and so valuable in itself. So go book yours today Now back to the show

 You know, just like with Byron Katie, the work by Byron Katie, she is like, is it true? Is it absolutely true? Right. And you get to a point where he’s like, nothing is absolutely true because there’s always this like 0. 001 percent of maybe it’s not. Except for God. Well, yeah, then there we know. And then we know, we know nothing.

Exactly. He has everything and nothing at the same time. He is the ultimate perfection. The ultimate. Yeah. Yeah. I was just saying Shema this morning and and what hit me was, When we say Echad, one, God is one, right, and I was thinking, you know, cause in my challenge right now, we’re talking about failure and success, and I’m like, actually both failure and success are one, they’re two sides of the same coin.

You basically took action and the result weren’t in your hands. But they’re one they are, it’s very fascinating to me. Anyway, total tangent. Let’s get back. So all interesting things, all interesting. Whoever’s listening to this podcast is like, whew, I’m getting so much extra credit.

Also when talking about like that, always or never, it’s the same thing works when building habits with ourselves. So I had a client come to me and she says, I have a smoothie every day. And I said, you have a smoothie every day? Yeah. Every day. I said, she goes, Well, almost every day. And you know, this is like a, I think it’s a Rabi Nachman teaching and I’m not sure which one, but it’s that saying of it’s so important to know where it is that we’re holding actually in reality, because when we think we’re trying to take one step forward in building a new habit or behavior, and we put ourselves on this level.

So it’s fine if you’re really taking one step forward. But if I say that I’m here and I’m actually here, Then when I take one step forward, I’m actually leaping. And as everybody knows, when we’re walking or running, if you’re leaping, you can only leap for so long, but you could walk forever. So we don’t, I wouldn’t walk forever, but you know, but you won’t stop your legs.

Aren’t going to stop. Right. But if you’re jumping at some point, you might stop jumping and start walking right. Because we realize like we have to just put one foot in front of the other. Otherwise, when we fall, we’re going to fall back farther. To habits and behaviors that were way worse off than where we started because we just say nevermind, I give up, I can’t do this.

It’s too hard. It’s like, hold on, be precious, be patient with ourselves. We’re just humans living a human experience, trying to create patterns and behaviors that are in alignment with us when we have things being thrown at us from every which direction, whether it’s our kids, our marriage, a war,

we aren’t in control of anything other than ourselves and how we respond to situations and how we use time for us so that we can live a life we’re proud of. And that is an alignment with myself. But quite often we just start comparing to everything else that’s out there. And social media is the worst because I’ve tried posting the not fun things on social media and it’s nice.

I get some messages, you know, from people, but then I’m like, okay, but I’m already past it, you know, and they’re all still stuck on it. But when you see everybody just being happy about everything, then it’s like, Oh, I want to be happy about everything. It’s like, I was on the phone with my brother and I have, My three littles and two big, two bigger kids that were all screaming my name.

And I was like, Oh my gosh. And he’s like, this is the stuff I want to see. This is awesome. Yes, that’s real life. And so how do I find myself in those moments? How do I find my peace of mind? My piece of kitchen, my piece of whatever it is that says to me, okay, this is my safe space and I got this. I got this life.

I got this routine. What do people do? What’s the first step you want to take? Like Rebbetzin Bat-Chen, I’ll ask you if you need to find one area in your life right now that isn’t where you’d like it to be, what’s that area? Uh, lunch. Lunch. Okay. I, I got into a good rhythm making lunch and then I fell off and I keep going back and forth.

I really like cooking lunch. Like, okay. I used to not like it, but I got into liking it. But then I’m just so busy and distracted with all the things I want to do during the day because I have such limited time without kids around that lunch ends up being, Oh man, they’re coming in two seconds. What should I feed them?

Oh, let me you know, like come up with some instant food or something, you know, cut up some vegetables, throw them on the table, pretend I made something. So I don’t, I don’t feel very proud of lunch right now. But yeah, that’s where I want to make it more streamlined and routine y. Okay, so how important is this to you, from zero to ten?

Zero being not that important, and ten being this is the most important. Seven. Okay, is that high enough to actually want to do something about it, or is there a different area in your life that holds higher? Well, that’s the problem. It’s not high enough, and that’s why it’s falling behind. And it’s a problem for you, and it’s a problem for your kids.

It’s a problem for two of my kids because everyone else comes later. It’s, you know, the problem really starts by just the scheduling of life. So some kids come home at one 30, some kids come home at three 30, some kids come home at four, you know? And so there’s this ongoing, like you said, the door keeps opening and closing. And so also it was just one 30 is so early. You know, I finally got them out of the door and I finally finished my morning routine It’s like nine o’clock and i’m sitting down to have meetings I have meetings from nine to one and then at one i’m like I only have half an hour left to lunch And it’s just one of those things that , if I want it, then I’ll do it and I figure it out.

But most of the time it’s just not important enough. And I ended up going for leftovers. Cause thank God there is a ton of food. It’s just not fresh or, you know, in a pot, there’s like a lot of things to eat. So it doesn’t sound like it’s that big of a problem because there’s actually stuff to eat. But so maybe it’s a mindset thing.

You think you’re not doing it well enough, they should have a better lunch or you use the words fresher in a pot. So could you, do you have any time at night that you could just slice some vegetables so that they’re ready for the next day for them?

I could do a lot of things. I just don’t think it’s a priority right now. I know I’ve been very successful at this before and I come up with plans and you know, this and that and the whole, whatever. But, you know, it’s I, you know, like you said, it comes down to the mindset and the priority and like, because it’s two kids who can make food for themselves, they’re old enough, then I just don’t feel like it’s worth it to spend my precious time I’m gonna say that very quietly But like Half an hour to do this really important task that I won’t be able to do once the kids are around.

Just give me a minute and do whatever you want to feed yourself. So, you know, and they’re old enough. They can make themselves eggs and pasta and, you know, tuna and they take out rice cakes. Like they’ve been figuring out for all these weeks, like what’s the big deal. They’ll just keep figuring it out. So priority wise, I think that it’s low and that’s why I’m not succeeding with it.

But also there is a part of me that feels guilty and like, you know, oh man, I really wish I could have this down. You wish you could have it down in order to what? Well, in order to, I think that, you know, I just, I know that it changes the atmosphere when they come home, when there’s food. And so that change in atmosphere would provide you with what, or your house with what?

I guess more positivity. How important is positivity to you from 0 to 10? Guys, you know me. It’s like a 20. If that’s motivating enough. And even like, start with just one day. Don’t say you need to make them lunch every day, you know? Start small. So now you realize why you want to do something. Because the end goal is going to be something that you value at 20 out of 10.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so, so you can look in your schedule. You also use the word schedule and find one day that like, Oh, you have a little bit more time there. So that’s the day that I’m going to focus on lunch. And I know positivity and everything, yada, yada, yada will be better in my house and just start with one day rather than making it the all or nothing mentality, right?

So I did that this week. I made my genre. I did rice and lentils with a lot of vegetables. I love that. And we eat it with sauerkraut. So super cool. So that was really fun. Cause the kids came home, they saw it on the, on the fire. They were like, yes, they made themselves bowls. They knew exactly what to do.

It was so fun. It’s such a great day. Like I wish I could do that every day. And that’s the problem. Cause I’m a perfectionist. I don’t know if I told you guys. But yeah, I want it to be perfect

The discourse that perfection exists? You know, we all, Yeah. Well, as you know, Hannah’s right. And it’s funny because I do this for other people, but it’s always really fun to have mirrors and people to you know, bounce things back to you. I’m really loving this conversation. I I’m taking on the challenge of seeing like, even just the one thing I could do, which is really fun.

You know, I’m liking that. So I guess I’ll tell you guys how it goes.

Yeah. Yeah. It’s really fun. And I want to invite anyone that’s listening now, you know, if there’s one area, figure out which area of your life it is that you want to start moving forward in, rather than saying, you know, for example, home, environment, joy, creativity, spirituality, physical activity, pick one area.

Don’t say, oh, all of those areas need work. Be realistic with yourself. We’re just, this is not a race. It’s it’s not a it’s what is I can’t stand that saying it’s not a marathon. It’s not a race It’s a marathon. What’s which one is it? It’s we’re not going anywhere until Hashem says the day is done You know So just pick one thing to work on at a time And move slowly in that area because then what happens is eventually three months down the road Wow, I actually Went for a two minute walk every day.

I didn’t used to do that. Cool. You have just succeeded at creating a sustainable habit and for being patient with yourself to stick to it rather than thinking you needed to jump there already. It’s like that, that idea that I have to be somewhere that I’m not, like you’re gonna get to that place in terms of time no matter what.

Next year, I will turn 39. No matter what I do. So how am I gonna fill this year rather than becoming 39 then and being like, Oh no, now I’m 39 and I didn’t do this. I’m going to be 39 no matter what. So what do I want to do? I know what’s the number. It’s just like a joke, I think. Yeah, I love it. I love it.

Okay. My biggest takeaway from this conversation is the honeymoon moment I think that is something I can really lean into being that I have this tendency to go all or nothing be like, well, we can’t figure out the you know The date night thing and we can’t figure out the 20 minutes a day thing and like, you know We never we never overlap enough to be able to just you know, sit and talk or whatever. And all those things, you know, it’s not all or nothing.

And it’s not never always, it’s just the rhythms of life. Right. So there’s times when I’m working more and I’m trying to lean in. And then there’s times where I’m more, totally free and relaxed. And, you know, usually after I have a baby, I’m like, no work, you know. And then suddenly you find yourself like, Oh, I’m cooking.

Oh, look at that. I’m doing things with food. Right? Because you’re freer and you have a different rhythm and a different season of your life. And so I really like that in any season and in any rhythm and in any situation, you could catch those little moments where it’s like, Hey, Look, I could look into your eyes and I could give you a smile.

And I could like, you know, wave hi from across the room. You know, yesterday we were laughing. I went to a friend’s house. And she had her best friend there, so I got to meet a new friend. It was really fun. And so the friend said, I think it’s really important to go out to a restaurant, you know, with your husband.

It’s so important. It’s so important. At least once every two years, you know, and it was funny because And you’re like, you think that she’s going to say something like really intense is like at least once in her for two years, right? Because we have a life and there’s things that come up like there is, you know, she was, she just gave birth to her third kid in four years.

Right. It’s like, there’s a lot going on. I’m not going to lie. Right. And I love how she said that since I was so proud of myself, I’m like, yeah, you know, me and my husband went on a date yesterday. We went to a wedding, and it’s like, that’s a date, but yeah, we got to be in the car together.

Go with just the two of us. We got food at the buffet thing and we’re standing and talking and then we get to see other people and we’re actually interacting. And Hey, look, we’re not stressed out and there’s no kids pulling our skirt. And you know, my skirt, they don’t pull his skirt.

Cause he doesn’t have one, but anyway. You know, you get the gist, right? We are actually spending time together and who says a date has to be, you know, a specific thing or look like a specific thing. I actually felt really good after that quote unquote date, even though it was an event, right? It’s no different than going to a concert.

You’re together. The point is to be together. I have to tell you, the wedding, the guy who sang was so good, it felt like a concert. So the best. At the end of the chuppah, of the ceremony, I went over to my husband, I’m like, how did you like the concert? He’s like, I was going to say the same thing.

Because the guy was just phenomenal. It was very concert like so it was funny how you say that, but yeah, you know, some people like going on dates and watching movies, I don’t get that. Why would I want to go out of my house to watch a movie? Like I want to go out of my house to be with people and have a conversation.

Right. So it really depends on what, what sparks you and what fills you up and what works for you. And every couple is so different. You know, I had yelled Trish a while back. And I actually had her twice and we talked about my money dates, right? Cause she’s all about money. And she says, sit down once a week and have a money date and talk about your money so that you’re on the same page.

And I was like, yeah, not happening. Right. Because I know my husband and I know me and I know how we work and how, you know, it’s fun. It’s okay. It will be okay. You know, when we need to talk, we talk about it. We don’t have to make. So it’s like, yeah, but this is what I found works. Yeah. This is what you found works for most people, but I don’t feel guilty about not fitting that, you know, box.

I do what works for me and for my marriage. And I think that’s, you know, the, we were talking about routines. This is the thing that fights. Routines is having to, you know, should and having to be like other people. And it’s supposed to be this way. Like, you’re not going to find the routine that works for you.

As long as you’re trying to fit into someone else’s ideal routine.

Nailed it. Tana is, is shocked. Oh, I’m in line. You’re good. You got it. It’s true. There’s no one size fits all. And it’s how do we want to create a routine that makes us feel happy. That’s not based on anyone else’s expectations of us or what we think other people are thinking about us or what we should be doing based on whatever.

It’s just like, What works for us and our family, because realistically, nobody else gets it. Nobody else knows what you and your family are going through, other than you and your partner. That’s it. And so that, as a priority, creates the structure and foundation, For creating a life that you want to be living.

And that, that, that doesn’t matter what anybody else sees or thinks on the outside, because your box is not their box. I love that. I love the way you said that. And I think it’s, you know, it may be, in a way, Easier for you because you’re in a, like an interesting situation where you’re like Instamom and suddenly you have all these kids and suddenly all the dynamics are changing where a lot of people just.

Are in the quote unquote normal rhythm where it’s like, you know, I got married young and I had a baby and then another baby and then, I slowly lost myself and now I’m trying to figure it out. And when you have a lot to compare to, cause most people are in that boat. Then you also start to compare yourself and see like, well, she’s figuring it out and she has a good rhythm going and she makes lunch every day.

And, you know, all these people are doing it. Why am I not? What’s what’s broken about me? Right. And it’s like, give yourself permission to just be who you are. Right. And I wouldn’t say that I am in a different box because I did it faster. I would just say that I lost myself much quicker and that I found myself much quicker.

Because everything in my life is like gotta go quickly but I’ll say that that’s what motivated me and I’ll put in a plug here to make my first cookbook and I’m already on my second cookbook. They’re both available on Amazon. My first one is how to add healthy Simple tasty plant based foods into your life.

Just how to add it to your plate So rather than changing your diet and taking things out of it Just add some of these colorful foods in and my second cookbook is a kosher A kosher for passover cookbook. It’s a booklet and i’m so excited that I can help people just add some more healthy colorful foods to their plates in addition to whatever else you need boxed foods, simple foods, whatever it is, let’s just keep everything simple because there’s no reason to spend time pochking, trying to make things TikTok approved or whatever it is that like, you know, let’s just make something that tastes good and is quick and easy with easy to access ingredients.

The second I see a recipe that something that I don’t have in my kitchen, I’m just like, No, can’t find that in israel next Right, and this is why I love you so much guys. Go check out her cookbooks She is so awesome the whole concept of instead of fighting The bad just add the good light up the darkness The darkness will just sort of evaporate when you have enough light and if you can lean into What you can add where you can improve what you can really, you know infuse You into your life that you want, everything else is just going to just move aside and make room because that’s how darkness works.

So thank you for being here. This has been amazing. , can I put in one more plug for another thing that I offer before we sign off? Go for it. Here’s where I say Conna. Where can people find you? How can they work with you? Okay, so I offer one-on-one coaching via. Zoom or in person.

I have a private practice here in Efrat. And my husband and I also opened something called Care B& B Israel. It’s your personal growth getaway. So you pick a track, either a therapy track or a food track or a combination of both. If you want to learn how to actually create a meal prepped fridge, you come here for three days.

You have your own B& B. The first day I cook for you. The second day we cook together and the third day you cook and I watch so that I know you go home with food confidence and you can actually take these skills into your own home life. So please be in touch if you need a little bit of encouragement, motivation, some rah rah, and a little bit of peace in your life.

I love it. That is on my bucket list right there. I’m so excited about that. Thank you so much to all of you for listening and for joining us today. This has been so much fun. And thank you for coming along with us and all those tangents. It was really exciting. And thank you, Hannah, so much for being here with me.

Don’t forget to come back next week for another amazing episode. And don’t forget to be connected for real. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you so much.

 And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode.

Can you share it with them? I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don’t forget you can be connected for real.