In This Episode

Tova Eastman is the founder of IGNITE Fitness Academy, which she and her husband work on together. Finding balance as a mom of three, an entrepreneur, and a wife is Tova’s game. She applies scheduling and scheduling herself first as a practical way to be present with whatever she has to do. Working with her husband is an advantage to both her relationship and business because they have found systems and boundaries to use to gain success in every aspect.

Highlights

00:53 Tova Eastman is a fitness professional who helps busy moms build a healthy sustainable lifestyle. She practices what she preaches as a mom of three who makes sure health is a priority.

02:14 The Eastmans work together in their business, IGNITE Fitness Academy, because they see it as a mission and passion. However, one of the biggest challenge of working together is separating their work and their relationship but they’ve learned to create systems and boundaries to put into play.

09:34 Wholeness is important, especially in couples who work together. You can have it all with proper balance. You can create wholeness by stepping out of your comfort zone. By being uncomfortable, amazing things happen.

18:13 Everybody is connecting and disconnecting–that’s life. However, the difference is the intention.

20:12 Rebbetzin Bat-Chen is always asked how to bring back the fireworks. She shares an analogy of making it through the boring and mundane times.

24:09 Scheduling and scheduling yourself first is a practical way Tova finds balance. Where do you get your energy? Where do you get your standards? It is better to have a present, energized, positive you for a few hours than a whole day of you who is unfocused and lacks energy.

Links

Tova Eastman – Ignite Fitness Discovery Call  | Instagram | Facebook Community

FLOW Mastermind – A Business Mastermind for an Integrated Life

FLY Mastermind – A Marriage Mastermind for a Fulfilling Life

5 Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage

Marriage Breakthrough Retreat

Let’s Connect!

Connected for Real is on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn

For more information about Connected for Real, visit the website!

Let’s Work Together!

Join the FLOW Mastermind – A Business Mastermind for an Integrated Life or the FLY Mastermind – A Marriage Mastermind for a Fulfilling Life!

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REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Welcome to the Connected For Real Podcast! I’m Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business, and my mission is to bring God’s presence into your life, into your marriage, and into your business. Let’s get started. The following is one of the many conversations I had with experts and professionals about real life and how it affects marriage. Let me know your takeaways on Instagram or Facebook, @connectedforreal. Enjoy.

And we are live. Welcome everyone. I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com, and this is Tova—oh, and Hallelujah is here. She says, hello. Here’s Tova. Tova let us know what do you do. Introduce yourself.

TOVA EASTMAN

Hi. Thank you. First of all, thanks so much for taking out the time when your kids are home running around crazy to have me on, and I completely get it we were talking about before, but I’m, I’m Tova Eastman. I am a personal trainer, and fitness nutrition specialist, and actually what I do now is very, very different than what I’ve done for the past eight years before this which is what classic personal training, and nutrition coaching, and we actually have an academy now. Oh, and tons of incredible coaches, and we help women truly build a healthy sustainable lifestyle, and we specialize in busy women, and busy moms, who I’m sure many of you guys out there can relate that— “I want to be healthy. I want to feel better in my body”. Those of you have businesses but “I just don’t have the time”, and that is our sweet spot. That’s essentially what I’ve done with my life—with having three kids, and a business busier than ever, and making sure I still make health a priority, and that’s what we care to help other women with as well.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

That’s amazing. And you’re part of my season three, which is all about women who are working with their husband on the same exact business. And I want to get into that because it’s so juicy, there’s so many things that could be challenging, and yet, the majority of women who are in season three are saying, “You just have to know how to do it”. So, we’re gonna really crack that. Tell me how does your husband fall into your business, and how, what do you guys do together.

TOVA EASTMAN

Okay. So, this is yeah, so this is a really interesting time to catch us actually because it’s been an entire transition process. I would say we launched the academy two weeks before the first Covid lockdown. He had a full-time job—working 10-hour days, and we just realized as my clients went completely online. He needed to work 10-hour days. I was allocated with the kids with much less time, and my business was way more impactful, and just making such a bigger difference. So, we actually did the crazy scary move. I don’t know I’ve had any of you out there that over copied where he quit his job, and he joined the team. Which was a dream of ours for so long like, “one day we’ll work together”, and it happened way sooner than we thought. And he essentially run ran all handled all the back-end things. Everything. Any of you I’m sure everyone here is business owners, right. Women who you work with. So, it’s the fun stuff that you do whether you’re a coach or that I’m a coach so, and then there’s dealing with the accounting, and organizing things, and tracking things, and all of those things that you’re like “How does it take 50 percent of my time”. So, he took over that, and it was amazing. But actually, this is kind of—I guess a teaser in a way, by the time people watch this it’ll be not a teaser any more. But we’ve gotten so—such incredible feedback from the women that we’re working within wanting to change their, the differences, their families are seeing, and their health, and spreading that they’re all being like, “our husbands need this”, our husbands are saying, “How do I get in Ignite Fitness Academy?” And so, we’re actually going to be launching a men’s division in the next couple months, and so he’s actually, we’re in a transition phase where now he’s managing basically all systems in the company to transitioning to a coach. So, basically anyone live watching this, this I haven’t even announced this to anyone. So, this is huge and we’re happy that we’re not even taking applications yet because we’re launching in January but essentially, he’s transitioning to that coaching role which is something that he he’s like a natural born coach since he was nine years old. He wanted to be teacher coach, and he just thrived in it, and it’s almost his opportunity now to bring that to fruition. So, to answer your question in a really long way, that’s kind of what we’re doing now.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love that. I love that. So, you started the business. Grew it. Got it to where it is, and then it just made so much sense for him to join and—

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

What is the biggest challenge of working together now that you’re actually doing it?

TOVA EASTMAN

Okay. The biggest challenge across the board for working together, is separating our work, and our relationship because our work isn’t just work, it’s something we’re both super passionate about, and the more he’s moving towards the coaching position, the more he is and so we notice so many of our conversations like, “we’re having a date on Friday night”. We’re talking with us, and then we start talking about health, and then, “Oh my G-d” and then I had this great idea for coaching. And it morphs into each other and we’re like, “no we have to keep ourselves separate”, and so, it’s about building those boundaries, and knowing, “okay we’re going there. Let’s let’s stop doing that”, because otherwise you almost live your work as much as our—it’s a it’s a mission for us. It’s a passion. You have to be an individual separate from it so, that’s a hundred percent is our our biggest challenge.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Okay. Sorry, I I muted myself because there was background noise for my daughter back here.

I love that you said that that is by the way the number one most common problem is, how do we make us time that has nothing to do with the business. That separation—which is so huge. So, do you feel work— “oh hello”. Do you feel you have those systems in place or how are you creating them? What is your way of putting those into daily life because in theory it’s nice to know we need boundaries but what did that look like?

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. So actually, we’re in the process of building it. So, I don’t want to hop on and be, “I have all the solutions here this is exactly what we do”, for anyone listening but there are certain things we’re putting into play. So, first of all, at specific, first of all Friday night when we our kids go to sleep, we have a what we call a date, and we make sure not to talk about that, and if we do, we’re finding, “okay we notice we’re falling into that”, so we ensure—this is I think setting specific times where at this time we don’t talk about it. Because it’s hard to for at least for us to set a boundary at this time of day because sometimes we haven’t spoken all day, and there are certain things we need to relate to each other, and it’s like you kind of feel boxed in like, —”oh remember to do that tomorrow” or if we’re going out together, right. It’s not, “I know David even if we’ll go out”, and to pick up the kids together because he’s—”put away your phone you’re not taking care of work things right now. We’re talking, and it’s just us, and we’re blasting music in the car”, and whatever it is. So, I think what’s helpful is in certain situations it’s like, it’s a known thing we don’t do this and if one of us starts by accident we call each other the other one out, and we we move back to where do you want it to be.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love that you’re so aware that it’s a process. I love that you’re so aware that it’s a process—”are you talking about you want to say something yeah yeah”, that it’s a process and it’s not a destination or a result. There’s no nobody’s ever—”you’re so silly. Somebody out there needs to see how cute you are, and smile. That’s all it is. We’re going live just so that some one person who’s watching live can say, “oh that is so cute or or otherwise”. But anyway, so back to you, yeah. I love that you’re aware of it. That you’re so honest about where you are.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. I think it’s always I think all of these things are a process and a journey, and there’s never that perfection. I think a lot of people aim for that. Whether it’s in business, whether it’s in health, and whatever it is. They’re, they have a vision of where they want to be and it’s almost that’s perfection, and then when I get there then I get to rest but from everything I’ve learned over the past eight years of building a business, and my own health journey, it’s it’s a journey—which means you’re always growing, and there’s always where to grow, and perfection—if that’s a goal you’re doomed to fail because no one’s perfect, and nothing’s perfect but it’s about getting better, and closing that gap, and that’s what I’m excited about. I’m training myself to think more on that those terms every day like “let me just love this journey that I’m on”. Yes, I have goals of where I want to be. I have goals where we want to be but right now this is awesome, and I’m loving it along the way, and I think that’s what makes or breaks especially in business. Loving it or hating it is feeling like, “oh I need to be there, and I’ll only be happy when”, or “no I have goals but I could still be happy where I am right now”, and this is how we coach our clients in their health journey too. You can love your body right now but still have goals, right, and in fact you it’s you’re really you’re—sorry my series turning on here so it’s distracting me—. You’re unlikely to reach your goals if you’re hating the process or hating your body or hating yourself because who wants to work through that. So, I think it comes full circle.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah. This totally brings us to the topic of wholeness. How do you create a whole life where everything is in alignment, right. And you’re talking exactly to that.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. A hundred percent. We actually just did. This is really really helpful. It’s helpful from my coach that he does a yearly retreat with his with his girlfriend, where they take two full days, and just playing out their lives so yeah, the business end of it but their their goals together, and so David and I just did that this year. We didn’t have a full two days because my kids are too—my babies too young to just leave for two days but we took a day off, and we we retreated, and we planned, and one thing that we did speaking of wholesome life, is we took the the wheel of life, right. Do what I’m talking about? It basically touches on all the different areas of life, and you rate yourself on where you are, and it gains clarity because I think often, especially in in business, we get so any anyone who’s an entrepreneur out there, and I know you specifically your audience as entrepreneurs, right.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Oh my gosh, yes, and then you get obsessed in one section and you get really good at it and everything else falls away.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah, yeah.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Such a big price.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah, and at the end of the day, and I think that’s the blessing and the curse of being an entrepreneur generally you’re not someone who doesn’t care about what you do. You’re super passionate. You’re super driven but there’s the pluses, and the minuses to that. And so, I’ve struggled that myself being so focused on one area and be, — “Whoa. That totally dropped on that whole cement”. And at the end of the day, what do I want we want to have that like you said that balance in life, it’s what we all want. No one wants to just thrive in their business but have no social life or be have a lot of money but have a terrible relationship, and terrible health. It’s like we want it all. And you can have it all but it’s about kind of finding the balance there.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah, I love it. My sister had a YouTube video that she created, and she basically took this square paper, and said, “the best way to get a well-rounded life is to cut corners but you’re never allowed to cut the same corner, twice”. So, you’re cutting a corner here—giving your kids a quick snack that maybe wasn’t ideal but that’s what we need to do right now because right, and then taking a nap instead of going to whatever, and telling a friend that you have to reschedule, and not going to class one day or whatever. You’re constantly cutting corners in the places that you really need to something has to give but you’re never doing it in the same corner so that you’re doing that if you take out food multiple times every time whatever obviously that’s not good for you but if you do it once because you have to, and that’s life, then you, you’re fine. Everything is still running. Still whole. Everything is still rounded, and it feels so right, and when you think about it, make sure not to cut the same corner too many times, right.

TOVA EASTMAN

I love that. That’s such a cool analogy. I’m gonna say yeah, —

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I know. I’m like, —

TOVA EASTMANI

I’ll credit her.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love you—

TOVA EASTMAN

I mean Rebbitzen Bat-Chen’s sister said this.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah. No. She’s she’s actually Dr. Saperstein and she has her own following. She is an audiologist, and she’s awesome. Helping parents of kids with hearing loss.

TOVA EASTMAN

Oh, wow.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

No, yeah. Get the whole through the whole journey, and that’s one of the things that she’s just she’s amazing. She was the first one to have a podcast before I had one so she’s my—

TOVA EASTMAN

Really? That’s awesome. I’m glad we brought her up. I’ve never met her but she sounds great.  

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

She is amazing. Definitely. It’s funny because usually, I’m the oldest so usually she was my sister but now I’m turning into her sister because she’s so cool.

TOVA EASTMAN

I love that. That’s awesome.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Okay. So, let’s get back into the whole wholeness. How does how does one really create wholeness when you’re so into what you’re capable of doing, and you’re really into it, and you’re all excited, and you’re focused, right. It feels really good to lean into what you’re good at, and it doesn’t feel as good to lean into the things that you feel like you’ve failed at or that you’re not good at or it’s just not my thing. I used to think that I’m not like that “mummy type”. I don’t want to be stuck with my kids all day. I’d rather be working so it was sort of my escape. By the way, I went through such amazing transformations with that just by being honest with myself, and saying like, “where’d they even come from, and how did I come to that?—

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I’m a lot more mommy. I really spent time with them, able to be present, right. There I am holding a kid. A delicious one too. All my kids are delicious. Just when they’re little, they’re just so—but I really work on them. How do you deal with those feeling? Not wanting to face that stuff that’s hard.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. So, I think I approach this and I put just now a spec. Whatever it is in life that’s hard, I think the same way. So, I don’t think it matters what it is but, I mean I think that the greatest lesson I’ve learned over this past year, and eight months I believe it is now since we launched the academy, is that growth is uncomfortable, and actually in order to grow you’ve got to leave your comfort zone. You’ve got to step out of your comfort zone, and that’s uncomfortable. So, the more you do it the more discomfort is inviting I guess because you start to learn that every time, I do this, something good comes from it. So, you almost learned to crave it, and I I think I could say from the past year, and eight months, I haven’t had a single month where I didn’t feel uncomfortable. Where I didn’t wasn’t stepping out of me—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Powerful. What you just said was so powerful. You retrained your brain to see getting out of your comfort zone as amazing things happen when I do this. Oh yeah, is huge.

TOVA EASTMAN

And I think that’s why so many of us feel stuck in the average because we keep going back to what’s comfortable, and I always like to say, you’re stuck in your uncomfortable comfort zone. You’re not comfortable there. You’re not happy but it’s a comfort zone so you’re saying, “okay I’ll stick to whatever it is that I’m doing”, right, and we talk obviously about health, and fitness and my program so feeling super unhealthy, unenergized, not strong but the reason why you’re not making changes because that feels different. But different doesn’t mean bad, and so I think it’s just about the more you—it’s a learning process but it just learns to be more uncomfortable with the discomfort of growing to the point where you almost crave it. Where you like, “challenge accepted”.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah. That is that is it’s amazing. How we can do that just change the way that we see something and then now it’s no longer scary or whatever. It’s just exciting, right.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. Yeah, and yeah go ahead.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I was gonna say anxiety and excitement feel the same way in your body.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yes—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

And that’s crazy. That’s just blows my mind every time.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

You never think about that because you’re always so focused on, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I’m feeling all the feelings and my stomach is full of knots and blah, blah, blah,” and then it’s like, “No, those are butterflies”. They’re the same.

TOVA EASTMAN

Your brain in turn—it’s the exact same thing that’s so funny because that I tell our clients that all the time who we end up accepting to the program who’ve probably not committed to themselves on that level before, and I’m like, those are the same feelings, right. You should feel both because that’s your body’s response to that. To stepping out of your comfort zone in something new, and that’s so cool. But yeah, but I don’t want to lie. I don’t want anyone coming here being like, “no, Tova doesn’t, Tova doesn’t challenges are easy and Tova doesn’t get fear. No, there are times that I’m freaking scared. I’m anxious—whatever it is but what I’ve learned to do is just to stop, and question those emotions and see where they’re coming from, and I’ve learned to do it faster. So, I’m able to gain my footing faster because I’m able to see—”Oh that’s just me growing, and I’m scared but that’s okay.” So yeah.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

It’s just anything else, right. When you make food, and you make it for the first time it takes you much longer than when it’s something that you do every single day.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yes. Exactly.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

And that’s exactly what it means when you’re change the way you think. Catch yourself before you let fear take over. All these things it’s like, “I learned the skill. I practiced the skill. It comes easier to me” so, the more I’m able to click into it. That’s really the only change you’re still feeling all the feelings, and you’re still getting all the things. That’s just so incredible.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. A hundred percent. Hundred percent. That’s it.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah. Oh, I love this. I love this. So, I talk about this when I’m talking with about our connection with G-d. I see most people think that righteous people are always connected, and non—the opposite the people who are like, ah—they’re never connected. But it’s really not true. It’s that everybody is connecting, and disconnecting, connecting, and disconnecting that’s life, right. We have those ups and downs, and that’s how you’re alive, right. Even in the monitor, right. So, so the the only difference is that some people got really really intentional about catching it, and connecting, catching it, and reconnecting, and some people just don’t know how to do that so to them it feels heavier to really lift. To say, “oh, now I have to connect’, as opposed to, “oh, I know what to do. I know what connects me. I know what grounds me. I know what I need to do in order to get connected”. It’s mind-blowing when you think about it that way because then it’s no longer those are the good people, and those are the bad people or those are the people who are fit or those, and those are the people who are just sitting on the couch. No. It’s just that it’s harder for you because you’ve never done it or it’s harder for you because you just don’t feel comfortable doing it. You just don’t know—

TOVA EASTMAN

It’s a muscle. Anything anything that you see someone who’s good at or comes easy to them, I promise you it didn’t come easy. It’s a muscle. It’s just like meditation as well. If you do it once you might not even feel that connection. It doesn’t work but if you do it consistently that could be your go-to stress reliever, and you know how to zone in but it’s from that practice. Yeah, I think that’s where most people give up on on any of these things. Whether you’re talking about relationship, whether you’re talking about business, whether you’re talking about health. It’s the second it gets boring or mundane, they don’t want to do it anymore but the people who are thriving, and whatever it is that you see them doing it’s because they’re willing to make it boring. If it only feels new and exciting that means you’re never sticking with anything long enough for it to last, and so it has to be boring, and you have to learn how to get through that.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love that. Do you know that I talk about that in marriage because the biggest thing I get is, “How do I bring back the fireworks”? That’s one of the things that I talk about on my in my intimacy master class, and it’s like the beginning there was fireworks. Everything was great, and now it’s just blah. So, I say it’s like an analogy. You’re driving, and there’s all this in the town, there’s lots of lights, and fireworks, and everything. You start driving, and you’re you get to the desert and there’s nothing. It looks like a parking lot of lots, and lots of people who’ve just parked in the desert, and you’re like, “what’s going on”, and they’re like, “that’s it. This is it for now. See you. Just you left town. You got older. This is what it is now. It’s just life gets boring it gets maintained, and there’s nothing to do about it you just park here, and live your life”, and most people are like, “oh okay”, and they park. And it’s like, “don’t park”.

TOVA EASTMAN

That’s so unfortunate. So unfortunate.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Let’s keep going, right. Because the biggest thing is if you get through it the better, and brighter fireworks are actually on the other side of that desert. They’re literally out of the mundane and the daily, and the, and just the routine because that’s where it gets really, really deep. Your relationship gets so amazing when you went through it. When you actually had your journey, and you did the kids thing, and you, and you had a hard time with money or whatever and now you’re making it. You’re like, “Okay. We got to the other side”. It’s because you were able to stay consistent. Because you were able to survive that almost boring, and mundane period. And I think it goes through it. You can’t avoid it.

TOVA EASTMAN

Well, I think also a big part of it is what with every girl’s journey. You have to keep growing or you’re regressing. You’re not just staying where you are. You don’t just build a great relationship, and “we built it. We’re here”. It’s just with fitness. I think you can just work out, and be, “I’m strong don’t need to work out anymore” or “I ate well for a year now I could stop”. It doesn’t stay, and it’s not like you maintain. I always say maintenance is an illusion. You’re either growing or you’re slowly eroding. So, I think I see a lot of that with relationships is people— they’re active in their dating period. They’re dating. They’re putting an effort. They’re working on their communication, and then it’s like, “we’re married”. I mean it’s like, if you’re not growing then obviously it’s not going to get better. So, it’s about that continued growth constantly. Like, I your car analogy which is you have to keep driving. You can’t just park. And if anything, you’re not even stuck in the desert. You’re on a slope slowly going backwards if you don’t keep—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

One second. I’m going to put her out and then we’ll have a continuation sorry. She—

TOVA EASTMAN

You’re doing a great job.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah. Well. I try. Sometimes she falls asleep next to me, and she’s all good, and now she’s decided that she doesn’t want to play it. So, I’m not I’m not doing this whole jumping on my head, not. It wasn’t working for me [laughter]. Okay, yeah. So, holistic life. It’s one of those things that is so cliché. It’s like, “oh, I just want everything to work out so nicely and everything to just fall into place”, but it’s not, and it’s also not a balance because you can’t balance at all. It doesn’t work to have everything perfectly aligned all the time. It exactly is like that it’s just constantly moving, and you have to stay awake. It’s not something you could just automate and then, —

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I have it. I have a life that’s all inclusive, and everything is great, and my life is complete right.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. Oh, did you have a question or I completely agree with you?

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Well wow. I want you to, I want you to get more practical on how to get really intentional about it.

TOVA EASTMAN

Okay, and balance with and finding that I said equilibrium that isn’t on autopilot.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Right. Right.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. I think that’s the first thing. I think just and—I don’t want to go on a rant. But I think because of social media, there’s so much everyone posts what per their most perfect parts of their life, which obviously who wants to be like, “I’m crying today”. Obviously, people have crappy days. Every person out there so even the people who you might follow, who you think are perfect, whether I have the perfect job or the perfect relationship like they don’t, and it takes work, and they have up, and downs and from experience working with highly successful people, and highly successful coaches out there, who have seven eight-figure businesses, —they have bad days. So, just if you go in with that expectation, you’re you’re always going to feel disappointed or less than comparing yourself to. But I think it really is about number one, planning in advance, and if we’re talking about balancing the different things that are important in life, I’m just a huge fan of scheduling, and scheduling yourself first. And this is something—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Oh, I love that. Yes, yes, yes. Everybody, yes. You know why? Because all of these things like the wheel is all surrounding you and being held by you like you are the container, the vessel that’s holding all these things.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yes. I just posted about this yesterday. That’s so funny. I literally just posted—I never do business post because I’m focused on helping women in their health, and fitness and lifestyle but I literally did my first ever post yesterday on how in our business we’ve made multiple six figures in a year, and a half, and my secret, and my secret was I make sure to prioritize my health my mental and physical health overall. Because otherwise, nothing would happen.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN  

And I love that the plan because that is the only way to do it is to plug yourself in not to be like, “Oh, and by the way I probably should take a nap sometime around”.

TOVA EASTMAN

It doesn’t happen.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Right. Exactly.

TOVA EASTMAN

And even more importantly what I’ve done this year, is I don’t just pre-plan. I schedule myself first so a lot of people—they schedule their work schedule, and they say “okay when am I going to fit in me around it”, you won’t. Where? Ask yourself, “where do I get my most energy? What are my standards”? and standards meaning like, “what if I don’t do these things for me will I not be okay with my life”? Is it not worth having my business? Is it not, I’m not enjoying myself, right? The standards—it doesn’t mean there’s not a reach, right. A reach might be like, “I want to go out with my husband three nights a week”, but our standard is at least once a week no matter what if it’s essential for a relationship, we do that. And you clear your calendar and you put all those things in first, right, so for me, I have my Muay Thai night on Monday nights. I go to this class just for me, right. It’s just my self-care, and I don’t care how many clients say we need a call Monday night. I won’t do it because I’ve already planned me first so I kind of plan out according to my own energy, and then I schedule the work and after and it fits. And I’m able to go, and every few months I’ll get a little overwhelmed, and not like it so I’ll reschedule but I’ll put the me first and that’s how I started going on dates with my daughters when I kept saying I want to take them on dates, and it just didn’t happen or even making time to get a bikini wax, honestly, instead of just hoping it happens but schedule it in. Those little self-care things that you’re just like, “I want to do it for me”, and that’s how it works.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love that you said a date with my daughter. I started doing that once a month I take a different kid, and a whole day and it’s just so fun. It’s so, so fun.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah, and it’s so important.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

They get so much out of it and of course within between I take them—”Let’s go walking around or whatever. Let’s have some quiet time alone”. So, my kids are constantly getting me now that I’ve been more intentional about it because they were getting me a lot just not being there.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I’ll be there, and then it really, it changes everything when you make these things first priority, and I love that you said that.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. Yeah, and I agree with what you said. A lot of you can be there for hours but if you’re not there if you’re not present it doesn’t matter and I’ve listened to psychiatrists and say, “it’s better to have 20 minutes a day with your kid where you’re fully present on than three hours where you’re not fully there”, and I think that’s where a lot of people struggle because they either have the guilt of like, “I can’t take care of me because then I’m not with them”, but it’s like they’d rather have less of a present energized positive you than a whole day of you who’s not focused, who’s just, and has no energy.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yeah, if you’re scrolling the phone then you’re just like, “Yeah, whatever”, then no, it’s not working it, and you know it too. You could be in the same room with your husband, and he’s not there with you then it doesn’t mean anything like, it does not fuel you. It does not make you feel loved. It doesn’t anything but if he comes home, and then you just get to walk around for 20 minutes alone, and really share each other’s days, and get really intimate, heart to heart it feels really good.

TOVA EASTMAN

Oh yeah, I would add that. Oh my G-d. When you say struggles, I would add that because oftentimes if you’re working together with your husband, and you’re working in the same home you’d be like, “We’re together all day long”, but that means nothing unless you’re also making the time to really grow, and bond and that’s something that we’ve also been working on is, “yeah, we’re together all day but who cares if we didn’t even have the time for you to tell me that our daughter has a birthday party tomorrow night”. We need to have not just time together but I think there’s a difference between time, and quality time, and that quality time is essential.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yes. Yes. I love that. Oh, this is so great. Oh, my goodness. Okay, so how could people how could people reach you? How could they work with you? How could they join the thing that you have?

TOVA EASTMAN

The thing that I have that’s what we call it’s the official name so just message me the thing and I’ll know what you’re saying. Yeah, so first of all—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

And it’s all good—

TOVA EASTMAN

There’s enough things to remember out there so—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I know it’s called Ignite something okay—

TOVA EASTMAN

So that fitness academy, no, you did this whole entire interview with a kid crawling on you so the fact that you remember my name is impressive, you know?

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

No. I remembered it was Ignite, and I’m like the Ignite thing and then I’m like, “the thing right the thing the thing”.

TOVA EASTMAN

So yeah, fitness academy. So, on Instagram as Ignite Fitness for Women. I’m on Facebook as Tova Eastman, and essentially all you need to do is DM me, and reach out. We have we’re very specific on who we accept who we work with we definitely want to make sure we’re working with women who are serious about seeing those long-term results not looking for a quick fix. So, we do have an interview process, application process, and all that but yeah, we can just, we can just chat.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

That sounds amazing. Yeah, I’m also into people who are long term, and not quick fixes because it’s—

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. —

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Upsetting when you get like this, I’m just gonna quick fix fix it quick.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. Yeah. Tell me how to change my whole life in 12 weeks, right.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Well, I used to have a session, a 90-minute session. I called it, Fix Your Husband In 90 Minutes, and it was the first offering I put out there because I really wanted people to get how impossible that was. You do not fix your husband. Period. But, if you sit down, if you sit down and work on something really deep within yourself, you will change yourself in 90 minutes, and then it will trickle down to your husband. But the name and that’s where yeah yeah the name didn’t stick because it really made people annoyed. They’re like, “my husband is not a washing machine, I can’t fix him”. Anyway yeah—

TOVA EASTMAN

Just good clickbait. I’m tricked. Yeah, you can’t if you’re yeah but yeah but that’s of course you’re dealing with—

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I never put it live because it people just raged when I put the question up in the Facebook group of all our network, and it was, “what do you guys think of this? I had this idea”, and I got 157 comments of “no way” but I was like, “I know it’s impossible”. I just think it’s really cool when this is all they want to do. That’s like sell them what they want. Give them what they need. They want to fix their husband. He’s the problem. From then, I’ve already totally re-niched. I’m not working with those people anyway now, right. So right, it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter, yeah. If you think you need to fix your husband then go ahead keep trying. It’s all good.

TOVA EASTMAN

It all comes down to us. I feel like everything we’re talking about and why I’m having so much fun here with you is because whatever our niche is what we’re helping people with it all comes down to the same thing which is just like that self-development at the end of the day. Everything starts from you taking care of yourself, your mindset, your body all of that in all planes, and then it’s like a ripple effect to everyone else but if you can’t take care of you, and be open, and go through that raw—working on yourself. All these things that you want, you’re just going to fall short of it. And like you said, marriage, of course you’re like, it’s not a quick fix because it’s a constant journey if you think there’s three things you plug into your marriage, and then it floats, it’s like you’re looking for something that’s impossible.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Right. And by the way, there is—it’s amazing because when you’re trying to fix your husband, then there’s nothing to do. You could try all day but when you finally sit down, and and really fix something within yourself, it’s almost like magic. How quickly it fixes itself.

TOVA EASTMAN

I mean the women in our program have, and they don’t come for marriage, right. Have their husbands—I got a message from my husband this week who thanked me, private messaged me saying, “thank you so much for everything you’ve done for my wife, and her fitness and health you have changed her entire life”, and that affects how she’s showing up in the home, and their relationship, and all of that, and I’ve gotten these messages from husbands before, and it’s so true, and they weren’t even focused on their marriage, but they or maybe they weren’t of course they’re focused on the marriage but they weren’t focused in the program on their marriage but just by showing up better for themselves, it it stems to everyone else, and so, I think that people like to avoid the the deep work. It’s just, “okay give me the simple solution to this problem”, and it’s always the answer comes back to you.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

All your problems are always connected, right, and they all stem from you trying to avoid something or are you trying to run away from whatever it is that you’re feeling because it’s just too uncomfortable. So, it’s either you’re gonna work through it or you’re gonna keep working through all the other stuff that’s not falling into place because you’re trying to avoid it, right.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. Choosing hard, right.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

It’s it’s really powerful. It’s so powerful.

TOVA EASTMAN

Yeah. I’m having so much fun. I feel like people will watch us and just be like shut up already you guys we get it we care about, and we’re just having the best time, “Oh my G-d let’s keep sharing ideas”.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

No. No.  You know what, people who are watching are also into this because they want so badly to have that holistic life because here’s the thing, you can’t live in compartments. I mean you can but you eventually there is something that holds it all together. You cannot compartmentalize G-d. He has to be in part of everything that you do. You can’t compar compartmentalize yourself because you are everything you do, right. You are in everything you do so those are things that are just not—they don’t fall into a box. They don’t. “I am going to schedule this in right now and then not not think about it for the rest of”, — no. You have to think about how you feel, and what you’re up to all the time with every single aspect. You said that your people are affected by their marriage is effective about what they’re doing my people their weight and their health is affected by what I’m doing because we work on the marriage and then suddenly it’s, they give themselves permission to really take care of themselves and to  push through, and whatever and one lady lost so much weight as a side effect, and I did not even know while we were working for a six month period she at the end, at the end she only told me she’s like, “and by the way I also lost a ton of weight and were able to was able to  get through that plateau I was stuck on”, whatever because we got through this one huge thing. We were working on something really big in her past. Wow.

TOVA EASTMAN

That’s incredible, yeah. I mean it all comes down to your self-worth, right. Showing up in your mirror if you if you have more self-worth you feel unworthy of showing up for me which means I show up for them. I’m worthy of taking care of my body because it’s worth something. I think that’s often where it stems down to some very simple roots or whatever we are struggling with and it’s about discovering that, and working on those those muscles, right. Those internal muscles.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love that. Oh, I love that. Yeah, we could go on forever guys so we’re we’re gonna wrap it up here. So, I just wanted to let guys if you want the Five Surprising Ways to Improve Your Marriage, here it is. It’s connectedforreal.com/free, and you can have that as a gift it’s a really fun little pdf with five surprising ways to improve your marriage and none of them have to do with your husband. By the way just a sneak peek secret.

TOVA EASTMAN

We’re not gonna do the other type of teasers anymore.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

You’re oh, no. I am I am very very clear. I’ve grown so much in the last three years. My whole business started when that the girl that was jumping on top of me during her pregnancy things started shifting, and then eventually, I just fly. So, it’s amazing to see what happens when you’re willing to go through all the stages, right, because you could say, “oh I don’t want to be that so I just won’t do anything”. No. Do it, and then get rid of it and keep going. Don’t stop yourself.

TOVA EASTMAN

Completely. Completely. And you never know. Anyone watching this you could literally be helping other people do that one day, right, and I think some of the best stories yourself, right. You shared a little with me it’s like, you went through it, you get it, and you saw success, and now you’re helping other women do the same thing. And I think those are the people who are so inspirational when they’re, “you’re relatable”, right, and so it’s so cool because sometimes just as someone watching you might be like, “oh”, maybe “oh I wish that could be me one day” —just feeling that, not only could you feel like wait that way when you get there you might be doing the same thing, and helping other people, and that’s almost inspiration for yourself. So just a cool thing to think about.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

Yes. Sometimes I go through difficulties and I’m like, “I bet I have to go through this and feel all these feelings because one day I’m gonna have to help someone go through that too”, right. It gives me a little bit of strength to get through it.

TOVA EASTMAN

It’s just and that’s your mindset also it’s just seeing it as an opportunity instead of an obstacle. This awesome. This is an opportunity for me to show up better, and help someone else who went through this hopefully before they have to go through it, right. So, yeah.

REBBETZIN BAT-CHEN GROSSMAN

I love it. Thank you so much, Tova. It was such a pleasure. Thank you everyone who’s watching live, and those who are watching on the replay. It’s so fun. I look forward to speaking with you more because I love this conversation.

And that’s it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm, this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn’t it be amazing if more people became more connected for real? And now, take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. Can you share it with them? I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from connectedforreal.com. Thank you so much for listening, and don’t forget, you can be connected for real.

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