Hot Topic Bonus: Enough with Enough

November 5, 2021

In This Episode
Is it ideal to just be enough in this world? Rebbetzin Bat-Chen breaks the barriers on being just enough and wants you to be more. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen shares her big aha moment from a retreat last summer, and it’s different from what others think about being enough. We, our marriage and relationships, business, parenting—these are meant to be more than enough.

Highlights
00:44 Rebbetzin Bat-Chen had a big aha moment in a retreat last summer about being enough, and it’s different from what others believe about being enough.
01:28 One activity from the retreat was to find out what the voice in your head or pain you’re feeling is trying to tell you. Meet Nuffy!
04:21 Another pain Rebbetzin Bat-Chen found was in her shoulder, and it wasn’t like Nuffy. It represented her parenting.
05:21 At the end of the retreat, Rebbetzin Bat-Chen and other attendees were tasked to list down who they thought were enough.
06:04 How would you feel if someone just said “Oh, she’s enough”?
06:30 We’re trying to be enough but is that the ideal? The entire world is talking about being enough but do we want to settle with that?
08:30 All you have to do is just be.
10:25 Find out about other Hot Topic Bonuses from the last retreat!

Links
Marriage Breakthrough Retreat
5 Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage
Hot Topic Bonus: Priorities & Marriage
Hot Topic Bonus: Parenting & Marriage
Hot Topic Bonus: Criticism & Marriage

Related Episodes
Hot Topic Bonus: Release & Surrender

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REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
We are live. Welcome everyone to the Hot Topic. So, today we’re talking about enough, and I titled this Enough with Enough because I really feel like there’s a huge movement towards being enough and I am enough and all of that stuff. “You’re not enough.” “I’m not doing enough,” you know? There’s a lot going on with that, and I had this real big aha moment when I went to the retreat in in the summer.

I went to an in-person retreat that I really enjoyed and I highly, highly recommend that you take care of yourself and go to such things, and take the big pause to let things sort of realign and sink in. One of the things that we did on day one of that retreat was this guided meditation, and in this guided meditation, we had to find the voice, that thing, that’s that pain, either be the emotional pain or the physical pain and see what it’s trying to tell us. So I found the pain. It was a pain in the neck. It looked like a little triangle, it was yellow-green, and it was silicone-y. It looked like a little fidget toy thing that my kids would play with and it was stuck right here in my neck and it was going down to my shoulder, and I was trying to figure out what is this, right? So while we’re doing the guided meditation, Leah Aharoni is telling us—she’s the woman who ran the retreat. She’s guiding us through. “Ask him, ‘What’s your name?’ and, ‘What are you trying to tell me?’” and all these things, so it turns out that his name was Nuffy and I asked, “Why Nuffy?” and he said, “Because I’m not enough.” I thought—I was laughing at myself at that moment because I realized that I’m just really funny subconsciously too. I took notes after because I really like after guided meditation to take notes and remind myself what it was because there’s so much gold in there, and so enough it was a small triangle and then suddenly I looked again and had these like see-through roots, so it was sort of taking over more space than I was able to notice, which was interesting. When he said, “I’m not enough,” I said, “What are you trying to tell me?” It says, “You’re not enough. You need to align and be in integrity,” and I realized that this was about my marriage because I am a marriage coach and I do help women with their marriage, that is my main focus. My podcast is all about marriage. And I went to this retreat feeling like I really need to realign myself because I’m not investing enough time in my marriage and my husband is feeling resentful that I’m doing a lot of things and who am I the marriage coach to be telling people how to improve their marriage if I can’t improve my own marriage? Everybody gets those imposter syndrome moments. That’s where I was coming from and so this thing wasn’t surprising me but it was really interesting and as she was guiding us through what to do about it, massage it, and just let it be and eventually it disappears and then you let a beautiful light—warm light heal it and things like that and then ask the light the warm light, “What is it that you want to tell me? Maybe there is more to the story,” and it said, “You are enough. You’re always enough and you are exactly where you need to be,” and then we had to say a prayer and I said my prayer is that I remember that—that help me remember that I am enough. I was sort of happy with that.

It was like the ideal is to be enough and I just want to remember that I’m enough and everything is great but there was something still sitting. It’s a good thing that the retreat was a three-day retreat because that night, I sat and I did more meditation and there was a whole other story too the other side of my shoulder—got this other pain and suddenly I was becoming aware of it and I was like, “Wait but this is going too fast. I can’t talk to you also.” So, I’m like, “Oh. I promise I’ll come back for you.” So that night I went back to the other pain that was like a bluish-purple and made out of the same material, but was a little bit longer and bigger. It turns out that was my parenting. So if Nuffy was my marriage, that other thing was my parenting, and so the next thing that happened was on the last day of the retreat, after me mulling this over and brewing over it and really just trying to figure out why I’m still not 100% with remembering that I am enough. We had to make a list of all the people who we look up to or you know appreciate and then write down all the character traits that they have that we see in them, and then we had to turn it around and be like that is in within you. Great. Wonderful exercise. Everybody should do this totally. Awesome. And then it hit me. I did not write on any of my people that there are enough. I don’t know people I could look up to who are enough. I don’t know what that even looks like, and as I was saying this to the lady next to me at the retreat, I suddenly started laughing. I thought, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you went to someone—to a guy and asked him, ‘So, how’s your wife?’ and he said, ‘Yeah, my wife’s enough.’” No. I don’t want that. So, I realized how ridiculous that sounds. We’re trying to be enough but really, is that really the ideal? It sounds awful to just be an enough wife. Like, “Oh, how’s your wife?” “She’s enough. I’ll keep her.” It’s like, “No.” I just don’t think that’s the ideal.

I realized there’s a big problem because the entire world is talking about being enough, “I am enough,” and tell yourself and walk around believing this and sort of feeling like it’s okay to be who you are and you don’t need to do more, but the word enough is a little bit not ideal. I don’t want to say it’s negative but it’s definitely not the ideal to be, “Oh, she’s enough.” I just feel like—why can’t you just be?

By the way, that’s the second part of the meditation. When I went back for the parenting thing, I said, “So are you Nuffy also? Are you Nuffy too?” because you guys came together and he was lik, “Nope, I’m not Nuffy.” So I’m like, “So what’s your name?” and he said, “I don’t have a name,” and I was like, “Okay, so what are you here for?” He’s like, “Nothing. I just am.” I said, “What do you want to tell me?” I said, “Nothing. I just want attention. I just want you to hold me and massage me,” so I did. I asked him again, “So what’s your name?” and he said, “I have no name. I just am, unlike Nuffy who is yellow-green. I just am was purple-pink.” I’ll keep reading because it’s just so funny.

“In the first meditation Nuffy was representing my marriage and I just am represented parenting. So this time I didn’t have to ask. I massaged it until it felt like it was time and the healing leg came in. The warm light all this yummy, great stuff. As I asked the light, ‘What do you want to tell me?’ So it said—like this which, was pretty amazing, ‘I am who I am. Learn to be. You don’t have to transform or become. Just be. Be present. Be attentive. Be there. Stop trying to be the perfect mother. That’s not what your kids want or need. They just need your presence. Be with them. Listen to them,’” and then my favorite part in this whole thing is I don’t remember what my prayer was or happened next or whatever. Good night and I signed it with the date because it was so powerful just to realize that and there was so much more that happened afterwards.

I had a dream and all this great stuff but I think that the two combined, Nuffy and I just am, made me realize that to be a good wife, you just have to be. You have to be present. You have to be you. You have to lean into your powers and into yourself. You cannot try and be who you’re not, and maybe that’s what people who are saying, “Say ‘I’m enough,’” is trying to do but for me it wasn’t doing it, and this was much more powerful to just be. And that’s it. This is where we are now.

Thank you for joining me for this little Hot Topic Bonus. I would love to hear how it sits for you and if you have any feedback. So, yesterday I did the Release and Surrender, which was phenomenal and I suggest you go to that. If you want to see the ones from last year—well, it wasn’t last year. It was pre-baby, which to me feels like last year, six months ago I did three Hot Topic Bonuses. One was about priority—prioritizing in your marriage. Another one was criticism and that was amazing, and the third one—I’m trying to remember. Oh, is parenting. Parenting and Marriage, so go back to my YouTube channel. You will find all the Hot Topic Bonuses right there for you to enjoy. If you have any topics you would like me to address or challenges you would like to talk about, please get in touch with me. I am so happy to meet with you, talk to you, text with you, receive your recommendations, and  just get to know you.

If you are not yet registered for the Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, you better go do that now because the countdown has begun. If you are scared to commit to all seven days and you’re not sure what’s gonna be because you don’t have that much time, don’t worry about it. Just come to day one because day one is going to change your life even if you don’t come to all seven days. So, definitely come let me know if you would like more information. To sign up, you go to connectedforreal.com/retreat and I look forward to seeing you. Well, that is all for today. Love you. Thank you. See you tomorrow.

TOVA RINA SCHIFF
Hi! This is Tova Rina Schiff. I attended two of Rebbetzin Bat-Chen’s Marriage Breakthrough Retreats. She takes you a very smooth 7-day journey together with like-minded woman, who all wanna bring balance to their marriage. She has homework and a personalized phone meeting, and other amazing bonuses, and through the 7 days, Bat-Chen helps you change your habits and patterns one small, simple step at a time on a short 7 days. I highly, highly recommend this Marriage Breakthrough Retreat, and I cannot wait to see you there.

DR. LILACH SAPERSTEIN
Hi! I’m Lilach, and I am lucky enough to be Rebbetzin Bat-Chen’s sister. Of course, I was going to be at her retreat. Now, I thought I heard everything I need to hear. I mean, I talk to Bat-Chen pretty often and I’m always getting good advice and amazing insights from her but going to the retreat really made some things very clear for me, and the way that she leads through the exercises, the visualizations, and thought experiments. It really makes you reflect in a way that’s super effective, and all of a sudden I find myself thinking of things that we did through the retreat and it really is helping me all the time. So, if you’re thinking about it, you should definitely go. Not just because she’s my sister but because the ideas that she shares in the retreat will make a difference for your life.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN
The Marriage Breakthrough Retreat—my free virtual retreat. It’s 7 days of one hour a day on Zoom, where we go really, really deep and transform your relationship with yourself, your husband, and God. Make sure you sign up at connectedforreal.com/retreat to get your free ticket.

And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.

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